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quote:CHAPTER TWELVE How nice that Green automatically builds in all of these "Previously, on the Blendingverse" recaps into ALL OF HER CHAPTERS when nothing has happened. quote:“No, that’s not the last thing,” he murmured when he saw Tamrissa sound asleep just a few beds away. Memory now flooded back about the way he’d been rescued, and Naran had been there as well. He had a vague memory of traveling in a coach forever, and then of being carried. And Vallant had also been there … This isn't any more interesting to read the second time. quote:Rion first took a deep breath to brace himself against what he might find, and then he gingerly reached toward the power. There was a slight drag to his efforts at first, as though he needed to break through some sort of delicate barrier, and then his touch was full and sure. Strength flowed into him, both physical and talent-wise, and once again he was aware of everything to do with the air about him. Nobody with half a brain cell thought anything else was going to be the case. quote:But he had no wish to waken Tamrissa from the sleep she so obviously needed, and he also wanted to find Naran. It would be nice to know where they were, and also what they’d be doing next— BATHS! I'm incrementing the bath counter for the mention, since we got saddled with a description of Rion shaving in a way that reveals nothing important about setting, plot, or character. quote:The second door led into a corridor, and after closing the thing as silently as possible he followed the corridor to an archway at what appeared to be its end. As he approached he heard low conversation, and stepping inside showed him a room filled with tables and chairs and people eating. Hunger suddenly touched him as well, but Naran had seen him come in. He first wanted to give her the good news, and then he would find a plate to fill. 83 words that could have been replaced with "Rion found Naran in the dining area." quote:“Good morning, my love,” Naran greeted him with a matchless smile once he was close enough, her lovely eyes shining. “I’m delighted to see you up and around again, and I apologize for not waiting until you awoke. When I opened my eyes I discovered that I was ravenous, and so had to come looking for something to eat.”  but also  Naran is Important quote:Oh, excuse my terrible manners. This gentleman is Dom Paisin Phile, one of those who are so kindly helping us.” Why did we have to meet this guy twice? quote:The tall, thin man sitting with Naran rose with a smile to offer his hand, and Rion took it while showing his own smile. It was marvelous to feel like a full man again, and also to be treated like one…. Some real toxic masculinity right here. quote:“It’s good to see you up and about, Dom Mardimil,” the man Phile said warmly. “Please help yourself to something to break your fast, and then I’ll leave you and Dama Whist alone.” We've gotten more words on Rion getting breakfast from a buffet than we have on characterization, though I kind of like this little bit of irony in Rion's character—except I'm not sure it's actually intended as irony. quote:“Dom Phile was just telling me what some of his people are doing now,” Naran said when Rion sat with his plate and cup in front of him. “They haven’t been able to locate Jovvi and Lorand either, but Dom Meerk feels they might pick up a clue from Vallant’s situation. He was brought to that vile Eltrina Razas’s house from somewhere, and the men who had been watching her house might just have followed the wagon which brought him when it returned to wherever it had come from.” This is never explained. It implies the nobility have competent spies, in which case, why would you set your competent spies on watching a toothless commoner organization like this instead of watching the people who are (supposedly) brainwashed and mind controlled walking nuclear weapons that any random low ranked flunky in the nobility has the command phrase for? Because all of the spies we saw keeping tabs on Our Heroes were totally useless. quote:“When we do manage to locate them, at least I’ll be able to assist Tamrissa in freeing them,” Rion put in after swallowing. “I would have dearly loved being able to help with Vallant, even though Tamrissa had no need of my help. You have no idea how helpless one feels…” Rion shook his head, forcibly dismissing the memory, then added, “And speaking of Vallant, what became of him? He was neither in that sleeping room, nor, so far as I can see, is he in this room. Has he gone out of wherever this place happens to be?” Rion gets points for actually remembering Vallant. Shame that Vallant doesn't care anywhere as much for Rion. quote:“We’re in a secret section of a warehouse,” Phile replied, then went on to describe the location of their surroundings before adding, “And Dom Ro was taken to a dormitory room with a window. I was told that Dama Domon mentioned how uncomfortable he would find it to be in this area with us, so Alsin—Dom Meerk—had him moved.” Twice in one chapter.  quote:Rion put a supporting hand to her arm for a moment before allowing her to hurry away, just to help convince her that he really was returned to himself. He hadn’t fully understood just how frantic she must have been when none of them returned to the residence, but he was beginning to. Add to that the way he’d looked when Tamrissa had freed him … It was a wonder that his poor beloved hadn’t broken down in hysterics…. I hate the word hysterics and its etymology so much. I think it's starting to lose the gendered meaning that it began with but since this is a Sharon Green book that was written in the 90s and in a male POV, well  quote:Naran was smiling easily again by the time she returned with a fresh cup of tea, giving Rion a better idea of the strength possessed by the woman he loved. He couldn’t have been more proud of her, OMFG. The casual levels of sexism in these books. This is in a POV of one of the three men in the whole series who are supposed to be the Real Ideal Men. quote:and he spent the rest of the meal gazing at her in wonder. How he had been so blessed as to gain her love was a mystery he would likely never solve, most especially now that he knew himself to be something other than a real noble. He was no more than a sham in that respect, but with Naran beside him he would forge a reality even stronger and more successful. Can you start by just seeing women as people and not women? quote:When Rion had finished, Phile offered to guide them to Vallant rather than simply supplying directions. Rion and Naran accepted the warmly given offer, then followed the man through the archway on the far side of the dining area. The place reminded Rion of that tavern he and the other men of the residence had had such a marvelous time in, the tavern where he’d first met Naran. No wonder he’d felt so immediately at home in the area, or rather, not at home … But WHY does this secret part of the warehouse remind you of the upstairs rooms with sex workers in a tavern? How do you write so many words of description and still end up conveying such a bland picture?  quote:Phile turned right up the corridor, then, after a short distance, right again. This latter corridor proved to be rather long, but at the end of it was a crossing corridor which held three doorways fairly close together. Phile stopped there and indicated the door farthest to the left. Uh, Rion? I think the dude's just busy. He's the second-in-command of the only commoner watchdog organization in the empire. It's so frustrating when we get little details like this. In the hands of a better author, I'd know for sure this is intended to be characterization. Because it's Green, I'm not sure whether this is genuinely meant.  quote:It was pleasant to knock on the indicated door with no one but Naran beside him … just in case Vallant wasn’t as fully returned to himself as he should be….  look at Rion actually using the magical radar ability he figured out in a previous bok.quote:And the person in the room certainly did prove to be Vallant. Why do we have such useless sentences that drag down the prose like this? quote:The big ex-sea captain lay on his back on the narrow bed closest to the large window, a window which had been swung open almost completely. The blank side of a building stood no more than feet beyond the window, but a rope and pulley arrangement at the window’s side said that reaching the street outside would be no more than slightly difficult. Rion knew that Vallant must appreciate the arrangement quite a bit, at the same time realizing that the man was awake. Vallant is still Vallant, it's just now you can see how  he is.quote:Something was seriously wrong, and although Rion dreaded whatever he might learn, he still had to ask. Oh would you look at that? Surely, conflict lies ahead for our characters! Not-spoilers because this is a Green novel: nah, as if Green would let anything happen to perfect, handsome, Knight-in-Shining-Aspect-who-totally-respects-women-because-they-all-want-to-sleep-with-him Vallant; because Tamrissa couldn't possibly be Forever Soulmates with someone who doesn't match her as The Strongest Water Magic Talent Ever, that just wouldn't be a good match. quote:Vallant had to struggle awake, but once he got a grip on the condition he was able to retain that grip. In another moment he had his eyes open, and then he discovered that the more he did, the less he had to struggle. Sitting up led to stretching hard, and then he climbed to his feet. Surprise POV switch without any line breaks or dividers in the ebook! quote:“Better,” he muttered as he looked around, running one hand through his hair. His enjoyment of the freedom wasn’t yet complete, not when his muscles felt stiff and his mind fuzzy. It would obviously take a while before that drug he’d been given was completely gone from his system, but at least he could move around on his own while he waited for it to be gone. And the first place he meant to move to was the door in the wall opposite the line of cots. He needed privacy facilities rather badly, but if he’d needed help to use them… Remember how Vallant and Pagin didn't actually need to go to the toilet to pee because Water magic users can apparently just remove the pee from their bladders and vanish it into the air or the clouds or wherever else they dump water moisture when they don't need it anymore? Either Green didn't, or she felt like we needed to know about Vallant's bowel movements. quote:But happily he needed no help, and when he emerged again he was able to look about a bit more thoroughly. The big open window at one end of the relatively small room had worked to calm his automatic unease, but when he opened the door leading out of the room his insides immediately knotted up. The corridors beyond the door were tiny and completely enclosed, and there was no telling where the next window or door to the outside might be found. Vallant felt a clutch of fear at the thought that he was trapped, and only the presence of the window in the room behind him kept him from falling into panic. Where in the name of chaos was this place, and what was he doing here? Sure, we already got the summary of what happened in Vallant's conversation with Rion and Naran, but WHY NOT, let's force ourselves to sit through the whole thing again, because SURELY Green will contribute new information or character moment that will make reading all 2,135 words of this Vallant POV. quote:Vallant had already noticed the tray by then, and the aroma of the food had begun to take its turn knotting his stomach. He stepped back at the stranger’s approach and managed something of a smile. Oh FFS, Vallant. You're hitting on men now too? Can no one escape your sleaze? quote:glancing around the sparsely furnished room again. “There’s no table in here to eat at, but I don’t mean to let that stop me. What even is this line of dialogue? The guy BROUGHT YOU A TRAY OF BREAKFAST Vallant.  quote:Just set that tray down on one of the cots, and I’ll take it from there. And by the way— thank you for botherin’.” He really should have just left you in here to starve, imo. quote:“No problem,” the man returned amiably after putting down the tray. “My brother has your trouble, and when he’s here he starts choking everywhere but in one of these dormitories. Walking down to the eating area is completely beyond him, since it’s a bit like a maze that you walk through to get there. They finally moved my brother to another facility, and now he’s a lot happier. And since I didn’t know what you would like, I brought some of everything.” What I want to know is how you managed to survive on a ship. Ships aren't exactly roomy places. But I guess when Green rolled your character, she must have done the thing where she takes a critical flaw and then a critical skill that selectively nerfs the flaw to the point where it doesn't matter. quote:“Well, go ahead and dig in,” the man urged with a gesture of both hands. “We don’t stand on ceremony here, not when we don’t know if some emergency won’t keep us from sitting down to our next meal on time. And we want you and your friends to be healthy and strong. We’ve needed something everyone can rally behind for a long time, and once we have all five of you rescued we’ll have that something.” Okay, maybe Rion had a point. This guy doesn't seem to get that Vallant wants to be left alone to eat. quote:“You’ve found Jovvi and Lorand?” Vallant asked around a mouthful of eggs, hunger finally overcoming discomfort. “I remember now that they weren’t with us.” Oh look, it's soapbox time. And for once, it's not Tamrissa doing the soapboxing. quote:“But that’s not true at all,” the man protested with a small laugh. “The nobles may be greedy pigs, but they aren’t stupid. Trying to fight once everyone knows the truth about you is mindless, so they’ll have to step down. They simply won’t have any other choice.” Reading this after the Jan 6 2020 Capitol Hill riots makes me very, very uncomfortable. quote:Vallant worked his way through most of the food on the tray, using the contents of the pitcher of tea to wash it all down. We've moved beyond cups now, we've gone to pitcher level. Do I increment the counter by 1 because it's a single instance or 10 because of volume? Also, have I been reading every instance of tea wrong in these books? Are we, in fact, talking about Southern style sweet tea? quote:When he finished he felt a good deal better, more ready to face the world and what it brought. The stiffness in his body was almost gone, and most of the fuzziness in his mind. Now if he could just figure out a way to find Tamrissa and the others … So. Much. Toxic. Masculinity. quote:Standing up and walking to the window gave Vallant a chance to think, and by the time he had a closer view of the building which stood so near this one he also had an answer. The questions of where Tamrissa had spent the night, who had told these people about his problem, and where the woman he loved might be right now—they said it all. If her own love hadn’t turned to pity, she would have been there when he first opened his eyes. OMFG Vallant, not everything is about you. I'm also sad to say that this exact thing is going to play out again next book when we get the inevitable dumb love triangle. quote:He took a very deep breath, realizing he couldn’t blame her. He was supposed to be the strength she relied on to bolster her sometimes less-than-adequate self-confidence, and he’d failed her. Not only hadn’t he been able to rescue her from capture, she’d had the trouble of needing to rescue him! And look at him right now, wanting to go searching for his friends but too afraid to leave the room. He was patently useless, in everything but his talent— We could have had a whole chapter on Vallant wrestling with this! It could even possibly have been good! quote:Vallant groped his way to the nearest cot and slowly lay down on it, so deep in shock that the world seemed miles away. And hidden behind transparent cotton, which was for his own protection. He needed to be protected now, just as all thoroughly useless people needed to be. He had nothing left, and even from a distance of miles he was able to feel the edges of the excruciating pain brought by that knowledge. This is the most shallow, way of writing this.quote:He floated in nothingness for quite some time, then a sound came that was easy to ignore. A repetition of the sound still brought nothing in the way of reaction from him, but a time later there was a familiar voice, and the words spoken worked their way through to him. Why did we need to read this horribly boring dialogue again? quote:After Vallant spoke the truth there was an even heavier silence than before, one which he appreciated. It gave him the chance to let his own words echo inside his head, forcing him to get used to them. Even though he didn’t want to get used to them. They hurt so very much, but all the wishing in the world couldn’t wish them into being a lie. Not that it really mattered anymore…. Vallant is the worst POV to be reading.quote:“So here you all are,” another familiar voice suddenly came. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Alsin has come back with an answer, so we have to leave here as soon as possible. Don’t stare at me like that, Rion, I’m not being hysterical. Furious is what I am, that and worried sick. He told me that Jovvi and Lorand are no longer in the city. Those animals have sent them somewhere, and we have to follow and get them back.” Give me one reason—ONE—why Tamrissa isn't just as insufferable as the nobles. quote:And that was news so serious that it even came close to reaching Vallant. Seriously, Vallant? Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts.Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 53 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 34 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 36 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 34 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 129 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 62 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 19 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 36 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 134 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 72 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 82 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 40 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 14 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 10 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 24 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: This chapter is twice as long as it should be, because we do not need to see the exact, same, boring thing from both Rion AND Vallant's POVs. Either of these could work just fine on their own, depending on which part of the narrative you wanted to explore. Someone who's used to being utterly capable suddenly stripped of everything that made him that way? That's a compelling setup! Someone who's just found some real friends for the first time trying to help one of them come to terms with a loss of identity? Also compelling! Two boring scenes about people eating a dull, boring breakfast where nothing happens in nearly 4,500 words except for someone busting in at the end to say "Hey we got a lead, let's go"?
