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Nov 18, 2019 00:01
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prompt: deep Delafield pond, summer Slanted light falls down below, down and down into the algae deep of my fear I gasp the air, the sun, the blue. Deep in my throat clings the green dark still
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Nov 20, 2019 06:16
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Nov 22, 2019 02:30
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odin
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Dec 5, 2019 20:30
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Nowhere Step across the city line. No, that's not enough. Further, until the roads Begin to lose their names, Our names for them, until No one is left to insist on them, Where the soil has never Been told to whom it belongs, Or has forgotten where The edges of our thumbprint are. Here's no place. Oh, we try To name it, divide it, But its pride is unmatched, Because we can never create Nowhere. The tree doesn't care If we make shade of it, The cliff stays unmoved no matter How beautiful the view, And there will be no rain checks In case of inclement weather. Slip into nowhere. Feel it In your spine and in your feet, And wash the aftertaste Of everything from your mouth. No place expects nothing. You begin to lose your name, Our name for you, now that There is no place to insist on it. The world is flattened. The sky is just above your head. Here is nothing But you and the world.
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Dec 12, 2019 06:03
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Dec 13, 2019 10:15
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Jan 1, 2020 18:48
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Antikythera One side Eaten by the sea, The other Cradled by sand. Eaten by the sea, Your skeleton of salt and limpet, Cradled by sand, Your soft marble skin. Your skeleton of salt and limpet: The truth of time. Your soft marble skin: The gentle lie. The truth of time One side; The gentle lie The other.
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Jan 8, 2020 23:08
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imo most of the examples you've got in that poem don't sound "wrong" so much as they sound like a deliberate choice for effect. The underlying idea behind these adjective-order rules is that you're grouping things that are important. That's why, in the case of the little old French knife, French comes last. It's what has the most influence on the noun being described. It's also why "little" and "old" go together, because they're both about the 'state' of the noun. When you say "golden waving wheat", my brain's reading that as "the waving wheat is golden" as opposed to "the golden wheat is waving". And when you say "the blue open sky" you're saying the openness is more fundamental than the blueness. It's perfectly valid to say that, as long as you're aware that's the effect you're producing. Also, when you're using participles (adjectives made from verbs ending in -ing) word order becomes important for distinguishing where the verb applies. A good example would be "pungent burning stench" versus "burning pungent stench". Neither is incorrect, it's just a matter of what they're emphasizing. A tire fire is a pungent burning stench. Fresh vomit is a burning pungent stench. In the first, the burning stench is pungent. In the second, the pungent stench burns.
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Feb 14, 2020 17:44
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limerink
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Apr 5, 2020 03:40
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There Once Was a Hydra from Lerna Once, quaffing too many a flagon I courted a three-headed dragon I took him to bed And found his fourth head (And fifth, and the sixth) in the shagging.
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Apr 8, 2020 14:29
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Sorry, due to The Everything I've been a bit busy. Prompt will be up by afternoon today.
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May 4, 2020 14:59
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A clever title for this prompt isn't coming to mind so welcome to Rhyme About Animals. This round of Poem Dome, you're going to write poetry about animals. Write it from an animal's perspective, or not. Use a real one, or a mythological one. Only one rule on the form: the last two lines must form a rhyming couplet. The rest can be free verse or rhymed, up to you. 200 word limit. Enter by the end of Wednesday, May 13 and submit by the end of Friday, May 15. Judges: Djeser Entrants: sephiRoth IRA Thranguy Your beautiful username here Djeser fucked around with this message at 17:56 on May 9, 2020 |
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May 4, 2020 22:38
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After spending the requisite two weeks quarantine after coming into contact with infectious material (your poems) I can finally announce the RESULTS Thranguy wins, which means the only other entrant, sephiRoth IRA, is the loser. It's a difficult pick, since the poems are very different, but there was just a little more warmth in my heart for Manticore. Or maybe that's just the palpitations. Crits coming up as soon as I type them up.
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May 29, 2020 01:33
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Thranguy - Manticore The meter here is probably what got you the win. There's one line that's out of place (par-RA-ly-zing?) but even the last lines, despite being much longer, are still using the rhythm of the earlier stanzas. It's easy to follow, if somewhat straightforward, aside from the King Richard bit, which threw me off a little on my first read as I was trying to parse the phrasing--I guess I don't know whether he was a particularly handsome or ugly king. (I'm assuming it's Richard because of the lion connection.) The rhythm and subject here remind me of a satirical poem, though if I'm grading on that curve I think leaning harder into the 'character' of the manticore would give the last stanza more punch. sephiRoth IRA - Return Of the King The meter here goofed me up good. I think the thing is that the first two lines are (as far as I can tell, I'm bad at this sort of thing) iambic, but then after that it's free verse, until the end which goes back to a stricter meter. That sort of structure could work I think if the opening and closing were stronger and more separate from the lines in between, but I didn't see any shift in what you were saying to match the change in form between lines two and three. (The closing couplet does a bit better at distinguishing itself.) Also, it took me a moment to suss out whose face and whose fur we're talking about in the first and second lines, since until I hit that 'your' I assumed it was the narrator's. There's good phrases in there, but I just had a little more trouble parsing it than I did the other poem this week.
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May 29, 2020 01:54
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im in 
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Jun 1, 2020 21:43
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Djeser fucked around with this message at 10:20 on Oct 17, 2021 |
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Jun 13, 2020 06:12
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 07:05 |
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The prompt was to personify an abstract concept. Sorry about not getting in this time, my body decided to be terrible for a bit. 
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Jul 3, 2020 02:14
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