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NewMars
Mar 10, 2013
Name: Bessarion
House: Aeros
Culture: Greek

A refugee noble from the Byzantine empire, who desperately misses his house in constantinople. Completely and utterly incensed about this whole situation.

NewMars fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Oct 24, 2019

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Obliterati
Nov 13, 2012

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Thunderdome is forever.
Name: Giyorgis
House: Zemenfes
Culture: Ethiopian
Religion: Miaphysite

Obliterati fucked around with this message at 02:52 on Oct 24, 2019

Jossar
Apr 2, 2018

Current status: Angry about subs :argh:

Hashim posted:

Sure, I wouldn't mind if someone got that going

Unless someone in the Secret LP Cabal (tm) has a more official link they'd like to formally post, I hereby submit this Discord channel as a locale for planning/plotting shenanigans:

https://discord.gg/B4G9D3b

Jossar fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Oct 24, 2019

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Name: Qualiam
House: d'Quintavallis
Culture: Han Chinese

QuoProQuid fucked around with this message at 19:35 on Oct 26, 2019

Frionnel
May 7, 2010

Friends are what make testing worth it.
Name: Alexandre Magno
House: Abrão
Culture: Portuguese

Frionnel fucked around with this message at 04:47 on Oct 24, 2019

wedgekree
Feb 20, 2013
Watching! This should be epic to see played out! Looks awesome

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
Cast's been updated, and I've added a bunch of info of game mechanics, diplomatic actions, constructions etc. to the fourth post. I'll try to fill it out a bit, but if you want more details then just click on the headings.

Grizzwold
Jan 27, 2012

Posters off the pork bow!
May as well create a character for this, put me down as Rodric the Breton. I look forward to running this kingdom into the loving ground with all of you :v:

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Xelkelvos posted:

I claim Hallel Erez

Edit: The only non-Christian courtier atm so this will be "fun"

I'm already upset with you, but it's not a religious thing. It's because you're steward and that job should be mine!`

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

Name: I'm
House: Not Saladin
Culture: Egyptian
Religion: Extremely Catholic secret Sunni

A highly devout man of the cloth, this priest's office is filled with all manner of Muslim writings, the better to understand our nation's rivals, of course.

Rody One Half fucked around with this message at 16:58 on Oct 24, 2019

Capfalcon
Apr 6, 2012

No Boots on the Ground,
Puny Mortals!

habeasdorkus posted:

I'm already upset with you, but it's not a religious thing. It's because you're steward and that job should be mine!`

Sounds like someone should propose a law that only good, Christian folk should be councilors!

Not me, though. I'm just part of the Feast and Party caucus.

Captain Mediocre
Oct 14, 2005

Saving lives and money!

Name: Owain
House: Gwynllwg
Culture: Welsh

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

habeasdorkus posted:

I'm already upset with you, but it's not a religious thing. It's because you're steward and that job should be mine!`

Actually, turns out I'm Patient, so I'm willing to wait for the time being and not try to have you killed or something.

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!


Part 1 - After the Crusade - 1099

Jerusalem! Years of preaching and planning for war, of feuding and politicking with allies, of marching and fighting under the hot sun, and finally, Jerusalem is ours!

I was amongst the first to set foot in the holy city, God's prayer on my lips and raised sword in my hand, and for that I've been honoured above all others. But our mission is not over, and the crusade has not yet ended.



Jerusalem was not the only city liberated in the Crusade, and my brothers in faith - Bohemond de Hauteville and Baudouin de Boulogne, both of whom were right behind me as the walls of Jerusalem were breached - have already left the holy city for their own principalities, seized from the Saracens by right of conquest.



But these conquered cities are still claimed by Alexios, Basileus of the Byzantine Empire, a powerful ruler that may well become a thorn in our side. It is also said he possesses a fragment of the True Cross, and possibly even the crown of thorns! Surely, such artifacts ought to be in Jerusalem...



The Greeks are not our greatest concern, however, as greater threats are already raising their spears and swords against us - the Turks, who rule in the great cities of Damascus and Aleppo, and control vast swathes of land in Anatolia. Already, thousands are mustering as news of Jerusalem spreads, and they will all be marching towards us before long.



And looming above them all is Barkiarok, patriarch of the Seljuk dynasty and master of Asia. They say he seeks to unite the Muslim east and turn the entire might of his empire on us, and should he somehow succeed... well, only God could save us then.




