Ask me about: Being an adult with autism! Or just autism in general.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about: Being an adult with autism! Or just autism in general.

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Is getting really anxious when you can't find something a particularly autistic thing? Merely a neurotic thing? Maybe everyone is like this?

# ¿ Jan 31, 2022 17:37

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 14:28

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Thanks for posting that quote about self diagnosis from UWAC, Quorum. I'd been feeling a little like a fraud since I self diagnosed at 37 so it's good to hear that I'm probably not wrong.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2022 07:14

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Speaking of dating, I watched this episode of the Swedish version of First Date last night and one of the guys on it was autistic. Like, I could tell within about two seconds he was autistic.

He doesn't try to mask it with his date, and speaks openly about being autistic to her. It also helps that they have shared interests (choir singing, because of course, it's in Sweden) and they can geek out on that. It went well and they seemed to still be seeing each other afterwards. Heartwarming stuff.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2022 10:29

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

TIP posted:

Also just wanna say I appreciate that this thread is a place where I can ask a question like that and get people saying they relate and offering genuine advice.

You're all very nice and having a spot to talk through these types of thoughts is great.

Same here.

How do yous feel when your workplace encourages you to "be yourself"? The idea is that this will increase psychological safety but to me it feels the complete opposite: if I was actually myself experience tells me it would Not Go Well.

I can't even bring up this meta-issue because I assume people will infer I'm some kind of bigot who dares not air their terrible opinions in public.

# ¿ Jul 15, 2022 09:54

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Speaking of blurting out nonsense, the latest entry in my "list of fictional characters you now realise are probably on the spectrum" is Roger Irrelevant from the Viz.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2022 07:04

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

TIP posted:

Also, I'm very happy to treat my ADHD and if there was a pill I could take that eased my autism and made it easier for me to relate to NT people I'd happily try it.

There is, it's called MDMA. Not something you can use every day though, to put it mildly.

Edit: to clarify, with MDMA I found it effortless to understand how people felt, how they were reacting and would react to things I said or did, in a way that is totally out of reach for me sober.

for fucks sake fucked around with this message at 13:05 on Jul 30, 2022

# ¿ Jul 30, 2022 12:41

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

TIP posted:

He was a guest on an episode of Harmontown where he talks about the book:
https://www.harmontown.com/2015/09/episode-163-neurotitties/

Haven't listened to this ep in a while but I remember him being a good guest.

That was a great episode. Going to go read NeuroTribes now!

# ¿ Jul 31, 2022 13:08

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:

I have like thirty shirts but I only wear four because the others feel bad

When I was little my parents thought I had "sensitive skin". I'm not sure it was a physical thing now, as certain fabric textures can drive me mad.

# ¿ Aug 1, 2022 06:41

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Violet_Sky posted:

I posted this in a different thread, but I feel I ought to ask it here:

Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel like lately I have had to undo years of lovely lessons I've learned as a kid/teenager to make actual progress in my life. Lessons like "Please don't voice your neurodivergent problems. There could always be something worse happening."

Yeah I got taught this lesson by teachers/aides in school. It certainly didn't leave me unable to say my true feelings and years of internal grief!

That sucks.

I had a similar experience in primary school. Whenever I got extremely frustrated or overwhelmed I would, in retrospect, have a typical autistic shutdown. This was dismissed by my parents and teachers as me being "huffy". It got to the point where my primary school teacher would bully me, and encourage the rest of the class to bully me, by referring to other children having a shutdown or going in a huff as "doing a [ffs]*".

Looking back on this now that I'm aware of my autism, this seems much more hosed up than it did at the time.

* insert my real name

Cloacamazing! posted:

Not sure if that's what you meant by it, but the "no passion about anything" makes me think about how I'm always holding back about things I'm interested in. One of the things my doctor wrote down on the not autistic side of things for me was that I don't have any weird interests, and I don't constantly talk about the things that I am interested in. I told her I don't talk about those things because I know nobody cares, but I'm not sure if that made sense to her. I've always felt that as soon as my interest about something passed a certain point, I was not allowed to show it, because nobody wanted to hear it. So I've spent most of my life not having much interest in things I'm interested in. I kind of block the interest? Being slightly interested in something, but not taking it serious at all is what seems safe to me. I would like to get rid of that at least. People do tell me that I'm a different person when I (forget that I'm not allowed to) talk about things I'm interested in, and at least on a casual basis they seem to like that. Probably not if I did it all the time.

I think that's where the trope of autists having few, close friends comes from. I only want to talk about stuff I'm actually interested in, so I seek out people who are comfortable with me doing that. They're few and far between, so I cling on to them when I find them.

for fucks sake fucked around with this message at 10:15 on Aug 4, 2022

# ¿ Aug 4, 2022 10:13

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

I just heard someone, presumably NT, explain what autistic people are allowed to use their condition as an "excuse" for.

