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 The Sounds of Silence Before we move on from Blackheart City forever, there's a couple of things to do. First up, we'll talk to this lad since he's new.  But then I saw the goddess Martha, and realized the error in my ways! From now on, I'll pray to the statue of Martha with every chance I get! This is also the only chance we'll get to talk with Bro today, so we might as well.  technically from the same dads. Even though the cultural expectation of families nowadays is domestic abuse and heartbreak.There's one actually new thing we can do now as well, though. We need to grab an Eevee from the PC and I reckon that Kneeveel will do nicely...  Heading back to the very end of the gym, we can find this conspicous machine. It's pretty obvious that this is the teleporter that killed Martha...  Eevee... Hmmmm... So, Spectreon technically isn't an Eeveelution despite functioning as the Ghost one. Said that before, I think.  This just removes the first regular ol' Eevee we have in our party, generates a new Spectreon (at level 20) and then gives us that. This is repeatable infinitely, making it the only one Eeveelution we can have more than one of. ...We don't need more than one of any of them but still.   ...Ah, ethics.Okay, now we're done in Blackheart City. There's nothing left for us here...  ...So we'll carry onwards to the west. Unlike with Hollow City, no one pops up here to talk at us either.   civilians any longer. Of course, murder is perfectly fine, so long as you're not trying to kill US.Well, that and if we win a Pokemon battle first. Otherwise it's still illegal murder.  And I don't know about you, but it's kind of a shitstorm out there - it's better to have legal protection than not.Yeah, we never do get to battle any guards so we never get to try to kill one either. Even in this dystopia, cops are above the law. AmaLee - Unravel  normally its a nightcore version (i think this one specifically) but i prefer this   Route 669 is where we'll be spending a fair chunk of time. It's not super long on its own, but... Martha's right there, so...   Man, it sure got boring when I wasn't able to talk to people. I tried having a conversation with a few strangers, and now I have a cult following. I don't think people understand what I'm saying, though. One time, I said, "ow, I'm bleeding" during a nosebleed... And these guys decided that it So that explains where that thing came from, at least. Doesn't explain the Solosis recolour though. Not to gloat or anything, but I  That's a lovely thing to gloat about!  Martha, have you seen any big Pokemon around this area? ...You aren't listening to me, are you?! Hold on, Bro warned me that this would happen... Let me look at my note cards... Let's see, conversations topics.... You're stupid, you know that?! Ugh! Now we're free to check out the route proper. Right off the bat...  ...We have Edge Rising bucking its trend of following actual Pokemon rules where it can. A double battle against a specific trainer duo setup like this never has a visual range beyond 1 tile in the regular games. These two see all three available tiles here!   Brother and sister! And w-we only fight for the sake of self-preservation! If we win, we just want money! S-so we can afford to put food on each other's plates! Get ready for a fight, mister! Bring Me To Life (Nightcore) Top of my head, this is the only time we get a fight that's a double battle like this. I don't really count the two cultists in the forest that Mako dunked on, for obvious reasons.  This is really not a hard battle. If you can get here, you're set. They're below the average level for the area, and are below Bill for good measure. Unravel That's okay.. we'll get money eventually. And you're not a bad person, right? You wouldn't hurt me? This guy's just a really good trainer. B-but I'm sure he's a good person, t-too!Bad news, kiddo. I am, but this is Fang. I'm not saying you're wrong, but...  You're incredibly wrong. Why?! Why?! Why'd you do that?! I... I...!  ...It's always weird and worrying when I agree with something Fang says. Are you telling me that... Killing strangers might actually have moral ramifications? I don't see anything wrong with what just happened.Fang will inevitably keep talking and say something indefensible, though. At which point I get to stop agreeing with him and all is right again.  Now we can head into this small patch of grass to grab a free Nugget. There's not many items on this route at all, and almot none are hidden beyond it being very hard to see the balls in the grass. Speaking of grass, though! Those Who Fight Every wild Pokemon on this route is new, so we'll see most of them now. There's two we won't bother with. Incidentally, one of them is Houndoom (and that's a 1% encounter).  Laura Lyons is a pretty important character from the episode of Elementary based on the Hound of the Baskervilles.  Weavile is the other 1% encounter here and the other thing we won't bother catching here.  Give me a Dark/Ice type and I'm basically never not gonna do this. Those are the only regular normal Pokemon here, so let's move onto the real stars of today's show. We've got three of those:  ...Ah. You. Just get in the ball, thanks.  Dallbun posted:Please tell me that Makupika has a pre-evolution named Macho Pichu Sadly, Makupika has no evolutions at all. But I liked this pun so I'm using it.   Oh this thing also exists, sure. It's completely unrelated though. They're both Elec/Fighting, both a weird ugly splice monstrosity...  ...Have the exact same level up movelist (with one difference at level 50; Makupika learns Wild Charge and Hariyrai learns Thunder) and have very similar base stats. Neither evolves from or into anything.  Lastly we have a rad bowling ball that is also a bomb.  That's just really cool, even if I forever forget that it's Steel/Normal and not Steel/Fire. The Sounds of Silence Had to pick up STRIKE! to give 'em some use, and Yahn has left us with a real net loss for once.  "That will not do. I'm the only one that can give things to you. Please understand." -Yahn DeerThis one's a problem because this girl was the only place to reasonably get a Porkopter (we CAN catch one later, but it's very rare). If we left for route 669 without getting it, this one'd be lost forever, of course. How big of a loss that is is up to you, but Frank West has pulled her weight so far at least. Unravel Now we just need to work on getting through the route, which means we gotta beat up some more rude dudes with attitude. And not the fun kind.  With a snap of a finger, most of this area was gone! Now you understand just what kind of team we are, right? Without further ado, let us begin! SUSANOOH Target is a bit of an unexpectedly low-key name for these guys at this point.  As an actual fight, he's... well, he's a Team Blade grunt. Zangoose seems a bit intimidating, after the last one we ran into, but we can steamroll it at this point.  Seviper is basically just here. Psychodiva can destroy it very easily.  And in doing so, she hits level 23! Which is important, because...  ...That's the level all three starters evolve at! Unravel And so, you have taken my life away. This is the end!   replaced with a skull. ... I'm not ripping off their skin or anything. How the poo poo is it happening?So, pro-tip from me to you right here. When you draw attention to things like this, that creates an expectation that it's going to, y'know, get answered. Ever. Anyway, how about that Edgucate!  Did you guess she turned into a Dragon now? Because she did. Psychic/Dragon is an absurd pairing that, as far as I know, the main series has left exclusive to legendary stuff and Mega evolutions.  We're kinda just skirting around the giant conspicuous void here, but we can still sorta see it. Our leader's power - that's what it takes. He has more honor than a swine like you could ever have! SUSANOOH That's so blunt and like you'd expect him to be the last. He isn't!  His Sneasel is absolutely gonna get wrecked here, though. Dark/Ice vs Metronome enhanced Rollout.  Turns out Metronome makes Rollout really, really ridiculous from its second hit so this goes about as well as you'd think. Unravel Guess I'm gonna go to the Pokecenter, now. ...Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be killing myself? Really? Do I have to? Meh. Well, you could always have done what Jin did and just... not done that. Seemed to work fine for him.  Pokemon battle before fighting you. Like, it's not rocket science. It's not that hard. Nice and firm.Not much left along this top path. In fact, there's only one thing:  An evolution stone. Like, a real one. It only has one use here, though, and it's to evolve our monkey into a Simislash. Holding off on that until later, since it stops learning things when evolved.  So, we'll wait until later for that. For now, we'll head back to by the orphans and jump across these rocks.  This is pretty much entirely so we can get a pair of rad glasses, though.  Really hard to find, but there's a random dead-end next to the specs that lets us get a Star Piece.  There's also an old man here, but he's not a fight. He's just kinda hanging out here.  Just past him is another dead end and there's another hidden Rare Candy nestled away here. Nothing else though.  Next up is the branching path down from Target (that ball there is the Choice Specs).  