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Those of you who discovered you were autistic as adults, how open about it are you? Do you tell old friends? New friends? Family? People you're dating? I haven't been officially diagnosed but based on my research and some tests that I've taken I feel like I'm very very likely to be autistic but I'm not sure how open about it I would be if it was confirmed. Researching autism was very eye-opening to me about how wrong the public perceptions of it are. Telling people you're autistic should be a positive thing that helps them better understand you but now I feel like it will instead just put a bunch of wrong ideas about me into their head. One of my closest friends is a generally sweet, smart, kind, and progressive guy but I once mentioned that I liked a friend of his and he warned me, "You probably don't want to date her, she's autistic." That kinda thing makes me nervous because most people are probably much worse and I don't want to be treated that way. So far the only people I've talked to about it are my mom and dad. I told them each separately that I think I might be autistic. I was hoping for some feedback that might help but they both said basically the same thing, that they think they might be autistic too. 
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Jul 3, 2022 04:13
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I appreciate all the responses to my question about how open you are with your autism diagnosis. A lot of what people says echoed with my own thoughts on the matter, especially the stuff about not wanting to tell people because they can use it to abuse you or think you're an easy mark. Honestly that's one of my biggest fears in intimate relationships. Before even suspecting autism in myself I was already very aware of many of my limitations and sensitivities and tried just openly expressing them to people I dated. This was a mistake in many instances, seems like I just taught them how to manipulate me and hurt me most effectively. It's pretty hard to not tell them though, both because it naturally comes up during conflicts and because I just really hate keeping anything a secret and I want to put all my cards on the table immediately. The best solution is, of course, to stop dating lovely people, but some of them are really good at hiding it for a while!
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Jul 3, 2022 21:08
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Quorum posted:Regarding a formal diagnosis, there's really no medication or therapy that's broadly useful but requires a diagnosis to access (unlike, say, stimulant medications for ADHD). You may find value in seeking a professional evaluation for other reasons, such as personal satisfaction or to access legal supports and accommodations under the ADA, but if not, there's no real reason to go spend the money. Here's a PDF from the University of Washington Autism Center that's aimed at folks in your situation, although some of the resources it lists are Seattle-specific. As it notes: Everything I've read about self-diagnosis from the autism community has been incredibly accepting, but I think the general neurotypical world is still like, "Oh, so you diagnosed yourself from a test on the internet?  You don't seem autistic to me."I have taken every test I can find and I score somewhere between "very likely autistic" to "holy poo poo look how autistic this guy is" and I heavily relate to almost everything I read about it but I still feel reluctant to just decide I'm autistic. Somehow deep down it feels like stolen valor to claim autism without a formal diagnosis, even though I'm pretty sure if a doctor told me I wasn't autistic I'd call bullshit and seek another opinion. I feel silly for feeling so conflicted though, who would want to lie about having autism? It would be a very odd way to seek attention.
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Jul 8, 2022 20:17
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Pththya-lyi posted:speaking as a childhood-diagnosed autistic: self-diagnosis is valid, gently caress the haters yeah, I'm very pro self diagnosis, but it's still a tough mental hurdle to take myself from "I think I'm autistic" to "I'm autistic" gently caress it I'm autistic
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Jul 8, 2022 20:31
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Stoca Zola posted:TIP I felt the same way until on reflection, it became more obvious that some of my family members (going back at least 2 generations) were also very likely autistic. The only people in real life I've mentioned it to are my parents. I was expecting them to either say "I don't think you're autistic" or "we thought you might be autistic" but I got neither, instead both of them just told me that they have long wondered if they themselves were autistic. Stoca Zola posted:We're not all faking, we're just unfortunately ahead of the available diagnosis techniques. Yeah, I think autism diagnosis changed a lot after I had already passed the age where most people are diagnosed. Asperger's didn't exist and they weren't really looking for signs of what's now called level 1 autism. TIP fucked around with this message at 21:05 on Jul 8, 2022 |
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Jul 8, 2022 20:48