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Nov 25, 2022 07:33
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Sorry about slacking off in the frequency of Let's Read posts! I have been busy with trying to write the sequel to my fantasy novel. Turns out writing a sequel is harder than writing the first book  so really as much as I make fun of Green's writing and these books, it should be acknowledged that she could produce and that as a series, the Blendingverse books deliver an incredibly consistent reading experience across over some 1.2m words.That's a guess: we were at 470k total words by the end of Book 3, and there's 5 more books to go, at an average of about 150k words per book. If we round it down to just 1m, since the sequel trilogy is a little bit shorter (I think), Green still actually wrote a LOT of published words that SOLD. That's an achievement of commercial success that deserves some level of recognition. Over the last three years, I have written 292,810 words of fantasy prose fiction, which consists of:
I have a lot of writing to do if I want to catch up. Maybe I can find some way of speeding up. I'd like to hit 1 million words written and published before we get to the end of this Let's Read—and on that note, I am going to try and keep up with at least 2 posts per month because otherwise we're never going to get to the end of the Blendingverse. Anyway, seeing that it's Thanksgiving, here's both a thank you and a self-promo plug. Thank you for following along as I dissect these terrible books. When I started the thread two years ago, I had no idea where it would lead but I am very grateful for where I've ended up. This Let's Read project has been a painful but educational exercise for me and I hope that it's been entertaining for you. If you were curious about my book and want to give it a shot or think someone you know would enjoy it, the ebook is on sale for $0.99 for the whole Black Friday weekend at all major ebook retailers: https://books2read.com/petition Here are some recent goon reviews from the SFF thread: tildes posted:Just finished the Petition, and can also confirm it’s very good. Everyone posted:Petition was really good and now I'm going to have to physically stop myself from pestering the hell out of Leng because I want to read the sequel right this now. Dilber posted:I just ripped through Petition by Delilah Waan, whom I think is a goon. I'm pretty sure that I found the book through this thread, and I just wanted to say it's one of the best things I've read recently and I'm excited for book 2. Happy Thanksgiving!
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Nov 25, 2022 08:08
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quote:CHAPTER THIRTEEN That's it guys. That's all we get on the Seating ceremony. You know, the thing we've been waiting for three and a quarter books to see happen. quote:The others felt just as relieved, although they weren’t doing much in the way of talking. They’d agreed that morning to be as quiet and unobtrusive as possible, to lessen the chance that someone would notice Delin’s lack of animation. It had been necessary to put Delin back under full control even before the ceremony … A pretty subtle reference, for Green, as these things go. quote:A servant came forward to offer iced fruit drinks to the new Seated Five, and Kambil accepted the offer with a smile while concentrating on the sensation of the jeweled band about his brow to keep his anger from showing. This is literally the only time this symbol of authority appears. Minor spoilers for Book 6: we will see Our Heroes become Seated...and there will be no mention of any jeweled bands at all quote:He’d been a fool to turn Delin loose and then fail to watch the madman closely, but there had been so much else to do … You did basically nothing. quote:Well, that was an excuse, and from now on there would be no further need for excuses. Which, in Green terms, means there are gonna be plenty of excuses. quote:“Dismiss the servants, please,” a deep pleasant voice came, breaking into Kambil’s thoughts. “There are important matters which we all need to talk about.” Ephaim Noll is a relatively important minor character. Mainly because Green tells you he is, and not because he gets any characterization of his own. quote:“Certainly, Lord Ephaim,” Kambil agreed just as pleasantly, gesturing the servants into leaving. “We were honored to have you and your brother Advisors attend the ceremony, and we were hoping you would take the time to speak to us. We’ll certainly need guidance during the coming years, and yours will be the most valued.” There is a genetic component to strength of talent and aspect so what I'm wondering is whether minor spoilers for the sequel trilogy Ephaim actually has Spirit magic himself, because his brother, Sembrin, who is going to be a major antagonist in the future, has Spirit magic. quote:“So you’re going to brazen it out,” Noll said while his mind sorted lightning fast through dozens of options and plans. “I usually admire a man with the stones to stand his ground no matter what happens, but there’s a time for that sort of thing and a time to admit the truth. The man who learns to tell the difference is the man who succeeds in life. Do you deny that Lord Ossim Moord and his lady wife were brought to the palace last night, but no one saw them leave—or has seen them since?” Wow, I did not remember that's Delin's dad's name, mainly because he never shows up on screen. All I can think of right now is:  quote:“I, personally, never even saw them arrive,” Kambil replied, having a better idea now of what Noll knew. “If you were here and saw the arrival yourself, I certainly won’t argue with you. What I still don’t understand is what point you’re trying to make.” This moment bugs me so much in multiple ways. Why, as a High in Spirit magic who has no compunctions about controlling people, especially when he can just reprogram their minds and trust that programming will continue when he's not actively sustaining the effort, does Kambil just resort to this lame threat that could exist in any other novel? Why do I feel like Kambil is being far more genuine than any of Our Heroes when he's standing up for Delin against Ephaim, even though we KNOW that he absolutely doesn't care about Delin? quote:“I’m told that those particular people—if there really were any to begin with—are almost all dead,” Noll countered blandly, his expression showing nothing of the agitation in his mind. “Trying to threaten me won’t get you anywhere, boy, not when you and your friends haven’t been publicly Seated yet. There are still two days before that happens, and unless we come to a firm agreement right now, it just may not happen at all. Does that state it clearly enough to gain your full attention?” This system still makes no bloody sense. quote:“You may take it as a fact that you’ve had my full attention all along,” Kambil said, pleased that they were finally getting down to the meat of the meeting. “And please believe that I never threaten, it’s too much of a waste of time. What sort of agreement did you have in mind?”  but you guys KNOW Adriari and her group were puppets? Why would you pay them anything? They were characterized as power-hungry social climbers who wanted to sit on the Fivefold Throne but didn't have the magical strength to win it legitimately, so helping them win unfairly was payment. Why would you pay further money?quote:“Further compensation?” Kambil echoed with brows raised, not about to let the man get away with that. “My dear Lord Ephaim, you and the others have our sincere sympathy, but we have nothing to do with Adrian’s group. If gold was paid to them in advance, you should really make an effort to retrieve it from their estates. Was that all you wanted to talk about?” how is this guy the second most competent Advisor around? He's even more dumb than Zolind was.quote:The much more pressing subject must be seen to today.” Annnnnd what could they do to you at this point? This is not the point of tension you seem to think it is, Green. quote:“The most pressing subject is your relationship with your Advisors,” Noll replied, his thoughts rigidly inflexible on the matter. “There are quite a number of our group who are … uncomfortable with the idea of dealing with you, primarily because of the presence of Moord. We both know that Zolind wasn’t imagining things about him, and none of my peers is willing to let the man run around unchecked. There will have to be guarantees on your part, guarantees we’re able to rely on without hesitation.”  and this is why this whole racket that Green's based her book around just fundamentally doesn't make sense conceptually in the way she's tried to implement it.quote:“And you see us simply stepping aside and allowing your plans to continue unopposed?” Kambil inquired, really curious about the point. “What do you imagine you might do if we refuse?” Seriously. These people operate at the highest levels of the government and are utterly clueless about how magic—which they first started suppressing in the commoners as a means of maintaining themselves in power—works. In a world where practically everybody is born with magic. I do not buy this whatsoever because they do not seem to have anyone capable of the mass brainwashing required nor the competence to actually carry it out. quote:“Now tell me what arrangements you’ve made,” Kambil said to Noll, who hadn’t been able to resist the entity at all. “And don’t be shy about going into details.” BOWS. The answer to "how can we kill these people who are amazingly strong magical talents" is "shoot them full of arrows" OMFG I can't even At the outset it doesn't sound so dumb if the assassins have the element of surprise, but this continues to be A Thing in the sequel trilogy and surprise, surprise, it turns out to be very easy to neutralize. quote:“Bowmen,” Kambil mused, once again finding himself surprised. “That’s the weapon developed by those savages our people discovered about fifty years ago, isn’t it? The ones on that very large island who had degenerated into a society of untrained Lows and talentless cripples?” So the Gandistran Empire somehow developed spears, but not bows? quote:“Aside from that, your observations were right. We don’t need to call on the bowmen often, but when we do they’re extremely efficient.” HOW IS EVERYBODY THIS DUMB?! quote:I’ll certainly have to keep the matter in mind, but at the moment we have other things to discuss. Right now you and your friends are completely under our control, but I sense that that won’t hold true for very long. In two or three days you’ll be able to throw off the effects, especially if something prevents you from returning here to have the control strengthened again. Tell me what you would do if you suddenly returned to yourself.” Well THIS is a new restriction on Spirit magic that we didn't know about! (It's also inconsistently applied throughout the series.) quote:“I would immediately arrange for your assassination,” Noll replied promptly—and predictably. “Your Five will either be under our complete control, or it will be dead. None of us is willing to take the chance of having it any other way.” Unless you are Naran, the greatest programmer the Blendingverse has ever known. quote:his mind still open and totally amenable. “The precautions are against the possibility of our being drugged, which will be investigated as soon as we leave this room. Puredan remains in a man’s blood for some time, and strong Middle practitioners of Earth magic are waiting to see if they find those traces in us. If they do, your assassination will be arranged no matter what we say against it.” You COULD HAVE if your group decided to actually go about turning all of the Advisors into your puppets before you assassinated Zolind at his dinner party. What a waste of a Blending, seriously. quote:It saddens me to say now that that seems impossible; you’re much too … inventive for my liking. Give me a moment to think.” No, we won't get to see any of this play out. Everything is just going to proceed as Kambil outlines below. quote:You and the others will hand over the doses of Puredan before you leave, as I’ve decided to see if I can make use of them. But before we get to that, I have additional orders for you and your friends here.” We are now entering the part of the series where everybody is using Puredan on everybody like no tomorrow. quote:“Certainly,” Noll agreed at once—as though he’d be permitted to do anything else. “What orders do you have?” I actually really like the premise of this scene and it's the only time Green comes close to striking the right balance of tone between the horror of what's going on and the casualness with which it is executed. Except it is very short-lived because... quote:“The other three of you will suddenly decide to take brief vacations, and will therefore leave Gan Garee at once. Two of you will go this afternoon, and the third will leave tonight. Before you go, make certain you assure everyone that you’ll return for the public ceremony.” ...we immediately get THIS, which is just...not plausible given how the world building has been set up with private guards tailing nobles everywhere. quote:“Again you must choose the one whom others will be most likely to believe it of. The fourth will go boating somewhere bright and early tomorrow morning, and will make sure that the vessel is lost with all hands aboard.” I honestly like this last little bit from Ephaim too. If we had more of this and less of everything else in these books, they'd be a way better read. quote:“You may count on that, Lord Ephaim,” Kambil said, accepting the vials that the five men had no idea they were handing over. “And thank you again for coming to the ceremony.” I am both mildly impressed and disappointed that Green managed to thwart my tea counter by replacing that gag with FRUIT JUICE. quote:“He won’t be using the spy again, but someone else might.” I'm not really clear on why? You're going to kill them anyway? Why don't you just forcibly make them burn themselves out? quote:Kambil abruptly got to his feet, needing to pace a bit to fight down his rising gorge. If he didn’t need Delin for the Blending … Well, the next time the madman needed to perform as though he were uncontrolled, it would be allowed only with his body and mind fully in the grip of Puredan. Because surely nobody is going to be suspicious of two highly influential nobles just disappearing.  Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts.A bunch of Lord Advisors show up to confront Kambil and co post their private nobles-only Seating ceremony about Delin's crimes, including his torture of his parents. They issue Kambil and co the ultimatum "let us put you under Puredan control or else we'll disqualify your group and refuse to hold the public Seating ceremony", thus showing that this whole rigged competition sham nonsense makes no sense whatsoever. Kambil puts all of the Advisors under his temporary control, forces them to hand over the Puredan for his own use and orders them to organize their own demises. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 54 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 35 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 36 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 130 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 62 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 19 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 37 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 141 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 73 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 82 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 40 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 14 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 10 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 25 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: I have been struck by sudden insight. If this is supposed to be a story of how the system the nobility have set up is horrible and corrupt, and that there's a better way of doing things, I think it would have been a far more compelling if our main POVs were Adriari, Rion, Kambil, and Delin. With those three, you cover all the bases: the person who doesn't deserve the position that's been handed to them and knows it; the changeling; the person who lucked out with the family lottery but then got drafted into a terrible situation due to political necessity, and the person who has grown up horribly twist as a result of the abuses heaped upon him. We do not need Our Heroes at all because none of them go on any meaningful journeys. They spend all their time consumed in relationship drama. They don't need to work hard for their magical abilities; no harm or consequences are ever allowed to befall them thanks to their plot armor. Their flatness as characters, the terror of how magically strong they are, it all works SO MUCH BETTER if they're just the distant threats looming in the background and we don't spend any time in their heads.