That leads us to this random item being guarded by a cultist. I know because She said "f...end"! If you try to get in my way... I'll kill you! Bring Me To Life (Nightcore) Jack just has a Ditto, which isn't really that big of a deal.  I'd be much more worried if I led with Kneeveel or Killow or something. STRIKE! can handily handle an imiitation. Unravel Amazing, all the more reason to worship her! ...Why are you staring at me like that?Because you're so wrong.  B-baka.And Fang is pretty dumb. So, what item was it?  Ah! It's a good one! And useful for a thing coming up soon too.  This lets us make the new Flying Eeveelution! And unlike the last one, we got to use it before the AI did!  Learns Gust at level 9, Wing Attack at 17 and Tailwind at 21. Two out of three being worthwhile is on par with Eeveeta at least.  And this leaves us with the last path below the Dusk Stone.  Got this nerd along the way to deal with next.  I've been needing a large, dispensable object to throw into the abyss, to hear just how deep it goes. ...Would you mind being that object for me? Bring Me To Life (Nightcore)  A bowling bomb of his own isn't that impressive now. We've dealt with one handily before, so what's another one to us, really.  More interesting is this. Realboy is Steel/Elec and we can get one of these. In the post-game. No idea where Isaac got it. But it's faster than Killow and only ever used Metal Burst against her, so she hugged it to death without risk. Unravel Young man, if I must die, I request that you thrust me into the abyss. I want to feel the thrill of knowledge spilling into my brains as they smash into the inevitable ground! Showing a surprisingly large amount of restraint for Fang, he just stops there.  The end of the route is past Isaac and Martha's waiting for us here too. F-funny we keep running into each other, huh? It's not like I want to see you, or anything, s-stupid... ... ...so, what do you think of the, uh, song? What song? We did get cursed by a tree to always hear Bring Me To Life during battles (except when we don't, I guess), so this confirms that all the music is technically diagetic. I haven't heard any song. Oh, right, I'm the only one that hears it, huh...But only if you're a ghost, apparently. ...being a ghost sucks. I don't care how much fun a Gengar looks like it's having. Fang, be careful, dying isn't any fun. Well, that was weirdly pointless. Even moreso than the previous one. I get that it's probably meant to be Martha trying to bond with her less-cool brother but... why? It's Fang. We already know all too well that she shouldn't do that. Silence They're trying to communicate with an outer-dimensional being. They'll know your name, too, but don't ask how. They paid us good money to not tell you how.Eerie City is our next destination then. Probably what this gate is bordering.  I have tons of Rekool merchandise! Rekool brand detective case files... There's nothing that's quite as cool... ...as detective Rekool!I feel like this just dunks on itself with that whole "Rekool brand toilet paper" than I could. Let's just move on and check out Eerie Ci-- Vogel im Kafig I MUST. DESTROY. ALL GIGANTIC POKEMON.  Don't judge me for something I can't help! I WILL AVENGE YOU, MOTHER! Jiyuu no Tsubasa So, here's an impromptu unexpected boss battle against our second Big Pokemon!  We're not doing anything especially wacky this time, because Bidoom is even less impressive than Sharfeeto. Leeveetate can crush him super easily, because he's Normal/Fighting. So she will.  If Bidoom does attack us, it can hurt like the dickens so we'll not let that happen. There's easier ways to dunk on this guy, but I'll just be a rude jerk.  He likes to use Milk Drink at full HP. Because he is a wild Pokemon. And wild Pokemon have utterly garbage AI.  Oh and like how Sharfeeto's Ability was always Simple, his is always Truant. Yeah.  Unlike Sharfeeto, he has actual attacks though! Even if one of them is the ridiculously inaccurate Dynamic Punch. This one isn't hitting even if I didn't gutter his accuracy.  He sometimes does use Skill Swap to actually give you Truant instead, but...  He then swapped them back. The next turn. Yeah.  I swapped Killow in to wait out his last move, since she's literally invincible here. Skill Swap is a non-isue, Milk Drink is a minor inconvenience at most and Dynamic Punch and Giga Impact can't touch a Ghost.  I picked Killow here to feed her the EXP, you see.  So that she could hit level 23.  And evolve into a sheet. This isn't even her final form! Vogel im Kafig Silence Even without this whole "revenge" thing, I'd still kill these guy for kicks....Yeah, Bidoom kinda comes out of nowhere (it's not even visible from Route 669), is sorta just here, gets bodied effortlessly and dies anticlimactically. Next time we'll be checking out Eerie City. A creepypasta town if that guard is to be believed. Lotus Aura fucked around with this message at 00:45 on May 6, 2020 |
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Apr 29, 2020 23:54
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Dragonatrix posted:...We have Edge Rising bucking its trend of following actual Pokemon rules where it can. A double battle against a specific trainer duo setup like this never has a visual range beyond 1 tile in the regular games. These two see all three available tiles here![/i] That is a thing, actually. Starting from Gen 4 double battles are able to move forward to battle you, it was only Gen 3 where twin trainers were stationary.
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Apr 30, 2020 00:13
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Dragonatrix posted:
I know nothing about this game but this seem like a mistake more then anything. If it was on purpose, then that is incredibly stupid to have them as separate pokemon.
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Apr 30, 2020 15:31
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 It's very intentional, unfortunately. I feel like around about here is where it starts to run out of steam, so that tracks at least.
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May 2, 2020 21:40
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Since the current active party has gained a fair few levels, I took the chance to grind up everyone else back to being on par. Which means CarboNala hit level 23 and also evolved. She wanted to learn Stockpile/Spit Up/Swallow and I'm just... thanks, but no thanks. Charlie Clouser - Convoy So, this isn't what really plays here; it's credited as "Slow Scary Song" by someone called Connor Darst. In attempting to find that, I learned that's referring to a Youtube account and some a video entitled Nyctophobia - Song which is just Convoy from Resident Evil Extinction slowed down a bit.  Anyway, Eerie City! The city itself is very small, and we need to jump over more rocks before we can reach it. There's four items to get before that, though. 3 of them are hidden, and two of tehm are mean jerks about it.  A second  This Pearl is rude to find, but it's not the worst thing we'll be seeing today.  A Sitrus Berry being also right here is worse, though. And not just because it might very well be an old style Sitrus. Wouldn't know, I don't plan on using it. Not like we'll be able to get it back.  The easiest to find item over here is a Spell Tag. This'll be nice for Kneeveel when we use him proper. Killow doesn't have much in the way of Ghost moves.  Anyway, Eerie City! They are the skulls of everybody who's played this game. ...I have seven days? There's no turning back. So, uh, there's very few NPCs here. They don't just loop the same generic stuff, though.  After talking to them once, we get... blank text boxes. Spoopy.  Last item in the city is a Rare Candy hidden in this rock. The Pokecenter is the only building here, other than the two gates.   You know that, right? Even if you haven't killed anybody yet, you're going to. Out of curiosity for what Fang will say, you'll go back and kill people. If there's no punishment, why even bother? But I assure you. There's a punishment for your sins. I do have seven days! You'll see.  It's just a game, right? It's... A-all just fun and games...Might as well take a quick second to step into the Center while we're here. Not super necessary, since Bidoom wasn't really that much of a threat.  W-w-we sure run into each other a lot, huh?! A-ahahahaha! Whaaaaaat a coincidence! P-please, don't mind me... Eheheheheh...Alright, so we're done with Eerie City. We'll just head on out to the gatehouse to the north.  And now that we've entered it, we'll right back around and return to Eerie City.  "This person... they tried to threaten you! And I was like, 'fuckin' what?!' They would have regretted it... but they didn't survive long enugh to know what hit them. ...I love you, senpai  " -Yahn Deer.Now we're done with Eerie City.  Everybody is so paranoid about some other-dimensional being that they basically act like they're in a creepypasta. There is no being from another dimension controlling an avatar, here. That's loving ridiculous.Haha, yeah. That's silly.   None. There's no such thing as a cat. It's the Pokemon world, dumbshit.Y'what? There's cat Pokemon. Like, I can think of four without even trying. Ayahi Takagaki - Makyuu Ichii-Bal (Instrumental)  Ah, Route 670. The longest route in the game... kinda. We'll be spending more time here than any other regular route at least.  