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Cloacamazing! posted:I'm not entirely sure if I have trouble articulating my feelings or just articulating them in a way that makes sense to others. My usual experience there is something along the lines of "I feel angry" "You don't seem angry". It doesn't help that I have this delay between the situation that makes me feel anger and the point where I actually get angry. I read someone say that most descriptions of autism are based on neurotypical observations of the autistic, and mostly center around the ways they find us annoying or disruptive. So I think "can't articulate their feelings" might very well be "I don't understand the way they describe their feelings" or even "I don't believe the way they describe their feelings". I always know what I'm feeling, but other people will argue about it with me and insist that they can tell I'm actually feeling a different way. This is especially frustrating when they insist that I'm mad, because if they insist long enough I will get mad about not being listened to or believed (which is then taken as proof I was mad all along). On the other hand I don't always know why I feel a certain way, and in those circumstances I want time to process it before talking about it and that also drives neurotypical people crazy. "JUST TELL ME WHY YOU'RE UPSET!" is in no way helpful to me reaching a state where I can actually tell you why I'm upset. So in those situations I've learned to deflect and hide what I'm feeling so that I can get the time and space I need to work through it. Which I imagine might look like I don't know what I'm feeling or I can't articulate it. Edit: just to be clear I'm not saying there are no autistic people who have issues with describing their feelings or knowing what they're feeling, obviously there's a wide range of experiences and many many ways to be autistic and I'm only drawing from my own experiences here TIP fucked around with this message at 06:47 on Jul 13, 2022 |
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Jul 13, 2022 06:38
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Bobby Deluxe posted:I sometimes feel like neurotypical people are just listening out for key words or phrases, and then once they hear one (even if it's not really the point of the sentence) they're not really listening because from that point on most of their thought process is going into a reply. I'm guessing this is also part of the thing where they mix up their words and say something completely ambiguous or confusing and when I ask for clarification they say "You knew what I meant!" and I have to say "I still don't know what you meant" and then they get mad. And I'm the one with emotional dysregulation and a problem communicating? 
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Jul 13, 2022 11:00
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Organza Quiz posted:The keyword for that is the double empathy theory! It was a really useful thing for me to be able to frame it like that from the start - autistic people are not bad at communicating, we just have what is essentially a cultural difference with non-autistic people. All this talk of autistic to autistic communication took me back to a thought I've had a bunch, which is I wonder if dating someone autistic would be better for me. I've had so many frustrating communication issues with girlfriends who won't accept that the words I say are more important than their interpretation of my tone and body language. I discovered there's a dating app called Hiki (I really hate that name) and it's been kinda interesting to set up a profile and look through the autistic singles in my area. I recognize some people from other dating apps and it's pretty interesting to see what they're like going fully unmasked on Hiki. The profile is almost entirely filling out little prompts, one of them is what's your favorite stim.  One of them is what superpower you'd like, unsurprisingly most people pick invisibility.
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Jul 13, 2022 21:49
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Bobby Deluxe posted:I was so loving lucky to meet my wife through university, luckier still that she liked me enough to pursue me despite me being in full social defence mode all of the time. Honest to god she invited me over hers one night and offered to cook for me, and I was so thrown I tried to make an excuse about it being curry night and tried to back out. My first girlfriend had to come on INCREDIBLY strong, I was so loving hopeless at taking the hint. At one point before we were dating I dropped my keys and she grabbed them and was like "You dropped these!" and then put them in my pocket for me, deep in my pocket. At that point I thought "she might like me". I'd like to think I've gotten better but even when I recognize someone likes me it's really hard for me to feel confident making the first move. My last girlfriend offered to give me a tour of her apartment on our second date and after I politely walked around her apartment with her she eventually just said, "When a girl invites you into her place on a date KISS HER". OHHHHHH. Not sure if this will be better worse or with an autistic woman. I also wonder if this is introducing a selection bias into my dating where I end up in relationships with only the most aggressive people, who might not actually be the best match for me.
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Jul 13, 2022 22:40
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Pththya-lyi posted:I didn't watch a lot of Love on the Spectrum, but it was annoying how they taught autistic people how to act like neurotypicals on a date, then paired them up with other autistic people. Way to shoot them in the foot! Now I want to watch this. 
