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gently caress therapy! (for some) there somebody had(?) to say it
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Apr 4, 2024 16:39
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blunt for century posted:Not at the moment. I've been on and off with therapy over the years, some therapists were kinda helpful, some weren't helpful at all, and it's been a nightmare trying to figure out getting another therapist moving forward, with cost of living and constantly shifting insurance stuff. I think a big thing here is to also adjust your expectations of therapy. Sure, therapists can be helpful and can set up a system of accountability for dealing with your issues, but many don't - because a huge function of therapy is just to get all your talking about something out so it's not just marinating inside your brain, and work through it in a private space with someone who doesn't have a vested interest in lying to you to keep you comfortable. It's basically like thinking to yourself, but with someone to shephard it along. The hope is that by getting your talking out, you can also experience the emotions that are tangled up within, and perhaps let them pass through you so you can come out the other side. And that way you're not accidentally spraying those emotions onto every human being you encounter along the way. So no, a therapist isn't going to improve your current situation. YOU are, via working through your emotions. Which is hard work, and it sucks - I really hate dislike how the current idea of therapy is touchy-feely stuff, as if you'll always find a centering calming space where all you do is relax, when the reality is, it's can be an emotional and mental workout and some days it's going to make you feel exhausted and you'll want to skip it, but you'll make yourself go bc you know it's better for your brains mental and emotional fitness in the long run. Just like the gym. Emotions gym. StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 17:28 on Apr 4, 2024 |
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Apr 4, 2024 17:22
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I would recommend looking into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy over talk therapy for developing skills to deal with intrusive thoughts and trauma. When you take a CBT course you get a workbook to fill out and i bet you could find a pdf of one you could print out and work on if you cant currently afford the actual course.
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Apr 4, 2024 17:39
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Not sure whether it's free outside of Australia but we have an online CBT program that is pretty good: https://www.moodgym.com.au/
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Apr 4, 2024 18:44
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StrangersInTheNight posted:Which is hard work, and it sucks - I really hate dislike how the current idea of therapy is touchy-feely stuff, as if you'll always find a centering calming space where all you do is relax, when the reality is, it's can be an emotional and mental workout and some days it's going to make you feel exhausted and you'll want to skip it, but you'll make yourself go bc you know it's better for your brains mental and emotional fitness in the long run. Just like the gym. Emotions gym.
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Apr 4, 2024 18:57
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Meep this is very small and more than likely nothing compared to more the rest of the thread; so tell me to frig off if so. My mother's entire demeanor and way of treating me has drastically changed since she found out I've started smoking weed again the last two weeks lol. "I can't believe you did this, I was so proud of you, you were doing so well mentally and physically I can't believe you threw this all away!" Then she ignored me for a good 10 days. (we normally shoot the poo poo and msg everyday.) She's a former nurse, so naturally against any foreign substance entering one's body. I can see this being a form of "tough love" or why they're upset at potentially putting my health at risk but idk shouldn't parents go a slightly different route on substance 'abuse' with this?
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Apr 4, 2024 19:18
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All the good talk therapists I've had were cool with me saying "I don't want to talk about what gave me these feelings, but I do want to talk about how I'm relating to those feelings". It's a hard distinction to make at first, but it gets easier with practice.Gaylor Moon posted:Meep this is very small and more than likely nothing compared to more the rest of the thread; so tell me to frig off if so. My mother's entire demeanor and way of treating me has drastically changed since she found out I've started smoking weed again the last two weeks lol. "I can't believe you did this, I was so proud of you, you were doing so well mentally and physically I can't believe you threw this all away!" Then she ignored me for a good 10 days. (we normally shoot the poo poo and msg everyday.) Well.... in a healthy parenting dynamic, your mother would probably ask you about your feelings and your reasons for smoking weed again. What you're quoting is all about her feelings and doesn't really have much to do with you. Ignoring you for ten days is not a healthy form of communication in any relationship. Most of the NC people in this thread stopped contact as a last resort, once they realized that it simply wasn't possible to have a healthy form of communication with their parents. And while "tough love" has been pretty thoroughly debunked as a form of healthy parenting, it seems especially weird for it to be used on someone old enough to have a 2005 regdate.