I've got to do clean-up! SUSANOOH Yamcha? I don't know what that means, but it sounds disappointing...  At least he has an angry egg. The regular ol' Eggy here isn't particularly scary now...  But he's also got its bigger, meaner brother. Eggception is Normal/Dark...  ...And is a wee bit of a strong bastard. Jeez. Makyuu Ichii-Bal (Instrumental) Was me! I'll take responsibility for this!   This is some low quality poo poo.We'll worry about the grass later. Just past it we have the most mean hidden item yet.  This Choice Scarf on this tile. There's been other hidden items that are quite mean (the Sacred Ash in Crimson Town comes to mind), but this one is the only one that's also right next to a non-hidden item.  Speaking of which, it's another evolution stone! We'll use this one later. We won't be fighting anything else in this update, so we'll hold off for now.  ...We'll hold off on the random encounters here too. There's no new Original Pokemon Do Not Steal here (and the only old one is Hariyrai), so we'll deal with them later.  The Tunnel of Despair is the first of two areas that break up Route 670. That's part of why it's so long, yeah, but it's not the only part.  There's a couple Team Blade lackeys hanging around, but none to fight.  Our leader made that happen. Don't gently caress with us.There's no new Fauxkemon here, either. The only old one is Porkopter... as a 1% encounter. Yeah.  Mako! Why are you here?  out.Guzma is here?!  You mean Team Blade? Sun and Moon came out nearly a full year before this game, so this probably wasn't a coincidence. Although since this game doesn't even have the Fairy type it could very well be. Anyways, I'm going to head this way, feel free to join me if you want. Sure thing, Mako! I'll be right there!  That dude Mako murked did have dialogue attached to him, oddly, but it's the same as the second guy here. Yeah, I dunno why either.  Martha told me that the Team Blade leader was around. And I thought, "oh, cool poo poo, maybe we should check it out". Fang, your brother is really, really weird. Like, even weirder than you. Anyways, the dude's just up ahead, so we're going to go have a look. You can come with if you want. We'll go follow Bro in a sec. There's two things first here.  This rock has Mad Bank hidden in it. That's cool.  This tile Fang is facing in the corner here has a bullshit game ruining trap hidden in it!  I think this was a test for something that was never removed. The pbChangePlayer(0) script in particular is what we're interested in here. That effectively changes the game to making your player character Fang, which is... fine, you'd think. What it does in practice is revert you to the start of the game. It wipes your active party, resets your money to the initial $3000, gets rid of your entire inventory and removes your Pokedex for good measure. Also if you re-add the Dex afterward via debug or an event script, accessing it crashes the game because RMXP gets mad and confused. Yeah, I dunno. Naturally if you step here nothing seems to happen. Until you get no random encounters for ages. That could just be good RNG, so you keep going. Until you run into a trainer and it just infinitely loops their pre-fight dialogue. No I'm not mad and none of that happened to me at all. Don't be daft. Anyway, that's just a dumb oversight. I can... eventually... forgive that. Let's go meet the Team Blade leader. Silence By the way, this cutscene is really long. It's also where the game just straight up goes from being ironically enjoyable to just flatout bad and regular ol' Edgy Pokemon Fanfic. Strap in, folks.  ...I... could never have guessed this. But... you're... Charlie Clouser - Hello Zepp   I suppose I'll be the one to take care of this. A generically edgy take on a character that Fan Games cannot ever keep themselves from putting on a pedestal? You... You're the Kanto Champion... Right, that's what I said. But... You've been hidden for years! And now you've found me. Congratulations. I... I...! Hold on. I've seen your face before. Do you want to know why she sent me this photograph?She's a fan of Nickelback...? Oh, snap. Fang... if that's your name. [i]  [/i] Fang... I am your father. ...! Every time I saw her smiling face, I wanted to crush it. Burn it. Cut into it. Drown it. Choke it.Daft Punk must be worse than I remembered, jeez. Desecrate it until it looked like the skull right in front of me. Oh, how I tired of her. That photograph was the last straw. ...! You... monster! You know what he said? He said, "that's a little bit overboard". Jin, the man who was prepared to lead the strike on Blackheart City, thought me killing a single innocent was "overboard". So I laughed with him for a minute... Oh no, I can't believe Jin is dead. A guy who has appeared once and was a massive dick. I was so emotionally invested in his character... uh, slope? And now we're attacking Coldsteel City without him. Y-you killed Jin...?! N-no! Jin didn't deserve to die! He had hopes and dreams! drat, our mom had bad taste in men.  I think we can all see exactly what kind of person you are! It's time to put an end to this! You've broken the law for the last time! Hahahaha. That's very funny. You see, my little rats... ...and it doesn't matter how many lapdogs you send out to enforce them. What matters in this world is one law - one law only. Oh, Red's a Chaos Hero. Can we skip to the part where he fuses with a In truth, the only thing men listen to is power. They believe there is power in the words and laws of men, so they listen to that. But if faced with true, undeniable, real strength, they will cower. And so would you, wouldn't you... champion? ...! That's right, yes. For all your talk of morality and killing... You can sense my raw strength, can't you? And yet, you were prepared to do the very same to me. All because I'm powerful. And because I'm a threat.If Mako were to hypothetically do a Pokemon Battle against Edgy Red Number... I genuinely couldn't begin to guess, then Mako would absolutely mop the floor with the guy. Silence ... It's time to finish this, Red!     psssh... nothin personnel... kid... ...! ...N-no way... ...this... is just a joke, right? edgerising.txt Ito Kanako - Kanashimi no Mukou e  ...M-Mako? How ironic. Your skull is indistinguishable from any of the others. No way... Mako... get up...! Aw, man, I really wanted to play Pokemon Hope Rising. I would kill you next... ...but you are my son. ... Please. Anything to make this cutscene just end already. But... if I do... I'll... No. It's time to end this.  N-no way! You're this powerful...?! Then... the only thing I can do... ...n-nngh... What the gently caress?  Get out of my body! What are you doing to me?!?! With the last bit of the power I have... I'll seal you! Stop! NOOOOOOOO!!!!! I wish I could have gotten to know you better. I'm sorry I couldn't stop his death... I can't believe he's become  Uh, Martha just died too. Did you just ignore literally all of that? ... oh my god why is it still going if anything in here was new, interesting and/or funny then maybe but its just sooooo long  What a respectable young man he was... They were my friend... Hey, Fang, isn't it kind of weird that Usually I don't feel anything when I kill people... But this guy, I can see that he was special. I'm sorry. Yet another great man lost to violence... T-this guy used to comfort me when I was down...  Fang, Bro, you better not get involved in this poo poo. As much as I love senpai, even I know that we've lost something very profound today... Uh, isn't this the guy that killed, like, all my friends? This guy gave me a bike! I'm used to healing Pokemon, but this man? He healed ME. You didn't have to up and die like that, b-baka! It's days like these that make the job that much harder. Goodbye, Mako...
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May 4, 2020 01:03
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. . . What just happened? 
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May 4, 2020 01:22
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i cant believe bro is dead
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May 4, 2020 01:41
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 I love this profoundly stupid game.
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May 4, 2020 01:54
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Idk man, having seen the likes of Pokemon Reborn and Rejuvenation, I still can't see this as anything other than a parody.
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May 4, 2020 02:02
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Yapping Eevee posted:
Me too, thankfully my mouth was empty when the School Days song started or I would've spittaked.
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May 4, 2020 04:08
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Well, it feels appropriate for a game with Edgy Gold as a PC to have Edgy Red be a villain. And the funeral scene just has to be a parody of how Ame's death was handled in Reborn.
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May 4, 2020 05:35
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The idea of not one but an entire genre of games like this but unironic is frightening.