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Dec 5, 2022 08:01
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Happy new year! May 2023 suck less than 2022.quote:CHAPTER FOURTEEN Terrible TV daytime soap opera voiceover: "Previously, on the Blendingverse..." quote:“Alsin’s people found out that they’ve been sent from the city in some sort of convoy,” I replied, trying not to show how really agitated I felt. How, exactly, is Tamrissa doing that? Why is it that every time Green has to write a dialogue tag we get crap like this? Is thinking of a physical action or sensation just too difficult? quote:“Arrangements are being made to get a coach for us… Can we all sit down somewhere to talk about this? please don't.quote:Alsin woke me with the news, and after splashing some water in my face I came looking for the rest of you. Right now I could really use a cup of tea.” Seriously?! quote:“We’ll go back to the eating area,” Rion said, as though making up his mind about something. OMFG. There was nothing interesting there. You're literally standing in the middle of the rebel commoners' secret headquarters and all you're gonna do is hang out in their cafeteria? quote:“The rest of us have already eaten, and Vallant said he needs a bit more rest. Once I have the entire story, I’ll come back here and pass it on.” I can't decide if Rion's being considerate or not. On the one hand, nice of him to spare Vallant. On the other hand, Vallant's emo-ness can go to hell. On the one foot, since we've run out of hands now, if Blending is supposed to be so amazing and make you closer than a family and what have you, why would you not do everything to include Vallant? quote:“All right,” I agreed after almost no hesitation. Vallant had begun to sit up at hearing about what had happened to our groupmates, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S REACTING TO IT. quote:but then he’d stretched out again and closed his eyes. You didn't think Vallant could get any more emo did you? Well he did. Because he's Vallant. quote:Without a single word of greeting for me, even a neutral one. You are horribly unobservant, Tamrissa. You haven't noticed even the slightest thing off with Vallant? quote:I’d expected him to at least offer some of the tea in the pitcher standing on a tray left on one of the beds near the door…. FFS stop with the tea. quote:Rion seemed to be in something of a hurry to get back to the eating area, and I can’t say I really minded. Naran was very quiet, which probably meant she’d noticed the way Vallant had been behaving. I wasn’t certain that Rion had, although something seemed to be disturbing him badly…. Tamrissa's ability to read people is like a light switch on the fritz. quote:When we reached the eating area, Rion insisted that I take more than just tea. I really had very little appetite, but with the possibility of my talent being needed later, I agreed without argument. Rion and Naran sat quietly while I finished what was on my plate, so I took a swallow of tea and then began to tell them what I knew they were waiting to hear. Four mentions of tea in the single chapter. I'm incrementing the counter four times. quote:“Alsin’s men hadn’t followed the man who brought Vallant to Eltrina Razas’s house, at least not at first,” I said after describing what Alsin and I had discussed after we’d gotten to that warehouse. “Early this morning the man and his wagon came back, though, and the watchers were there and waiting. They said that Eltrina didn’t come to the door, and her servant refused even to let the man into her house. The man shouted and screamed something about not being about to take the blame for not producing the ‘segment’ for transportation that morning, then he stormed off.” You'll be happy to know that we'll need to hear about this whole incident at least two more times. quote:“What did he mean by ‘segment’?” Naran asked with a frown. “I’ve never heard the word applied to people.” Beyond the egregious exposition, beyond how inefficient said exposition dump is, this is just boring. Where is Tamrissa's voice? quote:“With the man needing to report Vallant’s disappearance?” Rion said with a faint smile. “I would imagine not. I hope he put the blame where it belonged.” I should have started a "faint smile" counter. quote:“The watchers said he tried to, but the other noble apparently lacked our bias against Eltrina,” I replied with my own faint smile. “He said the man and Eltrina were equally responsible, he for having given her the ‘segment,’ she for refusing to give the ‘segment’ back.” You two are not cute. Also can you stop echoing Tamrissa's uninteresting exposition? It's not any more fun hearing you repeat it as questions. quote:“It meant two men and a woman,” I answered after taking another sip of tea. “The watchers were at least as disturbed about that as we are, so when the unmoving bodies were taken out of the wagon and the man left, one of the watchers followed him. The other stayed to watch the wagon convoy, which left a short while later heading west. He also reported that the riders seemed to be mostly guardsmen.” ...why didn't you lead with this info? SO MANY WORDS to say "The people Meerk had camped at at Eltrina's found a lead. Vallant was supposed to be on one of the ten wagons, filled with unconscious bodies that the nobility are referring to as 'segments', are headed west." quote:“I hope the other found out more than that,” Naran said, disturbance clear in her eyes. “So far it sounds like no more than guesswork about Jovvi and Lorand being with that convoy.” ...why? quote:“I don’t blame him for being upset,” Naran said with her brows high. “How could anyone expect them to use those posts to hide drugged captives? You expect a prison to have bars, so how are you supposed to know that the bars are official—so to speak.” So when the nobility or anybody opposing Our Heroes says something like this, Our Heroes berate them ruthlessly for being whining babies who don't understand Facts and Logic and refuse to help themselves. But when it's people on their side, it's just all "how could you have known?" or "how could anyone expect it?" and I hate this dumb double standard. quote:“I guess you can’t know,” I said, not quite sure I understood what she’d said but having no time to question her about it. “When Alsin’s second watcher reported back to him, Alsin took some men and went to pay a call on the wagon driver. He was alone when they entered the post, and the fact that they’d put on masks frightened him badly. He tried to use Water magic on them, but one of Alsin’s men was stronger and so was able to stop him. Then he tried to frighten them in turn by telling them he was a member of the nobility.” Honestly would have preferred reading an Alsin Meerk POV of this than hearing it second hand via Tamrissa's dull narration. quote:“Even if he were telling the truth, it’s highly unlikely that he has much standing, either politically or socially,” Rion commented. “One of my mother’s peers, for instance, would sooner die a bloody and painful death than be caught driving a wagon. In case you wanted to know: this does not pay off, ever. quote:And as for having a job somewhere rather than a career or business interests, even if it isn’t really a job …” He shook his head. “No, he can’t be of much importance at all.” So why are we spending so much time talking about him? quote:“Alsin thought he was very important, since the man had certain information that we wanted,” I replied with a type of smile I knew wasn’t particularly nice. Terrible word play with a terrible dialogue tag. Kill me. quote:“He made the fool understand that he would die in quite a lot of pain if he didn’t answer the questions put to him, then he listened to those answers with his Middle strength in Earth magic. Only someone with a stronger talent could have lied to Alsin and gotten away with it, and the man didn’t qualify.” Torture, the notoriously unreliable method of obtaining intel, is actually reliable in this world because magic. I guess I have to give Green points here for thinking about her world building for once. quote:“But what he did do was assure Alsin that Jovvi and Lorand have to be in that convoy. All drugged Highs are sent out of the city in the same way, and the previous convoy left three days earlier. He knew in particular that our people are with this convoy, because the noble in charge had complained about having three members of the strongest challenging Blending so close to each other for so long. If something went wrong and they came back to themselves, they could end up being more trouble than all the rest combined.” Not-spoilers: this potentially interesting plot line will not happen because Green. I would have been down for reading about Jovvi and Lorand escaping from their Puredan programming and drugged condition while Tamrissa, Rion, and Vallant stoke rebellion in Gan Garee. That would have been a fun book. Alas... quote:“I don’t like that phrase, ‘for so long,’ ” Rion said with a frown. “It suggests that they’ll be separated once they reach wherever they’re going, which won’t be of help to us. Green: "It would result in me having to write additional story instead of having my characters sit around in useless meetings so of course this is not going to happen." quote:And while we’re discussing it, what is their destination?” Green: "I have also run out of ideas on how to transition this conversation smoothly." quote:“The man didn’t know, which supports your theory that he isn’t a very important noble,” I said. We now have a secondary exposition vehicle expositing about the primary exposition vehicle. quote:“He usually has someone with him who feeds and cares for the captives, but picking them up in the first place and then transporting them to the convoy is much too important a task to trust to an underling—according to him, at any rate. Personally, I’d say they wanted to limit the knowledge of commoners, so they limited the participation of those who aren’t their own.” This makes no sense if you actually think about it: 1) The nobility have Puredan. Just give all the commoners instructions that they can't disclose anything in relation to their job and pay them reasonably well with a bonus threat of "if you try to leave, you'll get disappeared too" 2) There's distinctions within the ranks of nobility, with higher nobility viewing lower nobility as little better than commoners. There would absolutely be lower nobility who would be corruptible. I actually hate how static and homogenous the nobility is in these books. That's just...not how class systems work. quote:“And now we’re going after the convoy,” Naran said, actually looking eager at the idea of leaving our safe hiding place. Oh look, the first dialogue tag that actually reveals character, both about Naran and Tamrissa. It doesn't tell us anything we don't already know (Naran is awesome and Tamrissa sucks) but at least it's present instead of another horrific bit of nonsense. quote:“How soon will we get started? And while we’re waiting, is there any chance we can have the use of a bath house?” And then Green had to go and ruin it. quote:“I asked those very same questions,” I replied, more than aware of how … well used my clothes and body felt. “Alsin said he’d be back with the coach as quickly as possible, probably within the hour, and this warehouse has no actual bath-house facilities. We’d have to go elsewhere, and that would be dangerous as well as time-consuming. We’ll just have to wait until we reach an inn along the way.” I'm so tempted to increment the bath counter just for the sheer amount of words spent on "we're in a hurry, no baths sorry". quote:“I’m in need of a bath as well, but our clear priority is following those who hold Lorand and Jovvi captive,” Rion said, looking more determined and … dangerous than I’d ever before seen him. Just in case you lack the ability to infer from context. quote:“If we all consider the problem, we should find it possible to free them before the convoy reaches its destination and our people are separated. I... This is not how you make a plan. Or at least if that's going to be the extent of your plan, can we just skip this whole chapter and cut to the next part when you're slogging behind the wagons on the roads? quote:Right now, however, there’s something you must know about another of us.” So. Much. Redundancy. quote:Who—”  quote:“Yes, I mean Vallant,” he confirmed when he saw my sudden grasp of what he’d said. “I told you he still seemed to be tired, but that wasn’t the truth. He told Naran and me that—that he was no longer able to touch the power. I believe he’s still in shock over the discovery, and may well decide against accompanying us. We mustn’t allow that.” Because that would have been an interesting turn for the narrative to take. quote:If he thought Vallant was in shock, he should have felt my mind. I sat staring at my teacup, not quite able to remember its purpose, mentally groping for something solid to anchor myself to. Those people had been right after all, and Vallant’s ability to Blend with us was gone forever? It's super interesting that the first thought here is "oh no he can't Blend with us" which presumably is code for "that means he can't be (one of) my One True Love(s)" instead of some empathy. quote:“If you’d heard him, your heart would have shattered the way mine did,” Naran added in a rough whisper, holding to Rion’s arm and obviously trying not to cry. We get it. Naran is a Nice Person. No need to say the same thing 3 times in one sentence. quote:“He said that if certain people considered him pitiful and useless before, now they certainly would. Who do you think he was talking about?” I'm racking my brains right now and can't recall a single Naran POV throughout these books and that makes me sad. Because she says stuff like this all the time and when you find out Book 5 spoilers that she's got Sight magic the cynic in me remembers these moments and thinks "yeah there's no way you were being genuine about this" and it'd have been so much more fun to be in Naran's head instead of everyone else's. quote:I shook my head, having no idea whom he could have meant. It was ridiculous to think that there could be someone around so blind that they would believe those things about Vallant, but that had nothing to do with my position. Yesterday Vallant had clearly and definitely ended things between us; now that he was almost a different man, would he change his mind? And remembering how his pushing me away had hurt, did I really want him to change his mind?  sorry Naran, it didn't work. But it was never going to. At least you tried.quote:But those questions were personal, and there was another much more important one: would Rion and I be able to free the others all by ourselves? We certainly had to, but… could we? I'd find this so much more convincing if you were having these doubts AFTER having scoped out the situation properly. So far, you're up against some unimportant lesser nobility who are so inbred that their talent isn't worth sneezing at shepherding a convoy of drugged and unconscious people and the only solid intel you have about this convoy is that the people in charge are worried about having three of you in their custody even drugged up, brainwashed, and unconscious. By the sounds of this, Rion alone would be sufficient. Rion AND Tamrissa is overkill, basically. How are we supposed to maintain any feeling of suspense? Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts. Their missing Blendingmates are being smuggled west in a convoy full of other drugged people.A bunch of Lord Advisors show up to confront Kambil and co post their private nobles-only Seating ceremony about Delin's crimes, including his torture of his parents. They issue Kambil and co the ultimatum "let us put you under Puredan control or else we'll disqualify your group and refuse to hold the public Seating ceremony", thus showing that this whole rigged competition sham nonsense makes no sense whatsoever. Kambil puts all of the Advisors under his temporary control, forces them to hand over the Puredan for his own use and orders them to organize their own demises. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 54 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 35 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 36 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 132 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 62 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 19 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 38 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 141 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 74 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 40 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 14 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 11 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 25 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: A straight forward fix: jump cut to them on the road tailing the convoy and scoping out its security measures. Pretty much everything that happens in the next...6-7 chapters doesn't matter or could've happened on the road and did not require another scene in this warehouse location. A more interesting direction: have Tamrissa, Rion, and Naran run off with Alsin to rescue Jovvi and Lorand because...IDK time pressure or something or they don't have time for Vallant's emo BS. It's Vallant's worst nightmare. He gets stuck in the city, learns to deal with his crippling situationally-convenient claustrophobia, learns more about Alsin's organization and figures out that—and now I'm going to be taking liberties with what happens in the canon, so spoilers for Books 4, 5 and 6 ahead—Alsin's organization has been working with the quiet Guild rebellion, digs further into the prophecy, discovers that both organizations have been compromised because they've been infiltrated by agents of the nobility to the highest levels to keep them ineffectual and fixes all that, allowing him to discover that hey, what I enjoyed about being captain of my own ship is the leadership aspect and being able to call the shots because growing up with my dad was sure restrictive and even though I love him, I hate the system he's entrenched as part of and now this is my time to shine and change it all and he's gonna be so proud of me AND WOW WE WOULD HAVE AN ACTUAL CHARACTER ARC FOR VALLANT and maybe when he gets a reunion with Tamrissa, he discovers that he's changed and she's changed and then they can think about pursuing a relationship as two mature, self-actualized people instead of immature teens pretending to be adults.
