Explain Star Wars movies.

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Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

bloodysabbath posted:

4 is an incredible little self contained children�s space adventure film and is a delight

5 is the best of the bunch and did so much heavy lifting for the world building that would eventually allow SW to become this all encompassing mega franchise

6 is a delightful 80s space and fantasy type deal but is the weakest of the 3. Ok ending that wraps everything up in a bow. Endor stuff really blows IMO.

1 is hot garbage and should be shitcanned to the dustbin of history. There is, however, no way to relay the sheer fuckin excitement of being a Star Wars obsessed 12 year old in phone line internet era and learning that they�re doing another star war.

2 is better than 1 but is trash. It does work as part of machete order.

3 is the best of the prequels as 6 is the worst of the OG. It like 2 also functions best as a flashback before watching ROTJ.

7 is like someone gave an AI the prompt of �write a direct sequel to ROTJ almost 40 years later.� It however was honestly as good as it was going to ever be and accomplished the primary objective of washing the bad prequel taste out.

8 is a disaster because the director thought it would be clever to intentionally make a Star War that Star Wars fans would hate. He literally started the film with a yo momma joke that felt like Disney�s MCU and SW streams were crossed. It also has the worst plodding subplot of the entire franchise and gaping plot holes that could have been fixed with one line of dialogue if the director stopped huffing his own farts long enough to care. Luke�s fate is actually badass and an appropriate send off for the character. You�re not allowed to poo poo on it because some of the people who poo poo on it are bad people.

9 is contractual corporate damage control for 8 and ends one of the most beloved sagas of all time with a hearty wet fart. I don�t hate bringing it back to palps as much as some because he really is the overarching villain of the entire Skywalker thing and such a concept really could have been satisfying, but it�s clear this was a Hail Mary after 8 between bringing in JJ as a fixer and announcing the plot setup in loving Fortnite.

R1 is a baller rear end war movie that should be watched right before 4.

Solo is a waste of Donald Glover and basically killed the idea of character specific spinoff films but I would absolutely watch a Lando movie if he was in it, but not if Ron Howard (lmfao) directs.

TLDR: Star Wars is dead as a film franchise but maybe could be a good prestige TV thing until the mouse fucks it all up.

BONUS: Shadows of the Empire isn�t a movie but it was a book that they treated like a movie in the sense of toys and game and media tie ins and it basically was a stealth bridge to keep SW relevant. It was the SW equivalent of the Elvis 68 comeback special.

drop the bits about the spin offs (they both suck) and this is a solid guide, also throw in mando S1 because it's genuinely good (s2 sucks balls, except the first episode)

Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Dec 19, 2022