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I’ve been contemplating writing a really long post about all of the features I have that make me wonder if I (and/or my family members) have autism in addition to ADHD, but I think I want to start with a question about alexithymia. Can anyone here explain what it’s like to have autism and to not have trouble with explaining/feeling emotions? Does that make sense to even explain? Google hasn’t been terribly helpful on this, because most autism content focuses on children who do have alexithymia. I’m finding myself doubting that I feel some emotions the “correct” way. My parents did a great job teaching me what appropriate positive reactions to certain things may look like. I mean, I’d get there eventually without help, but I had to experience a strong enough reaction to emote at all. I’m looking at self-diagnosis (or eliminating the diagnosis) on my own. I mask some qualities I have so heavily, no psych-anything has been willing to explore it with me. Still, I can’t stop thinking about how relatable the experiences my friends with ASD are. When I remove myself from the usual, popular framework of what autism is, it’s a whole lot of “ha ha same!” and “thought that was just me lmao.” Regardless of whatever I decide, I live somewhere in the neurodivergent world. ADHD is definite. The fact that I process the world differently from other people is uh… haunting! I’m tired of questioning myself.
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Jul 13, 2022 02:34
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| # ¿ May 21, 2024 23:02 |
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All really great thoughts. Thanks everyone! I might brain dump again soon. Double empathy theory resonates hard for me and might be the insight I needed to contextualize what I was saying. I’ve always felt like there’s a wall between myself and most people, where the things I want to talk about and care about and how I express that is a mile high. On the other side, there’s people I instantly understand and make tons of sense to me and vice-versa. There’s a lot to be said there about how I struggled to relate to other AFAB people growing up (and now) in a way that I couldn’t articulate, too. Many women have tried to speak to me in a language I understand intellectually but fail to reciprocate in a way that works for most people. Things are making more sense as I go. If I untangle the stereotypes presented in diagnostic tests and the media, then re-contextualize them to myself, I can see myself a bit better. For instance, I appreciate math, but I’ve always been a bigger fan of language/grammar. I use mimicry for general survival, but it mostly manifests in humor. Teachers that worked closely with me when I was young noticed that I loving love patterns and recognize them quickly. It’s not like these qualities mean I am, or are not, one or another thing. It just helps to pull them out and examine them.
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Jul 13, 2022 22:19
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My coworkers told me that I’m funny and, by association, cool. I literally have no idea how to take that. I’m not trying to be funny, so that’s startling! I’m pretty sure that’s good for me, but I hope that I’m not entertaining in a way that’s exclusive from “generally competent.” I’m also surprised to hear any positive feedback from people who mostly interact with me via Zoom, where I turn off my camera to fidget around the couch 50% of the time.
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Jul 15, 2022 16:17
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I have distinct memories of struggling to comprehend this “gender” stuff I was being told about as a kid. I knew that there were men/boys and women/girls, but I was unsatisfied with how the adults I spoke to about it defined them. Physical characteristics? Inconsistent. Behavior? Why would acting one way make you a boy or girl? Hobbies? My parents never put boundaries on what I was allowed to like as a “girl.” Eventually, I gave up and accepted the default. Those memories and more came back to me when I learned about non-binary genders as an adult. I wish I had known much earlier. My gender is ? and my pronouns are “whatever you think works for me.” I don’t plan on coming out of the closet for the vast majority of people I know any time soon, since I can stomach being labeled as cis by people… most of the time. It’s complicated. I generally believe that autistic people are probably not more likely to be trans/non-binary/GNC; however, we’re less attached to social norms that place us in binary gender roles. It’s hard to say without a study, but it’s not easy to study. 
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Jul 22, 2022 22:50
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All of this about deleting stuff, info dumping, relating to people through stories... same to all of it. ADHD meds help me break down that wall, but sometimes, I get embarrassed after the fact, even if the reaction to what I said/did was good.
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Jul 24, 2022 02:59
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If I could make a universe where salads were divided into grids of perfectly proportioned bites of lettuce and its toppings, I would. When I run out of a topping, the salad's dead to me. It's incomplete! There should have been one bit of cheese per bite!
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Aug 1, 2022 05:08
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Organza Quiz posted:The real diagnostic test is whether you get annoyed at the questions being badly worded/too open to interpretation!  I scored pretty drat high but have also been wondering if I "did it right" or "exaggerated."
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Aug 12, 2022 09:10
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It's difficult to say for sure. Anecdotally, I'm 99% sure my dad and my grandmother/his mom were/are autistic, too. I know my grandmother wouldn't have been diagnosed back in the day, and it's not going to happen now. My dad was assigned dozens of possible diagnoses in his life that may have been avoided if his problems were re-framed a little. I feel like I was invisible, and now I've become visible. I'm AFAB. I exhibited a ton of autistic traits as a kid, and it was treated as some combination of eccentric, smart, and tomboy-ish. As I've grown older, the more people I've known that have been diagnosed, the more I started to see myself. That's just me, of course, but it makes me skeptical of claims that there's been an increase in actual prevalence as opposed to recognition. Autism isn't a fixed set of traits, and people like me live in different parts of the spectrum as we know it. Edited for clarity
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Aug 16, 2022 04:18
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I used to answer honestly, but I learned that you shouldn't do that. I wish there was a better way to say to friends/people I like well enough, "How are you? No, like, for real. Like, without the filter."