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Apr 4, 2024 20:18
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nice obelisk idiot posted:Yeah there's going to be touchy-feely stuff in any therapeutic modality that actually works deeply on early life trauma, but there's also going to be some bone breaking. Tools for distress tolerance are important for the latter. And IMO if someone has serious repeated early life trauma, something like DBT, IFS, or like integrative/somatic trauma stuff might be more effective for that instead of CBT. There's self-directed workbooks for all of those written by reputable therapists if therapy is inaccessible. Bone breaking therapy or even self directed workbooks is exactly what I need overall. I did EMDR for a poo poo thing unrelated to this and it was the toughest thing I’ve even done but it’s as if poo poo thing is no more than an irritating papercut. I think I need to get back into something simpler (I feel like self-EMDR is…not wise!) Gaylor Moon posted:Meep this is very small and more than likely nothing compared to more the rest of the thread; so tell me to frig off if so. My mother's entire demeanor and way of treating me has drastically changed since she found out I've started smoking weed again the last two weeks lol. "I can't believe you did this, I was so proud of you, you were doing so well mentally and physically I can't believe you threw this all away!" Then she ignored me for a good 10 days. (we normally shoot the poo poo and msg everyday.) B. Presuming you didn’t give up everything you’ve ever accomplished to only smoke weed and do literally nothing else, this is just weird failed war on drugs poo poo. If you feel your usage is under control and not loving up things in your life, let er rip. I don’t know your background with substances so I can’t say for sure, but it isn’t black tar heroin out of the blue so…seems ok. Just keep an eye on it y’know m? C. Smoke one for me in absentia, the nastiest bone roast. First 4/20 coming up without planning on using because it’s unsafe to do so here. Not unsafe for me health or usage wise, unsafe as “it’s almost comedic how backwards substance use* is stigmatized here, but instead it’s destroying lives more than the actual substance itself”. *not counting binge drinking, which is fine and frankly, downright patriotic
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Apr 4, 2024 20:32
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teen witch posted:Bone breaking therapy or even self directed workbooks is exactly what I need overall. I did EMDR for a poo poo thing unrelated to this and it was the toughest thing I’ve even done but it’s as if poo poo thing is no more than an irritating papercut. I think I need to get back into something simpler (I feel like self-EMDR is…not wise!) Is EMDR for an acute trauma? I went to a therapist in 2021 who had experience practicing EMDR but we never actually did it. She was largely a terrible therapist (frequently forgot previous sessions, spent 15 minutes of a session telling me about how her sister died). What I wish I’d get from a therapist is navigating what is maladaptive and dysfunctional behavior and how do I implement or redirect to function & productive behaviors/thought patterns/etc. When you grow up with abuse & neglect it’s hard to learn what you’re missing. Anyway I was house-sitting for some nice folks and recognized I was being a weirdo about keeping my trash separate and disposing of it. After questioning myself for I bit I realized it’s because my parents used to snoop through my trash. They’d never directly admit to it, but would make odd comments or accusations about things they found in my trash. Just searching for stuff to judge me on/accuse me of.
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Apr 4, 2024 22:08
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Earlier today I overheard a mother address her ~11 year old son, who was a bit overweight, as "Tubby". Can't stop thinking about it; it's givin me flashbacks.
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Apr 4, 2024 22:21
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DontMockMySmock posted:Earlier today I overheard a mother address her ~11 year old son, who was a bit overweight, as "Tubby". Can't stop thinking about it; it's givin me flashbacks.  reminds me of when my mother would call my sister and I 'pigs' because we were both overweight and our brothers were both painfully skinny because they both went through spells in their teenage years where they almost died from separate digestive problems and were never able to gain weight again after their respective recoveries
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Apr 4, 2024 22:28
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Crocobile posted:Is EMDR for an acute trauma? I went to a therapist in 2021 who had experience practicing EMDR but we never actually did it. She was largely a terrible therapist (frequently forgot previous sessions, spent 15 minutes of a session telling me about how her sister died). teen witch posted:(I feel like self-EMDR is…not wise!)