Is it just me or is this a very lovely thing to say?

# ¿ Aug 6, 2022 15:50

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

imperiusdamian posted:

Also a lot of peoples' conversations are just infernally BORING and 90% of the time I'm just making non-committal noises as a way to NOT say "Shut the everliving gently caress up and talk about something INTERESTING for once!"

That feeling when you're at a social event, and there's one or two people who are interested in The Things You Are Deeply Interested In, but you can't talk to them about it because the normal people will start complaining.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2022 09:56

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

I feel like it might stem from insecurity.

"Oh, they're talking about something I know nothing about, how embarassing. Additionally, I have zero curiosity about this subject. Let's steer it back to something comfortable for me."

# ¿ Aug 11, 2022 12:04

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

broken pixel posted:

I scored pretty drat high but have also been wondering if I "did it right" or "exaggerated."

There's a little disclaimer on the site that says

quote:

The test has good reliability when self-administered, but this can drop down to 30% when clinicians administer it, depending on their understanding of autism

Which makes it seem like self-administration is preferred. I got 143 btw which was both higher than I expected and also totally in-line with every other self-diagnosis test I've taken online.

Organza Quiz posted:

One of the things that really made everything fall into place for me was a twitter thread pointing out that constantly noticing puns and double meanings was an autism thing, it's the same brainthing as taking everything too literally except you aren't literally taking it too literally, your brain is just catching on the other meanings even if you do know intellectually which one is the one that they meant in the situation.

Maybe this is why one of my all-time favourite english phrases is "Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana". Do you have a link to the thread?

# ¿ Aug 12, 2022 10:44

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Bobby Deluxe posted:

I hear people nowadays saying there are problems with it (I haven't read it recently), but The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime was lauded when it came out because the main character is an autistic boy. I don't remember if it's from his perspective but it was for its time pretty well done.

E: It certainly helped give a lot of people more of a 'non rain man' view of what autism is.

I read that fairly recently and I really enjoyed it.

I've also heard good things about Temple Grandin's books. Haven't read any yet but they're on the to-read list after finishing NeuroTribes (review incoming).

# ¿ Aug 13, 2022 11:19

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

ultrafilter posted:

Those are generally the standards but some of them are old and don't reflect current thinking.

Yeah in NeuroTribes they mentioned that in her first book she talks about "recovering" from autism. At that time people were still pretty convinced a "cure" would be found.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2022 20:15

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:

I feel like the entire comments are just full of people saying it's all diagnosis, but I don't think that's really the whole story?

I just finished NeuroTribes and they make the case quite strongly that it is increased diagnosis. They track changes to the DSM and increased awareness and training with spikes in incidence rate.

The researchers who were responsible for the widening of the definitions in the DSM predicted this outcome, but no one listened to them at the time.

Edit: also the hereditary aspect is boosted by both autists having an easier time dating with the Internet, and being more likely to find other autists to reproduce with. Not sure what the size of the effect is here though.

for fucks sake fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Aug 15, 2022

# ¿ Aug 15, 2022 19:33

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

That, and they would frequently be institutionalised, meaning they would never grow up to be higher functioning adults.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2022 09:47

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Not only is my handwriting terrible, I don't even hold a pen the normal way.

My work is moving to this dreadful hotdesk system where you have to book your desk in advance. During the presentation a bunch of people were being Cool Dudes on slack bragging about how they're going to ignore the booking system and keep all the desks near them for just their team.

I wasn't really planning on going back to the office but I'm sure as gently caress not now if I can't even be sure I'll get the desk I booked.

# ¿ Sep 15, 2022 19:48

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Went up to a guy I work with the other day and was like "I'm autistic, are you?". Turns out he was going for his assessment that very week and got his diagnosis yesterday.

It's making me re-think getting a diagnosis. It might help me advocate for my needs in future if I switch jobs and find myself somewhere less enlightened than where I am now. Anyone else on the fence about this, or thought about it for a while then come down strongly one way or the other?

# ¿ Oct 11, 2022 14:39

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Quaint Quail Quilt posted:

I've seen some evidence that toe to heel walking was natural during medieval times and only fixed sole shoes and boots are making people heel focused.

It's hard to do in work boots, but I tend to walk that way barefoot for sure. I wouldn't stop just because most people today don't.

As far as I understand, landing on your heel when walking is totally natural, and it's the reason we have big fatty pads on our heels. The thing that shoes messed up is running, where you definitely do want to land on your mid- or forefoot (try heel-striking while running barefoot it is not comfortable at all).

# ¿ Jan 20, 2023 16:49

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Violet_Sky posted:

Anyone have any tips on emotional regulation? I find Twitter and other social media to a lesser extent seem to trigger anger and hurt over some stupid drama. Yes I know the answer is stop going on Twitter but as a creative person I kinda need social media unfortunately. I find CBD helps but others may not live in weed legal places or don't wanna try it.

