- DandyLion
- Jun 24, 2010
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disrespectul Deciever
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Chapter 3 Part 2: The Crippling
There was Viper. With a shaved head and a big fat belly.
I thought to myself "Oh my god, she did it. She loving went to Cali and got herself knocked up by a loving cult member." I just knew that in HER mind, it was Xenu's baby. She was the vessell she wanted to be. Jesus. loving. Christ.
She was talking to TayTay, his hands on her shoulders and their foreheads touching. It looked like they, at least, were having a sweet reunion. Then came something no one expected.
She lifted her dress to reveal some sort of fat pack or pillow or padding and said something else to TayTay.
3pac turned to me and said "That ain't no baby that's a pillow, YO. gently caress that bitch is crazy". Everyone around us started laughing which drew her attention.
I yelled "WHAT THE gently caress MICHELLE?!?! What in the hell are you doing you psycho?!"
When she saw me her expression changed and she yelled "IT IS A SPRITUAL PREGNANCY! XENU IS IN ME! THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MOTHER AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE ME?"
I said something like "Leave me the gently caress out of this GO BE WITH TAYTAY YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU"
TayTay suddenly got a look of abject fear and horror on his face. It was apparent he came to a realization that he needed to bail and wanted nothing to do with this either. He backed up, threw his hands in the air turned and walked away. Everyone else was gasping and laughing nervously and that's when she went apeshit.
She was on some kind of drugs, keyed up and now with her being the center of attention in a way that embarrassed her she went into a blind rage. She picked up the nearest thing she could swing, a piece of rebar, and headed towards my car.
She smashed the driver's side headlight, the side mirror and the driver's window. I started to run toward her and got only a couple of steps when the back door of the lounge opened and out stumbled Crazy Leo.
Seeing the scene before him Crazy Leo was just beside himself. There was his "niece" Michelle, with shaved head, apparently pregnant, and smashing a goddamn car. I don't know what was going through his head but he started yelling "STELLA! STELLA! STELLAAAaaaAAAAaa!" and sort of stumbled into Viper. She suddenly realized who it was, and it weirdly snapped her into a moment of calm. Crazy Leo was sobbing and saying "Why....Why...Whyyyyy Stella" while she hugged him for a few seconds and showed him that she wasn't actually pregnant.
I recognized this as a moment of opportunity and raced forward to my car, opened the driver's side door, jumped in and tried to get my keys into the ignition. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Viper saw what was happening and tried to get away from Leo while I started the engine.
As Leo tried to grab her again she moved to confront me while raising the rebar to take a swing but lost her balance and as I was trying to back the car up I fumbled and put the car into drive. It sputtered and lurched forward, trapping her right foot and lower leg between the car, the horizontal concrete curb of the parking space and one of two cement posts that were positioned in front of the curb. Down she went and the car continued to jump forward up and over the curb until I hit the brake and killed the engine.
Anyone close enough heard a terrible snapping crunching tearing sound of flesh and bone and metal. She screamed and passed out. A couple of people were trying not to vomit.
That's the best way I can describe it as it happened so fast. It wasn't terribly bloody, but her leg was pretty obviously hosed up.
Someone called 911 and both the police and the fire department responded. The fire department folks got her free of the twisted metal and took her to the hospital while we all gave a statement to the cops.
I got in my car, determined to leave once and for all. The last thing I heard was a voice from behind the car and as I turned around to look I heard
In a perfect Tupac voice
"Ayy man! Yo! You got a banana in ya tailpipe!"
Laughing and not wanting to believe it but knowing it to be true I got out and looked and yep... there was a loving banana and a rag stuck in the tail pipe. I yanked them out, got back into the car and drove away putting all that poo poo into my rearview mirror for good.
I later learned just how bad the accident hosed up her leg and ankle. I think it was a spiral fracture in her leg and her ankle was basically crushed. She never danced again.
And that's the story of how I crippled a Scientologist stripper.
Magnificent.
For once it seems they did send a poet.
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