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Jul 13, 2022 22:52
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Bobby Deluxe posted:That sounds cool, if you live in an area populous enough to have a decent dating pool, let alone a dating pool of autistic people. I remember trying internet dating back in the early 2010s in my university town and it just being the same 4 or 5 faces week after week. update: I'm in a major city and there turned out to be approximately 2 dozen women between the ages of 28 and 42 on Hiki. I swiped right on a few but with no indication as to the last time they logged on I'm not exactly holding my breath
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Jul 14, 2022 02:48
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Fuschia tude posted:Yeah it's tricky, some of those QTEs have really tight timings Even just direct questions sometimes.  I've had someone ask me a question, then while I'm processing they're like "just the fact that you needed to think about it is all the answer I need". No, it really really isn't. 
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Jul 14, 2022 20:23
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HopperUK posted:Oh drat this is very familiar. This is second only to the ADHD-related 'If it were really important to you, you would have remembered' thing for bringing up horrid memories. girl dick energy posted:Big same, though I've already known for some time. Just didn't think to look for a thread. Welcome to my ADHD/ASD buds! This is a good thread. 
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Jul 15, 2022 01:15
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girl dick energy posted:Actually, I do have a question. Usually, when someone says I don't 'seem autistic', it feels like both a victory and a defeat. A victory because I'm getting a good grade in Acting Neurotypical, but a defeat because it's always with this undercurrent of 'you don't match my stereotype of autistic people, maybe you're not actually autistic'. It's very frustrating. When I realized I was autistic the biggest revelation was just how misinformed I was about autism. Up to that point I hadn't even considered I might be autistic because (at least in the US) the cultural understanding of what that means is way off base. So yeah, I'd say that's a very normal frustration for autistic people when they reveal it to people. Honestly I haven't told anyone but my parents at this point IRL and they both responded by telling me they think they're autistic, so I'm mainly basing this off other people's experiences and my own conjecture. I have been thinking about what people I feel comfortable revealing my autism to and how I'd handle that type of response. Based on my own recent ignorance I'd be inclined to start a discussion with them about the misconceptions surrounding autism and how it is often an invisible condition because of masking. I'd probably also explain that the condition being invisible doesn't mean it's easy.
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Jul 15, 2022 01:29
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Kesper North posted:I haven't been to see a doctor since the last time one told me I couldn't possibly be autistic, but I might be "on the spectrum" I half expected the doctor to say "touché".
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Jul 15, 2022 05:50
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Kesper North posted:Alas no, but they rolled over completely at that point lol Wow, those stories don't usually have a happy ending. Nice.
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Jul 15, 2022 05:53
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I think I need to work on how to take a compliment. I used to reflexively return the same compliment, but that doesn't really work in every situation and even when it's true it seems fake. Now I try to just say thank you but it's hard for me to not shove in some compliment of my own to balance things out, but I think that also often feels fake and sometimes I feel like it might even be insulting? Like a friend of mine just said "I think you're hilarious" and my response was "Thanks, I always really enjoy talking to you". Later he made a self deprecating comment about his bad jokes and now I feel like he thinks my response was because I don't think he's funny. I'm probably overthinking this (I do that), but I'm curious if any of you have any strategies for taking compliments? One other thing I sometimes catch myself doing is just agreeing with the compliment when it's something I'm really confident about, and I know that's a bad look.
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Jul 15, 2022 07:04
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Organza Quiz posted:All you need to say is "thanks!" really. Or maybe like, "Thanks, that's very nice of you." Ideally with a nice smile to show that you're happy they said something nice to you. You don't need to also compliment them or explain things or deflect. Well, like I was saying, that's what I'm struggling to do but in some situations it feels... complicated, and halfway through I start second-guessing myself. Like in my example, if it was someone I had just met that night it would be pretty easy for me to just say thanks but when it's someone I've known for a while I start overthinking and second guessing. As I was saying thank you I'm thinking "Should I return the compliment? Is he hilarious too? Can I think of a time he made me laugh? Maybe I should just say "I think you're funny too" but wait, that's a downgrade on what he said, is it gonna sound like I'm saying I'm funnier than him? I do really enjoy talking with him, that's a nice and true thing to say. I guess the solution is probably to train myself to nip that in the bud and just force myself to stick to "thank you that's very nice", but in some situations it just feels so wrong in the moment.
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Jul 15, 2022 07:45
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Also just wanna say I appreciate that this thread is a place where I can ask a question like that and get people saying they relate and offering genuine advice. You're all very nice and having a spot to talk through these types of thoughts is great.