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Jan 11, 2023 04:21
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quote:CHAPTER FIFTEEN I don't think any of you understand what sympathy is, let alone how to show it. quote:“I really don’t know,” Tamrissa responded, sounding bewildered and almost as devastated as Vallant had. Which is kind of a problem, considering that this person is supposed to be your One True Love Above All True Loves, and a perfect demonstration of exactly how shallow this relationship is. quote:“I, personally, would probably hate having everyone around me oozing sympathy, but—I just don’t know.” Can't have Naran join the others in being an unsympathetic character can we? quote:“If I were in Vallant’s place I’d hate sympathy as well, especially since we don’t know if his talent really is gone for good. Green  : "Crap, I wasted the previous scene and now I need to get my protagonists on the road, we can't take the time for them to actually be characters and relate to each other at all."Green  : "I know! Let's handwave it with 'we're perfectly Good and Decent People because we're doing unto others as we would have them do to us'."quote:Lorand isn’t a trained physician, but I’ll wager that if he works on Vallant, whatever is wrong will probably stop being wrong.” If this had come from any other character, this would just be a straight up, dumb plan. quote:“Why, Naran, you’re absolutely right,” Tamrissa said, suddenly pulling away from the numbness which had held her. “Lorand is the best, so we’ve got to get him to Vallant as quickly as possible. As soon as Alsin returns with a coach, we’ll have to catch up to that convoy as fast as we can.” Except the plan came from Naran, which means Book 5 spoilers Naran already knows that nothing is wrong with Vallant and I'm kind of mad that this is the line thing she had to go with because the other characters are just that dumb. Also, this is going to be the slowest pursuit ever. We're supposed to be in epic high fantasy and these guys are gonna go on chasing people. IN A COACH. quote:“And do what to stop them?” Rion asked, hating to deflate her enthusiasm but realizing that it was necessary. “The answer to that question has to be carefully considered, as you and I will find it extremely difficult to handle the guardsmen you mentioned as well as the wagon drivers. Unless we kill them all, which we could probably accomplish. Was that what you intended for us to do?” Oh FFS. Maybe Tamrissa's talent doesn't have a great middle ground between "unharmed" and "dead" but Rion certainly does. You can literally manipulate air. Just put them all in a big invisible box and then knock them out. Note: since Rion has declared they will find it extremely difficult to handle the guardsmen, it will, of course, turn out to be a nothing burger. quote:“I—no,” Tamrissa said with a violent headshake after a very brief hesitation. “Possibly if there was no other way, but not without trying other things first. Most of those guardsmen probably have no idea what they’re guarding, so killing them would be—wrong. And what about the rest of the poor victims in that convoy? Can we free Lorand and Jovvi, and simply leave the rest to their fate?” Can you guys please have this discussion on the road? Seeing as how you do all of your other meetings in the coach anyway? quote:“I hadn’t even considered the point,” Rion admitted ruefully. “Once put into words, however, there’s no denying that we simply can’t turn our backs on our own. But where did so many other High talents come from? We were told, were we not, that all testing and qualifying was done for the year?” Oh look, the protagonists are finally catching up to the plot about the secret Gandistran armies that were hinted way back in Book 1. quote:“To keep the city as free of High talents as possible,” Rion said with a nod. “If one attempts to think as our enemies might, it makes considerable sense. After all, what benefit would there be in having people walking about who have stronger talent than the current Seated Blending?” In case for some reason you needed yet another recap of what was going on. Please let Naran be a character instead of a magical plot device. quote:“I can’t—Wait, there’s Alsin.” So many words devoted to describing Alsin and he will get a lot of page time in this book and the next...and yet, he's just as vague and flat as every other character. By the way, this is my headcanon of Alsin and Tamrissa:  quote:“We’re all set,” he announced without preamble. “The coach is in an alley two streets from here, and there’s a wagon unloading downstairs right now that will take you to the coach without your being seen. The alley is actually a minor through street, so we’ll be able to set off without the notice that backing out and turning around might bring. Are your belongings ready to be loaded?” OMFG why did we need to spend all these words talking about your luggage? quote:What is, though, is Vallant. Brilliant transition.  quote:How is he supposed to walk through these corridors to reach the wagon downstairs? And even if he does, what about whatever you plan to do to disguise our presence in that wagon? Will he be able to stand it?” Tamrissa, you are the worst. quote:“What’s more, I’ve decided to join him in that. The ladies and our baggage can be taken out in the wagon, but Vallant and I will walk.” Yet another moment that makes you realize that Rion is the best. Until you remember that he thought it was cool for Lorand and Jovvi to magically aid Vallant in raping Tamrissa. quote:“I’ll send someone to steady the rope for you, and then he’ll guide you to the coach,” Alsin agreed with a nod, eyeing Rion’s clothing. “That outfit is plain enough so that no one ought to notice it, but if I recall correctly your friend is wearing the same white shirt and gray trousers. One of you ought to change the shirt at the very least, to keep you two from looking as though you’re in uniform. If you agree I can supply a shirt from my own possessions, which I’m now on the way to pack.” Can we please show Alsin's competence ON THE ROAD. quote:“Does that mean you’re going with us?” Tamrissa asked, looking surprised. “What about your family and your work here in the city?” who talks like this?! Again, with the great character backstory ideas and terrible execution.quote:Would you like to come with me now, Dom Mardimil?” Why do we need to see this on the page, Green? You won't even let Rion hook up with Lorand or Vallant so Alsin obviously isn't gonna be a candidate either and none of Our Heroes actually develop genuine friendships with each other, let alone anybody outside their Blending. quote:“Are there likely to be a large number of people riding or walking about looking for us?” Rion asked as he began to remove his own shirt. “Tamrissa and I each made an effort to discourage my mother from sending anyone in pursuit of me, but I’m not certain how successful we were. The noble who held Tamrissa should certainly have been found by now, and we were told that Vallant’s absence has already been noted. How much of a pursuit does that make?” We. Do. Not. Need. To. Read. About. This. quote:“You should be warned that anger and vindictiveness may well overcome possible feelings of embarrassment,” Rion said after tucking the shirt into his trousers. “All members of the nobility are constantly encouraged to report even the slightest indication of disrespect on the part of commoners, and being kidnapped after being threatened and questioned is a good deal more serious. This lecture coming from Rion, a guy who only discovered what sex is like 23 days ago, to Alsin who is supposedly a man with enough competence and life experience to run an undercover commoner watchdog organization. quote:But hopefully we’ll be gone from the city by the time he returns and makes his report. And thank you for this shirt. I appreciate your parting with something this fine.” In case you're wondering, we've spent 827 words reading about Rion borrowing Alsin's shirt. quote:“We’ll be leaving here in a short while,” Rion said to a Vallant who still lay on the cot by the window, pretending there was nothing wrong with the man. “Jovvi and Lorand are indeed being taken somewhere away from this city, and we’re prepared to follow and free them.” Also why is everybody ignoring that Alsin is a pretty strong Middle in Earth magic? I know, I know, Lorand the wonder healer will fix everything but you're not even going to get Alsin to try and look at him and attempt a diagnosis? quote:“We won’t be leaving this place by the corridor, but by that window you’ve become so attached to,” Rion responded lightly, ignoring the rest of what had been said. “We’ll slide down that rope, which, I’m told, is as easy as falling off a log. This is your reminder that Vallant once worked his way up from cabin boy to captain of a merchant ship and therefore could probably slide down that rope with ease. It's like none of his Blendingmates actually know anything about him! quote:That analogy may prove to be a shade too accurate, but escaped criminals such as we are should be fearless. Simply because I’ve never done anything remotely like this before is no reason to picture myself broken and bloody on the ground below.” FINALLY! Please let Vallant do sailor-like things. quote:finally struggling to a sitting position as he stared at Rion. “But you don’t have to do this, you know. You have no reason to use a window instead of leavin’ the way you came.” HAHAHAHAHAHA what. quote:has an adventure before him, and I wish to share that adventure. Never having been allowed such a thing before makes the undertaking even more special, and I eagerly look forward to it.” Because you're laying this on pretty thick, Rion, even for you. But hey, you're the only person who's tried to actually be decent to Vallant so he's giving you a pass and I'll give you a pass too. quote:Then Vallant had forced himself to his feet, to shake his head hard before running his hands through his hair. NO DO NOT— quote:“We’re leaving as soon as someone arrives to hold the rope for us, and we’re going to the coach which is waiting to take us west, after the convoy carrying Jovvi and Lorand. On the way, you might like to join us in trying to think of a way to rescue our groupmates without needing to kill every guardsman and driver and noble in the convoy. So far Tamrissa and I haven’t been able to formulate such a plan.” Okay, Green, that wasn't as bad as I thought, but if you were going to summarize what happened anyway, why did you make us read it all in the first place? I got nothing out of the full exchange that I didn't get out of this summary. quote:“If Jovvi and Lorand were with us, we could put them all to sleep,” Vallant said, moving heavily to join Rion at the window. “Or at least the rest of you could do that… Does Tamrissa know what’s happened to me?” Oh boy. Prepare yourselves. quote:“Are you saying that both Naran and Tamrissa feel contempt for me as well?” Rion countered, refusing to look away from his brother’s misery. “If so, I’m forced to disagree with you most strongly, as it’s perfectly clear that they feel no such thing. All living beings need assistance at one time or another, and who better to give it than those who love you? And why would it be acceptable for you to do the rescuing, while Tamrissa’s doing it is unacceptable?” I get it, it was the 90s, the book is a product of its time, but even so, this is some pretty blatant moralizing. But what do I know, maybe this is the kind of blatant moralizing that was needed to pave the way for today. At least this lecture is not all  like the others.quote:“And we’ve decided that Lorand can probably do something to cure your problem,” Rion added casually, to give Vallant another point to occupy his thoughts. “If we ever manage to free him, that is…” And at what point will it strike you guys that Lorand is not the only person with Earth magic? quote:It should galvanize Vallant into making the effort to free himself from depression, and possibly even to repair his error with Tamrissa. And although Rion hadn’t mentioned it, there would be no trouble at all with going down the rope. His Air magic would see to that, both for him as well as for Vallant. As long as no one saw them walking to the coach, their departure would be easy and uneventful. This is both sweet and patronizing. Somebody should tell Rion that Vallant learned how to slide down ropes before he could walk or something. quote:But what in blazes were they going to do to free Jovvi and Lorand—not to mention the rest of the captives? And once freed, what in the world would they do with them all… ? I don't even know why Green bothers with these. We haven't seen anything remotely capable of making Our Heroes break a sweat when it comes to doing anything magically because a) they're so strong, just SO STRONG, so much incredibly stronger than everybody, and b) if they're not strong enough, they just open up and take in more power.Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts. Their missing Blendingmates are being smuggled west in a convoy full of other drugged people. They leave.A bunch of Lord Advisors show up to confront Kambil and co post their private nobles-only Seating ceremony about Delin's crimes, including his torture of his parents. They issue Kambil and co the ultimatum "let us put you under Puredan control or else we'll disqualify your group and refuse to hold the public Seating ceremony", thus showing that this whole rigged competition sham nonsense makes no sense whatsoever. Kambil puts all of the Advisors under his temporary control, forces them to hand over the Puredan for his own use and orders them to organize their own demises. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 54 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 35 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 36 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 133 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 62 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 19 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 39 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 141 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 74 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 41 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 14 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 11 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 25 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: We could have cut past all the boring stuff and achieved the same goals by opening in Rion's POV, on the road, having a one on one chat to Vallant, asking him questions about how they were going to rescue Lorand and Jovvi, leaning on Vallant's expertise as a captain on a merchant ship, which means he's got practice leading large groups of people to do complex and difficult things, and possibly has seen combat before if he's run into pirates. That fixes the chapter from being a waste of ink to being an okay chapter, but I'd argue it's still not enough to fix this aspect of the books. One of the mechanics that sucks about Blending is the proximity requirement (Book 5 spoilers which they kind of test but not really and Book 8 spoilers which don't seem to apply once you make your Blending permanent). If we had spent any chapters learning how to Blend and stuff, this would open up some really interesting options, like not needing all of the protagonists going along for the rescue. If you're going to do multi-POV, there needs to be something else that we get from the additional POVs that we don't get from the primary POV. Having Kambil and Delin POVs was actually one of things Green did right for that part of the story. But there's nothing we get from multi-POVs in the primary Blending that we couldn't have gotten from any single one of them, except for relationship drama. Which then brings me back to being annoyed about the way this whole series was marketed. If it had been marketed as romantasy, I would never have picked it up. But no, it got marketed as action/adventure high fantasy, except it's really a pseudo-poly romance novel dressed up in fantasy trappings and the reason we have multi-POV is because of the romance genre convention to alternate POVs because the whole draw of the romance plotline is to see from both sides (or all sides, in this case) how the main character and their love interest/s fall in love. Except also none of the relationships are done well either so ultimately these books are neither what they were marketed as nor are they good examples of what they were intended to be. But somehow they still sold loads of copies  which tells me I know nothing about what sells and also that good writing and good storytelling are not required in order for something to sell.
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Feb 3, 2023 05:48
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Leng posted:But somehow they still sold loads of copies The strangest thing to me is that this crap-rear end series apparently has at least eight books in it.
