- Chevy Slyme
- May 2, 2004
-
We're Gonna Run.
We're Gonna Crawl.
Kick Down Every Wall.
|
If you’re anything like me, a lot of corporations probably have your email address.
And they’re probably sending incredibly inane statements about how they are committed to protecting you from the Coronavirus. To wit:
quote: Dear Valued Customers,
Nothing is more important than the health of our customers and employees. We have been closely monitoring the spread of COVID-19 (novel Coronavirus) and early on convened a team of experts, including medical advisors, to address the potential threat of the virus following the guidance of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the World Health Organization (WHO).
We have already implemented plans designed to protect our customers and employees and to help ensure our stores remain open for the convenience of our customers and their daily needs.
We have enhanced our already comprehensive in-store cleaning and sanitization processes, and continued emphasis on proper personal hygiene, including more frequent handwashing and the proper use of hand sanitizer. We have also distributed cleaning supplies which have been EPA-certified to kill the COVID-19 virus, with instructions to increase the frequency of cleaning commonly touched surfaces, including bathrooms, touchscreens, door and cooler handles, dispensers, and pin pads. Soon, Speedway will be supplying our stores with hand sanitizer stations for customer use, adding an additional level of protection.
We are also working closely with medical professionals and health agencies to provide up-to-date, accurate information from reliable sources to our employees. Weekly communications and a dedicated internal COVID-19 website educate our employees about the best ways to avoid becoming ill, what to do if they suspect they might be ill, and how to properly communicate with store and company leadership any concerns.
At Speedway, we understand the vital role our stores play in communities and the value of the employees who staff and operate those stores. We also understand our customers want to know that Speedway is taking the necessary precautions to help prevent the spread of COVID-19. We earn your trust one visit at a time, and if you have any concerns, please contact Speedway Customer Service at 1-800-643-1948.
Sincerely,
Tim Griffith, President
Speedway
I sure am glad that the gas station is ON THE CASE, with a team of medical experts!
Post your favorite updates from corporations who really don’t need to be reaching out to you about this ongoing public health crisis.
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2020 03:13
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
#
?
May 3, 2024 00:11
|
|
- LITERALLY A BIRD
- Sep 27, 2008
-
I knew you were trouble
when you flew in
|
My weed delivery service is on it.
quote:To our M&A Community:
M&A continues to monitor the coronavirus (COVID-19) situation closely. The health and safety of our customers and employees remain our top priority. Our managers and employees are already trained to OSHA and other standards with respect to workplace health and safety. As such, our current operations already implement many of the measures recommended by government and public health agencies in response to coronavirus. We are, however, implementing additional measures in response to coronavirus.
These additional measures include:
Regularly disinfecting our store and office spaces with high-grade disinfecting cleaner meeting government guidelines.
Increasing accessibility of hand sanitizers for customers and employees at multiple stations across each store.
Increasing regular after-hours deep cleanings of our stores.
Ensuring our employees have the information they need to stay healthy or stay home if they feel unwell.
Decreasing the ratio of customers to employees allowed on our retail floors at any time.
Closely monitoring a variety of sources for the latest updates and recommendations for managing this situation.
We appreciate our customers and employees and the seriousness of the concerns presented by coronavirus and wanted to assure you that we are taking all recommended actions and more to protect customer and employee health and safety.
In addition to those actions we are increasing our delivery capacity so that customers who wish to remain at home will be able to readily access their recreational and medicinal cannabis products through our website. This capacity includes additional staffing of our dispatch center with personnel available to answer questions you may have regarding those products and the delivery service.
Honestly many of these notifications do more to make me worry about how these places normally run things, now that they're so eager to communicate to me they do, in fact, clean the store after-hours.
This M&A e-mail signed off by advising me they, as always, have free delivery.
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2020 03:36
|
|
- Actuarial Fables
- Jul 29, 2014
-
-
Taco Defender
|
The Michigan Office of Retirement Services thanked me "for being a valuable partner in our efforts to combat the spread of coronavirus (COVID‑19)."
Never said what those efforts actually are, though. They did include a link to two different websites to keep up to date about the virus, but it didn't quite work.
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2020 05:26
|
|
- EasilyConfused
- Nov 21, 2009
-
one strong toad
|
Great idea for a thread.
