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TIP I felt the same way until on reflection, it became more obvious that some of my family members (going back at least 2 generations) were also very likely autistic. We're not all faking, we're just unfortunately ahead of the available diagnosis techniques. As far as I can tell, in my geographic location there isn't actually a way to get diagnosed for me. But I am happy having an explanation for how I feel and how things affect me, and a sense of community that there are plenty of people experiencing life in similar ways. I really don't think you can steal autistic valor, the autistic community hands it out for free.
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Jul 8, 2022 20:36
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I missed genuine interest from people in high school, shut down people who I thought were going too fast, ended up in a relationship with an extremely ND person who I clicked well with, finally felt like there was someone from the same planet as me (while everyone else thought I was crazy because couldn’t I see there was obviously something wrong with them!) - alas that common factor was not enough for a lasting thing. We were both dysfunctional in similar ways which led to disaster, my current partner of 25+ years has complementary strengths and weaknesses which has led to things working a lot better. I can’t see myself bothering to look for someone else if anything happens, my current partner and I have really moulded ourselves to each other and I don’t think I’m malleable enough any more to do that with someone else. Not that I mean either of us are masking or changed from our true selves, I more mean that level of comfort and trust is going to be very hard to find or to rebuild with someone else.
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Jul 16, 2022 21:11
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I don’t know that that feeling is universal; I’ve always been my own best friend which I think has shielded me a bit from feelings of rejection and not belonging and being different. I just didn’t care if I got shunned by peers because I enjoy my own company and I know I’m a good person. I don’t know how not to “love” myself, I feel really bad for people who don’t have that solid base core feeling because it has got me through a lot of really difficult times. I honestly don’t know if that is even what a therapist would mean by “love yourself” though, I’m certainly not in any kind of romantic relationship with myself. I don’t bother with my appearance or what I wear, I just like existing and I can’t do that without me, if that makes sense?
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Jul 18, 2022 19:21
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Anhedonia must be pretty tough! I struggle a lot with executive function, I do a lot more nothing than I intend to, but I don’t really ever feel bad about it. I have noticed sometimes I can plan something, get everything done, put a lot of effort in and have a total success but at the end I don’t really get any sense of achievement or satisfaction. Is anhedonia something like that? My mood overall is pretty good so it doesn’t really bother me when it happens but I do feel like something is missing sometimes.
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Jul 18, 2022 20:03
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Was he listening to the Little Mermaid OST? Maybe you're reading too much into it.
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Jul 22, 2022 15:26
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I’ve always just felt like myself, hated being lumped in with “the girls” but also being mistaken for a boy made me pretty angry. My parents didn’t encourage any particular gender role either. My “Communications for Engineering” course I did at uni strongly encouraged using gender neutral language and I remember being very excited about that. So finding out that there is a name for how I feel and that there are plenty of other people who feel the same (in their own ways) was pretty cool and I wish I’d known about being non-binary earlier. Same as wishing I’d known earlier about being autistic I guess. Mostly it’s something I keep to myself because it’s not any one else’s business. I don’t really have dysmorphia since I like this body that I grew by myself but boobs can be pretty annoying and get in the way sometimes. I don’t have any desire to look femme or masc and I think that is separate for me anyway - I don’t feel like I have to broadcast or express that part of myself although I can understand why other people might want to.
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Jul 23, 2022 19:56
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I found out quite by accident that many of the (small) Twitch streamers I enjoy watching are autistic or ND, and their chats and community discords are full of autistic people and allies, not through any intention but through shared interests, similar types of humour and so on. I do keep that part of my online identity segmented from other parts and also separate from my real life friends and that helps a bit too, in that I don't have to worry about presenting myself wrongly. It might be a good place to start? If you don't think of yourself as a gamer there are art and music streams too, or probably other hobbyist streamers also. Twitch streams that tag themselves as LGBTQI+ friendly are often pretty good and safe places to be yourself.
