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Simply Simon
Nov 6, 2010

📡scanning🛰️ for good game 🎮design🦔🦔🦔

Poo In An Alleyway posted:

Actually lol'd at this one though
Can you please explain this one I don't get it. He was dead the whole time?

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Jestery
Aug 2, 2016


Not a Dickman, just a shape
Yeah, some of those were actually lol worthy

Kevin DuBrow
Apr 21, 2012

The uruk-hai defender has logged on.

Simply Simon posted:

Can you please explain this one I don't get it. He was dead the whole time?

More like he was blindsided by a twist ending.

Shaman Tank Spec
Dec 26, 2003

*blep*




The phrasing on this is so loving bad and awkward. It's an awful joke anyway but jesus loving christ dude.

E: Just off the top of my head in a few seconds:

"I had an AirBnB guest staying at my place recently, and now she's saying I stole some shoes she tried to have delivered there. I told her 'look, lady, why would I steal your size 8 women's Converses? They didn't even fit me!'"

Shaman Tank Spec fucked around with this message at 16:54 on Nov 14, 2023

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007

welcome to dead gay dog house

And, uh, anyways, let's see what else I-I, uh
It was Coney Island
They called Coney Island the playground of the world
There was no place like it in the whole world
Like Coney Island, when I was a youngster
No place in the world like it, it was so fabulous
Now it's shrunk down to almost nothing, you see
And I still remember in my mind how things used to be
And, you know, I feel very bad
But people from all over the world came here
From all over the world
It was the playground
They called it the playground of the world over here
Anyways, uh, you see, I, uh, you know
I even got, when I was, uh, when I was very small
I even got lost at Coney Island, but they found me
On the, on, on the beach
And we used to sleep on the beach here, sleep overnight
They, uh, they don't do that anymore
Things changed, you see
They don't sleep anymore on the beach

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009


Simply Simon posted:

Can you please explain this one I don't get it. He was dead the whole time?

Kevin DuBrow posted:

More like he was blindsided by a twist ending.

Both, IMO. He felt dead inside because the marriage wasn't working, but was in denial about that until it was revealed to him near the end of the marriage.

An intelligent and rather deep joke, perhaps too intelligent and deep. I wonder how it played to a roomful of people in various stages of inebriation.

Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016



Simply Simon posted:

Can you please explain this one I don't get it. He was dead the whole time?

He realized Bruce Willis was dead during the whole marriage

Tarkus
Aug 27, 2000

The marriage was dead the whole time, he didn't know until the end.

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




R.L. Stine posted:

And, uh, anyways, let's see what else I-I, uh
It was Coney Island
They called Coney Island the playground of the world
There was no place like it in the whole world
Like Coney Island, when I was a youngster
No place in the world like it, it was so fabulous
Now it's shrunk down to almost nothing, you see
And I still remember in my mind how things used to be
And, you know, I feel very bad
But people from all over the world came here
From all over the world
It was the playground
They called it the playground of the world over here
Anyways, uh, you see, I, uh, you know
I even got, when I was, uh, when I was very small
I even got lost at Coney Island, but they found me
On the, on, on the beach
And we used to sleep on the beach here, sleep overnight
They, uh, they don't do that anymore
Things changed, you see
They don't sleep anymore on the beach

i open up my wallet, and pay for seven hot dogs

Wifi Toilet
Oct 1, 2004

Toilet Rascal

Shaman Tank Spec posted:

The phrasing on this is so loving bad and awkward. It's an awful joke anyway but jesus loving christ dude.

E: Just off the top of my head in a few seconds:

"I had an AirBnB guest staying at my place recently, and now she's saying I stole some shoes she tried to have delivered there. I told her 'look, lady, why would I steal your size 8 women's Converses? They didn't even fit me!'"

He’s just full of irrelevant information, why even put in the delivery part or what size they were?

"I had an AirBnB guest staying at my place recently, and now she's saying I stole some shoes she left behind. I told her 'look, lady, why would I steal your shoes? They didn't even fit me!'"

The whole joke’s “i wear womens shoes,lol” but I guess he’s gotta fill five minutes somehow.

Wifi Toilet fucked around with this message at 11:15 on Nov 15, 2023

Sex Farm
Nov 17, 2017

Shaman Tank Spec posted:

The phrasing on this is so loving bad and awkward. It's an awful joke anyway but jesus loving christ dude.

E: Just off the top of my head in a few seconds:

"I had an AirBnB guest staying at my place recently, and now she's saying I stole some shoes she tried to have delivered there. I told her 'look, lady, why would I steal your size 8 women's Converses? They didn't even fit me!'"

