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yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/05/29/how-western-media-would-cover-minneapolis-if-it-happened-another-country/

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yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

The United States of America, a name mired in irony, is anything but. Ethnic cleansing by the despotic Trump regime's unaccountable security forces razes across the country already under tension from its inept response to the Covid-19 crisis is coming to, as the locals say, "a shitstorm". Ronald Severson, a local shop keep in Minneapolis—the nexus of the conflict, described the security forces as "rabid dogs" in their ferocity, demeanor, and total disregard for innocent life. Indeed, this is the stark reality that plagues this failed state.

As America's state run media censors photos and video of its state sponsored violence against its populace, intrepid and clever underground freedom fighter youth have taken to social media to lay bare the barbaric abuse at the hands of the regime's security forces and in a desperate plea to the international community to stop this brutal slaughter. "They're shooting at us!" cries Tanya Richardson, a 19 year-old youth who is a member of the country's ethnic black minority, "they just started firing for no reason! We didn't do anything!".

This scenario is all too familiar in the country's embattled 243 year history, one riddled with ethnic strife between its ruling majority white and its once enslaved minority black population. Some experts say that "this was a long time coming" a sentiment echoed by non-profit organizations like The International American Freedom Alliance (IAFA), an NGO based in Pyongyang focusing on aiding American dissidents, and The Committee for Transparency in America (CTA), a policy think tank based in Tehran.

yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

The UN General Assembly has voted overwhelmingly in favour of recognizing the Chapel Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ) as an independent country in which the United States of America must respect its territorial borders and its right to self-determination. "It is a great day for freedom and democracy!" a jubilant Carrie Hunt, the CHAZ Ambassador to the UN, exclaims. On the other side of the assembly however, the mood is quite the opposite. American Ambassador to the UN, Nikki Haley is seen leaving in a huff, expletives being echoed in the chambers as she left. It appears that the country's strong-arming tactics it has used in the past to get its way have utterly failed as America's usual stalwart allies in Western Europe and Israel abstained from voting for even they see this as a losing publicity battle as the United States sees itself becoming more and more isolated in the international stage.

yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

Another embarrassing moment yesterday for ruler of the American Republic, Donald Trump, as he nearly slips and falls after attending a ceremony at West Point, a training and indoctrination camp for the youth wing of its military which has been labeled a terrorist organisation in some countries. The short-tempered despot has quickly taken to Twitter, a domestic social media platform known for its ties to American oligarchs and government bodies and kowtowing to demands to censor dissidents and amplify pro-regime propaganda and extremist Capitalist ideology, to mitigate the PR blunder. "The ramp that I descended [...] was very long & steep, had no handrail and, most importantly, was very slippery." was the excuse despite it being a sunny day in the north eastern region of New York which was hit the hardest by the Covid-19 Crisis resulting in almost 31 000 deaths. Contrary to the suggestions of his senior military advisors, the President demanded that the ceremony be held in the midst of a health crisis crippling the country. "Final ten feet I ran down to level ground. Momentum!" a very odd way to explain his seemingly haphazard way of catching his footing and holding upright his weakened form, having endured decades of abuse from consuming a local delicacy known as a 'Big Mac'.

No one knows for sure what would happen if the long time leader became incapacitated. Some experts in American studies like third year graduate student, Vasily Romanenko who attends the Yaroslavl School of the Americas, say "it would be an incredible opportunity for the American people to forge a path for themselves for once". "Though, given how brutal this regime is, it may be necessary for international intervention" explains Romanenko, "and frankly, I think the American people who yearn for freedom would support it 100%". Indeed the President's national approval rating has slipped as much as 60% recently prompting him to do propaganda stunts like this to mend his image to the populace. "If he was removed from power, freedom and democracy would definitely bloom for the first time for the American people and I hope to see it happen soon" Vasily remains hopeful and so should the oppressed American people.

yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

It is of this reporter's humble opinion that Americans are simply too barbaric and primitive to govern themselves and will need the benevolent guiding hand of China.

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