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prepuce repurposed posted:I did a bad job With this show of contrition, the America MachineTM has decided that you have learned your lesson, and allows you to resume your heroism humbly as Boxcar Willie:  A former United States Air Force flight engineer who found fame singing ‘hobo music’ during the golden age of the Grand Ole’ Opry, Lecil Travis Martin, better known by his stage name Boxcar Willie, enjoyed significant international popularity despite being considered a novelty act in America. What's more, according to serious journalist David Icke, Boxcar Willie also proudly represents America as part of the secret cabal of reptilian aliens that controls the earth. Do us proud, Willie! |
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Jul 5, 2020 03:09
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What the heck is this? This machine isn't supposed to call audibles... Also everyone knows that Beyonce is the American representative to the reptilian illuminati. Must be a squirrel caught in there again. *kicks America MachineTM |
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Jul 5, 2020 03:13
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pls give me someone ttly lame thx |
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Jul 5, 2020 03:13
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City of Glompton posted:pls give me someone ttly lame thx No such luck, friend! For the next few hours prepare to live life in the fast lane as Jackie Joyner-Kersee:  Despite having asthma, Jackie Joyner-Kersee has won six medals across 4 Olympic games, and was voted the greatest female athlete of all time by Sports Illustrated for Women. But Jackie doesn’t just help America overcome its athletic adversaries in international competitions, no sir! She also lends a hand at home, being an active philanthropist and a founding member of Athletes for Hope along with fellow American heroes Tony Hawk, Muhammad Ali, and… um… Lance Armstrong. Hey, two out of three ain’t bad! |
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Jul 5, 2020 03:21
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Jul 5, 2020 03:22
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Prof. Crocodile posted:With this show of contrition, the America MachineTM has decided that you have learned your lesson, and allows you to resume your heroism humbly as Boxcar Willie:  mom always said I'd end up a shiftless transient fella 
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Jul 5, 2020 03:45
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yes thank you i will accept awards and accolades with grace and humility
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Jul 5, 2020 03:59
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Kaiser Schnitzel posted:yes thank you i will accept awards and accolades with grace and humility Good old-fashioned values like that are the hallmark of a GENUINE AMERICAN! Prepare to live life in the even faster lane as Steve McQueen:  Described as the “King of Cool’, Steve McQueen brought his earthy confidence to movies such as the Great Escape and the Towering Inferno, making him one of the highest paid stars of the 1960's. He wasn’t one of those phony-baloney Hollywood pretty boys, either. Mr. McQueen did his own stunt driving during the iconic car chase in Bullitt, was a friend and student of the legendary Bruce Lee, and did more goofballs than Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young put together. Take that counter-culture! Fun Fact: Steve McQueen is connected to both Charles Manson and OJ Simpson. And you thought your friends were silly! |
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Jul 5, 2020 04:07
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Prof. Crocodile posted:Amelia Bedilia (as she was known to her friends) 
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Jul 5, 2020 04:22
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That's right my Jammy friend, all American heroes have clever nicknames! And speaking of clever, prepare to explore your artistic horizons as Georgia O'Keefe:  This celebrated 20th century artist, known as as the "Mother of American Modernism", produced works in multiple mediums, running the gamut from realism to abstract art, with subjects ranging from cityscapes to yonic flowers. What does yonic mean? It means patriotic, that's what! And unlike some other hoity-toity artsy types, Ms. O'Keefe is no stranger to good old fashioned American capitalism, having recently sold a painting for over $44 million greenbacks. |
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Jul 5, 2020 04:37
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op I'm dying to know what your country is |
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Jul 5, 2020 04:52
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prepuce repurposed posted:op I'm dying to know what your country is I'm as American as Lee Greenwood eating a slice of apple pie in a Ford truck! Do you think the Skymall catalog would sell an America MachineTM to just anyone? In fact, I... oh dear...  The old gal's not looking so hot. I don't know how many more heroes she's got left in her! |
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Jul 5, 2020 05:03
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just like a ford 
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Jul 5, 2020 05:09
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This was fun, thank you. 
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Jul 5, 2020 05:23
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xcheopis posted:This was fun, thank you. Happy to be of service! But it's not over yet! It's still the 4th of July for a couple more hours now in America. And possibly in other countries as well, but who cares about them! It's only a big deal for the country whose birthday it is: Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 05:52 on Jul 5, 2020 |
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Jul 5, 2020 05:37
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a good thread friend! voting 5 despite being Australian
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Jul 5, 2020 07:51
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You robots made of balls sure stick together, don't you! That's Beautiful, I'm both humbled and proud to be a man with a strong connection to balllllsssss, and not a shootymans. Thankyou and goebles.
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Jul 5, 2020 11:13
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Pls |
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Jul 5, 2020 12:02
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*squints at old-timey map* Sorry friend, but as far as I can tell, your post was made after July 4 had passed in every part of the world except for Samoa, and also maybe... what's this little island here... AMERICAN Samoa!? Well better late than never, that's what I say! And the America MachineTM says that you can spend these last few minutes of America's birthday as Tennessee Williams:  One of the greatest English language playwrights in history, Tennessee Williams explored the constricting dynamics of traditional American family life, often juxtaposed with a cautious interest in his own blossoming homosexuality. Williams earned two (2) Pulitzer Prizes and countless awards for drama during his lifetime, and his plays have been made into Oscar-winning films, and are still staged to this very day. Fun fact: Tennessee Williams was a patient of Dr. Max Jacobson—the original Dr. Feelgood—who is thought to have provided the narcotics indirectly responsible for Williams’ death. And you thought your doctor was a kook! Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 14:53 on Jul 5, 2020 |
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Jul 5, 2020 14:43
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Well, as I scrape the smoldering firework husks off my roof and collect the empty beer bottles from my yard, it's time to reflect on another year as a proud American! I should probably also check on the America MachineTM...  Great galloping ghosts! It looks like the old gal couldn't handle the strain of all this patriotism! Wait... what's this here in the corner..?  Well don't that just beat all! 
Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 14:54 on Jul 5, 2020 |
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Jul 5, 2020 14:51
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| # ? May 15, 2024 12:18 |
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lol good thread patriot 
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Jul 5, 2020 17:23
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