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Apr 4, 2024 22:48
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Crocobile posted:Is EMDR for an acute trauma? I went to a therapist in 2021 who had experience practicing EMDR but we never actually did it. She was largely a terrible therapist (frequently forgot previous sessions, spent 15 minutes of a session telling me about how her sister died). DontMockMySmock posted:Earlier today I overheard a mother address her ~11 year old son, who was a bit overweight, as "Tubby". Can't stop thinking about it; it's givin me flashbacks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-RE7RUzjf8 Like I knew, but also god I didn’t realize the toll hosed up boomer diet culture wrecks you. gently caress even with my aunts! My mom had almond mom tendencies at times, and it clearly came from how she was raised and the era, I don’t blame her at all. But when she called herself fat in a photo of herself as a kid, it loving destroyed me. Like I’d rather have been in a car crash. She was a perfectly normal size for her age. She’s always so harsh on younger versions of herself, when she did the best that she could with what she had and did a fantastic job doing so. It kills me. Hypocritical as I am by saying this but she should be so proud of herself and who she’s become. I hate hearing that calling your kid tubby is somehow still normal tyool 2k24 but it speaks volumes about the person saying it. I just hope that said kid has someone or something that soothes the wound. nice obelisk idiot posted:That's kind of what koan practice in Zen is about, breaking out of dissociative neurophysiological habits by concentrating on something that evokes connections between different areas of the brain, until everything else surrenders.
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Apr 4, 2024 23:09
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nice obelisk idiot posted:Yes, EMDR in fact it's most effective for a discrete trauma rather than chronic and varied ones. The basic idea is that all of these neurophysiological and emotional stress responses get united in an event, like getting tied in a knot. If you get close to that and then start retraining the eye muscles, bodily tensions etc. out of dissociation, there's less guarding the functional self from it, and less of the event coming out in maladaptive ways. teen witch posted:I could see it be used for acute trauma possibly but in my situation it was not. I’ve never heard it be used for anything minor but one’s minor is another’s devastating. Ah I see. I meant “acute” as in a short but extreme traumatic event, vs ongoing neglect & emotional abuse. I think the top post means “discrete” as in separate and distinct (I had to look up the difference between discrete and discreet, man english is dumb sometimes). So it’s good for PTSD but maybe not CPTSD? Thanks for the responses and info!
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Apr 4, 2024 23:54
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I'm glad that my parents waited until I was 18 until they came out with full force of their orthorexia* habits. It really is insidious how prevalent it is while also being very hard on everyone. Alas. I wouldn't say they did a good job but I at least came to the conclusion as a teen that "I'm fat and everyone hates me for it, but I'm not going to try and torture myself skinny." * "evil" carbs and lately its been seed oils? At least the recent sorbitol thing is for a real reason (shidding) As for therapy I've been finding Lifespan integration therapy helpful. I mull over things waaaay too much for CBT these days and my problems are much more about small wounds and emotional neglect and this has been pretty helpful for me. That said lifespan integration therapy really, really relies on your current situation being stable and safe. I don't think I'd get as much out of it if it was the me of 2017ish where I was struggling a lot more. I can't imagine making the progress I've made over the last couple of years without a therapist, its definitely something I lucked into finding. bee posted:Not sure whether it's free outside of Australia but we have an online CBT program that is pretty good: https://www.moodgym.com.au/ I did moodgym back in 2013ish when I was a broke fresh grad and I liked it a lot then. At that time it was free for my Canadian rear end but I don't know if it still is? Website loads fine for me. It seems like its expanded a lot since then.
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Apr 5, 2024 00:01
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Crocobile posted:Ah I see. I meant “acute” as in a short but extreme traumatic event, vs ongoing neglect & emotional abuse. I think the top post means “discrete” as in separate and distinct (I had to look up the difference between discrete and discreet, man english is dumb sometimes). So it’s good for PTSD but maybe not CPTSD?
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Apr 5, 2024 00:34
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My relationship with food and body image was opposite but equal. I was a little beanpole growing up while my mom's side of the family were all really overweight. That turned into me being accused of multiple ED and them trying to catch me in the act and yelling at me for behaviors I wasn't doing. Like me going to pee after a meal was apparently me purging and being told they were going to send me to the crazy house or guilt me into eating because my body was disgusting and not normal. So I stopped letting myself use the bathroom at all for hours after a meal. Then it turned into me struggling to eat in a timely manner, which was entirely due to my mom's cooking being terrible. Mushy boiled canned vegetables were gross and shoe leather steak was agony to chew with undiagnosed TMJ hypermobility issues. More anorexia accusations yelled over the table. Late teens I was so miserable in life I was too sad and depressed to eat, it made me sick to try and eat when I was crying most of the day. And I was hiding in my room all the time so I couldn't be perceived by my family, which meant I'd only really eat when I was at school and after everyone else went to bed. I quickly developed the fine art of being silent and terrified of every small sound in my own home. So technically I did eventually develop disordered eating, but it was never what I was always being accused of.