I think my insurance agent is just looking for any reason to send me an e-mail.
quote:We have been monitoring the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19) and want to let you know that we are making contingency plans to continue to provide service to our clients.
Most of our employees have the ability to work from home or any other off-site location should the need arise. Their calls will be seamlessly routed to them. We are doing our best to expand this ability to as many employees as possible.
We realize people are altering how they interact with others. While walk in service is still welcome, should the need arise to limit on site visits, we have the following capabilities:
- All our companies will accept payments online. Visit the payment section of our website for instructions.
- Most companies also offer Electronic Funds Transfer (EFT) as a means of paying your bills automatically. When this option is selected, billing fees are drastically reduced or eliminated depending on the company. Call the office and we can assist you with this process. Your payments will be deducted directly from an account of your choosing each month.
- If you have a claim, we recommend that you report it directly to your insurance company . Again, visit the claims section of our website.
- Feel free to call us for assistance and we will do our best to respond quickly.
For additional information about COVID-19 , we recommend that anyone with questions about COVID-19 refer to the Centers for Disease Control, the Massachusetts Department of Public Health, and your state and local officials for the most up-to-date information and guidance.
We will stay abreast of the situation and will keep you informed of any changes necessary at Webber and Grinnell / Ross Webber and Grinnell. As always, reach out if you have any questions. We appreciate your business.
Sincerely,
Bill
William D. Grinnell President
The subject line was "Coronavirus Personal Clients"
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2020 23:49
|
|
- Caedus
- Sep 11, 2007
-
It's good to have a sense of scale.
|
oooh I got a fun one from Cineplex today!
quote:
March 12, 2020
To our guests,
With growing global concerns around COVID-19 (“coronavirus”), I wanted to provide you with an update on our response to date and our commitment to you moving forward. The health, safety and well-being of our employees and guests is Cineplex’s top priority and we are following the lead of Canadian public health authorities at this important time. We are committed to providing comfortable and safe entertainment experiences at our theatre circuit and locations of The Rec Room and Playdium across the country.
First and foremost, I want to assure our guests that we are taking all appropriate measures to ensure our venues are safe and that we have existing plans and training protocols in place to ensure they stay that way. While the Public Health Agency of Canada has assessed the current public health risk associated with coronavirus as low, we continue to monitor for developments very closely
We have implemented additional measures to ensure your safety as well as the safety of our team, including:
Introducing enhanced cleaning protocols in all of our locations, with particular focus on high traffic and high contact areas. Coronaviruses are easily eliminated by routine surface cleaning and the cleaning products we use are industrial-grade and food-service approved
Increasing communications and reminders with our guests, partners and employees on important health and safety measures
To protect yourself and others, we ask that anyone who is feeling unwell refrain from visiting us so that together we can ensure a safe and comfortable experience for everyone. Know that we are doing our part by putting employment policies in place so that our hourly staff are protected and are not penalized financially if they need to stay home.
Again, we continue to monitor this situation closely and will provide ongoing updates as needed. We also encourage our guests to stay up-to-date through Canada’s Public Health website.
Thank you and we look forward to welcoming you soon,
Ellis Jacob
President and CEO, Cineplex
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2020 03:57
|
|
- Pastry of the Year
- Apr 12, 2013
-
|
quote:
Good morning,
With the recent events in regards to the COVID-19 virus, the Gladiator Sports Network and Ohio Valley Wrestling would like to serve as an accurate platform for information. Per Center for Disease Control guidelines please make sure to keep properly hydrated and use caution when in public places in regards to proper hand washing and bodily fluid transmission.
So what does this mean? It means that the disease thrives on people that are dehydrated with weak immune systems. So drink a minimum of 12 oz of water, sports drinks, or non-caffeinated beverages per hour. Wash your hands anytime you are in a public forum before eating or touching your face. If you feel a fever, consult with a health professional and stay away from susceptible parties until you are confirmed to be non-contagious and clear.
For more information about COVID-19 please reference the link below:
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavi%85/2019-ncov/community/index.html
- I'm hearing so many conflicting and frightening things about this COVID-19, honey, I'm just overwhelmed.
- Wait. Did you check the official Ohio Valley Wrestling page on Facebook? It's an accurate platform for information.
