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BioEnchanted
Aug 9, 2011

He plays for the dreamers that forgot how to dream, and the lovers that forgot how to love.
I remember a few years ago I rented (when that was still a thing) Terror Toons

It was the most boring unfunny attempt at horror comedy I've ever had the misfortune to witness. There were even some moments that could have worked but due to obnoxious acting (everyone reacted like 6 year olds falling off bikes, they sounded less in pain and more whiny) and terrible comedic timing. Three moments that could have worked:

A pizza delivery guy shows up and is greeted by Dr Carnage, one of the titular cartoon characters/puppets. He decapitates the pizza guy with a pizza cutter that he revs up like a chainsaw. That could have been funny!

A girl goes into her sisters room and finds nothing obviously wrong (although this is where the most obnoxious acting comes in) however after she leaves it reveals that Dr Carnage was puppeting her using her exposed spine. That joke worked in Repo: The Genetic Opera, it could have been fine here but it wasn't.

Dr Carnage and Max whatever-his-name-is make a guy laugh so hard it gives him an aneurysm which kills him. Again though, their antics are so unfunny that the result is totally unbelievable.


It also has the lamest ending, where It turns out the dvd was made by the devil (in a tiny room with a single conveyor belt making GBS threads them out, so there isn't even a sense of scale), and is done so as a favour to the toons because as cartoon characters they can do anything they want, his way of giving them limitless power. However the main character has that power too just from being in the room, so this line happens verbatim: "Then I wish I was a superhero, so I could kick your butt!" She proceeds to do so in a uninteresting way

Apparently there are 4 sequels, 2 out already and 2 more planned, but each one has a better imdb rating than the last. The first one is about 2.2/10, the second one is 3.4 and the latest one, which came out last year, was 4.4 or so. At least they are improving I guess? Never saw the other ones, don't care enough after the first one.

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BioEnchanted
Aug 9, 2011

He plays for the dreamers that forgot how to dream, and the lovers that forgot how to love.
I think the worst movie I ever saw in theatres was The Unborn. The most boring horror movie ever, even the jumpscares failed to make me jump.

BioEnchanted
Aug 9, 2011

He plays for the dreamers that forgot how to dream, and the lovers that forgot how to love.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I failed making it through all 4 yesterday, i'll be starting 3 soon. I have a feeling mr. SOUL COLLECTOR is going to have a major role in the next 2. He was basically the 2nd in command to Hawg, and Hawg and his "queen" have found jesus once more. This stunning turn of events occurred because while the hero was b eating Hawg with a pipe, he noticed Hawg was wearing a cross necklace and stopped short before delivering the killing blow and started giving him a sermon, and last we see Hawg he is on the side of the road clinging to his cross and crying.

I'm also questioning God's judgement a little with picking this guy in particular to be the chosen one. He's basically driving across the country on a killing spree and God keeps sending people to die to protect him. Like the daughter of the shopkeeper in the first one who asked him if he believed the bullet proof vest he was buying would protect him more than God, and of course he says "I trust the vest". Then in the second one the daughter gets left behind from the rapture because God, in the form of some dude by a campfire, tells her she has a job, which is to dive in front of the protagonist while wearing said vest, which doesn't work, and before she dies she says "you were wrong. about the vest. it was God all along, i'm glad I had to die just to prove you wrong, idiot" (paraphrased). It was just weird to have a callback to a line from the other movie. I feel like they are being presumptuous that people are going to watch all 4.


Oh my god they are chapters, it's Christian John Wick.

BioEnchanted
Aug 9, 2011

He plays for the dreamers that forgot how to dream, and the lovers that forgot how to love.
What did everyone think of "Christmas Chronicles" on netflix, with Kurt Russel as Santa? My friend hated it but my family and I thought it was a lot of fun.

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