Best part of the thread is when goons try and fail to rewrite the jokes

Sex Farm
Nov 17, 2017

Off the top of my head, no preparation: What's the difference between me and 8 people? Nothing, the eight people mentioned previously combined to eat 8 hot dogs for lunch and i also had eight hot dogs for lunch

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Sex Farm posted:

Off the top of my head, no preparation: What's the difference between me and 8 people? Nothing, the eight people mentioned previously combined to eat 8 hot dogs for lunch and i also had eight hot dogs for lunch

This would be a good standup bit for you if you're really fat.

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER

AARD VARKMAN posted:

it works if you just cut everything after line 2

better punchline than any of these jpgs

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

So I had a funny joke on a standup shot, and these... GOONS... (pause for audience laughter/applause) on this internet chatboard called... Something AWFUL... (pause for audience laughter/applause) edited the joke to 'make it better'... YEAH, REALLY HILARIOUS, GUYS, AMIRIGHT! (pause for audience laughter/applause)

alexandriao
Jul 20, 2019



literal serial killer vibes lol


haha boobs... amiright???

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

69420 basic bytes free
slaughtermelons


e. ah, of course. enhance:



epic slaughtermelons ftw, etc

Ruffian Price
Sep 17, 2016

the slaughter melons at midnight

Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008

I am the Wizard Master











Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

69420 basic bytes free
i feel so tired, wizard master

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007

Those are all terrible

FalconImpala
Oct 21, 2018

Wow, a cow made of butter. My girls would love it. In fact, the first sentence Caroline ever said was "I like butter"
This thread has reached a weird point where I know several of these people and have heard some of these jokes. They’re honestly average on a lineup, not the worst - the only people I can’t stand are the ones like big ben who seem to legitimately hate their spouse and the hatred consumes them before they finish a punchline- but I will say I had to mute one of them for using Dalle & ChatGPT to generate dozens of childrens books and attempting to resell the printed copies, so I’m unsurprised to see him here.

Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016



I would heckle all of these people except for Bryce

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Poo In An Alleyway posted:

I would heckle all of these people except for Bryce

Yeah, gotta love the Santa cums joke.

Also IMO the incest joke wasn't bad.

putin is a cunt
Apr 5, 2007

BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION

A galaxy... Of puppies???

Ruffian Price
Sep 17, 2016

(I hate puppies!)

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag
Somebody else definitely did that mein kampf joke at least a decade ago

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

Somebody else definitely did that mein kampf joke at least a decade ago

Yeah that’s not original at all. I’ve definitely heard it before

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003




Grimey Drawer
I love this thread because it's a very distilled version of the Reddit thread. it's so fascinating

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003




Grimey Drawer

like i've met basically this guy before and it was as insufferable and awful as you can imagine

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag
How do you fill out a job interview

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004

Fun Shoe

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

How do you fill out a job interview

If he was good at job interviews, then he wouldn't be doing standup.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993
Badboy Anzer's was so bad I just about gave up but hey I like Santa joke

The Fattest PI
Mar 4, 2008
Does anyone remember that dude from like 2008-2014 who would pose in front of a chalkboard that has a similar "witty" joke. He wore a lab coat sometimes, had a little tiny beard patch on his chin.

These give the same vibe. I think that dude eventually got bullied into stopping, but he was popular for awhile

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




the mom dog walking joke is fine, maybe the out of order bathroom stalls as well. just simple jokes. the rest though :barf:

protodependency
Jun 10, 2022
A group of Jews are being herded into the Gas Chamber.

Screaming and crying can be heard as the door is locked.

The operator fills the room with gas, and there is a moment of silence.

Suddenly giggling can be heard from inside the chamber.

It's a miracle, nobody has died!

Furious the commandant points his gun at the operator.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"I'm so sorry commandant!" The operator spits out in a panic

"I must have given them a bong hit transplant!"

Disco Pope
Dec 6, 2004

Top Class!
[quote="Wizard Master"

[/quote]

LMAO

Negostrike
Aug 15, 2015


Yeah that one was chuckle-worthy

Crescent Wrench
Sep 30, 2005

The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.
Grimey Drawer
I thought maybe my sense of humor was finally adjusting to the quality of the stand-up shots and being way too generous, but I agree that bathroom stalls one is OK. It could work as a Steven Wright/Mitch Hedberg style deadpan non-sequitur.

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bagmonkey
May 13, 2003




Grimey Drawer
yeah i'd argue it could be a good joke with the right delivery

but given the delivery in the standupshots post lol no

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