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Jul 15, 2022 07:55
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I have a first date tonight, so time to spend all day anxiously overthinking every aspect of it while getting nothing done. And no, it's not with someone from that autistic dating app that only had a couple dozen people on it, so she's probably NT. At what point in dating do you reveal your autism? I feel like that should probably be like a third date thing. Seems too complicated with too many misconceptions to do it on the first date without scaring them off. Of course if she were to say she's autistic I would immediately blurt out "OH GOD ME TOO" and feel fine about it. Edit: I think I previously posted a similar question but it's very much on my mind at the moment. I'd also be interested to hear anyone's thoughts or experiences with dating in general. Personally I loving hate it and wish I could just skip straight to finding someone I connect with. Feels like I always have to go on a hundred first dates before I find someone on my wavelength. TIP fucked around with this message at 21:04 on Jul 15, 2022 |
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Jul 15, 2022 19:57
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Car Hater posted:*Suddenly flashing back to a time someone complimented my dick* Kesper North posted:"thanks but it was really [gives credit to literally anyone else]"
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Jul 15, 2022 23:13
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girl dick energy posted:"Thanks, you made it that way." 
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Jul 16, 2022 08:21
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Dance Officer posted:How do others here experience being in love with someone, and how often does it happen to you? I have trouble finding people I connect to, but when I do it seems like the connection is almost instant for both of us and I'm very quickly head over heels in love and spending all my free time with them. When that happens I do my best to bite my tongue and keep from blurting out "I love you" too early, although my track record there seems to be good because it's always been reciprocated. As far as people loving me but I don't love them, I did have that happen in a relationship once and it was difficult. She wasn't really my type, I enjoyed spending time with her but I wasn't especially attracted to her and I definitely wasn't head over heels. I was purposely trying to date differently in the hopes that maybe things would go better if I gave things a chance to slowly grow, but then she said "I love you" like a month in and really threw a wrench in the whole thing. I could not bring myself to return the sentiment and it was very awkward as I sat there processing it for way too long before eventually saying something along the lines of "I like you a lot, but I'm not there yet." She cried a lot and was angry and hurt but we continued dating and eventually I gave in to the pressure and said I loved her, thinking "I do like her a lot... maybe I do love her? If I don't I probably will eventually right?" (wrong) Not long after that I realized this was all bad and tried to break up but got emotionally manipulated into staying together. I had the break up talk with her 3 or 4 times before I managed to make it stick. I have since gotten better at recognizing when I'm just not feeling it and I get the gently caress out ASAP. I was very proud of myself for not just saying "ok" when the last woman I dated asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend a month in. When I was younger I definitely would have said yes and had a terrible time with her for like a year despite seeing all the red flags early on.
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Jul 16, 2022 17:38
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FilthyImp posted:Middle school was pretty stressful due to that poo poo This reminds me that in school there were a few girls I had no interest in who were way too interested in me. I did not handle it gracefully, my avoidant tendencies came out and I literally ran away and hid from them. They generally didn't take the hint so it would go on for months. In high school I managed to only ask out girls that had no interest in me while missing obvious signs of interest from some that I had crushes on. There was one girl I was infatuated with who started sitting next to me on the school bus every day. After a couple weeks of our daily chats she told me I was cute and my internal reaction was "wow, she's really friendly".  Before learning more about autism I thought I was just an idiot.
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Jul 16, 2022 20:11
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Honestly I love being in a relationship and I get great satisfaction out of doing things for my partner and keeping them happy. I think it genuinely makes me a better person and it's easier for me to stay on top of my responsibilities when my actions affect someone else. As long as they're supportive and understanding about my unique needs I'm more emotionally stable and happy than I am on my own. I just absolutely hate the process of dating, especially now that most dating app profiles consist of 3 pictures and two sentences if you're lucky. It's impossible to get any sense of the person so I'm reduced to choosing based on "I find her attractive and she doesn't appear to be a nazi or someone who believes in magic". When I do match with someone I'm immediately thinking "Do I have it in me to come up with a good first message AND THEN make it through the small talk AND THEN go through the whole dance of figuring out a place and a date and a time AND THEN go on this date where there's a 98% chance we won't connect at all?" It's loving exhausting. Wish there was some way to skip straight to meeting someone who's perfect for me. Once I'm actually on a date with the right person it's so easy.
