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Maksimus54 posted:And squatch lives here! I do not, I live in Florida 
Beach Bum fucked around with this message at 17:33 on Aug 2, 2019 |
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Aug 2, 2019 16:19
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 23:56 |
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Does anyone mind terribly if I post an "Am I the rear end in a top hat here?" I ask because my initial draft is like 900 words, but I need some input on how I can be a better partner, and my normal consultant (Dad) can't provide an objective opinion. E/N is fuckin' weird and you guys seem a lot more stable.
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Aug 29, 2019 12:40
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Alright you asked for it TL;DR my live-in SO feels she should have more input on who and what I bring into my house after getting blindsided by two major household changes: a possible but very temporary roommate and my dog coming home. Background: SO is 24, I'm 31. Dating since January. She moved in back in March after her dad did some poo poo and I offered her my place. I [the bank] own my home. By mutual agreement she writes me a check of about $200/mo, paying 25% of groceries, utilities, and other services/expenditures she utilizes (she earns less than a third of my salary), but not the mortgage or things she doesn't utilize. Story: About two weeks ago, I found out my parents might be splitting up, so suddenly and abruptly so that it may leave my Dad without a place to crash. I told SO we might have a "roommate" for a short while, but that I can't talk about anything else about their situation to respect their privacy (we all work at the same company, but she's in a different but adjacent department), and that she might need to clear her stuff out of the spare bedroom she's using for storage, and to start thinking about how she might want to do that. Mea culpa, I was unwise and careless to drop this nuke right before she had to go to work, thinking she would understand, but oh boy was I wrong. We talked, and I apologized for dropping it right before work. However, she was under the impression she would have a say in who, if anyone, would be living with us. I agreed that under normal circumstances, that would be correct, but that this was a unique situation and I had a unique obligation that overrides any input she might normally have in the matter. She's also unhappy that I don't "trust her" with my Dad's business; my rebuttal is that it's not my business to trust her with, reasoning she somewhat grudgingly accepts. She asks what it would take for her to have a say in this situation, and I reply "an ownership interest in the house", (which I have been very careful to withhold, as we've only been dating since January, and I'm nowhere near ready to commit to a more permanent arrangement; nor could she afford it). We hash it out a bit more and come to terms about it, but she's still what I'll call "actively surly" about the situation, which I don't really appreciate, but I can understand her point of view and deal with it. Yesterday, I took my dog, who stays with the parents, to the vet (they have a nice yard and a pool and another dog there; much better situation for him until I get my backyard fence rebuilt). He's been having issues with aural haematomas since April. During examination, I discovered that his ears were absolutely filthy and possibly infected, one with an open sore, which is abnormal, as usually Dad is pretty good about keeping them clean. However, he's been busy as hell with both work and trying to find a landing zone that isn't my spare bedroom, so whatever; I'm a bit ticked but I get it. He and I talk and we both agree it's best if I take the dog, as my Mother is not going to want to take care of him at all, much less do what needs to be done for his care plan once Dad leaves. I spend three hours at two different vets scheduling a surgery, and on the way back to my parents place to get dog stuff I call the SO and explain the situation. Side note; "we" have three cats: two 1yo males I got suckered into adopting (E: before SO came along), and her 15yo male. She had serious concerns about how her cat would react, but so far all has been quiet other than some poofy tails and hissing (my dog was raised with my mother's late black cat and is very tolerant/wary of all the cats I've seen him encounter). Anyway, she's, uh, "displeased", to say the least, but I tell her I don't really have any other options to ensure my dog receives the best care other than to provide it myself. She disengages because she's mad and doesn't want to say things she doesn't really mean, and we agree to talk later. Well, later, we go through the whole "why don't I get any input" thing again, and again come to terms, but as before, she's still a bit bitter, only maybe turned up a couple notches. I get why she's mad, and I'm being understanding (or rather, mostly succeeding in the attempt). I feel I've been pretty logical about this, and my Dad agrees (we talk a LOT), but he's not really an impartial party. So. again, am I being an rear end in a top hat here? I am 99% confident I could tell her the potential roommate is my Dad and that would instantly cauterize that particular thread of discussion, but I don't know how to get around the dog situation without compromising his care (or the relationship). Help me be a better partner AI pals. Also she said she doesn't like living with dogs  ...  ???