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Jul 31, 2022 09:31
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I had a vivid dream/nightmare that I choked on tuna mornay when I was fairly young which stopped me from being able to eat tuna until my 20s. Definitely a texture thing but the sharp texture in my dream memory over rode the actual texture for a really long time. Separately I went through phases of loving prawns when I was young, being unable to eat prawns as a teenager and loving them again in my twenties, definitely texture related. But the texture didn’t change, it was my reaction that did. Because my reaction to prawns changed it encouraged me to try food that I think I hate in case I like it again. I have one main food rule, which is that white food is not allowed to touch red food, unless bacon or sausage is there too. So no tomato sauce on potato or bread. I also tend to peel apart layered food and eat it from top to bottom, that’s partly because I have a food allergy and I’m checking to see what I’m eating but it also scratches a hard to define itch. Lastly I eat groups of food, definitely all my broccoli first but that’s because I hate when the veg gets cold because I didn’t eat it fast enough. I’m likely to leave my favourite until last so that it is the last thing I taste.
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Aug 1, 2022 04:21
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I like that method! I do the opposite though (the crusts are my favourite part so I save them until last).
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Aug 1, 2022 04:59
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organburner posted:
This is the worst, I have the same thing fairly often except I give myself the time to maybe interpret the sound, but then if I still don’t get it, the delayed “…..what??” makes me feel pretty dumb.
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Aug 16, 2022 02:55
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I would love to be working right now. I like having money. But I don’t like being treated like poo poo, having my stuff messed with, being expected to do extra stuff with no training, being left to work poo poo out myself in situations where getting it wrong is dangerous or costly. I don’t like having to be in the same room as, let alone work with, bullies, thieves, assholes, racists, abusers, even if they’ve never aimed those particular talents at me. I can’t handle workmates crying at their desks. I can’t handle wage theft or other inequity. I’m still trying to relearn how to look after myself and my home after escaping my previous toxic job, and knowing how much doing that job took from me, I have a great deal of trouble trusting that I can find a job that I can balance with everything else. I don’t feel like being autistic made me a bad worker or bad at my job, it just took everything I had to function in that environment and left nothing for me. No one should have to feel like that at work or because of work. Am I disabled? I don’t know. Right now it feels more like I’m recovering from an injury, although it’s to my psyche, not my body. I might have felt bad about it (burning out and quitting working) apart from a comment my mother made to me - she said, I don’t know how you stuck at it for so long, I couldn’t handle it either. We both had professional industrial careers, burned out in our 20s, worked at a school for a bit then burned out from that too. It feels like being chewed up and spat out by systems that don’t care about individuals. If the world wasn’t like that, I think I wouldn’t be like this.
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Aug 18, 2022 21:17
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I have a friend who didn't manage a serious relationship until he was in his mid 40s. Sometimes you just don't gel with the right person until you find them and it's ok if that takes a while. Don't try to compare your life to the "normal" progression because everyone is different and it doesn't really matter. I think you'll know when you find the right person, I'm pretty bad socially but I knew when I had to make a move and it did work out in the end.
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Aug 25, 2022 10:28
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I default to smiling, which is annoying when I’m angry. I don’t know if that is really masking since most of the time I am happy, but it’s like my face doesn’t update very fast sometimes. Although, I can’t pokerface at all, if I think someone is talking ludicrous nonsense I can’t stop my face showing it. I think my last boss knew exactly what I thought of him!
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Aug 25, 2022 19:05
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I think the thing that started the ball rolling for real, for me, was working on a new fleet of laptops at the back of the school library while an autism educator was running a session at the front of the library for the teaching staff. I was half listening but when she started describing “this is what it might be like for an undiagnosed autistic child” my hair stood on end because she could have been describing exactly my life. Before that, it was kind of a family in-joke that I was probably autistic but I hadn’t really thought much or read much about it, apart from a passing mild interest in successful autistic people like Temple Grandin. My feeling of finding “my people” has only increased the more time I spend reading other autistic people’s experiences.