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Jul 17, 2022 01:30
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Violet_Sky posted:I feel you buddy. In fact on bumble I put LGBTQ+ ally and black lives matter tags on my profile to say "gently caress off CHUDs". But dating is hard and confusing and I'm not sure if I'm long term relationship material for physical disability reasons as well. I just want someone who will hug me when I'm sad. Fictional characters can't do that yet. Yeah, I purposely put in as much stuff to scare em off as I can and I also only swipe right on people who list their politics. Have managed to avoid dating a nazi but I have dated some more subtly terrible people. I really hope you find what you're looking for. I don't know your specific struggles but I've seen people with all kinds of disabilities and issues find love. Even if you find that actively pursuing it is too much for you right now that doesn't mean you have to close your heart to the possibility. I have rewritten that a ridiculous number of times trying to get it right and I still don't like it, sounds I dunno, too opinionated? It's hard to verbalize exactly what I don't like about it, last draft sounded like I was trying to tell you what to do... It's honestly made me half an hour late to bed and I almost just deleted the whole thing but I stopped myself because I really do want to leave you a nice supportive message. So I'm sorry but you're just gonna have to take this one as is.
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Jul 17, 2022 09:32
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Violet_Sky posted:Yeah thats cool. I got what you were saying. It's just that I agree with you about having to go through this song and dance when pretty much nothing will happen. As pathetic as it sounds, I find myself ""attracted"" (in a VERY loose way) to fictional characters because they're not as complex socially as people IRL. Their motivations and likes and dislikes are right there without the need for social bullshit. (No I don't have a pillow for a husbando or anything cringe like that. This seems to be one of those things that only ND people will get.) I definitely understand and I don't think it sounds pathetic, I've had character crushes along with crushes on people I only know through things like podcasts. Not sure if that's exclusive to the ND though, feel like I've heard many people talk about falling for characters in shows (although I guess they might have been autistic).
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Jul 17, 2022 23:33
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HopperUK posted:There's nothing particularly weird in just finding a fictional character attractive. I mean, they're built to be attractive in some ways, to make you want to watch them, and often played by hot people. It's just that it can go to really weird places if you get too wrapped up in it. A bit like crushing on a real person you don't know very well, I suppose. Like there's a gap between 'oh, cute coffee shop guy, yay, I like to see him' and 'stalker'. I mean there's also a pretty big gap between daydreaming about marrying the coffee shop guy and stalking him. As long as you aren't acting out in bad ways I think it's all pretty harmless.
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Jul 18, 2022 00:00
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ChrisBTY posted:Yup that sounds real drat familiar. When I'm trying to do something that's very difficult people reassure my by saying, "I know you can do this!" when what I really need to hear is, "It's ok if you can't do this!"
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Jul 18, 2022 20:25
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Violet_Sky posted:My problem is I don't know when I'm in a relationship. In public school it used to be slightly easier because holding hands/kissing meant you were a couple. Now it's a lot more complicated. I almost have to ask but I don't want to look like a complete idiot. You won't look like an idiot. Honestly dating is finally catching up to the autistic community. Now it's generally assumed you aren't in an exclusive relationship unless you literally ask the person, "Would you like this to be exclusive?" and they say "Yes." And it's starting to be agreed that it's a good thing to ask for verbal consent before making any kind of new physical contact with the person. So it's finally ok to say, "Can I kiss you?" and people will think "I appreciate that they care about consent!" instead of "Why doesn't this weirdo just understand my non-verbal cues that are saying to kiss me?" This is all great news for me.
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Jul 19, 2022 02:38
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One positive of realizing I'm autistic: I've stopped fighting my stims. I've spent years trying to stop them, feeling like I was going crazy every time I started doing some weird thing even when I was totally alone. Now that I understand the impulse I realize how good they are. I spent all day on a very chaotic film set and after a few hours of sensory overload it was really wearing me down, then I realized I should stim! Just quietly patting my leg really helped me calm my brain.