Beyond the Seljuk domain lies the vastness of the steppe, dominated by horselords and nomads. Nothing there will ever bother us, I'm certain.



And in the distant east, rumours speak of the legendary continent of India, where natives are also allegedly troubled by the Turks.



India is too far to be of any interest, however, when there are plenty of enemies closer to home. To the south, the Caliph of Shia Islam and king of Egypt is seething after the fall of Jerusalem, and will undoubtedly be planning a counter-attack without delay.



West from Egypt, the scattered clans of Africa have largely fallen under the sway of Sultan Yusuf, the powerful leader of the Almoravids, who hold dominion in Morocco and Al Andalus. The Christian kings of Iberia must unite if they are to withstand him, God willing.




To the north, the Pope rules in the holy city of Rome. Pope Urban II raised the first cry for crusade in Europe, driving the faithful to raise their swords and march to the Holy Land, and is said to have perished mere days after Jerusalem was reclaimed.

For that, he will surely be rewarded in Heaven, but his successor's fate is less certain. Time will tell, but this Pope Paschal would be wise to hold true and support the crusader effort.



And finally, across the Mediterannean and beyond the Pyrenees stands Europe, the so-called bastion of Christendom.



But this bastion did not march when Christ commanded them to do so, Kaiser Heinrich of the Holy Roman Empire didn't take to the cross, King Philippe of France didn't answer the call for holy war, and King William of England didn't wet his blade in the Holy Land.



Beyond them, the kings in the north battle at the forefront of Christendom, at the edges of civilisation.



Denmark and Norway and Sweden and Rus are constantly embroiled in conflict, but their enemies are rarely pagans or infidels. Instead, they brawl in petty conflicts and family quarrels, ignoring the summons of the south to feud over earthly power.



No, when the walls of Jerusalem were breached, it was Eustace of Boulogne and Raimond of Toulouse and Tancred of Hauteville who reclaimed the city for Christendom. And ahead of them all, it was me.



Who am I?

Godefroy of Bouillon, before I took the cross. Now, I am one of the Crusader Lords, I am the Advocate of the Holy Sepulchre, I am the King of Jerusalem.



And unlike the so-called kings in Europe, I was raised to my station by virtue of faith and deeds, elected to kingship by my own allies and peers, all of whom spilt blood for the honour of Christ.



It is only seemly that I return the favour by awarding them with powerful positions in our newly-founded Kingdom of Jerusalem. Galdemar and Raimond, both nobles of rank who departed comfortable lives for the desert of the Holy Land, are named Chancellor and Marshal of the Realm, whilst the posts of Steward, Spymaster and Chaplain are occupied by talented courtiers in Hallel, Serighe and Simon.



Being the King of Jerusalem does not mean I can rule absolutely, however. Instead, I am merely the first amongst equals, and this is reflected in the Laws of the Realm, which state that the King must seek approval before declaring war or imprisoning vassals.



The same is true for Civic and Religious Law, which grant the Pope his dues (so long as he remains true to his vows) and prevent the King from ruling with absolute authority.



Furthermore, the obligations of my vassals to supply the kingdom with levies and taxes is balanced enough, but this will have to change. Jerusalem is surrounded by enemies, and she will need soldiers if she is to survive.



As it is, only around 5000 men-at-arms are ready to fight, a daunting prospect when faced with even the fractured might of the Saracens. Some relief is provided by holy orders, such as the Knights Templar and Knights Hospitaller, who stand ready to defend Christendom wherever it needs defending.



That said, the future of the realm is hopeful. Already, there are talks of taking the fight to the Saracens, of reclaiming the cities of Old Christendom one by one, of establishing a glorious kingdom that stretches across the Outremer...

All we need is time to recuperate, and men to fill our ranks.



But the Lord works in mysterious ways, and it seems we will have neither.

hashashash fucked around with this message at 02:36 on Mar 6, 2020

MaxieSatan
Oct 19, 2017

critical support for anarchists
An... auspicious start.

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
Also an important note -- You can't join or create factions when the Haute Cour is in session. I doubt there's gonna be many factions now, but it's probably important to keep in mind for the future.

I'll open the legislative session in a couple hours.

Lord Cyrahzax
Oct 11, 2012

As the Marshal of this holy kingdom, I can say with certainty that we...will...fight? Yes. We will! And we’ll win too!

Smiling Knight
May 31, 2011

Bohemond d'Hautville was not with us when the walls of Jerusalem fell! The greedy Norman abandoned the crusade in order to bask in the luxury of recently-conquered Antioch. He is no pious warrior, but a selfish opportunist, and should be treated as such.