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Aug 29, 2022 06:12
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I stim all the time by making spreadsheets sorting things I own
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Aug 31, 2022 01:53
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Part of the reason why I thought I may not be autistic is my handwriting, but it occurred to me that I was obsessed with perfecting my letterforms as a kid. I wouldn’t just mimic what I saw on the page. I “had to” copy it, line by line. I figured if the letterform wasn’t identical, it was incorrect. It wasn’t an anxious thing, but rather, I wanted my letters to be Correct. I had teachers tell me to loosen up. The same compulsion was quite useful for Hanzi in college. Of course, this standard was completely personal. I never thought “Everyone needs to have good handwriting,” so much as I knew I was capable of it with practice and therefore obligated to it. Normal!
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Sep 12, 2022 19:06
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My undergrad Japanese professor: “In Japan, people often converse without making eye contact and/or facing one another. Please practice this with a partner.” Me: “Unmask for a few minutes, got it”
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Jan 20, 2023 08:42
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Maybe I have/had hyperlexia… I was never evaluated for autism or related things as a kid. My autistic friends always described having poor handwriting growing up, but I was obsessed with writing “correctly” (i.e. copying characters from worksheets as precisely as possible). I read books constantly. I tested post-collegiate in reading level by 4th grade. As I’ve grown older, I haven’t put much stock into it, but it defined a lot of my childhood. I still get a lot of comfort out of reading… anything. I like forums because there’s tons of people chatting about any number of topics. Articles and conversations are great. Additionally, I. Love. Typography. When I was introduced to typography as a field, I latched on and have never stopped engaging with it. Words are cool. Grammar is cool. Letters are cool. Languages are cool!
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Jan 24, 2023 05:48
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It’s occurring to me as I read this conversation that I simply don’t have close, non-ND friends. I think I’ve had a conversation with all of my friends at some point along the lines of “drat eye contact’s difficult” and received a chorus of “god right holy poo poo.” I should probably branch out more.  Until I make a new, eye contact-making friend, I’ll continue to practice in job interviews and other places I feel it may be socially polite to do so. It burns, but I try!
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Jun 8, 2023 07:52
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I don’t have children, but I could and am a good age for it. I love and care for kids, but I doubt we‘ll have or adopt kids unless we feel stable financially and mentally—that is, we can afford whatever they need and we’re prepared to take on the responsibility. In a theoretical world where we had a child, I’d worry that I couldn’t contribute what I’d need to when I need to, especially during my low energy phases. I get overwhelmed by high energy folks in general. I’d want to bring my best to parenting but I struggle to imagine a scenario where I’m happy with how I’m doing. I barely have the energy to care for myself and our pets some days. I’m curious if anyone with kids here experienced similar feelings and how it’s going now! I wonder if I’m overthinking it. The thing I hear is usually that you’ll never feel prepared enough but it’s always a beautiful thing… but uh, I have mental health things going on.
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Jun 18, 2023 21:51
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It’s honestly a relief to read everyone’s thoughts here on having/raising kids. Even if my concerns and fears end up unfounded in some sort of future situation, I know I’m not the only person who’s reflected on it. I still feel like an autism poser half the time without a formal diagnosis, but I relate extremely hard to the posts in this thread.
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Jun 20, 2023 09:46
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| # ¿ May 21, 2024 23:02 |
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I’ve been in and out of dozens of physiological events (illness, surgery, hormone flux, etc.) that have affected my digestion. Anecdotally/personally, my mood is heavily affected by the state of my entire digestive process—and not just in the conscious and anxious way. I’ll go a few days feeling unhinged for “no reason,” then only after develop visible symptoms of a virus. This isn’t to discount the fact that high stress absolutely destroys my intestines, too. It sucks! Probiotics haven’t helped, but muscle relaxants and NSAIDs do (for me, not recommended for everyone for good reason). 95% of the body’s serotonin is produced in the intestine, according to a source cited by the NIH. IANAD and never will be, but my dad and I both dealt digestive issues of varying types. We were also the most neurodivergent and chronically depressed people in the family. In conclusion: I totally do, and it seems a lot of other autistic people do, too. I’ve tested for allergies but it seems it’s just me being weirdly built. Like Kalsco said: Kalsco posted:Gastrointestinal issues are pretty common (relative) for ND folks. Indigestion, irritation, etc. Also immunological stuff too. I get both!!
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Jan 13, 2024 22:41
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