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May 4, 2020 05:52
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 Oh, right, there's still a tiny bit of this scene left. No problem! I'm sorry for your loss, young man. ...yeah. ...I can't believe that... Yeah, Martha's death was a tragedy. Ahahaha. Ahahaha. I have to stop the big Pokemon attack from happening. Good luck! Thanks!At least they remembered to throw in exactly one thing that kinda approaches being a joke at the end, but it's a too little and way too late. You might be thinking that the scene being so overly serious beforehand was the joke, but that has a big ol' problem. Namely that just means that it's being seriously edgy. Which is just poo poo and not funny.  Back to Route 670 we go, then. We've gotta redo the first half of it, so we'll take this opportunity to see what the randoms are. Final Fantasy VII Remake - Let The Battles Begin!I got tired of the Advent Children version and VII Remake's remastered music is amazing  Since there's no (new) fauxkemon along the entire route, we'll just go through these quickly.  Just fixing its name mistake, really. We all know, it evolves from Arbok after all.  I guess this is technically copying how the real games usually place Absol?  Since it's right before we meet Red and the game becomes the regular kind of poo poo fanfic for a bit.  ...Y'know, I wasn't gonna cach a Drifblim, for obvious reasons.  But I kinda had to here. Not even the only shiny we get this update either.  I do kinda like Zangoose. I mean, just look at it. It is kinda easy to make edgy, so it should be a slam-dunk for something like this.  But aside from that time a "Slasher" had one, it's just been kinda here.  Oh and last is this thing.  There is, off the top of my head, exactly one thing we can only get via breeding.  Oh, and the Tunnel of Despair has two whole new things for us too.  Neither of these are Fauxkemon either, so there's not really much reason to care.  After all, we're never gonna use any of these things at ths point.  Sableye is the penultimate regular thing we'll be getting this update. Yeah.  ...If you get this dumbass joke, you're welcome and/or I'm sorry. Delete as appropriate.  Oh and because of... reasons... I had to replay the entire game up until here. Along the way I ran into two shiny Eevees. In a row. I wish I was making that one up. One of them is staying an Eevee. The other can have the Dragon Stone to become this thing. At least we finally got a Draconeon of our own. Makyuu Ichii-Bal (Instrumental) We'll pick back up proper where we ran into Red.  I'll finish this.There's nothing hidden here, even though that rock looks super conspicuous. We'll just head into the new cave.  The Tunnel of Fear is really poorly named. It's just a linear corridor that has no new wild Pokemon, no trainers, no items, nothing. It's easier to run into Porkopter here but that's it. Everything else is even the same level range.  So we'll just skip past that, get this Sacred Ash...  ...and this less hidden Twisted Spoon. I'll actually be giving this to Psychodiva before we enter Coldsteel but she's not getting it just yet.  How did you get past Red?! I'm not sure I should even battle you... But for the sake of my honor, I will! SUSANOOH Noose is kinda picking back up their originally naming theme, at least. I guess that's something.  His first Pokemon is a big, mean egg. That's pretty bad, but we're capable of handling it fairly easily.  His Mightyena is a bit more of a jerk, but that's just because its fast and spams Bite. And got me to flinch like 6 times out of 7 uses. Grumble, grumble... Makyuu Ichii-Bal (Instrumental) Yes, I still lost, and for it, I shall pay the price! I'll kill myself!  floor. ...should I fix this? Just skull. Just north of Noose's remains, we can find yet another hidden Sitrus Berry. I guess these are a smidge more prolific than I thought, but are still fairly worthless.  And just around the corner from there is this guy. Violets are blue... Our leader... Should have killed you...! SUSANOOH Poe here is the last Team Blade grunt we will ever have to fight.  I'm just gonna bask in that for a second. He's not even hard despite the level.  He just REALLY likes to spam Whirlwind, the jerk. Makyuu Ichii-Bal (Instrumental) Disgraced himself in battle... But wrote a haiku...   Dumb artsy bullshit. Killed himself predictably. Now I want to laugh. ... ...huh, I guess it is kind of fun.Oh good, Fang has a hobby. God knows he needs one.  Life Orb tucked away in the grass here. Very nice item but I probably won't use it, though.  Nice of it to warn us about that here. Didn't do it before, though. And it doesn't recommend saving/healing like it did at the Sharfeeto+Jin bit.  Why is this a regular Potion? Why is this here?  Requisite Rare Candy for the route is just off to the side here. Let's head into the gatehouse and get to...  ...Eulb!  I happened to be in the area, and I reeeeeeaaally wanted to fight you. Okay, gently caress, I know I killed you last time. You're loving dead. ...Am I, per chance, speaking to a ghost? Bullshit, I didn't. I killed you. I killed you twice. You just really pissed me off by beating me in battle twice. I don't think you have any conceptual idea as to what a dead person is. No, I remember killing you. I have very vivid imagery of the moment my fist pierced your brain. I remember the sheer pleasure I I killed you. Ahahahah. Hah. You know I'm in a big loving hurry, right? loser? Um, the lives of literally everybody in the upcoming town? Ahahaha. Since when have you cared about people's lives, Fang? You're just a monster, through and through. C'mon, let's just go ahead and battle, why don't we? No. Too bad, fight me or I'll kill you. That's illegal. Do you really think that'll-- wait, no, Fang.  He's a dumbass. Of course. Excellent. Jonathan Young - Bring Me to Life  Alright, Eulb round 3. Let's do this, then.  He has a Medeeveel of his own. That' fine. Leeveetate's main stat is her Speed, so she can handle this on her own.  Mostly by being a rude Accuracy dropping jerk, but whatever works!  Oh and her Wing Attack deals decent-ish damage too.  Even with guttered Accuracy, she got hit by too many Twisters. Staravia's Intimidate isn't that big of a deal, though.  After all, we'll be swapping out for a bowling bomb.  Rollout + Metronome works very well, I've learned.  ...But since it survived the first hit, it got to sneak in an Endeavor. That's so, so mean.  This is just rubbing salt in the wound, really.  Locked into Rollout means STRIKE! was gonna go down, but at least her death causes damage to Lucario as well!  And Killow is untouchable here, so she can finish it off.  Lucario spends the rest of the fight using Me First. For some reason.  Can't copy her setup...  Can't copy her damage over time moveset...  It can copy her attacks, but they're Normal so it doesn't help.  Houndour is last, and eh. I think Killow has this now.  This is a minor inconvenience, but nothing happens from it so who cares.  Smog does like 3 damage. I'm so terrified.  Bite does a bit more, at a whopping 6. ...The Leftovers she has heals exactly 6 at this point. How about that! Makyuu Ichii-Bal (Instrumental) Is my life seriously in... this guy's hands, now? I can't believe I just... lost to you! Uh, really? Because, I've beat you twice now. Why are you expecting any loving less? It's... impossible! Uh-huh. poo poo...! What are you going to do?!Do you even need to ask?  Now, to save the city.Yeah, sure, but that can wait just a tick. I wanna go back and check something...  ...taking a stop at the Daycare to get the one part of mandatory (for Pokedex) breeding out of the way.  Like an 11% chance every 256 steps. I hope Coldsteel doesn't mind how like this kept it waiting.  They left an egg just lying around, little ingrates. I don't like having that poo poo around the Day Care. Will you take it off my hands? Yes. There's no easy places to hatch this, so I just grinded it out right now the longer, slower way. By running laps in Blackheart City.  You probably guessed this was gonna be a Gible, since we could only catch Gabite. Now we're just gonna this little fella into the PC, and never think about it again.  I don't loving know. I can't wrap my head around this poo poo. P-please, just leave me alone! school food punishment - Egoist  Okay, let's finally head north of Route 670 and into Coldsteel City! Psh... Nothin personnel, kid.There was an objectively better chance to use that earlier.  if you have them. So, I'm just a police officer. Because that makes sense, right? We're finally at Coldstel City. There should be a Big Pokemon around here somewhere...  But first, another one of hese berries! Silence It's all been destroyed, all of it! If only... if only I was a little quicker!  Vogel im Kafig  I sure love killing insignificant humans! ...you...! ...YOU! Oh, hey, man, what's up? ...you killed Mom! You're responsible for EVERYTHING! You SICK gently caress! Prepare to meet your end! Oh, okay. DIE! Jiyuu no Tsubasa Welp, the third and final Big Pokemon. And it's the only one that can be considered a threat too.  Oh, its Ability is always Pressure. That's mildly inconvenient.  But that it has actual attacks definitely is too.  ...That did 48 damage. While resisted. Yikes.  Yeah, so, gently caress that. Putting this bugger to sleep, then!  Calm Mind + Twisted Spoon + STAB means that it only takes two Dream Eaters to finish this thing off. Bonus:  It could've wasted its first turn using Splash. Other two moves are Bounce and Roost, by the by. Vogel im Kafig Finally, after YEARS of hunting for you... dreaming of killing you... wanting to piss on your ashes! I will FINALLY be able to kill you! Now, for the finishing blow!  I shall defeat this monster for you! GIGA IMPACT!!! No animation this time. It just turns the screen blue for a second.  Silence Did you just steal my kill? Did you just steal my revenge on the one creature that I've been hunting down throughout the entirety of this adventure? That was my kill, asshat! Tell me your name, tell me your loving name! Why, certainly, friend! My name is- Hmmm... was that my name? Why, I suppose it was! Coldsteel City! Junichi Masuda - Battle! Elite Four  Ahahahaha! Ohohohoh! It was nice meeting you!I guess next time, we'll check out what remains of Coldsteel City and maybe fit the gym in if we have time. Lotus Aura fucked around with this message at 10:21 on May 18, 2020 |
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May 6, 2020 00:43
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This game veers wildly between 'genuinely funny' and 'just bad'. I feel like this is a kid/teenager project, and with some polish as a writer and maturity, they'll have potential to make great stuff or at least more consistently funny romhacks.
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May 6, 2020 02:59
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The main problem is that it's wrapped around a genuine Pokemon game with its usual challenges and mechanics. There should be more OwTheEdge moments in the battles proper- add the ability to equip your Pokemon with uncomfortably detailed real world guns or something.
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May 6, 2020 08:04
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I think the creators should drop the edgy stupid unfunny bullshit and just make a normal Pokemon game. Everything seems decently put together and I genuinely like/would use most if not all of the new Pokemon, and the few not-ridiculously-edgy characters (okay pretty much just Bro, though Eulb has had a couple of moments) are also well done. 90% of the 'humour' is just bad, but everything that isn't 'humour' is really good.