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2020 04:00
|
|
- no broccoli please
- Apr 20, 2007
-
no broccoli please you are nice here is a Nathaniel Hawthorne avatar
|
My local record store:
Hi everyone,
What an extraordinary and surreal time we are living through right now. As the world battles COVID-19 toe-to-toe, and normal daily communal human activities like the simple acts of going to a show or a hockey game have ground to an unprecedented halt, it seems absurd to even think about posting here concerning this week's new releases. However, we hope many if not all of you would agree that within the parameters of the common sense practices we must observe to prevent this nightmare virus spreading yet further and wider, we should also try to live as normally as can possibly be achieved. So, however trivial in the grand scheme, It is normal for us at Record Store to keep you all abreast of the great new music now in-store, music of course being one art-form that can inspire and bring joy, solace and comfort in the toughest of times. So, at the very least, you now know that if you want any of this music, we already have or can get it for you from this day forward.
Stay safe and healthy, OK?
The Who (2CD - Live 1973) / Porches (LP) / Sylosis (CD) / My Dying Bride (CD) / Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds (12" EP) / Hilary Woods (CD/LP) / Beach Slang (LP) / Acid Mammoth (12" EP) / Black Sabbath (LP - Live 1974) / Ry Cooder (LP - Live 1972) / The Dave Clark Five (Compilation LP) / Fleetwood Mac (LP - Live 1969) / King Crimson (10" EP reissue) / African Head Charge (LP reissues) / Jethro Tull (LP - Live 1969) / Wasted Shirt (LP) / Porridge Radio (CD/LP) / The Dictators (LP - Live 1977) / The Kinks (CD - Live 1969) / Derek & the Dominoes (2CD set - Live 1970) / The Cranberries (LP compilation) / Dr. John (LP compilation) / Sony Terry & Brownie McGhee (2CD compilation) / T-Bone Walker (2CD compilation) / Gigi Gryce (4CD compilation) / Quincy Jones (4CD compilation)
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2020 04:14
|
|
- Wifi Toilet
- Oct 1, 2004
-
-
Toilet Rascal
|
Fear not, Beretta is banning their employees from shaking hands so that they can continue to sell us guns:
quote:
BERETTA USA NOTICE REGARDING THE CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK
During the last several days, we have learned more about the coronavirus (COVID-19) and have been closely monitoring its impact on our world. For Beretta, that means understanding how it affects our employees, customers, and communities.
We have one simple goal: keeping you and our employees safe.
With that in mind, we are taking the necessary initiatives to adjust our work and operations by implementing precautionary measures to increase protection of our customers and employees.
We are basing our actions on the Center for Disease Control and OSHA guidelines and recommendations on the steps we can take to help prevent the spread of the virus.
We have shared specific instructions with our employees on the importance of staying home if they feel sick or are returning from an area of the world identified as posing a coronavirus-related risk. Per CDC recommendations, we will ask employees who have traveled to such locations or have been exposed to others who have traveled to such locations to self-quarantine for 14 days.
We are ramping up cleaning services at our locations and will be providing hand sanitizer and asking our employees to wash their hands thoroughly and frequently as a further precaution.
We will also be making masks available to our employees to enable them to reduce the likelihood they will touch their mouth or nose and thus increase the means by which the COVID-19 virus might be spread.
Effective immediately, we have directed our employees to minimize physical contact with other employees and with our customers. As an example, they shall refrain from shaking hands. In addition, while we recognize that some contact with our products and packaging during purchasing transactions is inevitable, we have directed our employees to avoid as much unnecessary physical contact as possible and utilize tools to protect you and themselves such as gloves, masks, and disposable cloths.
While there might be reduced face-to-face interactions with our employees and some changes in the processes, our business facilities at this point continue to operate, our factory, gunsmithing operations , and warehouse are open and we will continue to serve you.
As our customer, if you don't feel well, or choose not to visit one of our stores, of course we are ready to serve you at Beretta.com
We take these precautions out of respect to our employees and to you. We will continue to closely monitor the situation and do all we can to protect you and our employees.
We thank you for your continued patronage and support.
Sincerely,
BERETTA USA Corp.