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Jul 19, 2022 02:46
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imperiusdamian posted:My stims tend to be verbal. I'm having a stressful day at work and I'll bust out with some silly repetitive non-sequitur ("nana nana nana nana BATMAN") and that immediately seems to calm me just a little, if only because I can giggle at how dumb I'm acting. I'm right there with you, my urge to blurt out nonsense was honestly the thing that made me feel the most crazy. Not really an option on a film set though, so having some quiet hand stims is good (especially since I was running sound ).
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Jul 19, 2022 06:54
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for fucks sake posted:Speaking of blurting out nonsense, the latest entry in my "list of fictional characters you now realise are probably on the spectrum" is Roger Irrelevant from the Viz. I watched Nathan Fielder's new show The Rehearsal and started wondering if he's autistic. The mildly fictionalized version of himself that he plays has always been somewhere in that arena but this show is some purestrain autism. The whole concept of the show is that he hires actors and builds elaborate recreations of actual places in order to simulate social interactions over and over to completely plan out every way that an unpredictable situation might go. It's pretty brilliant, I really enjoyed it. The only thing I could find where he addresses the possibility of autism is this interview: How The Cult Comedian Rules the Outer Limits of Awkward He denies autism here: Fielder researched Asperger’s syndrome while fine-tuning his TV persona, but he rejects any suggestion his character is on the spectrum. “There’s a lot of social disconnects that people experience all the time that have nothing to do with autism or anything,” he says. When I ask if he’s ever wondered whether he has a developmental disorder, he’s genuinely horrified. “Please don’t tell me this is the angle of your piece,” he says. But the rest of the article has me half-convinced that he just doesn't recognize his own autism in much the same way I didn't for so long. So many signs. Here's the bits that stood out to me: When a server comes to take our order, he looks genuinely panicked when I ask for a turkey sandwich. “Will you be offended if I get a breakfast thing?” he asks with unblinking, stone-faced sincerity. “Should I match you?” He eventually felt comfortable enough to go for oatmeal, but the question of just how weird this guy really is – and how much his TV persona matches his real self – lingers. “There’s only about a 10 percent difference between the Nathan on the show and real-life Nathan,” says Nathan for You co-creator Michael Koman. “The character is just an amplified version of him. He’s awkward socially. Most people in comedy are awkward socially. But he’s a guy with a very solid, wonderful group of friends, who is a loyal, ethical person. He’s a very sweet man, and he’s very concerned with your well-being.” “The scariest thing about the show is that [character] is Nathan,” says Tim Gilbert, Fielder’s college roommate and a fellow comedian. “It’s not super-put-on.” [...] Fielder has long said his TV character is based on his teenage self. Back then, the harder he tried to be cool, the worse things seemed to get. “For a time, I tried to emulate more confident friends,” he says, “even wearing a backward baseball cap.” In high school, he joined the improv team, where he grew closer to Rogen. “To the untrained eye, you would not understand he had a sense of humor,” says Rogen. “You would maybe just think he was weird. I started to realize that it was partially deliberate, how weird he was. It’s your classic case of taking ownership of the thing that could be your worst trait.” [...] “When we were 22-year-old stand-up-comedian degenerates, wanting to do sets and then get drunk, Nathan would be home editing [his own] videos, learning Final Cut,” Gilbert says. I'm not trying to remote diagnose him, but all of that feels extremely familiar, like you wouldn't have to change much for that to be my life story (unfortunately I'm not lifelong friends with Seth Rogen though).
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Jul 19, 2022 07:26
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Bobby Deluxe posted:This really reads as internalised ableism and denial. The classic "Oh that's an autism trait? Well it can't be because I do it all the time and I'm not autistic" gambit. He sees developmental disorders negatively, that's why he reacts with horror (or at the very least discomfort which the interviewer chose to represent as horror) when asked. I don't think anything he actually said was ableist, it just reads pretty harshly with the author describing him as horrified. I think if I was in the same situation before I had figured things out I probably would have needed a moment to process everything and then responded in a fairly similar way, and NT people tend to interpret that as some big emotional reaction and not what it actually is. The general understanding of autism is so narrow and wrong that it's easy to convince yourself there's no way you're autistic, especially if you've made it that far in life without a diagnosis. I spent most of my life being way off base about both autistic and allistic people. Anne Whateley posted:I mean, he could also be horrified because he doesn't want a random journalist giving him an armchair diagnosis based on a brief meeting and pontificating about it for a whole article. That would be extremely reasonable This also makes sense to me.