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May 6, 2020 10:03
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Egoist Coldsteel City, or what's left of it anyway, is deceptive. There's basically nothing to do here, but we have a lot to do before we go face Asshat. It's not important on its own, but I really need to do this. Because I'm me, yes.  Better to leave it alone.  gently caress you, Rattastic!There's not too many people left in Coldsteel, but there's just enough for it to not be worthless.  We even get one of these laying out in the open, in case we need one. Sneasels can have one sometimes, of course, but Barkbarks can too.  Requisite Rare Candy hiding in this rock too. We'll be using these very soon, actually, but boy do we have nowhere near enough.  He defeated that big Pokemon all by himself! I don't even care that both of my parents died in the attack! I can't go on my big daily bike ride! What a bummer! Oh, yeah, and people died too, I guess.Yes, that's Yahn in the corner. We'll be ignoring her until we need to her move out of the way out of the gym doors.  Nothing can go wrong with that, right? hazardous fall zones.Yeah, so, there's no way out of Coldsteel now to the north, east or west. That might be a wee bit of a problem...   I'm going to play some real music. Justin Bieber feat. Ludacris - Baby   ...Yeah, this... this is real. This just plays now until we either leave the Pokecenter or reboot the game.   Do you like fishing in chasms and canyons? Yes. That's really stupid. Everybody knows you can't fish in bottomless pits.I really wish there was a silly thing you could get from doing that, but no dice. Egoist Pokemon that was recently in the area. I can safely say that it caused a significant amount of damage. I'll let you know more as I can.Gee, thanks Rekool. How helpful.  Now that our leader has been sealed away, my purpose, too, has been lost. I wish you well in the next life, stranger.Great, whatever. There's two shopkeeps here...  ...but there's none of the Situationally Useful Balls here. Just a bunch of healing items we don't need. Alright, so, we're now done with Coldsteel City. We just need to go fight Asshat. But first!  I have shoved... a lot of Rare Candies in this potted plant. Why? Well, there is an absurd level spike coming up very soon. If we want to use a real team, we gotta grind. A lot. So, uh, nah. gently caress that. I'm doing this to skip it. How absurd are we talking?  That. That absurd. It's immediately after Asshat, but there's... a reason why I'm not gonna do this then. You'll see. Also I'm going to take this opportunity to max out our Pokedex as much as I can. There's still some things we can't get until later, though. There's no particular order to these, other than the order they were in my PC box(es): BATTLE!! Also, I'm doing all the regular normal Pokemon first. Kirlia into Gardevoir at level 30. Can't get Gallade at this point.  Mankey into Primeape at level 28.  Dratini into Dragonair at level 30...  ...and Dragonite at level 55.  Staravia into Staraptor at level 30.  Spoink into Grumpig at level 32. Figured that one was earlier.  Shuppet into Banette at level 37. Same with this one.  Luxio into Luxray at level 30. Thought this one was later.  Pawniard into Bisharp at level 52. Why would you not drop that to something reasonable...?  Houndour into Houndoom into level 24.  Gabite into Garchomp at level 48.  Lastly, Sneasel into Weavile via levelling up while holding a Razor Claw. Does have to be night time, which means your computer clock has to be between 8pm and 5am. Can't get Clefable or Vulpix right now. Alakazam, Scizor, Porygon2 (and therefore also Porygon-Z) are all actively unobtainable because they all still require Trading. Can't even get the items Scizor and Porygon2 need either.  Killow becomes literally the entire bed at level 33. Can't sleep, bed'll hug me.  Frank West is the only thing in the game that requires Happiness. I'll let you decide if it was worth it.  Trent uses that Leaf Stone we picked up back in the Forest of the Dead.  Ophelia takes our Dusk Stone from Route 669.  Floatskull beomes Edgy Duosion at level 25.  And finishes up at Edgy Reuniclus at level 38.  Florentine learns Egg Bomb at level 25, and never again afterwards. This is relevant because...  She needs to know that to evolve. I'm sure you can understand why I opted to just use a billion Rare Candies now. Egoist Now all that's left is the gym. N-no? I don't BELIEVE YOU! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Y-you just saw all of that? ... I'm so embarrassed! That's MY kind of woman.So, uh, along with Coldsteel being the end of the map, it's also where this weird running subplot just... stops. There's no more Yahn Deer at all at this point. She just disappears of the face of the world. Possibly literally.  And because we're two for two on putting in minimal effort here, there's no new music for the gym. It's just Egoist (not to be confused with EGOIST) pitched down slightly in RMXP.  You shouldn't even be here! Our leader, Asshat, is one of the most powerful trainers in the world! The only reason he's still alive is out of the respect the wicked champion gave to his talent. Best of luck to you - you're really going to need it! Silence Have you made yourself comfortable? I don't like challenges from other trainers. I much prefer saving the lives of innocents such as yourself. However, I am not allowed to turn down a challenge from anybody. And if you choose to challenge me in battle, I will not hesitate to end your life in accordance to gym leader law. The only person that's going to be dying today is you, moron.Along with everyone that Magizard killed (offscreen). We don't have to do this. We could be friends! We could try to save the world together! What do you say, citizen? Very well. For the sake of Coldsteel City... those I love... those I must protect... I will defeat you, stranger! For you... This is the end! What's Up, People! Time for the third gym leader, then. We might not have other trainers to gauge him with, but I get a feeling he's gonna be using Fighting types...  ...but something about this seems off.  I'm not exactly sure what it is.  But we did just oneshot his entire team. Including through resistances. Not too shabby. Silence No way... D-did you just beat me? Uh, dude? Your team really, really sucked. There's no way you're supposed to be an amazing trainer. That was just... That was just really lame, sorry. But... my friends... my city... my noble goals... ... No! I'm not finished yet! I'm not gonna give up! For the sake of my friends... I HAVE to do this!One fade to that obnoxiously bright red later... What's Up, People!  Citizen... no. Demon! And I'll use everything within my power to ensure that you won't leave this place alive! Now, to battle!Finally. You talk too much.  Oh geez, even his second form's trainer class name is terrible.  At least he makes up for it by, like, having real levels and stuff now. Of course, if you can get here, you'll still be able to win.  Switching Kneeveel in could've gone better. Like with Eulb's against Killow, he just spams Me First.  That could've gone better, to say the least.  But since he only ever uses Me First, we can just spam Quick Attack to win without proccing it.  I expected Ominous Wind to hurt it more, but this is fine. The Lucario was probably the scariest thing he has anyway.  ...Grated his Hariyrai is over level 25, so she has Belly Drum. That would matter more if it got to capitalise on it.  Lastly, we have his Primeape. Which, uh, sure is a Primeape. It's strong enough to beat Pao-Lin before we can finish it off, but...  That lets Machu Pichu walk in, drop an Electro Ball and win the fight. Silence Nope. Still not very difficult. The hype surrounding you was really, really lame. ...very well. ..so, this is my fate. I... I have to die here.   Killing me... ...and YOU with it. What?! What are you talking about?!What kinda sore loser bullshit bluff is this? ... ... ...this is the end. Sadness and Sorrow Toshio Masuda - Sadness and Sorrow             End ... Ha... C-cool stuff... You know, uh, shoot... I... I... can't... Okay, you know things are bad when Bro stops smiling!  This world is so, so stupid! It's always killing the people I love off like some practical joke! Mom, Martha, Fang...! I couldn't deal with it... I acted like it was all so funny! But I can't deal with this any more! Fang... he... he was all I had! To care about! That's it, world! You've won! It's not funnny anymore! Silence It's not... Funny... ...I am so sorry. There's nothing I can do.
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May 8, 2020 00:04
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Huh, that's actually kind of an interesting thing to do. But it seems like it's going to ruin Bro as a character and also apparently there's a 60 level spike coming up, so... yeah.
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May 8, 2020 00:31
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If I were a betting man I’d put money on Punished Bro having to fight Fang’s ghost fused into an evil Pokémon or something dumb of that nature
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May 8, 2020 00:48
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Time for Brovenge? "Bottom percent Rattastic" got a genuine chuckle out of me as well. As did Mid-Bossing Asshat.
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May 8, 2020 00:57
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No game don't go Cerebus Syndrome and be serious I hate it when comedies do that 
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May 8, 2020 01:57
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And there goes most of the few things I sort of liked about this game. Can't see this going well.
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May 8, 2020 13:46
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This could be good. I doubt it.
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May 8, 2020 21:08
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Satire just doesn't work anymore (or ever?), you are what you write. Live by the edge, die by the edgelord
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May 9, 2020 00:56
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If I had any faith in the writer, I'd say "Cool, we get to play as the actually good character now." But I don't.