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Aug 30, 2022 05:24
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I’ve crocheted pillows, blankets and a fairly large igloo for my cats. I can’t follow patterns that are too complex because I keep losing my spot but I can go “one of these, two of those” over and over, all day. I also like untangling knots, and recently found I get the same satisfaction from embroidery. Didn’t twig that that was stimming but it totally is. I’m a head scratcher/skin picker which I have try to control so I don’t damage my skin too much so having an alternative is nice.
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Aug 31, 2022 04:38
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I think I tried to post something about this before but couldn't word it right. It does happen for me really often that people, who in the long term I end up liking and getting along well with, and having things in common with, on first impression really irritate me or I find myself irrationally disliking them. It took a long time for the pattern to click, but once I noticed it happening, I now know to give myself and the other person a bit of time because inevitably I will warm up to them. I think maybe it's because for people I don't gel with, it's pretty easy to ignore them or have surface interactions with them and there's no irritation or cognitive load, but interesting people take more of my attention, it's HARD to have to "learn" a new person, so it stands out and is annoying, at least until I get the hang of that new person. Luckily it isn't every single person that I get along well with, some people just click, but for people who initially annoy me there's usually something about them that has already won me over without me realising.
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Aug 31, 2022 11:29
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I think if I’d known I was autistic, it would have explained why I struggled so badly during my engineering apprenticeship days but it wouldn’t have given me any tools to make that process work better for me. The apprenticeship program barely worked for neurotypicals either, they burned through 45 of us, an intake of 15 a year over three years and by the end of the program I think under 15 remained (including myself). I still find myself thinking I can do anything, then being overwhelmed by things that end up being too big or taking too long. I become frustrated and lost when I have to stop and start things. I’m still chronically disorganised. I don’t like being blind or lacking self awareness for things that I am going to struggle with, it somehow feels like ambushing myself. It’s worse when I feel things going wrong and ask for help and get no support or advice. I honestly don’t think that my autism caused any of that latter problem either, so being NT in those same situations would have been just as bad.
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Sep 5, 2022 07:35
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Yeah I think I was kind of the same; I didn't have problems with anxiety (not that I remember), and at work there wasn't really much stuff "sprung" on me to upset any routine. It just felt like after I'd been doing the same thing for a few years, it should have gotten easier. I should have grown into it or got the hang of it, but it never got easier. At first, I kind of felt like maybe I was asking the wrong questions, or I was unlucky with the mentors I'd been assigned being too hands off. I did just fine at the coursework. I occasionally found some task or subject that clicked, and that I could shine at, and then would try to work on that as much as I could. I was there 11 years before I quit and I felt like a noob who didn't know anything and hadn't learned anything for most of the time (except when it came to my "special subjects"). I think the problem was fundamentally they wanted all the engineering trainees to become jack of all trades - not just engineeringwise, but as project managers, and personnel managers too, and if I'd known I was autistic AND had known what they actually expected us to do (vs what they told us the work would be like) I probably wouldn't have tried working there in the first place. I think a lot of people who weren't ND felt the same, and many left sooner than I did. One of the times I explicitly asked for help and tried to explain how I felt things were going, I was put in charge of a 1 million dollar upgrade project that was already underway and half done - the idea being the experience would be so horrible I'd either quit or I'd succeed and just magically be "fixed". I did get the project to 95% finished before they took it off me and gave it back to the original guy so he could get all the final commissioning done, and all it did was make me angry and disgusted at being treated like that. I lost all respect for my boss because he told me he had expected I would fail. And I would have liked to be involved in the commissioning myself and probably would have actually learned something so it hurt having that opportunity snatched away. I switched careers to IT Support (at a school) and I have a clearer memory of the kind of things that went wrong. People were making decisions based on their own ego rather than the needs of the students or the school. No one thought beyond one school year so there was no end of equipment life replacement planning. Bullying from some school leadership to other staff was rampant. Communications were ignored. Me being autistic didn't affect any of that apart from the worse it got, the harder it was to stay there. I was coming home from work and just laying on the floor and sleeping for 3-4 hours. I couldn't respect any of the leadership and it hurt me any time any of my coworkers were bullied or abused. Being autistic meant I couldn't just ignore things that weren't happening to me. It was a toxic place to work and knowing I was autistic wouldn't have changed that and maybe wouldn't have made me quit faster either - I was there 15 years before the toxicity escalated too far and I realised it had been impacting my physical and mental health. We'd gotten to the point where we had reported what was going on at the school to a higher level and still nothing changed and no one cared, even when illegal stuff was happening. I was good at that job and acutely aware that another one like it wouldn't fall into my lap, but at that point I just had to quit. Maybe in the big picture knowing I was autistic might have helped me take better care of myself but it might have also made me limit my opportunities. It cost me my mental health but I was able to work long enough to own my own house. Finding out about autism came right towards the end of all that, which was what, 2 years ago? I guess I didn't know for most of my life, it really is hard to say what would have changed because there's barely any help for autistic children here let alone adults.
