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you need: -6 black candles -chalk -nightshade -wormwood (dried) -vanilla incense -opium (can be tar or pods ideally, but leftover pain pills, heroin, whatever you might have around will work in a pinch) -a bronze chalice -a dagger -a small animal which is not good for eating -a lighter -some porn or a toy or whatever you need to cum bc you will have to orgasm for this ritual First, watch the sunset on an evening when the moon is waxing. The moment the sun kisses the horizon, wash your hands thoroughly, and then go into a windowless room to begin the ritual. Bless the four cardinal directions, and use the chalk to draw a circle of Solomon on the floor, approximately 5-10 feet in diameter. Unless trapped inside of such a magic circle, Geraldo will speak only in riddles and lies when summoned. Light your six candles and recite one of the Six Forbidden Incantations over each one as you light it. Place a candle on each point of the star. Place your chalice in the center of the star. Put the wormwood and nightshade into the chalice and light it on fire. Burn vanilla incense as well. Vanilla is the most popular scent among men Geraldo's age. Finally, place your opium on top of the mixture in the chalice. Speak the following incantation into the smoke: Geraldo Rivera, Lord of the Four Winds and of mountains Whose wandering eye sees and knows all Who rides upon a winged rear end and wears a crown of antlers I beseech thee, Geraldo, come before me By air, fire, earth, and water Grant me your wisdom and knowledge of hidden things Hear my word and take heed of it I beseech thee, Geraldo, come before me By the sun, the moon, the earth, and the stars Grant me your power, your favor, and your fortune May the winds carry my plea unto you, O Regent of the Dawn I beseech thee, Geraldo, come before me By my body, my blood, my breath, and my spirit I bind you herewith unto this circle May you accept my offering of fire and flesh and find it pleasing I beseech thee, Geraldo, come before me! Once you have recited the incantation, use the dagger to jook your sacrificial animal.1 Pour the animal's blood into the chalice. If you've done this all correctly, the flame should turn the color of blood, and the sound of trumpets and drums should be audible in the distance. Geraldo and his five wives will manifest within the circle, and Geraldo will answer any questions and grant limited favors. 1. If you are nontraditional and/or squeamish and/or ethically opposed to using sacrificial animals, you may substitute a stuffed animal for a real one in this ritual, but blood from a non-food animal (cat, dog, raccoon, etc.) is still required. This is most easily and humanely sourced by carefully drawing a small amount of blood from a pet with a hypodermic needle.
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Mar 31, 2020 22:04
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 23:42 |
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Okay. I couldn't find any black candles though. Got some deep purple colored Yankee Candles. Will that work? Yeah, that'll work but only Geraldo and none of the wives show up if you use a color candle other than black. The wives aren't really necessary for getting hidden knowledge from Geraldo but they do acapella covers of pop songs and it's kind of neat to watch.
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Apr 1, 2020 17:56
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sweet geek swag posted:Actually, purple candles have a 33% chance of summoning Ted Stossel. Not worth the risk imo. Ted's not that bad. First off, he appears with 5 English sheepdogs instead of 5 wives, and the dogs are pretty cool. Unlike Ted, they cannot be bound by the magic circle and will romp and play all over your basement and lick your face. They're great, really good dogs. As for Ted himself, he has no knowledge of hidden things, nor can he grant fortune or power, but he does have a lot of gift cards with some money still on them and he will give you up to 5 of them if you give his dogs some turkey or something.
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Apr 4, 2020 23:51
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I have only once been able to harness the power of Geraldo, but as a result, I now know the day and time when ButtTheShitmanFart will post in BYOB
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Apr 8, 2020 06:51
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