Rand alPaul posted:

*bass guitar riff intro*

[INT Jerry doing stand up beside a lunar rover and a radiation-bleached American Flag]

Jerry: And what's the deal with Tang? A billion dollars put into the space program and that's the best they could come up with? It's orange-colored water.

*laugh track, Jerry bounces to the other side of the stage*

Jerry: You know NASA has seen concentrated fruit juice. But they're sticking with the Tang. *gestures at his cup* This is supposed to be the pinnacle of human scientific achievement. One small step for man, one giant leap backward for beverages!

*laugh track, bass guitar*
*splash screen with Seinfeld on the Moon logo*

[INT Jerry's lunar habitat module]

*static from the intercom*
*Jerry bounces over to the airlock door and holds down a button*

Jerry: Yeah?

George: *beep* *his radio crackles through the intercom* It's George *beep*

Jerry: Come on in.

*sound of the airlocks decompressing outside, George enters wearing a large space suit*

George: I still can't get the hang of this suit. It would be much better if we could just wear the stillsuits from Dune.

Jerry: Oh you and your stillsuits. *waves his hand dismissively* You've been listening too much to Kramer. What you want is the replicator from Trek.

*audience laugh track*

*George sits down on the couch dejectedly*

Jerry: What's gotten into you?

George: It's Steinbrenner. He wants the Yankees to play the Red Sox on the moon. We can't get the pinstripes to look right in goretex.

Jerry: What's wrong with nomex? It's a flame-resistant polymer.

George: That's what I said! And then to make matters worse, Giancarlo Stanton missed his Soyuz rocket to the space station. His passport still says Mike on it.

Jerry: I like Mike better. He should stick with Mike.

George: That's what I said! *George gets flustered and waves his arms around* George can't operate in this low-gravity environment!

*laugh track*
*static from the intercom*
*Jerry floats over to press the button*

Jerry: Yeah?

Sergei: *no static from his pristine Cosmonaut suit* It's Sergei

Jerry: Oh no, what do you want?

Sergei: Let me in it's about to solar shower.

Jerry: Oh alright.

*laugh track*

*airlock decompresses and Sergei enters. He's played by Tim Curry.*

Sergei: Preevyet, Jerry. *Sergei smiles menacingly*

Jerry: Hello, Sergei. *Jerry shows his gums*

*laugh track*

Sergei: Where is Kramer? I want to discuss business opportunity.

Jerry: I don't know, have you tried his habitat capsule? He probably thinks you're the oxygen guy.

Sergei: Kramer is hiding from capitalist oxygen company? *Sergei smiles* What is wrong, American government not pay astronauts again?

Jerry: The checks are late, Sergei.

George: I have another hole in my suit. drat this goretex!

Sergei: NASA is foolish with goretex. Russian Federation developing nomex suit that recycles human waste particles.

George: A stillsuit, Jerry!

*Jerry raises arms in protest*

Jerry: You want the replicator!

*laugh track*