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Apr 5, 2024 01:15
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I'm posting this here because y'all will understand: Today was already incredible because of the eclipse. I've been waiting for this day since I was seven years old. And the weather was perfect. I didn't think it could possibly get any better. And then I found out my father died this morning. I've been waiting for THAT day since I was nine years old. And TODAY of ALL DAYS. This is seriously the best day of my life. vortmax fucked around with this message at 05:58 on Apr 9, 2024 |
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Apr 9, 2024 05:55
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vortmax posted:I'm posting this here because y'all will understand: Long time lurker, just chiming in to say that I 100% understand. I hope the news has brought you peace of mind.
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Apr 9, 2024 06:50
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vortmax posted:I'm posting this here because y'all will understand: 
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Apr 9, 2024 11:55
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vortmax posted:I'm posting this here because y'all will understand: This made smile, I’m very happy for you. Celebrate! 
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Apr 9, 2024 12:55
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vortmax posted:I'm posting this here because y'all will understand: You are free. I hope this gives you true relief.
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Apr 9, 2024 16:49
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DontMockMySmock posted:Earlier today I overheard a mother address her ~11 year old son, who was a bit overweight, as "Tubby". Can't stop thinking about it; it's givin me flashbacks. Every time I see a male authority figure screaming at somebody, there's a little piece of me that has flashbacks and reverts to the childhood maladaption of trying to become as small and quiet as possible, and I loving hate it.
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Apr 9, 2024 18:37
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Minotaurus Rex posted:Shout out to whomstever recommended How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing, good and useful book. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/60139504 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or ... ? Anyhow, ironically, when I tried How to keep house while drowning I got covid for the third time and was too sick to read it before I had to take it back to the library. 
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Apr 9, 2024 22:28
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I listened to I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy last year and it’s great, please listen to the audiobook if you give it a try because Jennette does a phenomenal job narrating. I’m now trying to get through Crying in H-Mart and it kinda feels like the former if she never came to terms with her childhood being abusive. It’s difficult and frustrating and complicated.
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Apr 10, 2024 03:03
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Thank you all for your understanding responses. I'm still randomly giggling when I remember that waste of oxygen isn't breathing anymore.Agents are GO! posted:Anyhow, ironically, when I tried How to keep house while drowning I got covid for the third time and was too sick to read it before I had to take it back to the library. I got the audiobook from my library and it was fantastic listening. Try that out!
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Apr 10, 2024 03:08
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The Saucer Hovers posted:gently caress therapy! (for some) gently caress therapy sounds like something invented in the 70s.
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Apr 10, 2024 03:35
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Crocobile posted:I listened to I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy last year and it’s great, please listen to the audiobook if you give it a try because Jennette does a phenomenal job narrating. I bought a signed copy at a japanese breakfast show that i only went to to see spirit of the beehive and we were late for the only song I wanted to hear cuz the gyro place was so crowded and it sucked. I think I made it ten pages.
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Apr 10, 2024 04:33
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Agents are GO! posted:Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or ... ? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy not Cock and Ball Torture. It's on audiobook as well which is a good way to get it in your brain
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Apr 10, 2024 06:14
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Does anyone have any experience with emotional neglect from a parent leading to impulsive lying in later life? I feel like I'm doing pretty well with a lot of the emotional baggage my mother gave me, but the desire to lie (as both a wall I put up and a way to aggrandize myself) is something I'm still struggling with. I feel like when I was younger I got so used to lying to my mum about everyday things, as a way to keep her out, that it's carried over to my adult relationships and is impacting them.
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Apr 10, 2024 16:02
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PriorMarcus posted:Does anyone have any experience with emotional neglect from a parent leading to impulsive lying in later life? Absolutely, and unpacking that is some weird, unfun bullshit. I find myself so used to hiding anything that could be weird or a posibility that I messed up it means I tend to just spiral rather than dealing with anything. I find myself almost by habit lying about totally inconsiquential things, as well as running into some fun of just avoiding problems rather than handling them or cutting them off at the pass (though executive dysfunction from ADHD doesn't exactly help there).