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2020 04:19
|
|
- Ferrule
- Feb 23, 2007
-
Yo!
|
"Kroger posted:
For Our Associates
Encouraging our associates to closely monitor their health and well-being.
Providing hand sanitizer and tissues in breakrooms and meeting rooms.
Asking our associates to stay home if they, or someone in their household, are sick.
Providing financial support from our Helping Hands fund – a company-sponsored employee assistance fund – to associates who may be directly affected.
Suspending business air travel for associates through March 31, 2020 and recommending virtual meetings.
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2020 14:46
|
|
- AtomD
- May 3, 2009
-
-
Fun Shoe
|
Why not take a trip on the COVID car?
Table Mountain Aerial Cableway posted:
Table Mountain Aerial Cableway Company (TMACC) is following the advice and recommendations of local authorities (such as the Departments of Health and of Tourism) to ensure the health and safety of all visitors, at all times.
We would urge anyone that lives and works in Cape Town or who plans to visit Cape Town, to follow the health guidelines as set down by the authorities who are dealing with the outbreak of COVID-19.
As one of South Africa’s most visited travel destinations, TMACC sees an influx of 800 visitors per hour, with up to 6 000 visitors per day. To ensure the safety of all its visitors and staff, the organisation has implemented several measures to reduce the chances of the virus spreading at its facilities.
It is of the utmost importance the visitor’s experience of Table Mountain is a positive and safe one, and as a result we are implementing and encouraging measures of caution and hygiene awareness.
The following precautions have been implemented by TMACC amidst the Coronavirus outbreak:
- Hand sanitisers are in the process of being placed in both cable cars and at all entry and exit points along the cableway.
- Sanitisers have been provided for all members of staff, which they can carry with them wherever they are on duty on the mountain, or at either the upper or lower station.
- Gloves have been provided for our staff members who work in our ticket offices.
- Our Health and Safety personnel are educating and empowering our staff members on responsible health and hygiene habits to follow, at work and at home.
- All hand-rails inside the cable-cars are wiped down after every journey.
- A ticket refund system is in place, for anyone who want to cancel or postpone their bookings that they have made.
We thank our visitors for their patience and understanding.
A large restaurant group around these parts have sent out their corvid letter. You'll note there is no mention of paid leave for their casual staff (almost all casual and low paid) so they can afford to take time off for being sick.
"However, it is important that we continue to go out and support local businesses and events while it is safe to do so."
Ah christ, I haven't supported a local business or event recently and it's probably still safe to do so. How could I have been so negligent?
AtomD has a new favorite as of 22:21 on Mar 14, 2020
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2020 22:15
|
|
- CollegeCop
- Jul 11, 2005
-
You're right. I'm not a real cop. Those are imaginary handcuffs. And in a minute, we'll be going to the make-believe jail.
|
I got one from Ally Bank. If you're not familiar with Ally, it is a 100% online bank - no physical locations.
The email basically said, "We're way ahead of the curve of this one. We've never met any of you face-to-face, and we probably never will. So, business as usual. LOL!"
|
#
?
Mar 15, 2020 12:15
|
|
- N. Senada
- May 17, 2011
-
My kidneys are busted
|
That’s the kind of email I’ve been getting at work. Remote work wins again
|
#
?
Mar 15, 2020 14:43
|
|
- EasilyConfused
- Nov 21, 2009
-
one strong toad
|
New e-mail from my insurance agent, much more to the point.
quote:Dear Clients:
We feel it is our obligation to do our part to help contain the spread of the Covid-19 Corona virus and protect our employees. Hence, we are asking our clients to give us a call prior to visiting our office. We can process most transactions over the computer and obtain signatures electronically, thus negating most needs to visit our office.
It is important for you to know that your payments can be made directly to your insurance carrier either by phone or online. For information on contacting your carrier to make a payment or report a claim, please visit our website at https://www.webberandgrinnell.com. You may also call our office for assistance.
We are closely monitoring this extraordinary event and expect a likelihood of closing public access to the office in the near future. Again, please call us prior to visiting our office. We will do everything we can to help you.
Thank you for understanding.
We wish good health to all of our customers.
Sincerely,
Bill Grinnell
Translation: Stop coming to our office you loving morons.
|
#
?