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Sep 5, 2022 14:16
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Never did, got worse scribbling notes to keep up with uni lectures, worse again after transitioning to typing everything. I write in block letters (partially inspired by Palm pilot graffiti text entry) if I want it to be legible. I must have been able to fake it because I did get my “pen license” at some point.
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Sep 12, 2022 08:37
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I survived some of my tests at uni by reverting to the extremely basic drill of “look, cover, write, check” to help memorise formula but this probably won’t work for broader pieces of knowledge. However I accidentally memorised where domestic tropical fish come from, what water chemistry, temperature and dietary requirements they have, with no intention or effort. If you can find something you are genuinely interested in, in a special interest sort of way, and change or guide your studies in that direction it will be much easier - but special interests are kind of unpredictable and sometimes that interest doesn’t last. Hopefully you can make it work long enough to qualify for whatever it is you need to qualify for and then it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t stick in the long term. You really can’t force yourself to care about stuff you don’t care about, in my experience. Edit: oh! White light it’s you! I enjoyed your posts in the daily art thread. Thought the escaping facial features conversation was kind of funny though, I interpreted that character as being somewhat not human since she has impossibly large eyes with vertical slits so her face is naturally going to be a bit off.
Stoca Zola fucked around with this message at 07:53 on Dec 7, 2022 |
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Dec 7, 2022 07:49
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I knew it and I really felt for you and hoped you weren't about to get dogpiled. But also sympathetic pain of having done that myself many times, to the point that now sometimes I spend tooooo long reading the room and get used to being passive. It was good seeing you jump in all gung ho. What kind of academia/studies are you involved in, and how flexible are your options? I think it's pretty important to try and play to your strengths and really guard your weaknesses carefully, learn about and be wary of autistic burnout and do everything you can to protect yourself from ending up in that kind of situation. I had no idea for years but in the last year before total burnout I could feel things were going very wrong, I'd be getting home and just laying on the floor unable to deal with anything - looking back I guess that's shutting down. It's been really hard trying to recover from burn out, maybe everything is 8 times harder instead of 4 times and it takes me a long time to get anything done because it's so hard to stay focused. My point is no matter what, you have to stay alert and take care of yourself because no one else can and this poo poo can really sneak up on you and hit really hard. Be as kind to yourself as you can.
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Dec 7, 2022 09:52
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Be well and stay safe, friend.
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Dec 12, 2022 11:36
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Lots of people seem to benefit from loop earplugs or similar, honestly that wouldn’t work for me because I don’t like the feeling of stuff being in my ears and I have a bad enough time processing what people are saying already without losing a bit of volume. I could be wrong, when I worked at the steel works I had a few different types of ear plug but that was to block as much sound as possible and everyone had the expectation of being deafened so it wasn’t awkward at all.