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May 9, 2020 01:19
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Fang dead, so what? He's died a bunch already, so let's add some more to that list shall we. And I guess some other stuff too.  There's not too much to see this go around, so we'll skip right to Eerie City...  In particular, to losing to Bidoom. Which causes Gnaf to use Double Team himself. Prepare to die! Not that it helped, mind.  Might as well catch it, just because. Bidoom doesn't instantly crash the game if we check the Pokemon menu since it has a sprite there! ...But it's one that belongs to a postgame thing. Yeah.  So, there's two things in Eerie City itself I missed before. This guy by the exit drops a blank text box of his own (twice)...  And then he just turns into a skull. Somehow it's even more sudden than when other people get killed.  Also this girl... H E L PYeah. It, uh, yeah.  Anyway, Eulb! There's not much to him here, especially compared to back at Lore Town.  Nope. You probably think you killed me, but I guarantee you - you didn't. I don't kill quite so easily. So, if I go back to Lore Town, there won't be a skull where I last fought you? ... Okay, then.Then it carries on like before, yada yada. If we didn't kill him at any point then this gets skipped entirely, of course.  So, we'll beat him here. This has the most variety of the event, since it maaaaarginally changes depending on how many times we've killed Eulb. I haven't even tried to kill you yet. Not even once.Or...  ...or...  ...Yep. Variety! You can gently caress off with the "am I gonna die" bullshit. I just don't care anymore. Get out of here. Are you mocking me?! Leave now, or I WILL kill you. ... I hate you.Technically killing him here does also change depending on the number of times we've done it before. We've seen both once and twice already.  Yeah, doing it only once prior is the same as doing it both times but with like one less text box. drat, this guy drove me loving insane. Now, to save the city. Of course, we have the requisite defeat. This one is the same whether its the first loss or the third. I've won. Okay, great, good stuff. Can I go, now? ...Are you forgetting something, Gnaf? What? What is it? Yeah, but you wouldn't. Actively chose not to at Lore Town! ... ...Excuse me? This is the end, Gnaf! Finally, I will give you what you so deserve!  Since everything else from here is just a conga-line of Gnaf getting murked, let's skip to Magizard.  This one is the only one that might actually happen, I guess. So of course...  ...It's glitched. RMXP is not the best system, but this one straight up glitches if you lose.  It ends the event, gives you control back but whoops we're technically spriteless now.  It's not always easy to see, so here we are having entered the Pokemart.  So I had to fix it myself. This is a dumb RPG Maker issue. It checks events from the last page to the first, and stops when it hits one that's met. In this case, it gets to page 3 and stops there. What's page 3?  This completely blank thing that ends the event. I haven't done it myself, but apparently if you go back and beat Magizard in this state, the game just locks up because it can't continue. I believe it, personally.  So I just took event page 2 and pasted it after page 4. Problem solved. Like mother, like son! I couldn't avenge you after all. While we're here and messing with events though, let's grab a Magizard of our own.  The last bit of success we're going to get here.  Now all we have to do is get beaten by a tiny baby loser.   ...loving what? Did you just lose this battle? Seriously? I'm offended. Like, how the hell?! You don't just loving LOSE this fight! That's not something that happens on purpose!It's badly worded, but the sudden narrator here means that this fight is intentionally too easy. It's on purpose that you don't lose. As opposed to every other fight where you theoretically could without going out of your way to do so. Be honest with me, player! Yes posted:
No posted:
 YOU'RE DISRESPECTING MY REALITY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Well, guess what?! If you think this game is such a joke, I'll delete your files! That's right, bitch! All that hard work and effort?! Gone! Oh, and by the way, this time, you don't get a speed up button OR running shoes! And that character with the bike?! They won't even be there!Y'know, a New Game Minus like this could be a neat idea. Not sure Pokemon is the best vehicle for it, but it could work for some things I'm sure. Don't gently caress with developers, rear end in a top hat! ... ... AAAAH I'M SO ANGRY! You know what?! gently caress this poo poo, just, gently caress it! Enjoy your game over, rear end in a top hat! Maybe next time, you'll take me seriously! Agh, drat, CAN'T BELIEVE THIS poo poo! Rather than give us a game over, though, this one just kicks us back to the title screen. I'm running Gnaf's Alternative Adventure in debug mode so I can speed through it. That does mean I don't have an actual title screen here.  But, yeah, that's Asshat 1. What about after the Super Stupid powerup? BEGONE! ...Yeah, it's an anticlimax. So now we'll just rewind this death, so we can beat him and die. Ah well, next time we'll see what happens after this sudden 5 year timeskip.
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May 11, 2020 01:11
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Right, Fang died. That was a bit of a while ago now... INTERNATIONAL TEAM Oh jeez, Bro has an awful redesign. The one minor and potentially nice bit is that his shades match Mako's heterochromic eyes. ...you still on that? It's true that the big Pokemon have Red's been sealed. You can't do anything to change that. Come on, Bro... you weren't always this uptight. What happened to you? ...Bro? ...heh. I'm not Bro. I can't be Bro. There's no longer anybody to be "Bro" to. When Fang died, so did "Bro". I am only "Hate"....Yes. He's decided to rename himself to Hate. For the most part this final part of the game is pure edge with no real jokes to speak of. it has its moments, but I'm not sure how many are intentional.  That Eulb of all people is here to call it out helps a little, at least. Come on, man, you used to be fun - you used to be cool! That was before Fang died. Dude, just, learn to chill. I can't chill. My brother... is dead. Uh, you didn't seem to care all that much when your mom died. My mother... is dead. ...okay? Now. I am going to finish what he started. Try and guess just how many Big Pokemon we'll be fighting here. I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. To do this... I will destroy the source of it all. Red is alive, Eulb. He's still causing havoc, even from the vast reaches of the void. I am going to enter the void. Okay. Have fun. Thank you for being my friend these last few years. Farewell. Bye. Egoist There's many a new skull dotted everywhere now. Even by the gate leading to Route 669, and where the Shadow Tag was. We just can't get there to see them. I will not turn back now. It's time to bring this sick joke to an end. We've got a full team of level 80+ mons now, as a precaution. Whatever was in our PC as Fang is still there now, but his team during the Asshat fight is gone.  This semi-fixed team is good enough for what we need it for today. Though, they come with no EVs, random IVs and the most recent 4 level up moves. It's a bit of a pain, but it's my problem to deal with. ...I am gonna swap his Makupika and Squirro around though. Want that squirrel in the first slot.  It's a special mode of existence that very few people have acquired! They say this species adopted this form out of spite for being overlooked as a normal type Pokemon.I'm not sure it's intentional, but I kinda dig this random Team Blade grunt with this indirect comparison to a squirrel. There's two other Blade grunts hanging out here, but they're boring.  Oh, right, we're in Eerie City and are pretty railroaded where we can go. The random encounters here are level 80 as well, so I'm grabbing a Max Repel to get through this quick. There's no new thing that aren't just evolutions of old things. But we're on a straight line to the ending here so who cares.  If you do for whatever reason, you can find this grunt in the Pokecenter.  He sells you the Eeveelution stones for $2k a pop. We can easily afford it but nah.  Regular storekeep is here too, hanging out wtih Nurse Hate. I buy Full Restores and Max Revives and then remembered there's only one fight left and I'm not using items in battle. Whoops.  Route 670 is mostly the same as it was before but with one notable difference.  This is just sitting here where the Dragon Stone was before.  Two more shopkeepers outside the Tunnel of Despair. Left one sells all the regular evolution stones we can use. The conspicuous lack of a Water or Thunder Stone is not an oversight.  One on the right sells us the special balls. Might want to buy some later, but no point now.  Inside the Tunnel of Despair is a Cursed Egg that's pointless.  By the crystal is an EXP Share that's equally pointless.  We can't even get past the Tunnel of Fear. We're very limited where we can go, yes. Silence We get to choose between Eerie City, Route 670 and the point of no return that locks us into the ending. Let's get this over with then! ...once I've entered the void, there's a strong possibility I will never, ever return. It's time to finish this, once and for all. Goodbye, world. ...So, uh, in a "brilliant" design decision, the devs decided to make this red text on a red background. It's as bad as it sounds. I made the decision to fix it so it's, y'know, readable. You think I am your enemy. But you have not seen what I have seen. Welcome to my world. Junichi Masuda - Pallet Town ordinarily this is the FRLG version but LGPE sounds better youre welcome   It took me a while, but I've done it. I'm not sure how to feel about it, though. I might as well go ahead and tell the professor.We've got a small segment here where we get to play as FRLG-style Red. We can't open the menu or anything here, though.  This is very linear, of course, but here we have a sliver of freedom to check out the two houses.  "I hardly ever see you anymore." - Mom. ...What's a "Blue"? Must be a typo.  There's even a letter on his door.  ...And it's for his neighbour. Don't think about it too hard. "I'm out right now, but I'll bring back something special, just for you!" - Daisy. Just leaves the lab, then. The entire Red segment here is basically a minorly interactive cutscee. And from this point calling it "interactive" is generous.  