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Feb 3, 2023 12:18
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That's not too strange, they were originally published by Avon, a romance imprint used to buying several book series of mediocre romance and publishing serially. They sold well enough as fantasy that Harper/Collins moved them to the Eos imprint for the second series. Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at 04:45 on Feb 6, 2023 |
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Feb 6, 2023 04:16
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quote:CHAPTER SIXTEEN I wish Green had cared enough about her feminist messages to give Eltrina a proper storyline instead of sort of setting her up to be this capable, competent antagonist and then backpedalling. quote:Suddenly there was a knock at the door, even though she’d specifically left orders not to be disturbed. Her first urge was to ignore the knock, but she was far too angry for that. She needed to blister someone’s hide, and whichever servant had dared to disobey her would do nicely for the purpose. So she strode to the door and yanked it open, and— YES! DO THIS! CONFLICT! quote:“Ah … no, Jomsin, it’s all right, I’ll see him,” Eltrina managed to say after a moment. The caller was Lord Rimen Howser, a man who was soon to be made a High Lord. Everyone who was anyone at least knew of the man, only a certain lucky few actually knowing him personally. Once the shock had passed Eltrina could think of at least a dozen ways in which the man might be used to her benefit, so she wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip out of her hands. why would you order the flow of the prose like this? We get: 1) Eltrina's response, 2) exposition about who Rimen is, 3) Eltrina's justification for her response. This could work in omniscient when someone is telling a story and adding narrator commentary along the way. But if we're in close third limited, when we're in Eltrina's POV we need to be experiencing things as Eltrina would.Which means we should: a) get some physical description of the caller; b) have some sort of internal process happen where Eltrina recognizes who the caller is; c) see some thought process of Eltrina going, "ahah! He's a powerful, influential noble who might be able to help me if I play my cards right"; then end with d) Eltrina's response. Observe what happens if I rearrange the sentences and make a few minor edits: The caller was Lord Rimen Howser. Everyone knew of the man—he would soon be made a High Lord—but few were lucky enough to make his personal acquaintance. There were at least a dozen ways for Eltrina to turn this opportunity to her benefit. “Ah … no, Jomsin, it’s all right, I’ll see him.” quote:“Do come in, Lord Rimen,” she purred, giving him her most attractive smile. “May I have the servant bring you something? Would you care to stay to lunch?” There were so many more sophisticated ways this could have been handled. Eltrina was set up to be a competent woman who's gotten as far as she has in a ruthless, male-dominated environment by knowing how to handle powerful men and their egos. Supposing seduction would work on Rimen (not guaranteed) he's had to barge through her servants and made to wait to see him. The better response would be to apologize profusely and sooth his ego before anything else.quote:“It’s business which brings me here, Lady Eltrina,” the man replied coolly as he entered the room and waved a hand. “Dismiss the servant, please, so that we can get straight to it.” What a weird reaction from Rimen. Judging by the social norms in this world, he should be able to dismiss the servant himself. quote:Eltrina dismissed the servant with a nod, then turned to study Lord Rimen. The man was tall and slender and elegant, always dressed in the finest clothing, his dark hair curled in what was fast becoming the newest popular style. Aristocratic was the best descriptive word for him, especially when he walked to the middle of the room and turned to stare at her. why didn't we get this physical description when Rimen first walked in? It would have been far more impactful there!quote:“The most important difference between men and women seems to be a sense of proper proportion,” he said very flatly. “When a man avails himself of the use of one of the lower animals, he doesn’t need to be told when continuing to keep the little thing becomes impolitic. Women, on the other hand, tend to cling … My men are waiting outside, and when I summon them you will immediately show them to where you’ve put my animal—whom you should never have appropriated in the first place.” And that's all we ever get of why Eltrina is frightened. There will be some pretty severe and horrific consequences for Eltrina that are coming, but they kind of just...happen? I wish we had more insight into her reactions here. quote:“I did have the man, but I returned him some time ago. If he’s been misplaced somehow, it’s Dilis’s fault, not mine. Dilis is such a fool, always doing something wrong and then blaming some perfectly innocent person—” By the way, Rimen is one of the only competent antagonists in the Blendingverse except for his glaring blind spot in insisting that commoners are animals. Eltrina rightly points this out but even her insistence that they are "quite a bit less than we are" isn't ever supported by anything concrete. It's a weird world building plot hole belief that never gets explained even by some sort of vague "all the noble Houses are descended from the original Seated Blending and something about their blood is pure" or whatever. quote:“A High in Fire magic,” Rimen repeated, clearly controlling the anger Eltrina was able to see in his whole manner. “You’re correct in saying that Lord Lanir was supposed to have her in his keeping … How do you know that she was no longer drugged? Did you simply take her word for it?” Again with the vagueness of "it was going to be terrible"! How, Green? How is it going to be terrible? What exactly is at stake for Eltrina? She gets put through some really messed up stuff and it is, in fact, quite horrible but right now, I don't feel any empathy for Eltrina. Am I meant to? Or am I meant to rejoice in her comeuppance? quote:When they were captured again, Eltrina corrected her thoughts with a growl. Her career was almost certainly ruined completely, but when those peasants were recaptured she would find some way to get even… no matter what had to be accomplished to do it…. I really, really, wish Green had actually dug into this. In the hands of a more competent writer, this would be the point at which Eltrina transitions from "ambitious person who's trying to get ahead" to "villain intent on destroying the empire". quote:Lord Rimen Howser was furious, but sudden worry now worked to keep him from showing his temper. He’d expected his visit to the Razas woman to be short and productive, but now the previous single problem had grown into a multiple one. Stupid female, to bungle so badly and then try so lamely to lie about it. But that was to be expected when a man married so far beneath him, as her husband obviously had. Rimen would certainly have to have a word with the man…. Interesting Eltrina backstory that never gets explored or goes anywhere! quote:But first there were other, more important things to see to. The four animals Rimen used for menial work stirred in their wagon when he reappeared, but his going directly to his carriage quieted them again. Look at these flashes of Green being able to write in a unique character voice! It's not much but it is recognizably distinct from the other POVs. quote:The trip to Lord Lanir’s .secondary house—meaning the place where he kept his toys—was tiresomely lengthy, forcing Rimen, as it did, to fret all the way. It was to be hoped that the Razas woman had lied to him about the female animal with Fire magic, but Rimen feared she hadn’t. It was necessary to learn the truth before he reported to Lord Embisson, and not just part of the truth. After visiting Lord Lanir, Rimen meant to see Lady Hallina Mardimil, who had reclaimed her half-animal son. Surely she, despite her perverted sense of the proper, had managed to keep from having her property stolen. We will meet more of Rimen's family in the sequel trilogy. Not his mother though. quote:Rimen also knocked unhurriedly, but the door opened almost immediately. nobility in this world continuing to act very...not noble.quote:“My lord, please, Lord Lanir isn’t in his apartment,” the servant protested, clearly suffering. “He—ah—spent the night elsewhere, and we’re absolutely forbidden to disturb him there. But he should be down at any time now. If you would care to wait in the sitting room with refreshments …” Lanir did not seem like the kind of master to inspire this kind of distress in his servants. quote:“I’d say his mind was gone,” Rimen muttered in answer after putting a handkerchief to his nose and mouth against the terrible stench in the room. The hulk of flesh that had once been a noble now made a humming sound of sorts, a single note moaned out without stop. The sight of it all threatened to make Rimen violently ill, so he simply turned and walked away from it. ...annnnnnd that's it. That's all we get of the horror of burnout, something that one of Our Heroes has a debilitating fear of. quote:And there was certainly no sign of the female Lanir had claimed…. Green's antagonists continuing to be terrible at investigation. I mean, I appreciate that we're not having to get dragged through the recap but he didn't order the house searched or anything to try and figure out where Tamrissa might have gone. quote:Once back in his carriage, Rimen allowed himself to take two deep breaths before ordering his driver on to the Mardimil place. This time the ride was more settling than disturbing, so he had completely returned to himself by the time a servant opened Lady Hallina’s door to him. Annnnd we're back to being competent. quote:Once again Rimen was forced to endure a tedious ride, and when his carriage turned into Lord Embisson Ruhl’s drive he felt a great deal of relief—until he saw the various vehicles which stood directly in front of the house. Visitors’ carriages would normally be put around at the side of the house, out of the way and out of sight. And for what reason would an official guard coach be there among the others … ? What the hell is an official guard coach? This never comes up again as far as I recall, by the way. quote:Rimen was given immediate access when he knocked, but it wasn’t Lord Embisson who came forward to greet him. Lord Ophin, Embisson’s second-eldest son, appeared behind the servant sent to apprise Lord Embisson of Rimen’s arrival, and Ophin looked gravely concerned. These power levels continue to make no sense. Okay, a Low in Fire magic probably doesn't have the fine control that Tamrissa does but you don't need that to give someone burns? Same for Earth magic; maybe a Low talent can't control someone else's body, but surely you don't need a lot of control just to cause suffocation or chest pains? quote:“At least there’s that,” Rimen said with relief. “And now I understand why there’s a guard vehicle outside. Will they be able to find the animals who committed this outrage?” Sooooo fantasy police? Where were these guys when Elfini was murdered? quote:“They swear they’ll do their best, but it isn’t very likely,” Ophin replied with a sigh. “My father was able to tell us that his attackers were masked, so he won’t even be able to give the guardsmen descriptions. They’re waiting to talk to him anyway, as soon as the physician is through healing him as far as possible. Would you care for a cup of tea? You probably won’t be able to visit with my father until tomorrow or the next day, but—” This whole advancement in the nobility system confuses me so much. What, exactly, comes with the additional title of High Lord? We'll never know, because Green didn't care enough to think through this aspect of the world building. quote:Now … for all the good Embisson would be able to do alone, he might as well have died, too…. I unironically like Rimen's reaction to being offered alcohol. Green is capable of characterization! Why didn't her editor force her to do more of it? quote:“No, I’m afraid I haven’t the time. It’s urgently necessary to pass on what I’ve learned to someone with enough authority to do something about it…. Please give your father my good wishes, and tell him that I’ll return when he’s up to having visitors.” Rimen is currently my favorite POV character right now, despite his utterly despicable views about commoners, because his POV is actually somewhat engaging to read. quote:Rimen all but pounded his brain, and in a moment he smiled as the obvious answer came. He knew just the man to speak to, the perfect person to shift the burden onto. With Zolind dead the man’s power would be tremendously increased, and he would certainly appreciate being the first to learn about what had happened. Lanir might be mindless, Embisson beaten to pulp, and Zolind dead, but nothing was ever likely to harm Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll….  An actual end-of-chapter line that actually lands a punchline? Who typed out the end of this chapter when Green wasn't looking? Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts. Their missing Blendingmates are being smuggled west in a convoy full of other drugged people. They leave.A bunch of Lord Advisors show up to confront Kambil and co post their private nobles-only Seating ceremony about Delin's crimes, including his torture of his parents. They issue Kambil and co the ultimatum "let us put you under Puredan control or else we'll disqualify your group and refuse to hold the public Seating ceremony", thus showing that this whole rigged competition sham nonsense makes no sense whatsoever. Kambil puts all of the Advisors under his temporary control, forces them to hand over the Puredan for his own use and orders them to organize their own demises. Rimen Howser confronts Eltrina about abducting Vallant, only to discover that Tamrissa and Rion are gone too. He goes to report the disappearances up the line to Embisson, only to discover that he's in critical condition after being brutally attacked, and that Embisson's boss, Zolind, has also been murdered. Rimen decides to seek out the Lord Advisor, Ephaim Noll, a man whom the new Seated Blending has compelled to kill himself shortly. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 35 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 36 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 66 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 19 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 39 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 141 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 74 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 41 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 14 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 11 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 25 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: This is one of Green's better chapters, mainly because of Rimen. It's far more compelling than any of the protagonist POVs we've had to date. If you were gonna fix this book without rewriting the whole premise, what I think would make sense is:
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Feb 18, 2023 03:31
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Leng posted:
You know, there were parts of the book so far that I enjoyed, but the more I think about it the more I agree this would actually totally work and make it so much better.