Flavius Aetass
Mar 30, 2011
So we're all in agreement that we are here to spread democracy, correct?

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
Well, we'd better win this one or all this will be over very quickly.

Yavuz
Oct 9, 2019

Flavius Aetass posted:

So we're all in agreement that we are here to spread democracy, correct?

“My belief is, we will, in fact be greeted as liberators.”
— Richard, Earl of Cheney

Flavius Aetass
Mar 30, 2011

Lord Cyrahzax posted:

As the Marshal of this holy kingdom, I can say with certainty that we...will...fight?

:confuoot:

Lord Cyrahzax posted:

Yes. We will!

:munch:

Lord Cyrahzax posted:

And we’ll win too!

:hmmyes:

he's right, you know

Snipee
Mar 27, 2010

Kangxi posted:

Well, we'd better win this one or all this will be over very quickly.

Truly sage advice from our slothful spymaster. I am confident that our King had made the right choice in appointing you to the council before this fateful moment.

ZearothK
Aug 25, 2008

I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021


Aww, man. The Jihad would have been completely successful if the Caliph would only wait for goon policies to start.

Mirdini
Jan 14, 2012

Reporting and ready to lead the men against the foul Saracen! and possibly execute a bunch of prisoners of war after I have a mental breakdown.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Yavuz posted:

“My belief is, we will, in fact be greeted as liberators.”
— Richard, Earl of Cheney

:golfclap:

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Enjoy your time at the front, gentlemen. I'll be here in Jerusalem hiding administering the smaller minutiae of the state, like any good courtier

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012
Name: Louis
Dynasty: de l'Ours

Culture: French
Religion: Catholic

Born the son of a lesser French nobleman in Aquitaine, Louis was from birth destined to not achieve much of value really. So he embraced it, turning his life not into making things as good as possible for himself but for others with somewhat of a hope of being shuffled along for the ride (or if nothing else being rewarded for his actions in the afterlife). He's Kind and Charitable to a fault, with a tendency to Shy away from his problems and mostly Trusting people not to take his kindness in vain. An Education in Stewardship and a generally Honest nature has lead to several employments as Administrator. He is however largely Content with that, which along with a Craven disposition means he hasn't really had the chance or real need to advance further than that.

Zikan
Feb 29, 2004

Name: Maël
Dyansty: Cornouaille
Culture: Breton
Religion: Catholic

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
This is the first session so it's bound to be a bit confusing, but if anyone's got any questions at all, throw them at me and I'll answer as soon as possible. This session will be open for 48 hours, so we should have plenty of time anyways.




Session of the Haute Cour, 1099


: Welcome, my princes and lords! Welcome to the inaugural session of the Haute Cour, our assembly of crusaders and nobles! We stand in the holiest place on earth, and though our great pilgrimage was long and bloody, I would not change a single step we took.

: All the same, I wish I could have called this meeting with better tidings, but I fear we will have little peace in our victory... Many here have heard the news already, but the Caliph-in-Baghdad has called a great Jihad against us, demanding that the lords of Islamdom turn their armies on us, on Jerusalem.

: As your elected King, rest assured that I will lead the fight wherever it may be, and with God's aid we will surely triumph.

: Nonetheless, I will say that the construction of barracks and military infrastructure must be our priority, what with infidels threatening us from every direction. We must begin investing into the army, else we will have no hope in the wars to come.

: With that, I leave Jerusalem in your hands. May you prove worthy.


State of Affairs

King: Godefroy de Bolougne
Government: Agnatic-Cognatic Elective Monarchy
Factions: none
Treasury: 105 gold, +7.2/month
Piety: 24, +3.87/month
Army: ~5000 levies
Alliances: none
Wars: Jihad for Jerusalem (Abbasid Caliph).

Council and Court:


Succession:


Laws:


Technology:


Military:


Factions:


Decisions:


Religion:



Culture:



Economy:


Relations:


Defensive Pacts:



Active Policies:
None.

Active Laws:
None (laws that aren't represented in-game go here, such as a law that establishes a minimum amount of gold to be kept in the treasury at all times).

Realm Laws:
- Papal Investiture.
- Free Realm Inheritance.
- Vassal Wars Allowed.
- Minimum Centralisation.
- Traditional Status of Women.
- Revoking Titles Disallowed.
- Feudal Administration.
- Council War Declaration.
- Council Imprisonment.
- Limited Council Authority.