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Dec 16, 2022 04:45
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Personally, I can read social cues sometimes, I'm just not always sure what I'm supposed to do with the information. I've been struggling the last couple of days and I'm not really sure why. My mood feels ok but that's often a bit disconnected. I had trouble not wanting to shower yesterday, and instead of the chores I had planned to do, I cleaned the hair out of the power head of the vacuum cleaner. Today I've been up for 4 hours, still haven't showered, but I took apart the remote control for the air conditioner to clean the contacts so that the buttons would work properly again, and took the toilet seat off to adjust and tighten the fittings so that the seat doesn't drift sideways on the bowl. That's when I realised I'm in "fix things" mode which is a kind of self soothing I do. I don't know if I'm doing demand avoidance (avoiding things I really want to do) or if something else is getting to me that I'm not aware of, that is causing me to need to soothe. It's pretty annoying only being able to see some of the picture.
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Jan 4, 2023 08:42
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Cloacamazing! posted:Not sure if this is how it works for you too, but when I get like that, it's usually because I'm having Unidentified Feelings about something and haven't properly processed them. Slumps go away once I figure out what is going on and how I feel about it. Yeah that is exactly what I think is happening but I'm having a little trouble pinning down specifically what it could be. Actually maybe it is just a lot of little things that have started to add up, and that queue of unresolved issues is getting a bit too long. There's a lot of things going on that I don't feel like I have control over at the moment, and maybe that feeling is preventing me from acting on the things that I do have control over. When I was working, I had 10 weeks of term time then 2 weeks of holidays (actually unemployment) which always let me feel like I was recharging my batteries, but this last year in particular even though I'm not working, that break never comes and it feels like the pressure never eases up.
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Jan 4, 2023 13:50
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Don't panic! Having a name or label for how you've always been is kind of like someone pointing out that you're now breathing - being aware of it doesn't make it bad, but thinking about it can be annoying until you get used to it again. Keep on breathing! I think I used that same test to confirm my suspicions and maybe all that's changed for me is I am a little more aware of situations that are likely to overwhelm me and take I measures to make things easier for myself, instead of trying to power through. Just giving myself more wiggle room for if things don't go perfectly well, in general. And I'm trying to be more aware of clumsy or wrong communication that rubs my partner up the wrong way. It never bothered me that I didn't fit in with other people, and it just turns out that I do fit in with some people, we're just all autistic.
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Jan 19, 2023 11:44
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Cross posting this from the ADHD thread: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tpB-B8BXk0 This guy is talking about how to help with executive function in people with ADHD and executive function is my number one worst autism problem. I haven’t finished watching but I’ve already come across a couple of extra things I could be doing to help myself so I hope someone else finds something useful in there too.
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Feb 14, 2023 07:19
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Yeah that was a big one for me too because I often have only 2 meals a day, forget to snack (or don't notice myself feeling hungry) so I'm pretty sure I've been tanking my blood sugar a bit. I spent some time carefully sipping some ribena while planning my day and found myself remembering where I'd left certain tools that I needed without any effort at all! It did make a big difference for me.
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Feb 14, 2023 13:39
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All I can advise on that front is to obtain a tactile instrument, something you can hear immediately when you play it, and try to play along with songs that you know and like. Worrying about the theory and the names of the notes and so on can come later, doing anything musical is much much easier if you are able to externally reproduce the sounds you're thinking about or that you already know. Actually even just singing is better than nothing but you don't have a reference point when you sing like you do when you play notes on a keyboard. There is ear training you can do to learn the names of the distances between notes, too. I think you already identified part of the problem, you can't easily play anything, and entering notes in an awkward way is a complete roadblock to creativity. Personally I can read music but I can't hear in my head what I read, I have to have an instrument in my hands and play to really know for sure what I'm reading. But I can hear music that I think of, and work out what the notes are. The musical aphantasia part is just the reading part for me. I think its one of those things where there's no shortcuts, you can't just compose music without getting some foundation ability to make noise in place, and I think it's pretty likely that you'll find once you get better at making notes with an instrument, you'll get better at composing in a DAW too.