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Apr 25, 2023 06:37
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quote:CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Will we get any hint of world building or character development detail? quote:He’d had a marvelous lunch, had taken a refreshing nap, and was thoroughly enjoying the book he’d chosen to read. Nope. Nothing. I don't know why I had hoped. We never found out what book of Gandistran history Lorand had been enjoying either. quote:All that made for a wonderfully mellow mood, so there was no reason to turn Bron away. Now that the man had been properly adjusted, speaking with him was often actually pleasant…. Bron's gone through more editing more than these books have. quote:“Kambil, something’s going on,” Bron answered as soon as he walked in, his expression one of faint confusion mixed with annoyance. “Do you remember the meeting you asked me to attend, the one with Lord Velim and some of the people Velim wants us to make deals with? You said we needed to know what the average man was willing to offer in order to keep his tenants quiet and his income trouble-free.” I think they're talking about low/ordinary nobility and not high nobility here. I'm not entirely sure. But for most of the books, the nobility seem to be landed gentry who get income from their lands and the tenants on those lands, though I don't know how things work in the city because Tamrissa apparently owns her house. quote:“I remember that,” Kambil agreed. “We also need to question Velim and some of his more pliable associates to find out what the Advisory Board is mixed up in. Lord Ephaim and his cohorts wouldn’t have told us without coercion even if they’d lived, and we have to have some source of information. What did you learn from Velim?” YOU HAVE SPIRIT MAGIC AND A BLENDING. If this is supposed to read as Lord Ephaim and his cohorts have some way of resisting you magically forcing him to tell you everything you want to know (which, so far, is how everything has worked up to this point) then I'd like this to be clearer. If not then, why aren't you using your Blending and your Spirit magic? quote:“Absolutely nothing, which is my entire point,” Bron replied, dropping into a nearby chair. “Velim never appeared for the meeting, and never even sent word that he’d be delayed. As eager as he was to begin dealing with us, that made very little sense. I waited only a short while, and then I called in my guard commander. He told me he had men who were very good at discreet investigations, so I told him to send some to find out what Velim is up to.” Really? We haven't come across anybody discreet or good at investigations in the entire series to date except for Rimen. quote:“Which information should prove nicely valuable when we next decide to deal with the man,” Kambil said with a nod of approval. “Firsts though, we’ll have to let him squirm for a while. It would never do to let him know how much we need his information now that Lord Ephaim and the others will no longer be with us. What did your investigators learn?” I hate this style of exposition because every time it happens, both characters stop being even the faint semblance of characters and just start reeling off event summaries. Is Bron full under Kambil's control or is he fighting it? If he's fully under Kambil's control, why does Kambil feel any need to treat this private interaction with any pretense that he's not talking to a mind puppet? Where's all of the interesting, internal conflict that Kambil had going on before when he was first drafted into the competitions?Everybody's been reduced to expository vehicles. Fine. Let's suffer through it. quote:“Not nearly as much as they should have,” Bron replied, leaning forward with his fingers locked between his knees. Ughhhhhh, these very good, discreet investigators are just tracking people by whether or not they showed up to meals? Velim is supposed to be a Lord Advisor, one of the most powerful nobles in the entire Empire, even if he's also an ineffectual one and this schedule...does not convey that. quote:“I don’t think I like the sound of that,” Kambil decided aloud, feeling the frown he’d grown. What even is this dialogue tag? quote:“Go back and have your investigators see what Velim’s closest cronies are up to. If they’re having a private meeting somewhere, we need to know about it. For some obscure reason they may have changed their minds about supporting us, and we can’t let that continue.” They gave up after doing a bunch of door knocking? quote:“That I definitely don’t like,” Kambil said, rising to his feet in order to pace a bit. “If you decide to plot against someone, you don’t do it at a time when everyone, including those you’re plotting against, are almost certain to notice. Velim isn’t the brightest flame ever to burn, but he’s been an Advisor too long to be that sloppy. Something is definitely wrong, but what can it be?” You know if you'd just used your Spirit magic... quote:“I asked myself that same question,” Bron replied, his thoughts as agitated as his adjustment allowed. “The only thing I came up with was something rather ridiculous: it sounded as though we’d arranged to remove those men, but without the careful thought which went into removing Lord Ephaim and his group. Their deaths and disappearances can’t be linked to us at all, but with Velim’s group… It seems as if someone wants people to believe that his group decided against supporting us, and because of that we made them disappear.” Whoever could it be? quote:“You’re right,” Kambil decided, stopping to look at Bron. “When the disappearances become public knowledge, we’ll be the first ones everyone looks at accusingly. They’ll think that all those men agreed with Zolind, and weren’t going to allow us to be publicly Seated. But who could be behind a move like that?” But you guys looked, for all intents and purposes, to have won the competitions? And beyond that point, you're literally the strongest magical talents left standing and functional and you know how to Blend? I'm so confused at why you think anybody outside Zolind's little in group would have grounds to object to your Seating. quote:“Maybe Lord Ephaim arranged it before he came to speak with us,” Bron suggested, nevertheless still looking doubtful. “It doesn’t make much sense considering the Puredan he brought, but maybe he had a private argument with Velim’s group.” None of these factions are well defined or make sense. quote:“Velim and his people weren’t powerful enough for Ephaim to worry about,” Kambil disagreed with a head-shake. “If he’d wanted them to do something, he would have spoken to them privately and forced them into it. Eliminating Velim and the others would only mean having to deal with their replacements, some of whom might not be quite as pliable. Actively bored now and just waiting for these two clueless fools to cotton on to the obvious answer. quote:No, eliminating those people is more the move of a fool, someone who acts without thinking—” Still confused about why you left him off his leash that long. Just saying. You needed him for one meeting that went for like, barely fifteen minutes. quote:Bron said nothing else aloud, but his thoughts and emotions began to take on the same shape and texture as Kambil’s own: furious, with the urge to commit violence striding strongly to the forefront. That impossible fool of a madman … Hahahahaha this isn't Suspicious in the slightest. quote:The servants around Delin were pleasant and unconcerned, having been convinced that there was nothing odd about one of the Five doing nothing but eating and sleeping and exercising a bit all the time. Kambil had even gotten these servants to tell him who had been spying for Lord Ephaim, and the woman had also been adjusted. Now she spent her time on the alert for anyone else who might have outside employment. Seriously. If you can reprogram servants to do this, why haven't you bestirred yourselves to methodically reprogram all of the higher nobility one by one? quote:“He looks as innocent as a babe,” Bron growled, standing over the chaise an expressionless Delin was stretched out on. “Go ahead and ask him if he really is all that innocent.” ...why? They're all mind puppets right now. quote:also staring down at a Delin who was oblivious to their presence. All rational—and irrational—thought had been denied him, which meant he simply existed in a world without meaning. He would eat when fed and would give a grunt when he needed to eliminate bodily wastes, but other than that the real world touched him not at all. Actually pretty horrific. quote:“What’s happening?” Homin asked when he and Selendi arrived together. The two still spent quite a lot of time in each other’s company, but Kambil had relaxed the part of their adjustment that demanded complete constancy. Selendi had been growing impatient on the inside, and Homin had become curious about the female servants who let it be known how available they were. The two had performed admirably well, and now deserved to reap some of the benefits which they’d earned. Oh look, hello to interesting stuff that will never get explored! And now, goodbye! quote:Kambil explained why they were there, and once they understood what might have happened they became just as angry as Bron and Kambil himself. Now that all four of them were present to hear the answers, Kambil touched Delin’s mind and released the necessary portion of it. For a book/series ostensibly about magic that's integral to the world, we sure don't get a lot of detail about what magic looks like when someone's wielding it. quote:“But first we need to ask you something. The other day, when we first came here to the palace, you arranged for certain things to be done. Tell me what those things were.” Just exactly HOW many adjustments does Kambil have running? quote:“They don’t even have to,” Selendi said with heavy disapproval. “Once everyone is certain those Advisors are gone, who else are they going to think is responsible but us? We’re the only newcomers to high power, so we’ll be the natural suspects.” Do you guys even have laws against the abuse of power by the Seated Blending? Because as far as I know, your system of government consists of "let's round up all the magical talents in our empire and force them to fight each other to the death in a bloodthirsty cage match until one team emerges, victorious and magically powerful beyond anybody else in the empire". quote:“And once Ephaim and his people begin to have ‘accidents’ and ‘incidents,’ they’ll all look at us twice as hard,” Homin added. “Before there would have been no reason to suspect us, but now….” So why were you relaxing and reading a book instead of going out and taking over all of these puppets that you so desperately need? quote:“So what can we do?” Bron asked in disgust. “Aside from killing Delin, that is? Having new Advisors appointed to the Board won’t help, not without knowing what we’re appointing them to do.” Should have maybe included in their orders that they ought to do some succession planning before they offed themselves. quote:Until then we’ll have to start an official investigation into Velim’s group’s disappearance, following up and making public what Bron’s people have learned. But before we do any of that, the Blending has to look into this assassination-team business. I had no idea there was anything like it, and I want the details on it. Once I have those details, we can either adjust or eliminate the assassins who were involved.” What you guys need to do is to find the Imperial Treasurer (is there one or five of them? who knows! or maybe it was one of the Advisors that you arranged to kill themselves, lol) and go through the palace ledgers line by line, starting with payroll. quote:“I suppose this is what we get for not letting our predecessors welcome us to the palace,” Selendi said with a faint smile. I'm kinda mad that we don't know more about how the transition of power is supposed to go. From the concept presented in the Prologue to Book 1 (does anyone still remember that?) there should be a whole heap of ceremony around the passing of the torch from the outgoing Blending to the incoming one with the turn of the quarter century. Still also annoyed that we only saw the outgoing Seated Blending that one time at the masked ball at the palace. It's all such a waaaaaaaaaste. quote:“I wonder how Delin learned about it—and whether or not there’s more we should know.” Dude it's been like, *checks timeline* three days. quote:We’re going to have to build a firm, able network to work through, starting as soon as we’re told the terrible news about our Advisors.” You could start now. It's not like you have anything better to do. quote:“Which, hopefully, won’t be too long in coming,” Bron said, now sounding fretful. “I have this sudden feeling that things are happening which we ought to know about, but which we don’t know about because of the large gaps caused in our lines of communication.” please stop with the "sudden feelings" because book 5 spoilers this is literally how Sight magic users who don't know they have Sight talk and muddying things up like this annoys me so much yet also book 8 spoilers every time it happens, I gotta wonder how much is due to string pulling from the nation shepherding the Prophecy but I can't think of why this happening to Bron would make any sense.quote:“I’m sure the word will reach us soon enough,” Kambil said soothingly as he distastefully turned his attention back to Delin. “And I’m also sure that we’ll find nothing of any importance that we’ve missed. After all, with everything else taken care of, what could there possibly be?” Remember how they were all euphoric after their first Blending experience? Yeah, that didn't last long. I was hoping that maybe there'd be some sort of ongoing psychological effect that would pose some sort of conflict or difficulty for what Kambil's doing, but nope. Nothing. quote:Kambil vowed to begin looking for a High talent in Earth magic to replace the madman with. But until he found that replacement, he would spend some time thinking of a way to punish the fool for what he’d thoughtlessly done to the rest of them…. How would that even work under these laws/societal expectations that you have? I'd say that the general public would probably have more difficulty swallowing the random elevation of some High talent who didn't compete compared to "oh, some corrupt nobles were trying to prevent the rightful Seated Blending that we saw win in the amphitheatre from being Seated and the Seated Blending killed them" which actually happens to be true. Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts. Their missing Blendingmates are being smuggled west in a convoy full of other drugged people. They leave.A bunch of Lord Advisors show up to confront Kambil and co post their private nobles-only Seating ceremony about Delin's crimes, including his torture of his parents. They issue Kambil and co the ultimatum "let us put you under Puredan control or else we'll disqualify your group and refuse to hold the public Seating ceremony", thus showing that this whole rigged competition sham nonsense makes no sense whatsoever. Kambil puts all of the Advisors under his temporary control, forces them to hand over the Puredan for his own use and orders them to organize their own demises. Later the same day, Kambil discovers that Delin also ordered an assassination team to kill off the majority of the remaining Lord Advisors. Rimen Howser confronts Eltrina about abducting Vallant, only to discover that Tamrissa and Rion are gone too. He goes to report the disappearances up the line to Embisson, only to discover that he's in critical condition after being brutally attacked, and that Embisson's boss, Zolind, has also been murdered. Rimen decides to seek out the Lord Advisor, Ephaim Noll, a man whom the new Seated Blending has compelled to kill himself shortly. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 35 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 36 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 66 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 19 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 40 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 141 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 74 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 41 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 14 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 11 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 26 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: This is the point at which the lack of thought in the world building and character development starts becoming a massive problem because we're moving into an intrigue plot line and intrigue kind of doesn't work unless the underlying rules of the world are clear, because all intrigue plot lines involve players and factions manipulating other players and factions with the rules to achieve their goals, usually in secret. Once you have someone flipping the board, that's no longer intrigue because the masks/gloves/whatever are off. So, uh, fix all of that. Then there needs to be clarity on the various factions because there's probably too many factions at play for what Green's trying to do: Zolind's faction, Ephaim's faction, Velim's faction, Kambil's faction, Delin being Delin and Eltrina bent on revenge, the nobility as a whole, commoners as a whole, Meerk's secret organization, the Guild, the two armies, plus book 5 spoilers the secret society of Sight magic users and book 8 spoilers the other nation of advanced Blendings, plus the others that get introduced in the sequel trilogy. Merchants are weirdly absent from all this even though Storn Torgar and Odrin Hallasser and Patriarch Ro are meant to be pretty Big Deals. I mean, the core of this book is: Kambil and Delin's Blending rapidly dismantling the power structure the Advisors had put in place, with the two of them vying internally for control of their Blending; and Tamrissa and co escaping to run a rescue operation, then you've got the stage set for a big showdown in Book 5. The setup is all there. The plot beats more or less work. But it's dull to read because we get entire chapters like this that focus on exposition over conflict and the characters never gain any depth.
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May 6, 2023 05:51
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I'm gonna be honest, I haven't read the entire thread - but I did take a look at the rewrite thread where you quoted my page 1 criticisms. I have one question, and I apologize if you've already answered it. What is this story about? I don't mean the power struggle between the characters, I mean under the hood what is this about. Lord of the Rings is about Satanic authoritarianism, Wheel of Time is about how preventing the triumph of evil is a constant struggle that can never be truly won but is absolutely worth trying for, etc - what is the Blending about?
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May 10, 2023 03:34
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TheGreatEvilKing posted:I have one question, and I apologize if you've already answered it. From Book 1's prologue: Leng posted:There was an awful attempt at stating the theme, but Green is also so muddled on what her theme is that even after reading the books, I can't tell whether the theme is supposed to be raising your children with love or love solves all problems or something else. If you haven't read the books (or the later books), you're probably very confused at why I'm guessing Green's theme is "raise your children with love" or something to do with love. We'll revisit this as we get further into the books. We're in Book 4 now and I don't know that I've got any more clarity. The plot is an endless series of cardboard thin caricatures, all of whom have been subjected to child abuse and/or severe childhood trauma, who are then arbitrarily divided into Good and Bad depending on whether they managed to overcome said abuse/trauma by virtue of their innate Goodness and as a result no longer perpetuate the cycle of abuse, and then go beyond that into forcibly stopping it for good with the power of True Love because everything will be okay as long as you have the Right People in charge. Characters pass off speeches that would normally be a very bald statement of theme but none of it is really satisfactorily explored. Personally I think the interesting part to explore is the control aspect.