What have you come to tell me about this time, my little genius? All 721 of them! It'd be 893, but this is functionally pre-Gen VII so... Huh? Yeah. It's done. N-no way... Please, let me see it! I have to confirm this for myself! ... My boy, you've done it! You really, truly have done it! Haha! Oh, hahah! This is the greatest day of my life! I knew I was right to give you a Pokemon! Uh... yeah. Congratulations. Oh, what would I ever have done without you, boy? What a magnificent job you've done for this world! Yeah. But... What do I do now? Well, that should be obvious! Why don't you find more trainers to battle against? That is your forte, after all! But there... I've already beat them all. I have no problems taking down new trainers. It doesn't matter how famous or incredible they're said to be... I just... beat them. And that's that. I see this version of Red never went to Mt Silver to end up getting dunked on by Ethan/Kris/Lyra. What purpose is there in such hollow victories? Haha, you're going to have to find that out yourself, my boy! Y-yeah, I guess...  This feeling of worthlessness... of uselessness... I'm... I'm nothing but a joke now... And... It's thanks to the two of you! ...Get out of the way, Red.  You never understand, do you, gramps?! That's just like you! Violence is the only thing you'd understand! So I'm gonna give you violence! Blue... p-put the knife down... There's a better solution t- Ouch, now that pun cuts worse than this scene being The Edgy Fanfic. ...heheh... feels good to say that. Y-you just... Don't think you're going to be left out of the party, Red. ...Two for two in bad puns that are just the worst.  Gah! This is going to feel good! ...! No! No, no, no, no, NO! H-how'd you... ...Red... we can... talk this out...! ...I... I just... killed him. What have I done...? ... What's this feeling? Did I... enjoy that? I just killed him... and I enjoyed it...! Aha... Hahaha... Ahahahahaha! Same deal as before. I swear this one is even less readable, despite being the same reds as it was last time. It was a feeling I tried to shut down. I tried to get rid of it. But the duller life got, the more I thought of how exciting that feeling was. It was so, so hard to stay away from the thought of doing it again. Eventually, I gave in. I needed that excitement. That sense of existence. And so I did it again. In a pointless display of "interactivity," we get to walk a linear path where we get small scenes every so often.   I-I thought we were friends! Killing was fun.It's honestly really skippable. A Kanto gym leader says one or two uninspired lines before Edgy Narrator Red says a couple more about how edgy he is. Repeat seven more times.  So, eh, we'll just skip past that. I needed to kill on a grander scale. So I began Team Blade. I created them for the sole purpose of killing more. Whenever I got bored of killing, I'd sleep with various women, too.I swear if my eyes coul roll any harder, they'd probably just fall out of their sockets right about now. And that's it. That's what my life ha been since that fateful day. This is everything, to me. Don't even bother trying to take it away. I'll end you if you try. Very well. It might provide me with a modicum of entertainment. I'm sure you've grown bored of hearing about my past, right? I didn't edit this one (except to remove the blindingly bright red). Whoever wrote it originally just... missed the formatting to make the text red. Not the first time we've seen that either. Michael Giacchino - Don't Luca Now  This looks like Red's room at Mt. Silver to me, just with a darker palette. That's obviously intentional and not just lazy. It IS lazy, but it's sensible lazy. I can appreciate it.  In practice, the crystal just dropped us here so there's nowhere to even go back to. It just took a while because we have to get Red's  So that we can deal with Red himself. Even understanding what kind of person I am? Even knowing that, as your father, I would kill you with a smile on my face? A psychotic scientist was my father. Wha- ...Okay, in fairness to this bit, this line did make me chuckle. It remembered to get one at least. My name's Hate. You indirectly killed my brother.He really didn't. Red had absolutely nothing to do with it at all, even. I've come to kill you. I... I... can't... Kehehehe... Gahahahaha! Do you know who I am?! I'm the champion of the Kanto region! I'm the leader of Team Blade! I'm the monster under your bed, and you're already dead before you even have the CHANCE to call for mommy! And you were sealed away by a little girl. ... ...ah, yes, I remember you now. The boy who had talent. That son of mine who was going to entertain me. Why is HE not here? Ah, now that's a true shame. I was waiting for him. I was waiting to fight him, so he could watch as I finally began to destroy that region of his he so wished to protect. You see this beast before me? It WANTS me to destroy everything. Just like me, it takes please in the  If god itself wants the world dead, why fight its will?Because it's not emblematic of the Judeo-Christian God. It's not even a monotheistic deity at all for that matter. It's closer to a Buddhis-- ah never mind. This is probably the one time where getting annoyed at fangames for that makes the least sense anyway. Boy, you're no talent - I can't sense anything there. But you're at least competent. Would you like to join Team Blade as an admin, and watch as our world crumbles into flames? I'll pass. I don't think you understand. This destruction won't end with our world. dreams. Are you aware of how much is capable with my powers? The powers of god itself? I'm good, thanks. Hah. That's a pity.Was this game Generic Anime enough for you before? No?    H-how are you blocking my attacks?! ...Well, how about now? I can see them coming from a mile away. Tch... Very well then.Oddly, we get a save prompt here as we get transferred to a new map. I'd take it just to avoid sitting through the whole flashback and most of this dialogue ever again. Silence I merely have to take you down with my Pokemon! Gehehe! This is going to be fun! It's been so long since I've had a real battle. There's something wonderfully stupid about this edgy grin portrait mixed with the simplest of Real Pokemon things. It doesn't make up for the rest of this scene, but it's a nice capstone to it...  Junkie XL - Brothers in Arms  ...And then it loses it by making Red's trainer class "Genocider". Blah. As for the final boss fight?  Well, it's Red. He's mostly based on his Mt Silver fight, of course, but with a few differences. His Pikachu being an edgy recolour is whatever at this point. Most of Red's team just uses generic trainer level up moves. His Pikachu is one of two that doesn't. His moveset is Frustration (Happiness: 0), Thunder Bolt, Volt Tackle and Thunder Wave.  Our squirrel can outspeed and oneshot him with Giga Impact though.  Charizard is generic level up stuff. Giga Impact gives him a turn to try and take Squirro out. Her job is done, though, so it hitting would be a blessing here.  But it missed, so we just swap the Bloodoom in.  Inferno did burn, but Hydro Pump oneshots pretty easily. Nothing major here.  Venusaur next, since Bloodoom is part Water and all. Sspaghetti can handle this, even though she needs to tank a Petal Dance.  And also is slower than Venusaur, so that's two Petal Dances before Searing Shot.. crits and oneshots Venusaur. Huh. Without that, it'd do about two-thirds HP. Ah well, next!  Blastoise, of course. Timbark's time to shine, then. Uses Iron Defense here, since Red's AI is smart enough to know that Sspaghetti gets healed by Water moves.  Could bait that to get Sspaghetti healed if need be, but nah. That's a waste of time.  Two Wood Hammers put him in the red, and anything else finishes off from here. Sometimes Red'll switch here, but this time he didn't. I'm not complaining about that.  Even if his penultimate Pokemon is this weird thing. There's an alternative version of this fight where instead of this sentient Bill Cipher-esque jar of jam, he has a.... Veneon.  Fang is a Psychic/Dragon, so he resists almost everything this Majemag thing can throw at us. Weird fact its only ability is Adaptability. Its Type is ???, so it never gets STAB here. Can't even learn a ??? move either, so...   Of course that means it has no weaknesses. No resistances either but eh.  It's quick, and Fang needs to setup to be able to do real damage. We're fine, though. At this point we can beat it down with a Psychic and move on to...  Red's final Pokemon. His Arceus has a Dreadplate, so its Dark type.  I'm fine with that, though. Swapping Makupika in to eat that Dark Pulse was pretty bad but we're fine.  See, his Arceus has Judgement (Dark), Frustration (Happiness: 0), Dark Pulse and Dark Void. His Frustration'll oneshot basically anything we have from full HP. Bloodoom's fine there, of course, but having three powerful Dark moves all getting STAB ruins any plans.  So I just let a perfectly normal squirrel come in and punch Red's God to death.  By the way, Hate's final form starter here is based on your choice, of course. It's an Edgucate if he took Rattastic at the start. Which he does if Fang takes Riolu or... Trubbish. Silence Gahahahaha! Gahaha... ...ha...? I... I'm confused. What just happened? You lost. Oh. ... ...uh... uhhhh.. huuuuuh?!?!?! No, that's a lie! This is a joke! I've never lost at a Pokemon battle, not once! horrible path to begin with! You're telling me that I was just... casually defeated by a total stranger?! Right here?! HOW?! How is this even remotely possible?!?! You just... really don't get it, do you? And the reason you were ever an amazing trainer at any point is because you were the main character then. Except, I'm the main character, now, and I get to avenge my brother. Funny how that works, right? Not as funny the second time, sorry. It means you're going to die now. H-huh? N-no I won't. Red's looking a little... black... Look, you're already beginning to flicker away. ...! No, this can't... And he's back again. As stated, Red's constantly flickering in and out of existence here. P-please, help me, don't let me die like this! Just like everyone YOU killed. ...! No,no, I don't want to die! I don't deserve this, do I?! You know, if Pokemon battles were really just that boring to you, you could have just... I don't know...    ...finally. It's over. I've won. And now... I must remain in the void. ...I did it for you. Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean     Yep, that's just how it ends. Very suddenly and outta nowhere. Can tell that they were running out of time and just got this done.  We do get this little epilogue though before the credits start to roll.  That's a threat.  And during the entire credits, we get these ugly purple and green recolured images from scenes throughout the game.  ...Well, that's how it went in Gnaf's alternative universe anyway. Next time: the True Ending. Lotus Aura fucked around with this message at 00:25 on May 18, 2020 |
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May 18, 2020 00:17
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This being a Game Jam product makes some of the weird and flat parts make a little more sense.