Ruler Prerogative:
- Staging a coronation ceremony.
- Distributing titles.
- Appointing members of the Council (the in-game council).
- Awarding minor titles.
- Arranging marriages for family members and courtiers.
- Taking loans from merchant communities.
- Imprisoning treasonous or dishonourable persons (required Council acceptance).
- Humiliating/Torturing/Banishing/Executing treasonous or dishonourable persons.
- Ransoming/Humiliating/Torturing/Banishing/Executing prisoners of war.
- Sending gifts.

Legisation:
- Once the Haute Cour is in session, any lord of the realm can submit legislation, which largely consists of Policies and Laws, as well as optional Directives.
- As mentioned, members of the Haute Cour may support or oppose proposals of their choosing.
- If at least 1/3rd of a proposal’s votes are in opposition, then that proposal is submitted for the consideration of the King. If at least 2/3rd of a proposal’s votes are in opposition, it is struck from the books regardless of the amount of support received.
- Sessions of the Haute Cour last 48 hours, and after this period, the 5 most popular proposals (2 from largest faction, assuming they each have enough support) are gathered into a single document or Recess, which is then implemented in the next update.
- Policy Example: The Holy Mission, which mandates that the King accomplish the following in the next update - attempt to form an alliance with the Byzantine Empire, gather the appropriate funds for a campaign against the Abbasid Caliphate, and declare a holy war with the aim of conquering the Duchy of Baghdad.
- Law Example: War Chest Law, whereby a minimum of 300 gold is to be kept in the treasury at all times, so as to be prepared for unplanned wars.
- Directive Example: The King shall henceforth be known by the nickname, “the Hand of God”.

Rules of the Haute Cour:
- Characters may be claimed or created at any time.
- You cannot join or change factions when the Haute Cour is in session.
- Each lord is entitled to submit a single piece of legislation, and unless otherwise stated, they are assumed to be supporting that same Policy/Law.
- A member of a Faction may only support legislation submitted by a colleague in their Faction. They may oppose legislation submitted by anyone.
- Courtiers are entitled to 1 vote, Barons to 2 votes, Counts to 3 votes, Dukes to 4 votes, Kings/Viceroys to 5 votes. Members of the Council have 2 additional votes.
- The Designated Regent minor title has 1 additional vote, but in the event of an underage ruler and resulting regency, this will rise to 5 votes.
- Votes are cumulative, so for example, a Count may have 10 votes if they are on the Council and become Regent.
- In addition to supporting Policies or Laws, lords may pledge their support to a single Directive, submitted by any independent lord or faction.
- Rank has no effect when Directives are being considered. In this case, each member of the Haute Cour has only a single vote.
- If Policies and/or Laws gather sufficient opposition, they may be struck from the bill. The King may strongarm his own agenda into the bill in their place.
- For obvious reasons, legislation cannot pertain to the ruler’s personal life, unless is he is underage. So, for example, the Haute Cour has no control over who the King marries, though they may make suggestions and unwise decisions may affect his standing amongst his lords.
- The Haute Cour has no authority over the Character Focus or the Ambition of the King, those being his private matter.


For more details on legislative sessions, click HERE.
For more detail on in-game actions, click HERE.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Hashim, can I get the deets on my four children? I need to know who's hitched, who's hitch-able, and which one is worthy of being my heir.

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!

habeasdorkus posted:

Hashim, can I get the deets on my four children? I need to know who's hitched, who's hitch-able, and which one is worthy of being my heir.

None are married and all are mediocre, though the eldest son is Midas Touched.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
From The Honorable Count of Tripoli, Fakhr (the Fucker) Ammar
: My lords. We find ourselves surrounded by the infidel. We are outmanned nigh 10 to 1 between the Sunni and Shia sects. As we will constantly be fighting off the scourge of the crescent moon, we must teach our women to defend our homesteads! They cannot do so if we keep them shackled like a precious show sow! I propose that we Change the Realm Laws From Traditional Status of Women to Marginal Status of Women! I am putting much of my influence (2 votes) behind this proposal! Who is with me?!

