Apple Event 10th Sept - Thin phone, bigger warts

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Apple Event 10th Sept - Thin phone, bigger warts

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a neurotic ai: Mar 22, 2012

It�s brave new world where jony ives has escaped the padded white room to answer his true calling, making esoteric sex toys for millionaires. Will Apple finally make a thiccphone? Has timb finally succeeded in recreating Microsoft circa 1990? When does a camera wart become a camera tumour?

Find out all this and more by watching a 90-120 minute extended corporate advertisement.

Because Apple is leakier than the British government preparing for brexit right now, it�s obvious what�s going to be announced:

3 iPhones, one cheapo and two expensive in small and large. expect bigger camera warts on the latter two, a �faster chip� and idk some reverse wireless charging. really pulling it out of the hat guys.

Apple Watch, decent chance. probably nothing, maybe sleep tracking. I�m sure the 7 people who own one will think it�s neat but not upgrade.

new MacBook Pro 16. outside shot, hope this happens because papa needs a laptop that doesn�t poo poo the bed when I type with my Cheeto dust encrusted fingers.

more stuff/updates on apples transformation into a maker of really, desperately bad tv shows.

iPod socks, I�ve got a good feeling about this one.

e: posted from my timbphone SE

a neurotic ai fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Sep 10, 2019

# ? Sep 10, 2019 00:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 4, 2024 08:16

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

nice! ground floor

# ? Sep 10, 2019 01:44

Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

calling it: airpower launches

# ? Sep 10, 2019 01:54

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Endless Mike posted:

calling it: airpower launches

"the f35 of wireless chargers"

# ? Sep 10, 2019 01:58

Turnquiet: Oct 24, 2002; My friend is an eloquent speaker.

renders are dumb, but between whatever coming out tomorrow having been leaked already, not having 5g (it shouldn't yet), and still having lightning, i think i can wait till 2020. and i think the fake rear end renders from that one leaker mcleakyface who is right 33% of the time look p good- i like the ipad pro aesthetic.

# ? Sep 10, 2019 02:16

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

the phones are too drat big

# ? Sep 10, 2019 02:18

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

the bump is too small. it needs to stick out a few more mm to be really obnoxious

# ? Sep 10, 2019 02:19

sonatinas: Apr 15, 2003; Seattle Karate Vs. L.A. Karate

merge the bump as a pop socket

# ? Sep 10, 2019 03:35

Agile Vector: May 21, 2007; scrum bored

infernal machines posted:

the bump is too small. it needs to stick out a few more mm to be really obnoxious

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:08

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

sonatinas posted:

merge the bump as a pop socket

pop socket / telephoto lense

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:08

Agile Vector: May 21, 2007; scrum bored

pro mode confirmed:

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:13

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Agile Vector posted:

that's the stuff. now you have to buy a case to keep it from sitting at a weird angle if you put it down

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:14

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Agile Vector posted:

pro mode confirmed:

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:14

Roosevelt: Jul 18, 2009; I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98W9QuMq-2k

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:26

Roosevelt: Jul 18, 2009; I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

i am extremely HYPE to witness what surprising new microincremental phone upgrade tim has crafted for us behind the scenes

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:29

Bored Online: May 25, 2009; We don't need Rome telling us what to do.

only in it for a mini refresh

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:37

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

mac pro re-re-re-recancelled

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:42

echinopsis: Apr 13, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

rodtronics on the ground floor

# ? Sep 10, 2019 04:54

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

Agile Vector posted:

pro mode confirmed:

put it in the middle so there's something to hold

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:02

rotor: Jun 11, 2001; classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome

my prediction is the surprise announcement that Apple is giving up on iOS as a failure and is switching to WebOS, just like they did with System 9 and OS X.

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:29

rotor: Jun 11, 2001; classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome

also the slider form factor will come back in a big way

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:29

Samuel L. ACKSYN: Feb 29, 2008

i kinda dont care tbh

tim u better make me care w/ some cool poo poo. or some boring poo poo idc about, whatev

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:31

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

timb release the sex

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:36

Switzerland: Feb 18, 2005; Do what thou must do.

the cool poo poo is coming next year

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:39

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

before or after Linux on the desktop

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:42

Gamma: Dec 31, 2008

where's USB-C tim

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:52

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

rotor posted:

my prediction is the surprise announcement that Apple is giving up on iOS as a failure and is switching to WebOS, just like they did with System 9 and OS X.

reverse acquisition by uh, LG? who even owns webos any more?

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:58

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Gamma posted:

where's USB-C tim

on their 1st party wireless charger

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:58

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Bloody posted:

before or after Linux on the desktop

after. mac os x was released in 2001

# ? Sep 10, 2019 05:59

rotor: Jun 11, 2001; classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome

infernal machines posted:

reverse acquisition by uh, LG? who even owns webos any more?

LG

that's the weird thing, like they make phones and they make webos TVs why don't they make webos phones?

i think it's that Tim is paying them to keep it under wraps because he knows they would destroy iPhones forever

# ? Sep 10, 2019 06:01

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

me im holding out for a surprise announcement that the new base mac pro has been discounted to $2000 and it comes with a free 6k monitor

# ? Sep 10, 2019 06:04

rotor: Jun 11, 2001; classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome

iphones have a headphone jack again but it's 4 pin XLR

# ? Sep 10, 2019 06:07

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

infernal machines posted:

the bump is too small. it needs to stick out a few more mm to be really obnoxious

next year you can have a 4th lens and each of them can have their own little bump on one of the corners like theyre legs of a tiny table

# ? Sep 10, 2019 06:07

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

poty posted:

next year you can have a 4th lens and each of them can have their own little bump on one of the corners like theyre legs of a tiny table

now that's the kind of innovative design we come to expect from apple

rotor posted:

LG

that's the weird thing, like they make phones and they make webos TVs why don't they make webos phones?

i think it's that Tim is paying them to keep it under wraps because he knows they would destroy iPhones forever

it has to be. there's no other logical reason for them to still be making android phones

# ? Sep 10, 2019 06:18

cowboy beepboop: Feb 24, 2001

Turnquiet posted:

renders are dumb, but between whatever coming out tomorrow having been leaked already, not having 5g (it shouldn't yet), and still having lightning, i think i can wait till 2020. and i think the fake rear end renders from that one leaker mcleakyface who is right 33% of the time look p good- i like the ipad pro aesthetic.

this is way cooler than whatever comes out tomorrow

edit i will still buy whatever comes out tomorrow. gotta upgrade this 5s

# ? Sep 10, 2019 06:33