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Jul 19, 2022 08:12
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Bobby Deluxe posted:In a way, it's not that rates are higher in neurodiverse people, I think rates are under-reported in allistic people. Lot of people probably closeting themselves to fit in. I wonder what the breakdown is on the distribution of types of gender diversity among autistics vs allistics. My hunch is that a decent chunk of the increase among autistic people is in the gender non-conforming section, as that can come from just a general rejection of society's enforced gender roles. Feels like rejecting that sort of social construct is very much in our wheelhouse. I've never actually applied any gender diverse labels to myself but if I grew up now I probably would have. I did reject masculine societal expectations placed on me and had interests and fashion choices that regularly got me misgendered or accused of being gay. Now I'm old and my fashion is boring and I look generally like any dude because I got sick of being a target. I have actually thought about this a lot recently and considered identifying as gender non-conforming or non-binary but I don't really care about what pronouns people use for me and I think using those labels on myself would just lead to more confusion and uncomfortable conversations. If I was I was a teenager I would have had the energy for it.
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Jul 22, 2022 20:54
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This discussion makes me happy. I wasn't sure how my  post of "I'd probably identify as non-binary if I wasn't old" would be taken, seeing so many people post similar things that I really relate to is very nice. 
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Jul 23, 2022 20:49
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DiHK posted:I tried and deleted two pots itt about gender identity and asd before you got yours out. Same. It's a tricky topic, and as a cishet identifying guy I was really afraid of putting my foot directly in my mouth. Kinda reminds me of the #metoo movement, where I wanted to join the conversation to talk about my own experiences with being sexually harassed and assaulted but I was afraid some people would interpret it as, "Hey it's hard for straight white guys too!" I think some of the reticence maybe comes from my natural inclination to relate to people through personal anecdotes, a behavior that some people REALLY hate so I have learned to self-censor and really consider before I do it. TIP fucked around with this message at 22:59 on Jul 23, 2022 |
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Jul 23, 2022 22:55
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HopperUK posted:I feel like 'non-binary woman' is closest to how I feel. I definitely am not a man but 'woman' doesn't feel like it's quite me either. I find it ironic that if you want to escape the binary you get labeled non-binary. "Are you a man or a woman?" "I don't believe in binaries." "Well I'll just mark down non-binary then." "Wait, that doesn't seem quite right..." "Look either you're binary or not, this should be an easy choice if you don't believe in binaries. 🙄" It's like a Monty Python skit or something.
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Jul 24, 2022 03:49
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I was just catching up on the TVIV thread for the Orville and people were arguing that an episode was offensive because a character who's dating an emotionless robot pressured him to have a procedure that would give him emotions. They said this was offensive because the robot was neurodivergent and she was asking him to be normal. Holy hell that take is so loving offensive. I'm not going to say anything in that thread because the discussion is weeks old but it's so frustrating to see people "defend" you by claiming you're an emotionless robot. There is no form of neurodivergence that means you lack emotions, pretty sure the only living humans who lack emotions are literally braindead. Also, I'm very happy to treat my ADHD and if there was a pill I could take that eased my autism and made it easier for me to relate to NT people I'd happily try it. Especially if I was in a relationship with someone I really cared about and they asked me to try it for them because we'd been having issues in that area. Sorry for the random rant I just needed somewhere to vent my frustration after reading that discussion. It really wound me up despite the fact that I'm an emotionless robot.
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Jul 30, 2022 10:31
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Pththya-lyi posted:This is a common problem with writing robot or alien characters. A writer will take a typical human and subtract some quality we typically associate with humans -- such as the ability to experience romantic love or understand subtext -- and inadvertently create a character that resembles an autistic and/or asexual person. I think the Orville does a surprisingly good job of making their robot character genuinely alien and not just a human minus some characteristics. I certainly don't relate to him. I think the actual problem is that people continue to have broad misconceptions about what it means to be autistic and don't realize how offensive it is to characterize us as emotionless or in some way less than human. More autistic representation written by autistic people could help somewhat to expand people's perceptions of what autism can be but I don't think it effectively teaches people what autism can't be. So when a robot comes on screen they'll still lean over to their date and whisper, "That's a autism."
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Jul 30, 2022 19:21
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