I only post art and follow artists on twitter. If someone retweets non-art stuff but otherwise posts nice art, I turn off retweets. If they consistently post non-art stuff I unfollow them. My feed is drama-free and full of nice art.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2023 21:40

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

organburner posted:

It very much is, while you can argue there's no hard rules I guess (I'm not really a musician) there are at least guidelines when it comes to composing.
Music can also be very mathematical. I can't really properly expand on this because I'm not that knowledgeable about this stuff anymore (Studied some technical aspects in school but forgot)

The rules are descriptive rather than prescriptive, like a dictionary, so in that sense they're not "hard", as they're derived from observing things-musicians-do. And yeah there's a lot of maths in music if you want to see it through that lens, from tuning theory to stuff like the tonnetz.

On fine-motor-control chat, maybe that's why I much prefer playing bass to guitar. Even a big wide classical guitar neck feels cramped to me.

# ¿ Feb 18, 2023 19:47

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Engineer Lenk posted:

ANC makes me really motion sick for some reason and noise isolating headphones aren�t nearly as popular.

I used to use in-ear headphones with flanged earbuds I bought separately. Jam these right into your ear canal and the noise isolation is really good.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2023 09:48

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

HopperUK posted:

I just had a full sense memory of how much I liked to bite sponges.

# ¿ Jun 3, 2023 23:11

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

bagmonkey posted:

There's a huge misunderstanding that Autistic people aren't empathetic, the problem is that we're generally over-empathetic and express it in ways that are very different from the norm.

One example for me recently was loud, thoughtless extroverts talking in that extremely unnecessarily loud way in an office right next to some people working while we waited for a meeting room to be available. Their voices were like physical pain because I knew if I was in the situation of the people trying to work through that I would just be pumped full of adrenaline and wishing they would shut the gently caress up.

Since I lack the ability to diplomatically tell people to shut up I just had to walk away (I could still hear them at the other side of the office a good 20m away) and come back when the room was available.

# ¿ Jun 5, 2023 21:32

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Bobby Deluxe posted:

I'm pretty sure there's some jealousy packed in there as well, given that I expend so much effort trying to be considerate, put others first, think about others needs and not ne selfish; and yet these complete arseholes are somehow able to live their lives carefree and with none of that bullshit.

I think somewhere deep down at its core the people pleasing is related to RSD and not wanting people to hate me or get mad at me, so I pre-emptively try to put other people's comfort first the only way I can, which is to think "what would I feel / want / think in their situation."

It's interesting that I always assume that loud people are ruining everyone's time though, when the reality is that neurotypical people generally don't seem particularly bothered and it's just me who's distracted to the point of rage.

And there's one of the big problems. Trying to put myself in their situation fundamentally doesn't work, because what I would feel / want / think is completely different to what an allistic person would.

Double empathy strikes again!

You totally nailed it, I didn't think about it in terms of the double empathy problem before but that's exactly why it's so frustrating.

# ¿ Jun 6, 2023 18:37

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Bobby Deluxe posted:

How would people feel about a new thread / relocation & renaming of this thread to E/N?

Makes sense to me, love the literalistic thread title.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2023 17:24

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

e.pilot posted:

can we somehow make a paragraph the thread title

# ¿ Jul 5, 2023 08:07

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

The only time I laughed at BBT was at the version where the laugh track had been replaced by extremely loud screaming.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2023 08:06

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

TIP posted:

I think being averse to lying is a pretty common autistic trait

I'm going through an internal transfer process at work, and I was really hoping no one would ask "why do you want to change?" because, as much as I try to put a diplomatic spin on it, I cannot bullshit or lie about my reasons. I guess one of the real intentions behind a question like that is to check how good you are at politics.

# ¿ Nov 26, 2023 10:00

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

Cloacamazing! posted:

If your main reason for transfering isn't suitable, do you maybe have a lesser reason? For example if it's mostly that your boss sucks, but you could also say without lying that the new job sounds more interesting/challenging/suited to your interests than the previous one, you can just talk about that and elaborate on why you think so. I find that works pretty well in job interviews.

I think it actually is a good reason, and the person I was talking to seemed to confirm that it made sense, and I was able to make a bunch of positive points about why I was a good fit for the new role. I was mostly kicking myself for just hoping no one would ask instead of preparing an answer that wasn't a lie but also wasn't political.

Just read that interview about lying TIP posted, it's really good.

# ¿ Nov 26, 2023 10:21

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 14:28

for fucks sake: Jan 23, 2016

The Doctor posted:

...have strict rules about what is the right way and the wrong way to prepare something and eat it, etc.

When I was young I used to eat my cereal making sure that any on the sides was brought down and mixed into the milk. My brother ate from one side to the other and let the milk pool at the bottom with a pile of dry cereal on the side.

Used to drive me insane.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2024 17:05

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about: Being an adult with autism! Or just autism in general.