: Also, my children remind me that they would like to get married at some point. I have four strapping young Ammars in my household, and they're refusing to move out. My eldest is my daughter Whats Her Face, and I've also three sons. Please, let me know if you'd like any of their hands in marriage. My heir, whose name escapes me at the moment, can make almost any endeavor profitable, and I wish to make a match with a landed family.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 03:58 on Oct 25, 2019

Flavius Aetass
Mar 30, 2011

habeasdorkus posted:

From The Honorable Count of Tripoli, Fakhr (the Fucker) Ammar
: My lords. We find ourselves surrounded by the infidel. We are outmanned nigh 10 to 1 between the Sunni and Shia sects. As we will constantly be fighting off the scourge of the crescent moon, we must teach our women to defend our homesteads! They cannot do so if we keep them shackled like a precious show sow! I propose that we Change the Realm Laws From Traditional Status of Women to Marginal Status of Women! Who is with me?!



I support this proposal. (1 vote)

Flavius Aetass fucked around with this message at 22:03 on Oct 24, 2019

Yavuz
Oct 9, 2019

habeasdorkus posted:

From The Honorable Count of Tripoli, Fakhr (the Fucker) Ammar
: My lords. We find ourselves surrounded by the infidel. We are outmanned nigh 10 to 1 between the Sunni and Shia sects. As we will constantly be fighting off the scourge of the crescent moon, we must teach our women to defend our homesteads! They cannot do so if we keep them shackled like a precious show sow! I propose that we Change the Realm Laws From Traditional Status of Women to Marginal Status of Women! Who is with me?!

I support this proposal (1 vote).

Yavuz fucked around with this message at 22:03 on Oct 24, 2019

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!

habeasdorkus posted:

I propose that we Change the Realm Laws From Traditional Status of Women to Marginal Status of Women!

When proposing, supporting or opposing policies, you should probably say how many of your votes you're using. Otherwise I'll assume you're using everything you've got.

hashashash fucked around with this message at 21:30 on Oct 24, 2019

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Updated w/ my votes.

Erwin the German
May 30, 2011

:3
: As I said in my opening statements, the improvement of our military infrastructure must be an absolute priority if we are to bring the light of Christ to this most holy of places. Though we are surrounded by strong veteran soldiers, we will for the time being ever find ourselves in need of more able men. Therefore, I propose the following Thousand Blades Policy be considered in order to safeguard us against the hordes of heathens soon descending upon us.

- The Marshal shall be dispatched to train new soldiers in Jerusalem.
- The Steward shall be dispatched to oversee the construction of new barracks throughout the Kingdom, starting in Jerusalem and moving as needed to other ducal capitals.
- When a reasonable surplus of coin is on hand and not earmarked for the purchasing of additional hired men (loathsome though they might be), a new barracks shall be built starting in Jerusalem and then, using Kingdom funds, in the capital baronies of the other duchies. If, using your own funds to have done so, a barracks is already made, another military improvement shall be paid for instead.

I hereby bestow, for the time being, two votes for this proposal, one vote for the proposed agenda by Count Fakhr (Change status of women upwards), one vote for Knight Ulferic's proposal (Heirs In True Christian Heritage), and one vote for the Renegotiation of Feudal Contracts.

Erwin the German fucked around with this message at 21:45 on Oct 24, 2019

Pacho
Jun 9, 2010
My fellow noblemen. Even tho our arms are strong and our spirits unfaltering, we are isolated and outnumbered by the dreaded infidels. But we might have friends and allies in the christian lands! For this purpose I propose the Heirs In True Christian Heritage Policy with the objective of securing alliances with strong christian rulers so they might help us in this and/or future conflicts

For this purpose, we beseech the King to

-Find potential brides for him (and/or suitors for the eventual royal family) in strong, christian realms, that would result in a marriage alliance. These realms including but not limited to the Byzantine Empire, The Holy Roman Empire and France
-Send our noble Chancellor to said realm to woo our potential queen and sweeten the ear of her liege
-Marry, Ally and Feast in Celebration!

Since I'm but a humble Knight, I offer my one vote for this proposal

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Zikan
Feb 29, 2004

Renegotiation of Feudal Contracts - Law

Honorable Lords,

As the bastion of Christendom within the Holy Land, we stand here in the glory of the One True Faith. Already the infidels bear upon us, united in taking Jerusalem from us.

While feudal contract states that only a certain amount of soldiers be provided to the Kingdom of Jerusalem, such contracts were written for the world of Europe, where they do not have to deal with being on the frontier of Christianity.

Therefore I propose that my fellow lords vote to increase vassal obligations for Nobles so they provide more levies. For what good is keeping your personal fiefdom if our bastion of Christianity falls to the invader?

I fully commit my vote and my men to this proposal.

Zikan fucked around with this message at 21:52 on Oct 24, 2019

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