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life is pointless
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Feb 21, 2020 03:15
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 11:16 |
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It's 2 am and the existential horror is here.
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Feb 21, 2020 10:13
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I don't want to go to bed because I don't want tomorrow to happen
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Feb 26, 2020 09:43
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Having 3 am thoughts at 5pm right now
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Feb 27, 2020 02:15
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Captain Hygiene posted:3 AM: drat I'm tired, wish I could get some sleep Laying in bed overwhelmed with Embarrassment and regret for every thing I've ever done. Unable to sleep.
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Feb 27, 2020 02:21
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I've given myself mental illness
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Feb 27, 2020 08:32
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gently caress
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Mar 2, 2020 08:58
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Code Jockey posted:the only reason I am asleep from 3 to 6 is that I have to be up for a loving dumb 9 am call every day literally exactly this
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Mar 2, 2020 09:15
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I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want to wake up tomorrow
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Mar 2, 2020 09:17
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today was a really bad day I muscled through it. But why though. All of that frustration and anger and struggle for what. So I get to continue to sit alone in the same room? My tinnitus is deafening.
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Mar 12, 2020 05:00
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lol the day got worse
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Mar 12, 2020 08:45
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I couldn't imagine the innocence of not questioning life at every moment
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Apr 1, 2020 05:57
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uh oh here I go starting to reflect on the world again lol
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Apr 5, 2020 07:01
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Code Jockey posted:
Same right down to watching the same GDQ stuff I've watched over and over again except not worrying about the forums but suffering under the concept of infinity and that I have to go through the entire rest of my life and then once that's over I then need to wait for not the heat death of the universe but an infinite amount of time
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Jul 1, 2020 03:42
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I wasted my entire day writing a toy kafka app for the first time that I can use for testing keda for scaling based on kafka consumer lag. near the end one of my consumer groups just stopped working somehow, like doesn't register at all that messages are coming in and I don't know why even though a second consumer group continues to work just fine with the exact same code. took me like 2 minutes to write a prometheus query to pull my kafka lag stats out of burrow but 2 hours to figure out how to write something in line in my app to calculate the instantaneous lag for each partition because I thought the burrow stuff being delayed by a minute was too much for initial testing. probably would have been easier if i just used confluent's library instead. and i still don't know why the autoCommit thing doesn't work. i set the timer to do it every second and it still did nothing, except it was I think but something somehow in my code wasn't picking it up until i did an explicit commit(). i looked at the source for that method but idk i didn't see anything about a state refresh in it so i don't know why it wasn't working i should have just wrote it in golang and stole the exact code that the kafka scaler plugin uses for its calculations of lag but ive never actually written golang before and didn't want to rock the boat im a fraud and i need to carry this burden forward for like another 10 years until I have enough money to retire and become a gardener Methanar fucked around with this message at 06:38 on Jul 2, 2020 |
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Jul 2, 2020 06:34
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another day another 100 swipes on all the different dating apps met with silence I got my RSU cliff last week. I've been counting the days ever since I got my 3rd quarterly password change notification, all 93 days. now that i've gotten it i don't have anything to look forward to. I had a thought that I should start going to church every week as a way to try and meet some women but they're all still closed.
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Jul 2, 2020 06:44
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idk why i do anything. the government stole literally 50% of my rsu cliff when i was forced to sell to cover
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Jul 2, 2020 06:47
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ShortyMR.CAT posted:hack the planet i cant thats the problem
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Jul 3, 2020 00:59
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I am actively wasting time waiting for nothing.
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Jul 15, 2020 20:04
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last night I had a dream I got fired. can't wait to experience tonight's hallucinations
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Jul 17, 2020 08:36
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I have to make it through the rest of my life
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Jul 19, 2020 06:59
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Spend 5 hours out of the house today walking around and driving through the city. Make plans to go somewhere new tomorrow. Shave. Buy lunch. But it all still means nothing and I'm no better for it.
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Jul 19, 2020 07:03
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Days are already noticeably becoming shorter. There could be snow on the ground in less than 10 weeks that would last until next may. Its only going to get darker and colder again. Yesterday I looked in some garbage bags that I had stuffed in the corner. I haven't looked at them since I threw them in the corner the day I moved in. It was bed sheets.
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Jul 19, 2020 07:04
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I don't look better shaved
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Jul 19, 2020 07:08
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im not ok lol
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Jul 19, 2020 08:11
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there is no god lmfao
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Jul 27, 2020 05:28
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today was not a good day.
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Jul 28, 2020 08:34
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lol I wish I could stop having nightmares about being attacked
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Jul 28, 2020 08:38
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Code Jockey posted:tomorrow should be better lol it was worse
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Jul 29, 2020 03:21
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I actually had a good sleep and dream last night. I've forgotten 90% of it already, but I know it was actually a nice one. First dream that wasn't horrible in a long time.
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Jul 31, 2020 21:43
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I've rubberbanded from sleeping 10 hours every night to only 6 the last 3 or 4 days in a row after being hard stuck to 10 for the last several months Its not actually an improvement
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Aug 5, 2020 05:39
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some time last year I found like 6-10 good super mario speed runs that I really enjoyed watching. I keep watching them again hoping to recapture the happiness they brought me the first time. I've probably done this 5-6 times now. Just watched this at 2x speed rushing for that hit of dopamine like a crack addict tying off his arm. It doesn't bring me joy anymore. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY15mBmboMw
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Aug 10, 2020 02:40
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Feeling strong 3 am energy at 10pm on a sunday rn
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Aug 10, 2020 04:54
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its monday in 50 minutes
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Aug 17, 2020 06:10
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Feeling extremely 5 AM at 4pm right now
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Aug 17, 2020 22:59
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just remembered im sitting alone in the same dark room that I've spent about 8000 hours sitting in over the last 400 days with no end in sight
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Aug 22, 2020 06:57
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Had my first sleep paralysis/night terror thing for the first time in a month(?) last night. 3:44am I was bolted upright in bed. 
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Aug 30, 2020 15:57
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3 am started at 10 am today.
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Sep 14, 2020 03:47
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 11:16 |
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Methanar posted:just remembered im sitting alone in the same dark room that I've spent about
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Sep 26, 2020 08:25
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