Mar 15, 2020 17:27
|
|
- Chevy Slyme
- May 2, 2004
-
We're Gonna Run.
We're Gonna Crawl.
Kick Down Every Wall.
|
Sorry Wu, but this counts now.
https://twitter.com/WuTangClan/status/1239308716555542535
|
#
?
Mar 16, 2020 03:07
|
|
- Croccers
- Jun 15, 2012
-
|
I wonder how many places that are saying they're doing EXTRA CLEANING are actually doing it?
Cause my work hasn't been given any extra hours or resources to do it.
|
#
?
Mar 16, 2020 04:30
|
|
- Some Pinko Commie
- Jun 9, 2009
-
CNC! Easy as 1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣!
|
Yeah how dare a museum post an ad about keeping nerds from getting bored, right?
|
#
?
Mar 16, 2020 10:51
|
|
- EasilyConfused
- Nov 21, 2009
-
one strong toad
|
Yeah how dare a museum post an ad about keeping nerds from getting bored, right?
Yeah, not really seeing the problem here.
|
#
?
Mar 16, 2020 12:23
|
|
- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
-
'twas brillig
-
Gun Saliva
|
From an electronics store
quote: Kia ora to our customers and our communities,
On behalf of our entire team, I’m writing to you directly with an update on what we’re doing to prioritise your health and safety when you shop with Noel Leeming.
We have always taken great pride in keeping our stores clean and well-run for our customers. To make sure we can keep on serving you to the standard you love and expect, we have put in place an updated cleaning and sanitising plan for each of our stores, across all our brands, to ensure they’re cleaned more frequently and with extra care. The same applies to our distribution centres and offices. Our Passionate Experts have also implemented extra cleaning procedures for all home installation and service visits.
Like other businesses tackling this issue, we’re being guided by the Ministry of Health, which recommends regular cleaning as one of the most important preventive measures we can take.
We’re also supporting our online services and deliveries to make sure you can keep shopping from wherever you are, for whatever you need, and that you’ll get your orders in good time.
We’re equally committed to caring for our team. Since January we’ve provided our Passionate Experts with up-to-the-moment guidance and information so they can keep themselves and their families safe, and we have reviewed and updated our travel policy to help enhance the safety of our team and customers.
Throughout, our Passionate Experts will be taking every possible step to make sure you can continue to get the appliances and tech you need plus the valuable Tech Solutions services that make the difference for our customers, including delivery and installation and In-home Consultation.
Right at the centre of our purpose is to make Kiwis’ lives better every day, whatever that day may look like. So we’re hard at work to keep our stores open, and our online shopping services ticking over, so you can continue to get more from your tech with Noel Leeming.
As circumstances continue to develop, one thing will remain the same: We will make our decisions with the health, safety and wellbeing of our customers, team members and communities as our highest priority.
Ngā mihi nui,
Tim Edwards,
CEO, Noel Leeming
the repeated use of "Passionate Experts" has convinced me I'm in hell
|
#
?
Mar 16, 2020 20:59
|
|
- EKDS5k
- Feb 22, 2012
-
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET YOUR BEER FREEZE, DAMNIT
|
I didn't get any funny emails, just a bunch of generic ones. Guess what? Tons of companies are committed to slowing the spread of coronavirus through increased hygiene, social distancing, and other methods adopted by literally every other company over the last two weeks.
What I did find funny is that on the radio, eventsandadventures.com is still running their "come on out and gently caress a stranger" series of ads.
|
#
?
Mar 17, 2020 06:51
|
|
- Chevy Slyme
- May 2, 2004
-
We're Gonna Run.
We're Gonna Crawl.
Kick Down Every Wall.
|
I didn't get any funny emails, just a bunch of generic ones. Guess what? Tons of companies are committed to slowing the spread of coronavirus through increased hygiene, social distancing, and other methods adopted by literally every other company over the last two weeks.
What I did find funny is that on the radio, eventsandadventures.com is still running their "come on out and gently caress a stranger" series of ads.
Who is running their what
|
#
?
Mar 17, 2020 16:19
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
#
?
May 3, 2024 00:11
|
|
- How Rude
- Aug 13, 2012
-
FUCK THIS SHIT
|
Jesus. Landlords are scum
|
#
?
Mar 17, 2020 18:12
|
|