What if in LOTR they had guns instead of swords

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > What if in LOTR they had guns instead of swords

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take the moon: by sebmojo

companion thread to https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3913971

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:48

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 16:24

take the moon: by sebmojo

best friends

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:52

take the moon: by sebmojo

what if in Blade Runner they had wands instead of guns

not very sporting to cast agonizing death spells on unarmed opponents ugh ow yeow *dies slow and painfully while paralyzed from deckards autoaim death spell*

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:55

take the moon: by sebmojo

what if in Blade Runner they had swords instead of guns

not very sporting to stab an unarmed opponent *dies from sword in back*

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:56

alnilam

aragorn goes down to the basement in rivendell to behold the shards of narsil, the ancient weapong of his ancestors now in pieces

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:59

wearing a lampshade

Instead of horse poo Rohan would instead be covered in tread marks

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:41

take the moon: by sebmojo

legolas surfing a shield down a giant elephant trunk dualwielding aks getting sick headshots activates killstreak gandalf flies in on a helicopter with gimli manning chaingun We Have Won the Battle of Gondor

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# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:49

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

"You have my gun!"
"And my gun!"
"And my gun!"

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:52

Finger Prince

You have my assault rifle
And my sniper rifle
And my minigun

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:53

Finger Prince

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

"You have my gun!"
"And my gun!"
"And my gun!"

Dammit

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:54

Finger Prince

The orcs all use AK47s

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:54

wearing a lampshade

*-----------------* |YOU SHALL NOT PASS!| *-----------------* \ | \|

# ? Feb 12, 2020 00:01

take the moon: by sebmojo

gandalf_the_gray420xxx unlocks white skin from lootbox in f2p "walking in the middle of lothlorien??? simulator"

# ? Feb 12, 2020 00:09

Macnult

�why didn�t they just fly one of the eagles to mordor?�
*pauses the movie*
do you really wanna sit here and count every sniper rifle shown right now?

# ? Feb 12, 2020 01:37

wearing a lampshade

Legolas bending bullets all over the place

# ? Feb 12, 2020 01:38

Macnult

Gimli: I never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an elf.
Legolas: What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli: Aye, I could d-

Gimli�s Remington Model 700 misfires due to a faulty trigger mechanism that has given the rifle such a notorious controversy. Several injuries and deaths have resulted from this design flaw, the most recent one being a bloodthirsty orc who just finished scaling a castle wall.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 01:50

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Gwaihir the Windlord: I have not forgotten the wizard who removed those rounds from my shoulder...

Gandalf: Ride or die, homie. Ride or die.

Bilbo: The gently caress?

Gimli: Best let it lie, laddie.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 01:59

Finger Prince

Moria - the party shelters in a dark stone room containing old bones, a well and an ominous warning..."guns...guns in the deep... They are coming"
Pippin, bored, wanders toward the well, idly twirling his pistol. Suddenly, *BANG!* the gun goes off!
The party all turn at once toward the noise. Gandalf curses, "fool of a Took! Shoot yourself next time!".
Then, from the depths of the well can be heard the distant sound of the loading of firearms. The cocking of shotguns and chambering of rounds.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 02:08

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Macnult posted:

Gimli: I never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an elf.
Legolas: What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli: Aye, I could d-

Gimli�s Remington Model 700 misfires due to a faulty trigger mechanism that has given the rifle such a notorious controversy. Several injuries and deaths have resulted from this design flaw, the most recent one being a bloodthirsty orc who just finished scaling a castle wall.

Gandalf clutches OrcBlaster, his ancient and powerful Winchester Model 70.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 02:31

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Gandalf clutches OrcBlaster, his ancient and powerful Winchester Model 70.

That would be a pre- '64 Model 70, of course.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 02:39

alnilam

Barking Gecko posted:

That would be a pre- '64 Model 70, of course.

yeah, pre the 64th year of existence

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Feb 12, 2020 03:07

alnilam

albany academy posted:

*-----------------* |YOU SHALL NOT PASS!| *-----------------* \ | \|

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Feb 12, 2020 03:08

Jaguars!

Macnult posted:

�why didn�t they just fly one of the eagles to mordor?�

Because of the anti aircraft batteries

# ? Feb 12, 2020 03:41

alnilam

oh they couold have flown eagles there alright

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Feb 12, 2020 03:46

biosterous

i may not be able to carry your glock, mr frodo, but i can at least carry you!

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Feb 12, 2020 04:06

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

gollum shoots his friend in the back of the head execution-style because he coveted his friend's desert eagle .50 with mother-of-pearl US flag engraved pistol grips

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Feb 12, 2020 04:08

Escape From Noise

Aragon: THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD!

# ? Feb 12, 2020 04:28

Trying

well the good news is that denethor is no longer an attempted family annihilator

# ? Feb 12, 2020 04:38

Yinlock

alnilam posted:

oh they couold have flown eagles there alright

famous plot hole: why didn't gandalf contact his offshore aircraft carrier at the beginning

# ? Feb 12, 2020 05:35

Yinlock

gandalf: it's the perfect gun, no one can resist it's power and flawless performance

aragorn: yeah maybe for amateurs

gandalf: first of all,

# ? Feb 12, 2020 05:38

Yinlock

Macnult posted:

Gimli: I never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an elf.
Legolas: What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli: Aye, I could d-

Gimli�s Remington Model 700 misfires due to a faulty trigger mechanism that has given the rifle such a notorious controversy. Several injuries and deaths have resulted from this design flaw, the most recent one being a bloodthirsty orc who just finished scaling a castle wall.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 05:45

Winifred Madgers

In a foxhole in the ground there lived a hobbit

# ? Feb 12, 2020 06:08

Escape From Noise

Gandalf using his vape tricks to nonverbally communicate coded messages to his hobbit sleeper agents.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 06:29

Uxzuigal: Chill Berserker Dude

Sauron: MY EYE! MY EYE! WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME IN THE EYE??!

<3 <3 Vanisher

# ? Feb 12, 2020 12:16

Heather Papps: hello friend

Yinlock posted:

gandalf: it's the perfect gun, no one can resist it's power and flawless performance

aragorn: yeah maybe for amateurs

gandalf: first of all,

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Feb 12, 2020 13:11

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

innkeeper: hey that guy in the corner was asking about you

frodo: *looks over to see aragorn casually assembling an AR-15*

frodo: i don't like this

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Feb 12, 2020 18:05

Escape From Noise

That scene from The Hobbit where the orks have the dwarfs and Bilbo up a tree and set it on fire while singing that song but it's the orks circling around the tree in their pickupss shooting off their guns and singing "If You Wanna See Heaven".

Edited because I can't remember any of these danged character names

Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 18:28 on Feb 12, 2020

Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

# ? Feb 12, 2020 18:10

alnilam

SWR I hate to be that guy but twice now, TWICE, you have referred to events in the Hobbit and called Bilbo "Frodo"

I'm only warning you because both Frodo and Bilbo have guns so I wouldn't want to piss them off too much

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Feb 12, 2020 18:25

Escape From Noise

alnilam posted:

SWR I hate to be that guy but twice now, TWICE, you have referred to events in the Hobbit and called Bilbo "Frodo"

I'm only warning you because both Frodo and Bilbo have guns so I wouldn't want to piss them off too much

See this is why I hate this Harry Potter/LOTR influx. I haven't really read either of these since I was in junior high and fans really care about these things

Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

# ? Feb 12, 2020 18:27

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 16:24

alnilam

it's fine i'm just looking out for your safety

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Feb 12, 2020 18:52

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > What if in LOTR they had guns instead of swords

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