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May 13, 2023 05:27
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Poorly handled discussion of rape in this chapter quote:CHAPTER EIGHTEEN We are now diving into the travelogue plot. Not-spoilers: it's gonna be a travelogue without all of the fun that's the main appeal of a travelogue, like seeing new places and meeting new people and doing new things because we're just gonna continue doing the usual: i.e. get carted from one location to another inside a coach/carriage/mode of transportation and spend most of that time sulking silently. quote:He and Rion had gotten to the coach first, after climbing down the rope outside the window. Vallant still felt annoyed over that descent, annoyed with himself for being so much clumsier than usual. If Rion and his Air magic hadn’t been there, he probably would have gotten fully outdoors a lot more abruptly than he’d planned? I hate Vallant so much.quote:But Rion had been there, and had taken the trouble to disguise his help so that the man steadying the rope never noticed. Vallant was in his debt for that, and had tried to thank him once they reached the fancy, dark red coach waiting for them and were left alone by their guide. But Rion had refused to hear him, blandly insisting that he’d done nothing but help himself…. Rion continues to be the only main character with decent human impulses. quote:Vallant rubbed his bristly face with his hand, Note this detail, this will be an important detail! quote:fighting to keep the coach’s smooth motion from rocking him to sleep. There were things he had to say to Tamrissa once Gan Garee was a bit farther behind them—and he had worked up his nerve a bit more. When she and Naran had been brought to the coach, she’d taken the seat beside him only, he was sure, because there was no other. He and Rion had been told to stay in the coach, and Naran, who had been helped in first, naturally sat beside the man she loved. Loved… Naran book 5 spoilers literally picked Rion because her Sight magic told her "you will fall in love with this dude" and Rion's like "woah a girl LIKES ME" and "sex is a thing" and that's the total basis of their relationship. ...okay I guess I can see why Vallant thinks that's love, because the total basis of his "love" for Tamrissa is "she's hot" and "once we bang, she'll totally 180 because my  is awesome" and that was canonically proven true, so yeah.I wish I could point to Jovvi/Lorand being different but Lorand's whole thing is "she's a girl who LIKES ME" and "sex is a thing" and also "you CANNOT have sex with anybody other than me" and Jovvi's is also "he's hot" and "I really want to bang him" so... quote:Tamrissa had barely glanced at him, Because you're a terrible emo dude. quote:and once those two men transferred the baggage to the coach’s boot, one of them had joined the coach driver on the box and they’d started on their way. And we care about the luggage...why? (The luggage is not and will not be important in any way, shape, or form, considering the only useful thing—Jovvi's gold—was left behind.) quote:Now Tamrissa sat as close to the window on her side of the seat as possible, looking out and not saying a word. He’d have to be the one to start the conversation, but what could he possibly say? How about "I'm an absolute rear end and I'm sorry and I am going to stop trying to force myself way into your life"? Like that would be a good start. quote:Their relationship was probably over, quote:but if there was the least chance she didn’t want it that way … 342 words on this pointless drivel about a terrible 'ship I actively hate. quote:“I think it’s time for cautious self-congratulations,” Rion said suddenly, also looking out the window. “If I’m not mistaken, that posting house we just passed is considered the last of the city of Gan Garee. That’s the way it’s done on the road to Haven Wraithside, and the two posting houses appear just the same.” WHY ARE WE CONVEYING SETTING THROUGH AWFUL MAID-AND-BUTLER DIALOGUE?! Vallant is a well-traveled captain of a trading vessel! Why can't we get some characterization of both him and the setting through him using his eyes to look at and think about anything OTHER than how he most probably won't get to bang Tamrissa again? Also Rion, can you like maybe tone down the PDA? You were so sensitive to Vallant's feelings before. quote:“Did Dom Meerk have anything to say about that, Tamrissa?” Yes! Please! Let's see some planning on how you guys are going to attack this convoy and rescue Jovvi and Lorand! quote:“Struck by a stick is more like it,” Vallant forced himself to say when the ladies simply shook their heads. What does this even mean? Do you mean the stick of stupidity?quote:He shifted his body on the seat, a body which had begun to ache a bit. Get ready for one of Green's trademark terrible transitions. quote:“And speakin’ about sticks, I’m reminded of stones, which I deserve to have people throwin’ at me. Or maybe throwing you out of the coach. quote:I still haven’t really thanked all of you for gettin’ me out of the Razas woman’s house when you did. Oh hey, he did remember his manners. quote:She repels me so badly that it was about to override the only thing she wanted from me, and when that happened I would have paid hard for the failure.” Vallant. Way to undo your apology before you've even started.quote:“It’s odd, but you didn’t seem repelled by her,” Tamrissa commented without looking around, speaking before Rion could. “Do you suddenly find her so unattractive because she’s no longer in reach?” Vallant is real good with quote:“She told me all about that drug,” Vallant continued as quickly as possible. “It tickled her that a sedative could be used to inflame a man, somethin’ she hadn’t known about before. When I tried to refuse to play, she threatened to lock me in a tiny crate. That left me with nothin’ to do but to pretend I didn’t remember her or understand what was goin’ on. She didn’t like that either, and was in the process of threatenin’ again just before you walked in.” This is so painful to read. Eltrina raping Vallant was already badly handled and trivialized when it was happening on the page. Now we've got Vallant, a rape victim, trying to discuss that traumatic event in a setting that SHOULD be a safe space for him (since he's with two of his Blendingmates and Naran who has basically been adopted into the group at this point) when he still thinks his talent has been crippled for good and he's been given no time to actually process what's happened to him. And he's trying to This whole situation is just massively hosed up. Which, fine. I don't have a problem with stuff like this being explored in fiction. But then Green's handling of it is also hosed up which is not okay. quote:“Then I apologize for the comment I made,” Tamrissa replied, still sounding distant as she continued to gaze out of the window. “Please feel free to go back to your conversation with Rion.” OMFG Vallant stop it. quote:Normally he would have, but now something told him he’d be a fool to try…. Yeah no kidding. quote:“You’re the one who needs to be apologized to more, to have explained to you that I couldn’t help myself. Uh dude? Apologizing =/= explaining. quote:First I couldn’t stand the way I’d been humiliated in front of you, and then I thought I’d lost you because of losin’ my ability. That would be harder than never bein’ able to touch the power again….” Vallant is awful. Reminder that this is supposed to be Our Ideal Man here. quote:and when she suddenly turned to look at him he thought the plan had worked. But then he saw her expression, and her following words confirmed the dread abruptly gripping him. Like normally I would assume that character's views =/= author's views but there's so little characterization to begin with that I can't do anything other than read Vallant as the Ideal Love Interest Who Is Just Super Misguided About Women (because the only male love interest who isn't is like that is Rion because he was set up as having been brainwashed by That Horrible Woman He Calls Mother) and this being some sort of soapbox moment for Tamrissa to educate Vallant with some Facts and Logic. quote:He finally decided that the matter had to be explained, but before he was able to start he was abruptly interrupted. Gotta say, Green really nailed the mansplaining though. quote:“Oh, spare me!” she snapped, dismissing his excuses with a sharp wave of her hand. “Everything you’ve said boils down to the fact that you have to be the big hero, and you’re far too selfish to share something that important with me. Extremely clumsy handling of thematic inversion of gender roles. quote:Well, it’s time for me to admit that I’m just as selfish, And now I'm lost. This doesn't flow at all. quote:but what I won’t share is a relationship. Not with you, at any rate, so please do me the favor of not speaking to me again.” But I can get behind this. Seriously, just let this pathetic excuse of a relationship implode here and never get revisited and the remaining 1.5 books in this series would be so much better for it. quote:“Tamrissa, you’re wrong,” he tried, putting a hand to her arm as she deliberately looked back to the window. “That isn’t at all what I—” Hahahahahaha Vallant, this is such a bad move. quote:Vallant suddenly sucked his breath in sharply, the reaction caused by the brief but very intense heat touching his face. It hadn’t precisely been painful, but he’d been left with the definite impression that it could easily have been just that. The hand he’d quickly pulled away from Tamrissa’s arm moved to his face, where he gingerly examined what had been done.  TAMRISSA! Guy guys guys guys guys: Green actually set up a good promise in the beginning of the chapter, escalated tension throughout, and then paid off on the promise in a satisfactory way! She is capable of writing a perfectly good dramatic sequence! WHY AREN'T THE REST OF THE BOOKS LIKE THIS??? quote:Considering how smooth his face felt, there was nothing Vallant could think of to say. She’d obviously burned away his beard stubble without doing any damage to his skin, showing once again what it meant to be a High talent in Fire magic. He’d obviously done it good this time, getting her so angry that she’d had to do something to show it. Only a High in Water magic might have a chance to defend against her anger, and he no longer qualified…. ...annnnd then she had to explain it with the Hammer of Exposition just to make sure we didn't miss it. I swear, if I went through these books and did nothing other than cut every line that turns the subtext into text, the word count might actually shrink by 20%. quote:Vallant took a deep breath before sitting back, forcing himself to accept the fact that pushing Tamrissa’s power-backed temper right now was a very bad idea. Rion and Naran looked even more shaken than he himself felt, and he didn’t blame them. He’d caught a glimpse of the very intense fire Tamrissa had used, and colored circles still floated before his eyes. They must have had a much better view of the thing, and caution was now keeping them as silent as he. Please. Stop. Telling. Me. Stuff. After. The. Fact. quote:But he refused to remain silent forever. No matter how dangerous it turned out to be, he was determined to find a way to make Tamrissa listen to him. OMFG  Vallant.quote:It wasn’t selfishness or male pride that had caused him to act the way he had, but being shamed in front of the woman who meant everything to him. He's not done, guys. quote:The situation would have been better even if it had been Jovvi rescuing him, as long as it wasn’t Tamrissa who had seen him so weak and helpless and humiliated. Wait for it. quote:But it had been Tamrissa, and now she refused to hear and understand. … Wait for it... quote:Just as she’d refused all those times in the past. Vallant leaned back in his seat as he suddenly remembered that, the fact that Tamrissa never wanted to hear things from his point of view. It was as if his own feelings were unimportant next to hers, unimportant and decidedly secondary. And she never shared those with him either, those very important feelings of hers. She never asked him why he said or did something, and she never explained why she said and did things. There it is. Instead of getting more character growth, we're doubling down on this uncompelling, immature "you" "no, you" back-and-forth. quote:Maybe that was what they would have to talk about, whether or not his ability was ever restored…. I would greatly prefer that your non-relationship never gets revisited within the pages of these books, ever again. Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts. Their missing Blendingmates are being smuggled west in a convoy full of other drugged people. They leave. Rape victim rapist Vallant tries mansplaining why Eltrina raping him shouldn't be held against him to his rape victim, Tamrissa, who retaliates by burning off his facial hair in case he doesn't understand what "don't touch me" means.A bunch of Lord Advisors show up to confront Kambil and co post their private nobles-only Seating ceremony about Delin's crimes, including his torture of his parents. They issue Kambil and co the ultimatum "let us put you under Puredan control or else we'll disqualify your group and refuse to hold the public Seating ceremony", thus showing that this whole rigged competition sham nonsense makes no sense whatsoever. Kambil puts all of the Advisors under his temporary control, forces them to hand over the Puredan for his own use and orders them to organize their own demises. Later the same day, Kambil discovers that Delin also ordered an assassination team to kill off the majority of the remaining Lord Advisors. Rimen Howser confronts Eltrina about abducting Vallant, only to discover that Tamrissa and Rion are gone too. He goes to report the disappearances up the line to Embisson, only to discover that he's in critical condition after being brutally attacked, and that Embisson's boss, Zolind, has also been murdered. Rimen decides to seek out the Lord Advisor, Ephaim Noll, a man whom the new Seated Blending has compelled to kill himself shortly. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 35 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 36 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 66 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 20 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 40 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 144 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 74 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 42 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 14 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 12 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 26 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: I recently finished a reread of The Liveship Traders by Robin Hobb. The third book, Ship of Destiny, has an extremely uncomfortable rape scene that you get from both POVs involved right near the climax of the trilogy. The sequence was foreshadowed from the beginning of trilogy and the fallout afterwards was handled pretty well imo (there is no neat and tidy solution, Althea does not get "justice"—she is both believed and disbelieved and gaslighted for her accusations—and Kennit is not reviled for it and his legacy remains intact afterwards) because people are complicated though I'm not sure how I feel about how the emotional trauma was ultimately resolved (magically, though I will accept that the solution is valid with the worldbuilding Hobb set up). I stand by my comments on Chapter Forty of Book Three: Leng posted:This scene, which has had THREE BOOKS of with the additional comment that if an author wants to explore consent issues and power dynamics and rape in fiction, that's fine to do but it needs to be done thoughtfully and this author in this chapter and these books has not done that. Leng fucked around with this message at 03:38 on Jun 3, 2023 |
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Jun 3, 2023 03:15
