ITT we are gwyneth paltrow

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT we are gwyneth paltrow

sandwiches_and_ham: Aug 2, 2018; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

~stars in mediocre film that oddly predicts events 9 years hence~

~sells massively overpriced candle that reeks of she own twat~

# ? Mar 4, 2020 13:37

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# ? May 3, 2024 03:29

Disgusting Coward: Feb 17, 2014

~name is a surprisingly good score in scrabble~

~oh poo poo no proper nouns~

# ? Mar 4, 2020 13:40

ninjoatse.cx: Apr 9, 2005; Fun Shoe

~posts in ADTRW~

# ? Mar 4, 2020 13:42

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

The reason I'm such a great actress is because I only play neurotic, wealthy, characters. I've been a method actor for over 40 years now and I've honed my craft to an extremely sharp point.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 13:47

Sleeveless: Dec 25, 2014; by Pragmatica

Fuming that Marie Kondo also sells the exact same type of garbage bullshit I do and gets away with it without criticism because of weird paternalistic orientalism.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 13:48

Bleusilences: Jun 23, 2004; Be careful for what you wish for.

~ is legally insane ~

# ? Mar 4, 2020 13:53

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

*dated the guy from Coldplay and thought he made good music and then had a baby named Apple with him*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:02

haunted bong: Jun 24, 2007

*insists people use her treatments instead of actual medical advice, then they die*

hmm cause of death: not having bought enough jade vag eggs

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:07

Grevling: Dec 18, 2016

Actually my twat is incredibly fragrant.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:11

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

Have a whiff ah mah fanny

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:14

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

hey all you goons and goonettes out there! i'm gwyneth paltrow and just registered here. i am protected! lol! well i'm looking forward to cracking wise with all you fun folks here and look out for sneak peaks of my upcoming projects! anyways i was told i needed to post this thread to join GoonSwarm

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:19

thetruth: Jan 5, 2010

*stars in Shallow Hal*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:21

Caesar Saladin: Aug 15, 2004

*dies of toxic shock syndrome because of the porous jade egg in my pussy*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:27

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

I insert a large candle into my vagina for research purposes, followed by a one-tenth scale jade elephant.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:32

20 Blunts: Jan 21, 2017

*my oval office is on my face*

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:36

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

*thinks my pussy smells like lavender and chamomile but it actually just smells like a pussy*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:38

PureEvil6_13: Jun 1, 2004; I LIKE PETA AND THINK THAT SCIENCE IS EVIL

ha ha it's me! It's ME in the box!

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:38

A Fancy Hat: Nov 18, 2016; Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

What's this new product I need to endorse? A knife that you stab yourself with to prevent cancer? Yeah that's fine. Hold on, I just need to sign off on a $700 rock that helps you meditate and a bottle of water that helps your brain. Also, I dunno, put your feet in this chemical and it will help balance your electrolytes or something. Has the check from Avengers cleared yet?

I am as bad as Alex Jones but because I starred in a few movies I'm allowed to peddle my dangerous pseudo science anywhere I please, including Netflix. I'm most likely responsible for several deaths already.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:42

Creamed Cormp: Jan 8, 2011; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

A Fancy Hat posted:

I am as bad as Alex Jones but because I starred in a few movies I'm allowed to peddle my dangerous pseudo science anywhere I please, including Netflix. I'm most likely responsible for several deaths already.

At least Alex Jones runs one of the only trustworthy news network in America, that's much more respect-worthy than having been in a few lovely movies

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:50

sandwiches_and_ham: Aug 2, 2018; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

~starts selling a candle that smells like my anus, just to complete the set~

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:50

haunted bong: Jun 24, 2007

sandwiches_and_ham posted:

~starts selling a candle that smells like my anus, just to complete the set~

a whole line of scented anus candles, each one after a different meal

my favorite is "beefy taco bell farts" followed by "kale and sunchips while dehydrated"

# ? Mar 4, 2020 14:59

Ziggy Smalls: May 24, 2008; If pain's what you
want in a man,
Pain I can do

*successfully markets placenta skin treatments to non asian markets*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 15:03

Sleeveless: Dec 25, 2014; by Pragmatica

So many men use me as a smokescreen to air their weird pathogical disgust with the yonis and frankly it's more than a little upsetting.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 15:38

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

*is obsessed with vaginas*

*is disgusted and disdainful when a woman actually mentions her vagina*

*is GBS, who hates women*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 15:41

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Febreeze smells just like my pork shits. :smug:

# ? Mar 4, 2020 15:44

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Soy yo Gwneith Palltow. Dame algo de dinero y aseg�rate de enviarlo directamente a Literally A Person, ya que �l es quien se ocupa de todas mis finanzas. Una vez m�s, env�e dinero a Literally A Person. Gracias.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 15:53

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

PureEvil6_13 posted:

ha ha it's me! It's ME in the box!

PWAWOWAWOW
*Gwyneth's head wearing jester cap pops out on spring, eyes rolling crazily*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 16:57

feller: Jul 5, 2006

*Is fine with gay frogs*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:31

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

Literally A Person posted:

Soy yo Gwneith Palltow. Dame algo de dinero y aseg�rate de enviarlo directamente a Literally A Person, ya que �l es quien se ocupa de todas mis finanzas. Una vez m�s, env�e dinero a Literally A Person. Gracias.

ay carumba

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:34

Lord Frankenstyle: Dec 3, 2005; Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

Huff my crotch snot, it cures shingles.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:34

AFewBricksShy: Jun 19, 2003; of a full load.

sandwiches_and_ham posted:

~stars in mediocre film that oddly predicts events 9 years hence~

In case anyone else was curious, the movie is Contagion. I forgot ~~she~~ I was in it.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:37

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

**puts head in box**

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:37

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

*sleeps my way up the corporate ladder via tony stark*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:43

bomb: Nov 3, 2005

I�m a pretty lady and I have a company that no one knows why it exists or who buys the stuff we crank out

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:45

sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

poog

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:47

A Grand Egg: Jan 12, 2020; by Pragmatica

Cold play is using refridgerated piss rather than body temp

Gwenyth Paltro was married to the lead singer of the band ColdPlay

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:52

Extra Large Marge: Jan 21, 2004; Fun Shoe

Give me your money you stupid fucks!

# ? Mar 4, 2020 17:59

DeathCrabForCutie: Jul 14, 2019; oh fuc-

gently caress what science says, stick this malachite in your pussy.

*contributes to the dangerous myth that vaginas are inherently mystical or w/e bullshit*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 18:23

Odddzy: Oct 10, 2007; Once shot a man in Reno.

J'ai d�j� �t� sur une date avec Gwyneth Paltrow, mais �a n'a pas fonctionn� entre nous parce qu'elle parle trop.

# ? Mar 4, 2020 18:31

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# ? May 3, 2024 03:29

Sleeveless: Dec 25, 2014; by Pragmatica

*cons large amounts of money from the super rich while indirectly killing them, is hated by dudes whose entire online persona is wanting to steal from and kill the rich because vaginas are icky*

# ? Mar 4, 2020 18:31

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT we are gwyneth paltrow

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