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Feb 17, 2023 15:03
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I had a look at LMMS this week and compared to Reaper I couldn't exactly work out how to make it do things I wanted it to do. It's great that there's a bunch of free shared LMMS stuff, but for example I downloaded a preset and it really wasn't obvious how to get it into LMMS, or even which synth engine the preset was intended to be used with. I tried Ableton a few years ago and I really didn't like that either even though lots of people swear by it. I ended up getting along really well with Reaper but I tried a lot of different free options (trackers too, such as OpenMPT and Deflemask for chiptunes). I also really like LSDJ and it's big brother the M8 because controlling those is more like playing a handheld game, it feels like it engages a different part of the brain. I reckon don't feel discouraged if you don't gel with one particular DAW. There are tons of different ones that have different workflows or tweaked UI or whatever that might make more sense to you. I honestly still think old Caustic is a decent starting point, it's a bit simple and limited compared to modern DAWs but all the fundamentals are there (including midi input and parameter automation) and it is quite capable of sounding great. It's pretty lightweight and runs on pretty much anything although I think you have to pay for the mobile versions. I didn't have trouble finding tutorials for it either. If you've got a mic and you can kind of sing ok, you could even use Audacity on your recordings as a basic DAW to lay things out. There's no real wrong way to do it, the hard part is finding a way to keep trying without bouncing off and being frustrated. I feel that everyone who has ever listened to and enjoyed music has more musical fluency than they realise, it's a kind of language that surrounds us and we hear on a daily basis without consciously comprehending. It's really fun to unlock that and pick through what you already knew but just didn't have the vocabulary to describe. I don't think it's something you have to start from a young age, that's more if you want to be a virtuoso performer and you don't need that to be able to enjoy playing with music.
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Feb 17, 2023 16:22
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I would have been 10 or 11 when I worked out that, no, other people my age seemed to be REALLY different from me. I started biting my tongue and not saying the things I was thinking because my peers were already ostracising me. I wasn’t too worried because the library was always open during break times so I could go and bookworm it up. Didn’t know for sure that it was autism until I was 42 and that’s just because there was almost nothing about autism at all when I was growing up, and no focus on ND kids that weren’t unruly boys. I would have loved to have known then. I would have loved to be able to find a sense of community with kids who felt the same as me. I ended up leaving home at 17 to live with the first other autistic who was my age that I met (a boyfriend who was terrible for me). I chose a career path that in hindsight was impossible for me to succeed at because of a lack of accomodations and a lack of insight into my own needs. I really hope Squirrel Jr gets a better start to life than me! I don’t have regrets but things could have been so much easier and much less confusing.
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Mar 14, 2023 06:05
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I’ve been searching the local jobs market ever since I decided I couldn’t keep working at my old toxic workplace but a slow 6 months long burnout there hasn’t been any easier to recover from than the 2 weeks flaming disaster of my first burnout. I was out of work that time for just over a year but now it’s over 3 years and I haven’t found anything I am vaguely capable of doing. Every slightly promising job, upon closer inspection looks either like a scam or someone cutting corners and trying to hire one person to do 5 people’s jobs. For example, I got really excited about an apprenticeship type of job repairing mobility scooters, it seemed like a good foot in the door to some hands on semi-technical work. However, in the fine print they also wanted the applicant to answer phones and do customer service, manage the stock levels in the warehouse, drive to clients across the state to pick up and deliver the vehicles, and then to also act in a salesperson capacity of demonstrating the vehicles. Way too much, too broad, and of course it would be all underpaid on apprentice wages. I wouldn’t care about being underpaid if I was just part time in a back room changing tyres on scooters, but for the actual role as advertised I already know my sanity can’t handle being spread that thin and no amount of money is worth the attempt. The work from home market seems impossible to break into as a newbie at this point, tons of pyramid schemes disguised as “training opportunities” or outright scams where one person running a “business” is outsourcing all the work to disjointed internet “subcontractors” for $6 an hour. I don’t have any income at all and I feel like a drain on my poor partner who is having mental health issues of their own, really shouldn’t be working and should be focusing on stability and recovery. We’ve got savings and no debt, we aren’t in financial danger (yet) but I would love to be able to contribute to a positive cash flow. I don’t think I know how any more. It’s not that I don’t like dealing with people, I really enjoy it but it takes so much out of me that it isn’t sustainable as a regular thing. And I don’t have an official diagnosis but does that even matter? It’s not like they give you a “Certified Autist” certificate to print and attach to your resume when you apply for a job. All I ever wanted was to get really good at one thing, and then to do that thing over and over.