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May 18, 2020 00:41
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CANT WAKE UP
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May 18, 2020 01:23
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Well, it's.. Hm. It's not as bad as I feared, but not as good as I futilely hoped either. I suppose a resounding "Eh." feels about right.
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May 18, 2020 03:23
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Brothers in Arms doesn't deserve to be in this If youre game goes "hahaha what a bad story hook/gimmick am i right?" and does it anyways, that's not satire, just stupid.
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May 18, 2020 03:42
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Bellmaker posted:Brothers in Arms doesn't deserve to be in this They could've used the Dire Straits song for an emotional moment, that would've made me legit mad.
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May 18, 2020 03:54
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...Anyone remember when Gnaf's updates were funny?
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May 18, 2020 04:15
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I can't believe that he ruined the one good character that hard
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May 18, 2020 06:21
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Still, I can't help but like how the counter to Teleports behind you "Tch, nothing personell kid" is to turn around.
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May 18, 2020 06:42
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That sure is an ending.
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May 18, 2020 07:36
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So, before we see what hoops we need to jump through to get the real ending to this thing, we should look at the ever-so-extensive postgame. Egoist After we beat Red and the credits rolled, we get to save a clear file and are booted back here. That Pink Celebi is new...   Did you enjoy it? Please click the subscribe button below if you'd like to play more games like this!Don't forget to ring that little notification bell, so you get told when they're out!  No matter. There isn't much left for you to play, but if you want to play more, I'll send you back to the past. You know, just so there's still a game TO play. Nah, we'll stick here for now. The real postgame content is in the Bad Future segment anyway.  There's a conspicuous yellow crystal in the Tunnel of Despair now. Let's check it out, shall we? Jiyuu no Tsubasa Told ya we'd be able to get one of these things in the postgame.  It's not an interesting fight, mind. Just hit it til its low on HP then throw a Heavy Ball. Or maybe a Dusk Ball if you wanna go that one instead. I dunno the math, but this worked first try so that's good enough for me!  Its catch rate is 45, so it's not that hard anyway. It even has a real level up move list and everything. But you need to breed it to get that, apparently, and eh. Nah.  It's not even good, either. Its BST is 391 and its highest stat is its 90 base Attack. Yeah.  There's another crystal over in the Tunnel of Fear.  Ah, that... thing! Catch rate of 3, BST of 600 (100 in every stat)...  It's the closest this game has to an original Legendary, I guess, so why not.  Hmm, this gives me an idea...  I don't think Game Jams have much of a proper logo, hence why this thing is just a bunch of shapes. And also a jar of jam.  That's it as far as the future segment is concerned. We'll take Celebi up on the offer to go back in time now.  And that lets us play as Fang again! There's basically no reason to ever do this, mind. It's just here for if you want to, I dunno, complete the Pokedex I guess.  At least the PC is magic and lets you bring things forward AND backwards in time. That's kinda neat. Whatever Fang's team was for the Asshat fight is still available here, by the way. They're just not in the PC is all. Can swap that around here, if you want to for whatever reason.  In terms of actual postgame content, as far as I know Fang doesn't have any. International Team Speaking of which, we're done with the postgame stuff a far as I know. We'll just skip over the endgame stuff that's identical across both playthroughs.  While we're here, we'll buy one Fire Stone, one Moon Stone and one Dawn Stone.  The lack of Thunder and Water Stones is because Eevee can't use any of them. Only the new OC Eeveelutions are available.    And with these three stone evolutions done, this timeline's Fang has ensured that we've completed the Pokedex as much as I think is possible. I could be wrong and there's some way to get some things we've seen but not used, but I doubt it.  The dex itself feels kinda unfinished in a lot of ways. It duplicates ID numbers in some places, doesn't bother giving regional dex numbers for a lot of things, a strangely large amount of real Pokemon can be seen but not used, most evolution methods are unchanged from the base game locking you out of some things...  Anyway, the Red stuff is completely identical to before. We'll skip that, then!  And get right to the Red fight itself.  He has a Veneon here. That means we're on track for what we want here... Silence  ...? This Love Okay so when I said the ending stretch didn't really make jokes? That's not exactly true. ...But only at this point.  You. Oh, you. I have so, so many problems with you. quote: Ooooooh, where do I BEGIN?! Your brother? They ruined everything. Alledgedly. For years and years, I would happily tell beginning trainers how to jump off ledges. Seeing them try it themselves brought me great joy. It brought me purpose. And the your brother came along, and told me that it was pointless.quote:
 All those years. All those instances of me telling people about ledges. Jumping from them. Finding their way back up. And then he came and destroyed all of it. And now I'm out for blood. I joined Team Blade. I killed everybody in my path. I earned the trust of Jin and Red.Yeah, gotta call bullshit on that one, mate. I don't care what it takes. I wil find something that brings back that sense of joy. And if it's seeing your horrified So be it. Uh. I will give you a moment to prepare for battle.We get a chance to save here, if we want it. Probably a good idea, just for convenience. Also quietly fully healed at some point in here too.  Prepare for doom! Daisuke Ishiwatari - MUST DIE  So, who bet on the lEDGE Kid coming back as the secret final boss? Anyone? Ever? No? That's why I love this.  Shame the kid... kinda sucks. Not to fight. He's super easy.  That's his real problem. Most of his team are real Pokemon, and we're using an eclectic collection of Fauxkemon.  Not doing much here for type diversity, but that's more on me than the game. But also kinda the game.  I didn't really setup my team for the LEDGEnd we have to face here. I just went with things that I think are cool.  And a couple things we've not used yet (though they're not mutually exclusive). We got Medeeveel too late to be usable in Fang's timeline, so she can use a Choice Specs Draco Meteor to devour this Dragonite.  Also this is my Killow's final moveset. She is very rude and I am all for it. One of her final moves via level up is Bounce, which was tempting but... she doesn't need attacks to win.  Honestly, the biggest problem with this as a secret final boss is his team composition sucks. I mean, c'mon, a Jumpluff? Really?  I've been waiting for you, Majemag.  Now we'll see if the 'mon can live up to the LEDGEnd!  This is the greatest fishgun ever made. The Pistoff. Six Shoots...  More than enough to kill any team that moves. Silence Of course. It seems like, whenever I dedicate my life to something, this is the end result. I failed. I failed ledges. I failed Team Blade. I failed my ultimate battle.  ...What else could it possibly be? The void itself is calling to me. It's telling me what I must do.   It's over. I've won. All this world's major threats are gone. And now... I must remain in the void. ...I did it for you. Simple and Clean Simple and Clean And like before it just... suddenly ends.  And cue credits!  Epilogue bit here is identical to before.  At the time of writing, he hasn't yet though. Not even close. Far as I know, after this, the lead dev went on to work on a Pokemon game with so much feature creep it burned out and stalled, indefinitely, in February 2018. After starting in April 2017.  If you wanna see the full credits, I left them in the video.  They're surprisingly extensive and even go outta their way to credit Pokemon Essentials itself.  Along with RMXP and Pokemon as a whole.  Please support the official release! End International Team ...But wait, there's more! Excellent. Finally. Bill was a fool. A smart fool, but still a fool. Eulb... do you really need to do this? What's the point? What could you possibly accomplish?  ...Why?  Oh. Oh, I get it. The reason Eulb didn't die when he was killed was because he'd already died in the past that was his future. And as such, you shall refer to me by that name. U-uh, okay, "Luthier". I'm pretty sure that's the name of a famous person, but I'm not sure who. You still don't have to do this. There's no point to it.Not to mention it's ludicrously out of character! I'll decide what the point is. Goodbye, gramps. I appreciate all you've done for me. ...ah, I see. Guess...guess I should go, now. Gonna be awkward and embarrassing when he realises he can't get anywhere from that door.  But while he's figuring that out, someone comes up the ladder.  I am no longer Bro... I am no longer Hate... I am... And so, in the post-credits cutscene they finally reveal that the game was secretly a stable time loop all along. Brave move, that. "Nice game. What do you call it?" 
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May 20, 2020 00:08
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No one cares about ledges.
But-
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Thanks for the lp! What do you have to do to get the true ending, complete the pokedex? You kind of gloss over the requirements for it.
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May 20, 2020 01:31
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Oh, nothing so complicated as that; just have to talk to the Ledge Kid on Route 666 at any point ever. Figured it was self-explanatory from context. My bad!
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May 20, 2020 01:38
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| # ? May 2, 2024 06:46 |
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I don't have strong feelings about ledge kid but I'm not surprised this game went from satire to just... whatever it was trying to satirize. In any case, thanks for showing it off, Dragonatrix!
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May 20, 2020 01:53
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