What if in Harry Potter they had guns instead of wands

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Macnult

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

"The gun chooses the wizard. Let's try a Beretta with unicorn engraving..."

# ¿ Feb 9, 2020 16:43

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 18:51

Macnult

joke_explainer posted:

EXT. DIAGON ALLEY - DAY

The Terminator walks past the long display window of an enormous magical pawnshop emporium. Signs declare, among other things, GUNS and AMMO is red block letters. The Terminator passes the magical pranks section, and the figures on a set of magical paintings distort and break-up sequentially as he walks by, returning to normal behind him.

He enters the store.

INT. PAWN SHOP - DAY

TIGHT ON GLASS COUNTERTOP as an AR-180 ASSAULT RIFLE WITH SCOPE is laid beside a number of other guns: a COLT K-MODEL .45 ACP, a SMITH AND WESSON .38 FOUR-INCH, a BERETTA .225 ACP.

TERMINATOR (V.O.)
...the Remington 1100 Autoloader...

WIDE as the CLERK, who looks like a sick lizard, pallid and paunchy (clearly a hufflepuff), takes the rifle from a wall rack. He lays it beside the arsenal of perfectly legal anti-human artillery already on the glass counter. The Terminator scans expressionlessly for additional selections.

CLERK
Anything else?

TERMINATOR
A phased plasma pulse-laser in the forty watt range...

CLERK
(annoyed)
Just what you see, pal.

He indicates the display case and wall racks with a minimal gesture.

TERMINATOR
The Uzi 9 millimeter.

CLERK
(setting it out)
You know your weapons, buddy.

Terminator examines each in turn, working the actions with curt, precise movements.

CLERK
(continuing)
Any one of them's ideal for home defense. Which'll it be?

TERMINATOR
All.

The clerk digs deep and finds a scrap of a smile.

CLERK
Maybe I'll close early.
Cash or charge?

Instead of replying, The Terminator takes a box of shotgun shells from a stack on the display case.

CLERK
Sorry, I can't sell the ammo
with the guns. You'll have
to---Hey!

Terminator has calmly begun feeding the shells into the shotgun.

CLERK
(continuing)
You can't to that...

TERMINATOR
(evenly)
Avada Kedavra... baby.

He raises the barrel and pulls the trigger. The gun THUNDERS.