ideas to rescue our airline from bankruptcy

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > ideas to rescue our airline from bankruptcy

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Yinlock

fire the guy we pay to run around on the wing acting like a gremlin

# ? Jan 12, 2020 20:29

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# ? May 19, 2024 02:39

Manifisto

Yinlock posted:

fire the guy we pay to run around on the wing acting like a gremlin

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 12, 2020 20:31

Jaguars!

Have a "Speed up" button installed in the business class seats. Passengers are billed :10bux:

for every knot above cruising speed they want to go.

# ? Jan 12, 2020 20:34

City of Glompton

of course the button doesn't actually do anything

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Jan 12, 2020 20:45

Manifisto

after the plane taxis onto the runway, movie screens are hastily erected outside the windows and movies of takeoff, cruising, and landing are projected. realistic flight noises are played over the loudspeakers and a sensation of motion is created by nudging the fuselage with trucks. when the passengers debark, the airport staff wears moustaches, wigs, and hats to disguise their identites and hold up prominent signs saying "welcome to chicago" or whatever the destination is supposed to be.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 12, 2020 20:51

cda: by Hand Knit

Low-altitude wingless plane

# ? Jan 12, 2020 21:28

cda: by Hand Knit

It's cool how the car thread is thriving. I hope all the people posting there come say hi if they haven't

# ? Jan 12, 2020 22:11

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

Jaguars! posted:

Have a "Speed up" button installed in the business class seats. Passengers are billed for every knot above cruising speed they want to go.

(Gradius 3 Music Intensifies)

crimes

# ? Jan 12, 2020 22:31

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

Yinlock posted:

fire the guy we pay to run around on the wing acting like a gremlin

strong disagree, that guy is the only thing keeping this airline afloat. people love him.

cda posted:

It's cool how the car thread is thriving. I hope all the people posting there come say hi if they haven't

it warms my heart, i saw one of them in the "invent a new sport" thread getting quoted 2x i think at least a couple will stick around

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Jan 12, 2020 22:38

cda: by Hand Knit

Whoops that was supposed to go in the chat thread :doh:

# ? Jan 12, 2020 23:12

Manifisto

cda posted:

Whoops that was supposed to go in the chat thread

happy little accident you posted it here though, we were about to file chapter 11 but your post gave us another week

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 12, 2020 23:16

idiotsavant

we can eliminate all runways by simply placing the plane on a treadmill and harnessing the power of collective belief to get it to take off

# ? Jan 12, 2020 23:38

Manifisto

welcome to our game show, "who wants to be an airline pilot?"

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 12, 2020 23:47

Manifisto

contestant, sitting in cockpit: we're diving. we're diving. poo poo. can I phone a friend?

host: I'm sorry, you've already used that option

# ? Jan 12, 2020 23:48

idiotsavant

One button on the plane (seat recliner, call button, light, volume etc) is the King�s Button and you get a million dollars and get to be in charge of the plane for the rest of the flight if you press it

One button is the Fool�s Button and youre immediately emergency ejected from the plane if you press it

If both buttons have been pressed during a flight the plane shuts down completely

# ? Jan 13, 2020 00:21

Manifisto

marketing exec: okay here's my pitch, it's airline . . . for her

the planes will be pink and slightly more petite

tickets will cost about double regular tickets

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 00:26

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

i would pay extra for a plane where no one else is allowed to use the toilet. only me. doc phizz'z whizz palace. the legal party toilet. make it happen people i'm ray loving smuckles.

crimes

# ? Jan 13, 2020 00:28

idiotsavant

Ok its like a regular airplane but it gives everyoen airplane blowjobs

# ? Jan 13, 2020 00:30

Manifisto

idiotsavant posted:

Ok its like a regular airplane but it gives everyoen airplane blowjobs

intriguing premise, however I am having a hard time focusing because I am still distracted by hot boat on boat action

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=377647

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 00:36

idiotsavant

free beans on all flights, you can take as many beans as you want

# ? Jan 13, 2020 00:45

idiotsavant

theres a special trash port where you can dump all your clothes & toiletries so you can fill your luggage with beans

# ? Jan 13, 2020 00:46

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

bring back the feature we used to have that was really popular with customers.
we will bring back precise flight takeoff and landing times instead of approximates like "before lunch", "mid afternoon" or "at night"