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Apr 8, 2023 09:06
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If you don’t show it on your face correctly you must not be feeling it, right? It’s not like they asked anyone what it actually felt like. I’m with you on the employment front skeletronics, I have an engineering and IT background and I could easily get work with the Army but I refuse. And I’m mid forties too so any of the nice warehouse type jobs like bagmonkey suggested get filled by younger, less female, less qualified people with forklift licenses. I’ve thought about learning to code and making something but a) market is flooded by coders too b) it’s increasingly hard the older I get to make myself focus on something I’m not super enthusiastic about. I’m pushing myself to make music because that’s something that no one can take away from me and updates will never make obsolete, I don’t know if I will ever make money with it but it is extremely beneficial to balance creation and consumption. If you making games helps satisfy that urge to create, I would say go for it.
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Apr 12, 2023 06:56
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Car Hater posted:can anyone help me with resources for letting things go that work when you *can't*? I absolutely obsess over poo poo that's in the past and it seems like the only thing that works is a new thing to ruminate over, I want to get on with my life but I *can't* I came across the “crappy childhood fairy” on YouTube while looking for stuff to help my partner deal with trauma, I don’t know if you might find her useful or not, her main starting technique is dumping poo poo out of your brain to paper and then physically destroying it to try and relieve that buzzing busy overloaded brain, combined with meditation to help relax after the hard work of getting it all out. I guess ignore all the stuff where she tries to sell you stuff, that’s more on her website than in her videos. I tried the technique and it did give me a sense of a lightened load and I was able to get more done.
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Jun 5, 2023 21:56
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I wanted kids but I could not deal with the body horror of pregnancy, I eventually figured out I'm non binary so that might be why pregnancy is so repugnant to me. I'm too old now and I think I burned myself out trying to fit where I don't fit, career wise, so I'm barely able to look after myself let alone a child, even if I could handle the stress of trying to adopt. I have my sister's kids that I spend time with when I can, and advocate for, since we think the oldest is ND too. I see kids as just people who need the same respect and empathy that I want for myself.
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Jun 18, 2023 23:28
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One of the big problems for me as a kid was my mum springing demands or expectations on me with no warning or with no explanation why. My dad was better at pre-warning me about things with lots of time to digest and prepare and he didn’t mind explaining if I didn’t understand the whys of something. Mum would interpret a “why” as insubordination or rebellion or resistance when the reality was I was just trying to build a model of the world so I could navigate it “correctly”. My niece also has extreme emotional reactions to having “events” sprung on her. So talking about plans, updating when plans change, just keeping communication flowing even if it’s about stuff the kids have no control over can help things run more smoothly for everyone. Oh yeah and I don’t ever remember them saying it but I bet they did - I grew up knowing my parents would love me no matter what I did, what choices I made. I knew even when I was having my worst screaming match conflicts with my mum as a hormonal teenager that it wasn’t happening because she didn’t love me. Knowing my family was always there for me got me through pretty much every major stressful event in my life. Don’t just assume they know, make sure they know! Stoca Zola fucked around with this message at 08:19 on Nov 25, 2023 |
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Nov 25, 2023 08:16
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| # ¿ May 21, 2024 13:06 |
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Personally I have auto immune stuff which has manifested as food protein intolerances. I remember a decade or longer ago seeing a lot of stuff about “leaky gut syndrome” which is not a thing, unlike intestinal permeability which can have a few different causes. Leaky gut probably doesn’t cause autism but undetected food allergies could cause intestinal permeability, for example. It’s like they’ve got cause and effect flipped somehow.
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Jan 13, 2024 19:21
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