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Apr 10, 2024 16:22
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Neito posted:Absolutely, and unpacking that is some weird, unfun bullshit. I find myself so used to hiding anything that could be weird or a posibility that I messed up it means I tend to just spiral rather than dealing with anything. I find myself almost by habit lying about totally inconsiquential things, as well as running into some fun of just avoiding problems rather than handling them or cutting them off at the pass (though executive dysfunction from ADHD doesn't exactly help there). It's certainly something I want to unpack, and I want to put behind me, but it's absolutely crippling to think about doing so, for many reasons I'm sure you're familiar with. I think I felt so unloved and lonely as a kid that it was easier to build myself up into someone else via lies than really face the truth of feeling unloved. I can identify the origin of it, and how into adulthood I kept it up to keep people are arms length because letting them near me seemed alien.
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Apr 10, 2024 16:33
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PriorMarcus posted:Does anyone have any experience with emotional neglect from a parent leading to impulsive lying in later life? Yes, especially around what I'm feeling. I find it difficult to put my thoughts about emotions into words at the best of times but there's that ingrained fear that if I do tell someone about the thing I'm upset about they'll criticise or dismiss me. It's easier just to lie than to face that. Just typing that made me feel massively uncomfortable.
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Apr 10, 2024 22:32
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I have that. Less complete falsehoods and more white lies and obfuscation, but not sure that's any better. It can be useful in some parts of our messed up society, thanks mom and dad! Haha
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Apr 10, 2024 23:23
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Every relationship I've had in the past I've had one foot out of the door, and never believed they would be long term. For most of my life I didn't even think I'd be here long term. I'm 35 next week and I honestly never thought I'd make it this far. Because of this, and because all my relationships have been fleeting in my mind I've built them on rocky foundations, and lying came easily because I figured I'd not be around to face the consequences. It was only ever lies about myself or my circumstances, and the only person I've materially affected is myself, as I've built up substantial debts which I'm not paying off (this is going well, but I feel the sting of the monthly payments around occasions). I'm finally in a loving relationship, and I'm heeling, and learning how much my mothers neglect and abuse of me fed into how I viewed my life. For example, I never knew my dad, so when I'd be upset or throw tantrums at an early age my mum would tell me different stories about how he was a murderer, or how he didn't want me so he'd killed himself, etc. Any show of emotion was shut down or ignored. At the start of my current relationship I still viewed everything as temporary, and it's my partner who I credit with making me healthier. But I've hurt her with the lies I told originally and the debts I concealed from her and it kills me. I need to find a way to process my trauma healthily, and I'm getting there. Therapy is unaffordable for me right now until I pay off the debt, but any resources or similar stories would be great.
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Apr 10, 2024 23:49
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"What's wrong?" "Just tired" Meanwhile I'm having a complete mental breakdown and trying to keep it as internalized as possible
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Apr 11, 2024 17:04
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You should just tell them what's wrong. Because the cure for a mental breakdown is to have somebody ask you a lot of questions about it and then tell you what to do.
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Apr 11, 2024 17:25
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just relax
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Apr 11, 2024 17:27
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I spent a lot of my 20s being a habitual liar. I had to train myself out of it by first, recognising that lies were coming out of my mouth and then consciously and immediately saying “actually no, that’s a lie, I’m sorry” and correcting myself. I STILL have the impulse to lie, even now in my mid-forties and I still have to sometimes own up to something I lied about in the past. It’s helped to realise that I’m too dumb to keep my lies straight, so I might as well tell the truth to avoid getting busted later. The hardest kind of lie has been where I’ve hosed something up and my instinct is to cover it up to protect myself. In a work environment, that doesn’t fly, so I’ve had to train myself to go straight to the boss and say “uhhh, I’ve hosed up”. A lot of the time now I can follow that with “and here’s how I’m going to fix it”, which goes over quite well. But even when I don’t have a solution, the fallout from consciously and immediately owning up is far, far less than having my fuckup discovered down the track, revealing also that I’ve lied about it. People tend to be way more upset about lies than mistakes. It does take time, work, and lots of admitting you just lied about something, but it’s so very worth it to train yourself out of it. And people- especially partners - appreciate that real-time work when you fess up.
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Apr 11, 2024 17:29
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PriorMarcus posted:Does anyone have any experience with emotional neglect from a parent leading to impulsive lying in later life? I relate to this deeply. My father was prone to wild moodswings and I never really knew when something would set him off. To avoid the violence, I would lie to him often, if I had even the slightest concern he might otherwise be provoked. Now I'm in my 30s and a deeply habitual liar. At this point I have no one to blame but myself, but drat I wish I had found a more functional coping method when I was younger.
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Apr 11, 2024 17:41
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