# ? Jan 13, 2020 01:06

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

offer free noise cancelling headphones to passengers, that actually work and fit snugly over the mouths of loud passengers and crying babies

# ? Jan 13, 2020 02:24

szkud

with all the water rising. maybe ground floor commercial boatplanes

_{~(‾▿‾)~ � ♪}

# ? Jan 13, 2020 03:52

Winifred Madgers

customized anesthesiology to eliminate jet lag

# ? Jan 13, 2020 04:58

Manifisto

no, your baggage definitely arrived. we have it for certain. the real question, the important question, is how valuable this baggage is to you. I am already hearing people who think this baggage is worth $500. that's not for me to say, that could be ridiculous but it could be very fair. how much, I wonder, do you think it's worth?

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 05:03

Jaguars!

Wrath of Khan style crew uniforms

I don't think it will help. I'm just hoping someone's desperate enough to go for it

# ? Jan 13, 2020 05:08

Whybird: Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar

Millennials seem to be all the thing these days. Can they fly? Do they like planes? Maybe we should start offering a free selfie with every flight to attract them.

# ? Jan 13, 2020 09:16

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

No seats. only toilets

# ? Jan 13, 2020 12:55

alnilam

Son of Sam-I-Am posted:

customized anesthesiology to eliminate jet lag

Ever since seeing this in the fifth element it has been my dream

# ? Jan 13, 2020 15:36

Galaxander

barrel-rolls: $200 a pop
big loops: that's a grand

# ? Jan 13, 2020 16:18

Manifisto

yard sale of parts left over after engineers finished reassembling the jet engine

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 16:30

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

Manifisto posted:

marketing exec: okay here's my pitch, it's airline . . . for her

the planes will be pink and slightly more petite

tickets will cost about double regular tickets

MANLY airline. there are no seatbelts but extra legroom. no safety briefing. they don't clean the plane in between flights, they have sawdust and peanut shells down like on old-timey bar. the only in flight service is a barrel of peanuts, roasted in shell with salt but you can bring your own liquor and cigrits. the pilots straight up board through a separate door for safety and you can have weapons too. what happens in the air stays in the air. no girls allowed

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Jan 13, 2020 16:56

alnilam

owlhawk911 posted:

MANLY airline. there are no seatbelts but extra legroom. no safety briefing. they don't clean the plane in between flights, they have sawdust and peanut shells down like on old-timey bar. the only in flight service is a barrel of peanuts, roasted in shell with salt but you can bring your own liquor and cigrits. the pilots straight up board through a separate door for safety and you can have weapons too. what happens in the air stays in the air. no girls allowed

TACTICAL airlines sponsored by BUDK, similar to your idea but everything is brushed steel or olive green or tan or black, and wrapped in paracord for no particular reason, open carrying is encouraged, there are no seats, when you deboard your bag is thrownb at you roughly and it had better have a flag patch on it or we cannot guarantee it will be returned to you

# ? Jan 13, 2020 17:17

Manifisto

ok boomer airlines - the airline that hates boomers, just like you do!

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 17:23

idiotsavant

horny airlines theres no seats theres no clothes its just a big flying gently caress tube

# ? Jan 13, 2020 18:56

idiotsavant

introducing dockless on-demand planes just use the cool app to find a plane near you and land it wheerever, on the curb, blocking traffic, on top of an old handicapped lady or a dog we dont give a gently caress!!!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 18:58

cda: by Hand Knit

Uber Flight. Airplanes and helicopters constantly circle above the city and come pick you up when you call them

# ? Jan 13, 2020 19:05

watho: The real world will, again tomorrow, function and run without me.

gently caress it let�s just build a giant catapult

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BigClutteredJoey-mobile.mp4
thank u vanisher for the sig
and thank u nesamdoom for the good loops

# ? Jan 13, 2020 20:08

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# ? May 19, 2024 02:39

fartzilla: how disgusting

what if the matrix was actually originally constructed by a beleaguered airline company who thought it would be cheaper to simulate the rest of its passengers lives as though they had taken the flight

at first they saved a ton on airline maintenance but it started spiraling out of control when the passengers in the simulation started having children

eventually the simulation engulfed the whole world, and ironclad contract of carriage laws prevented them from just waking everyone up

anyway I think we should do this

# ? Jan 13, 2020 20:34

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > ideas to rescue our airline from bankruptcy

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