Beach Bum fucked around with this message at 14:23 on Aug 29, 2019 |
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Aug 29, 2019 13:20
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You Am I posted:You own your place and she thinks she has a 50:50 say in things? Hell no. You're not wrong Powershift posted:Even if she isn't paying a whole lot of rent, if you make 3 times her wage, saying "i make the money i wear the pants" will probably get you stabbed(considering she's a cat person who dislikes dogs)  If life had Quicksave... Olympic Mathlete posted:Yeah a lot of this is probably how you let her know a few specific things but not actually everything. You're kinda supposed to share stuff with your other half so I can see why she's currently a little wary. Yeah. Having two sudden things come up like this is close succession (with me mishandling the poo poo out of the first one) probably skewed this, but that's already water under the bridge, and "sorry" after the fact ain't really worth poo poo. I'd tell her it's my Dad but I know he would not be happy if I told someone outside the family. I might ask him today since it's still causing strife at home. Humphreys posted:Just straight up say "My dads in trouble, he's staying in my house. Also doggo needs a home" If she had a bit more wisdom I'd be with you on all three counts; I'm constantly reminding myself that she's only 24 and she's lived with her dad the majority of her adult life. I'm pretty much right there on 2 and 3; My dog is my best buddy and I spend (spent?  )a lot of time at the parents place to play with him. Dad and I shared places for years before he remarried Mother and I bought my place.Tremek posted:Beach Bum: sounds like you both need to work on communication; you being weird and evasive about your dad’s situation probably didn’t help, but her lack of understanding (I mean c’mon - it’s your parent) also sucks. Side note, you’re not in college, “roommate” has juvenile implications, probably better to phrase that differently to any/all. The division of expenses was drafted and suggested by me; she merely signed off on it. As for "coddled"; I agree, but not by me. I walked her through getting her own car insurance and switching banks, asked if she wanted help setting up a budget ("no thanks") and then let her do her own thing. She's not dumb, just a bit young and hella naive. Tremek posted:The dog thing is also dumb considering she has to know you have a dog, and that said dog needs help? Tremek posted:Moving in together and adopting cats all in a 6 month period are yellow flags at best.  Tremek posted:This kind of drama may well be portents of things to come IMO. She's certainly got a streak of narcissism, but there's been improvement and I'm inclined to hold out for further development. I'm really surprised by this whole situation because she's usually quite empathetic, but it seems that only applies when she's not the one suffering, again a lack of wisdom. Thanks for confirming I'm not completely off my toast here, I know there's more I can do to try and smooth things out, and I'll certainly try, but really it comes down to "If you don't like it, there's the door". Beach Bum fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Aug 29, 2019 |
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Aug 29, 2019 14:08
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Olympic Mathlete posted:Does he not think people are going to find out or something? It's going to lead to some awkward situations when people ask you how your parents are doing... Dude doesn't need to be ashamed, it happens and it's poo poo and people need help with it because it's such a huge thing. Level with your girlfriend and you'll probably find she's pretty understanding about it. I dunno; it's just a weird situation and it might resolve (between them, that is; his job keeps him away from home life a lot sometimes and Mom's had enough). Dad's so fiercely independent, and he hates feeling like a failure, I agree he shouldn't be ashamed or secretive or whatever but I guess he wants to keep the problem under wraps until it's a sure thing.
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Aug 29, 2019 14:19
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Q≠E
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Aug 29, 2019 14:26
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 23:56 |
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I mean it's not that I don't trust her, it's that Dad asked me to keep quiet about it, and being that we're super close I tend to respect those requests. It's just put me in a rather dicey spot. I'll likely end up asking if he can loosen up a bit so I can ease the tension a bit. CAT INTERCEPTOR posted:LOL Dogs only WISH they were cool like cats. Cats are cool too. I generally like most pet-type critters. Except squirrels, squirrels can loving gently caress off, bitey little shits. Beach Bum fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Aug 29, 2019 |
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Aug 29, 2019 16:31
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