Ask me about: Being an adult with autism! Or just autism in general.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about: Being an adult with autism! Or just autism in general.

Buried alive: Jun 8, 2009

credburn posted:

... I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't because of my autism, but I've also lived a life of constant anxiety, fear, confusion, and misery. I am at a point in my life where I have everything I could ever want, so like, things turned out okay, but it's after 35 years of bullshit. Probably a full quarter of my life has been spent in a constant state of considering suicide and assuming that that would be how I would go. Even if things are better now, I would sacrifice everything I have to start over and just be able to experience life like a normal person.

Hi. I'm probably autistic in some ways myself. I say probably because getting a diagnosis as an adult doesn't seem to be A Thing That Happens in my local area of US, so hearing that someone else has gone through similar mental states and experiences is very validating. So, thanks for typing that out. It means a lot.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2019 18:16

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 12:35

Buried alive: Jun 8, 2009

Luneshot posted:

...

P.S. anybody else gotta bounce their leg? I don�t understand why but I just. I have to. I can�t sit perfectly still, I have to be bouncing my leg or picking at my skin or fiddling with something. It�s a very nonspecific, hard to describe, but extremely strong urge to keep at least some part of my body moving or occupied. I�m curious if others have this.

edit: less E/N

That sounds like it could be a form of stimming or a touch of obsessive-compulsive .. something. Not disorder, as that sounds more like a quirk than something that makes it difficult to live your life. As it's described here, at least. Anyway, short answer is yes. It's a known thing that presents itself in different ways. Hell, there's a whole industry of fidget toys to satisfy that urge.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2020 06:57

Buried alive: Jun 8, 2009

Organza Quiz posted:

I'm currently being assessed for ASD (probably a couple more sessions left) and I'm curious about how others think about time and the future and how that relates to enjoying routine and not liking changes of plans.

Before a psych started asking me a bunch of questions about my life, I wouldn't have said that I require routine or a schedule particularly. It's not something out of the list of autistic traits that I've particularly identified with. While thinking about it more though I realised I am actually pretty bad at dealing with sudden changes to my near future.

This has always felt logical though because I'm basically always thinking about the future and visualising events that I know will happen in the near future, and if I can't clearly picture how I think something will go then I get very nervous.

It was most obvious to me before I got my first tattoo - everything I read about the process was basically that it's super dependent on the person how it feels and how much it hurts and where hurts more than other places, and how it heals... so I basically felt like there was a huge blank zone in my mind's eye for the afternoon of the appointment and that really freaked me out. It was fine in the end though and now I kinda like the process because the healing goes through very defined, predictable stages that I'm familiar with now.

Anyway that means I don't deal well with sudden changes of plans because I've been imagining one future so clearly and all of a sudden I have to readjust to the new change of plans.

Does that sound familiar to anyone else? Do those of you who prefer routine prefer it for a different reason?

Rings super true with me. Sometimes it's okay because I have some other routine, or process, or whatever that I can switch to. When that's not available, though, cripes it's super upsetting.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2021 01:19

Buried alive: Jun 8, 2009

organburner posted:

It turns out when you don't know social interactions intuitively and you need to do them intellectually it becomes mentally exhausting.
I honestly don't know how well I've been at masking. I had customers make fun of me for being so deadpan all the time when I worked in a grocery store to the point I told one customer I had too much botox in my face to smile because I was just tired of this poo poo.

I'm at the point now where I oscillate between "I'm so starved for social interaction I gotta go do something" to "I'm too tired from social interactions, I need to nap for a week" and it kind of sucks because sometimes no one is available to hang out when I'm in the first stage. And hanging out online doesn't really fill that void (maybe vr chat does? I haven't tried that, don't got VR gear)
Wondering if it's possible to "drop" the mask somehow and just go "gently caress it, anyone with an issue with how I am naturally is not someone I want to hang out with" but that seems like a quick way to get fired as well.

Just wanted to comment on the above. VR chat does not require VR gear. There's a desktop mode. They also have groups you can join now which in theory will lead to people with similar interests. I haven't really tried them yet, so can't comment. They weren't a thing when I started. My method wound up being to find a social-ish game I was comfortable with (Magic freeze tag, in my case) and mostly just play that because it was fun and also allowed for little bits of socializing here and there. After doing it for long enough I started finding people who I kind of vibed with and became virtual friends with. Then you hang out in discord and see where things go. Not everyone stuck around. I left one group entirely. But I'm still with some of them.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2023 23:15

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about: Being an adult with autism! Or just autism in general.