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quote:CHAPTER NINETEEN What exactly was he supposed to do? Sit there for the whole trip repeating "I'm sorry Tamrissa I'm sorry" like a broken record? quote:I stirred a bit as the coach slowed, trying to work the aches out of my body so that I’d actually be able to walk. I hadn’t realized how physically numbing and exhausting a trip like that could be, and Rion and Naran apparently felt the same. And somehow it's not okay that Vallant fell asleep as a result. quote:Not that they were even looking in my direction, either of them. My little explosion of temper seemed to have affected them a good deal more than it had the man it had been aimed at. Look! A glimmer of some decent internal narration. quote:“I was just telling the others that we’ll spend the night here,” Alsin said as he helped me down. “I sent one of my people to follow the convoy on horseback at a discreet distance, and then he’s to meet us here, at the first inn beyond Gan Garee, to report. Not many people leaving the city early stop here since it’s less than a full day’s ride from the city, but those getting a late start and people coming from not very far away in the other direction are plentiful enough to keep it in business.” Why is Green allergic to writing description? Why must everything be conveyed in such a lacklustre manner via dialogue? I just finished reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader with my daughter and C.S. Lewis loves to do description through dialogue. Which works, because, y'know, the way his characters describe locations have personality to them. quote:“As long as it has a bath house and a private room with a bed for me, I don’t care if it’s full or empty,” I said, reaching up to massage my left shoulder. “This coach rides more smoothly than most, but tomorrow will be twice as bad as today so I’d like to get some real rest tonight.” why am I getting useless word count on these pointless logistics?quote:He’d first glanced back to see that Vallant Ro was finally with us, so there was no reason to continue standing there. “I’ve stayed at this inn a few times, so I know you’ll be comfortable and will enjoy the food. Lidris will play servant to us, and after taking care of the horses he’ll eat in the kitchen.” This will be important. I wish Green would stop burying the important bits in amongst the useless details. quote:The rest of us were heading for the inn’s front door, Alsin busily brushing dust from his clothing. None of us was exactly neat and tidy, but riding on the box had added a layer of road dust to the man. He stopped brushing when he reached the door, opened it, and stood aside to let me enter first, then he strode forward to receive the host’s friendly welcome. Actually craving some Brian Jacques or GRRM descriptions of food right now because this is so boring. quote:when a man walked into the room. Conversation had been rather desultory until then, but once the newcomer brought over a chair and sat down beside Alsin, that abruptly changed. So please explain how Our Heroes didn't knock themselves out when they were putting on underwear that was laced with this stuff. quote:“That’s true, so they only start out using the powder,” Alsin said with a distracted nod. “After that they use something else, and it would help enormously to know exactly what. See if you can find out tomorrow, Grath, once you pick them up again. But don’t take any chances trying to get a sample of the liquid. If it becomes necessary, I’ll take your place following them. Once I get close enough, I ought to be able to identify the substance.” This does not qualify as close attention whatsoever. quote:Then he looked at Grath and added, “Was it possible to learn which wagon or wagons our friends are in? If we have to choose between freeing just them or losing all the victims, we’ll have to concentrate on them. Once they’re returned to themselves, they can help us to see about the others.” This is also important. And extra dumb. quote:I’m going to get a room, some food, and a quick bath, then I’m going to bed. Tomorrow is bound to start even earlier than I expect it to.” Most awkward, zero-chemistry flirting ever. quote:Alsin led the way to a hall which ran to the back of the inn, where the wall held a sign showing a picture of someone washing and an arrow below pointing to the right. We turned right as directed, then turned left in obedience to a second sign, where we found the others waiting a short way down. why did we get all these descriptions about totally banal, ripped-from-our-world bathroom signage?quote:“There haven’t been many times in my life when I’ve so looked forward to taking a bath,” Naran said once we were inside, flashing me a brief smile as she began to remove her wrap. “Although it feels odd not having to walk outside to reach it.” We're now attempting to shoehorn references to one of the themes and making it about baths. quote:“Some,” I lied with a shrug as I spread my arms wide to embrace the marvelous water all around my body. “I should have apologized to you and Rion for that outburst, but I’m afraid I’m still not much in the mood for apologies. Maybe that will change once I’ve had a decent night’s sleep.” Tamrissa, you are the worst. quote:“Not in clothes,” she agreed fervently, then submerged to wet her hair. I did the same, and when we’d both come up and wiped our eyes, she looked at me with clear hesitation. “Tamrissa … will you mind if I say something to you?” This is painful. quote:“It’s … something I don’t know if you’ve noticed, and that’s why I’m mentioning it. That man, Alsin Meerk—he’s more than just slightly interested in you.” A real, strong friendship, right there. Also Jovvi being here wouldn't make any difference because Green's characters hardly ever express individual opinions. Naran and Jovvi are completely interchangeable and having both of them here would just mean twice the dialogue to read about the same thing.quote:“Yes, I know, it isn’t likely to cause trouble for you,” she responded wearily. “Not only is your talent incredibly strong, you’ve more than proven that you’re willing to use it. What I meant was Vallant, and the fact that he isn’t about to give you up without a struggle. I know he saw the way Alsin looked at you, and can’t imagine what great good fortune kept him from saying something. The next time the same thing happens, that good fortune may not be present.” Oh, goody. Let's see how an author who has already failed at establishing any convincing romantic relationships handles writing a love triangle. quote:At that point I forced myself to stop thinking. When you reach a time where the ludicrous comes forward without effort, you have to save thinking for another day. Just so you know, this useless chapter is 2,799 words long. Summary: Day 25 Rion and Vallant wake up and have a very dull, boring breakfast where neither of them discover anything interesting, except for the fact that Vallant can't feel where the power is anymore, let alone access it, which of course means Vallant has fully activated mode. Tamrissa shows up with news that Alsin has managed to track down Jovvi and Lorand's whereabouts. Their missing Blendingmates are being smuggled west in a convoy full of other drugged people. They leave. Rape victim rapist Vallant tries mansplaining why Eltrina raping him shouldn't be held against him to his rape victim, Tamrissa, who retaliates by burning off his facial hair in case he doesn't understand what "don't touch me" means. They arrive at an inn. It has gender segregated bathhouses no one can resist. Alsin awkwardly tries to flirt with an oblivious Tamrissa en route to the bath to cue the unnecessary love triangle subplot to the unnecessary and cringy Valissa subplot.A bunch of Lord Advisors show up to confront Kambil and co post their private nobles-only Seating ceremony about Delin's crimes, including his torture of his parents. They issue Kambil and co the ultimatum "let us put you under Puredan control or else we'll disqualify your group and refuse to hold the public Seating ceremony", thus showing that this whole rigged competition sham nonsense makes no sense whatsoever. Kambil puts all of the Advisors under his temporary control, forces them to hand over the Puredan for his own use and orders them to organize their own demises. Later the same day, Kambil discovers that Delin also ordered an assassination team to kill off the majority of the remaining Lord Advisors. Rimen Howser confronts Eltrina about abducting Vallant, only to discover that Tamrissa and Rion are gone too. He goes to report the disappearances up the line to Embisson, only to discover that he's in critical condition after being brutally attacked, and that Embisson's boss, Zolind, has also been murdered. Rimen decides to seek out the Lord Advisor, Ephaim Noll, a man whom the new Seated Blending has compelled to kill himself shortly. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 36 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 37 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2, dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 67 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 20 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 40 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 144 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 74 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 42 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 15 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 12 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 26 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: I struggle with this chapter because at first glance, there's nothing structurally wrong with what Green's trying to do here. It's just very, very inefficient for the word count spent on four points and there's zero subtext happening, but that's just par for course for Green's writing style. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to wonder whether the people who love these books love them for EXACTLY this reason: it's just highly skimmable writing where you never have to engage your brain at all. The characters are paper thin but maybe that's a selling point?  Personally, I'm inclined to cutting the chapter entirely and parcelling out the progressions in character relationships in scenes where there is main plot action happening. Lately I've been stuck on writing the sequel to my novel; for the last week or so, it's been on a specific transition from one plot arc to the next and I currently hate the last chapter I've written. Usually when I get stuck, the key to getting unstuck is thinking about the emotional change that should happen in the scene. And that, I think, is why this chapter of Green's does not work for me:
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Jul 10, 2023 13:02
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quote:CHAPTER TWENTY Time skips are hard, I get it. I struggle with writing them all the time—in fact, I've just finished rewriting a time skip three times because it suuuuuucked and the recap was deeply uninteresting to read which is the whole reason why I decided to do a time skip in a first place. But maybe once you've committed to the time skip, don't spend 219 words on having your main characters dwell on the boring stuff you skipped because "the inn rooms sucked and also the food sucked" is just... quote:“I’m used to travelin’, but not by coach,” Vallant replied, doing a bit of cautious shifting of his own. “That’s why I know all about ports, but nothin’ about—odd-mile inns, did you call them? It’s too bad that if we speed up we’ll run smack into that convoy, and if we slow down we’ll be too far behind.” Hello, super awkward attempt to cram in some reminders of Vallant's backstory via dialogue, plus also a belabored justification of why we're reading about this scene in a coach instead of Our Heroes springing their awesome rescue plan on the convoy. quote:“Hopefully we’ll find it possible to do something soon about our inactivity,” Rion said. “Alsin should rejoin us tonight, bringing with him some of the information that we need. After that… well, we can’t simply continue to follow. If they reach their destination before we manage to free Jovvi and Lorand, there will be a lot more of them than one convoy of guardsmen.” Not-spoilers, because Green: High talents are so overpowered and the convoy is so small that even if they had had to go in with Rion as their only functioning talent, this plan would have been totally fine. quote:“Speakin’ of annoyin’, it looks like we’ve reached the next inn,” Vallant said, glancing out his window. “It also looks more like a run-down roadhouse, but there are torches burnin’ in the courtyard and lamplight showin’ in the windows. Without that it would be easy to think the place was abandoned.” None of this will be significant whatsoever. quote:The coach slowed to a complete stop, and by then both Naran and Tamrissa were awake again. For a short while Tamrissa had used Vallant’s shoulder as Naran had used his, and Rion had been able to see that Vallant had treasured the time. But when she’d shifted away again, he’d made no more effort to stop her than he’d tried to speak to her after that first, disastrous occasion. Rion was certain that Vallant hadn’t given up on their relationship, but wished he knew what the other man had in mind to repair the damage done. Hahahahaha, you don't really want to know, Rion, trust me on this one. By the way, we're 859 words into the chapter so far, and literally nothing has happened. quote:Grath, the man whose place as a forward scout Alsin had taken, climbed down from the box where he’d ridden beside their driver. His movements seemed stiff and a bit awkward, and when he opened the coach door his first words matched quite well. This is your regularly scheduled reminder that Tamrissa is a Feisty and Fierce Strong Female Protagonist, in our 1,091-word elaboration on the theme of "traveling sucks". quote:“That’s for you and Alsin to discuss,” Grath said quickly with both hands raised. “I’m nothing but hired help around here, and happy to have it like that. Let’s just be careful when we go inside. They’re bound to notice us no matter what we do, but we don’t want to give them anything… spectacular to remember.” Ouch. That's a hefty smack in the face from the Giant Hammer of Foreshadowing. quote:Grath entered the inn, then moved forward to look for the landlord while first Naran and Tamrissa and then Rion and Vallant followed. None of this blocking information is important whatsoever. quote:Quite a lot of noise came from the crowded common room to the left, as someone played a musical instrument and someone else seemed to be doing something to that music. With the left wall of the entry area cutting off sight of the far end of the common room it wasn’t possible to tell what, but the whistling and clapping and shouting of the audience said it was something extremely enjoyable. OMFG. Hey guys, I too am going to write a book entirely comprised of sentences like: "They entered a place full of people, some of whom were doing some kind of thing while others did another kind of thing." Think it might sell? Because this did! quote:“Looks like Grath may be havin’ trouble gettin’ us rooms,” Vallant murmured only loudly enough for Rion to hear him over the noise. “We may end up havin’ to sleep in the coach, or maybe even goin’ on to camp with the convoy.” Oh the horrors. quote:Rion looked toward Grath where he stood talking to a boy who had appeared behind the registration counter. You would think that maybe, since we're approaching the midpoint of Book 4 of a 5-book series, this development is going to be Significant because surely it will relate somehow to the overall plot and further develop the (barely existent) world building and (still one-dimensional) character/s. All I'll say for now is: quote:The boy kept shaking his head, obviously disagreeing with whatever Grath said, but Grath seemed unprepared to accept the denial. It was possible that they haggled over price, Rion realized, as the price of a room and meals had not been the same in every inn. Their sojourn was being paid for by the gold and silver Tamrissa had gotten from that Lord Lanir, and although there was still a surprising amount left, Grath might be trying to conserve their funds. This would not be an issue if Tamrissa had picked up that gold Jovvi stashed when they stopped off at her place and she and Naran went inside to pack. Just sayin'. quote:A burst of laughter and shouting and longer applause came from the common room, but Rion wasn’t distracted from watching Grath’s efforts to get them accommodations. To Rion’s left, Vallant also watched the exchange closely, possibly thinking the same as Rion: that it might be wise of them to join Grath. Saving pennies was all well and good, but not at the expense of a place to sleep. And their last meal was too many hours behind them for Rion to enjoy the thought of a delay in sitting down to— Look at all that suspense building! Surely the payoff must be fantastic! quote:“Well, h’llo there, lovey,” Rion half heard, and then there was a cry of protest in a woman’s voice. Rion turned his head quickly to see that one of the roughly dressed men in the common room had come into the entrance area, and now had his arms wrapped about Tamrissa. The man was obviously drunk, as were his three friends, who stood in the entrance to the common room and laughed out their encouragement to their crony. Tamrissa, clearly mindful of the caution against doing something that people would remember, struggled futilely to escape the drunkard’s embrace. This is your other, regularly scheduled reminder that Tamrissa, in addition to being Feisty and Fierce and Strong, is also Incredibly Beautiful. quote:Caution or no, Rion was affronted enough to do something with his own talent to free Tamrissa, but wasn’t given the chance. Even as Rion took in the situation, Vallant was already striding toward the coarse animal pawing Tamrissa. When he reached the pair Vallant broke the man’s grip on the girl, pulled him away from her, then threw a fist into the drunk’s face. With Vallant’s entire body behind the blow, the burly drunkard stumbled backwards to fall to the floor at the feet of his friends. There you go, Rion. This is the extent of Vallant's plan. This is also the entire point of this chapter. quote:Tamrissa, still furious, parted her lips to say something, then changed her mind and simply stalked away to stand alone. Naran exchanged a pained glance with Rion before going over to join Tamrissa, and Rion decided it might be best to change the topic of conversation. We've spent so many words on terrible inn rooms that surely the payoff here is gonna be good, right? quote:“But the problem isn’t cost, it’s a matter of available space. This inn has become a very popular place in the area since they brought in a troupe of what the boy called exotic dancers. The girls each do their dance, and then they spend the night with the man who bids highest for their company. I’ve heard about troupes such as this one, and keeping them here for a week or two will bring in enough gold to let the landlord completely renovate this place.” That's it. That's the payoff. We spent... *checks* ~1800-ish words on traveling being terrible culminating in a "no vacancy because stripper/hookers" discovery that's got zero relevance to the larger plot or overall themes just so we can have this piece of Valissa drama. quote:Rion felt the urge to protest, but the steely look in Vallant’s eyes caused him to change his mind. The disagreement between his two groupmates had changed somehow, and something told Rion that he would be much better off staying out of the matter. As long as humanly possible, that is…. Alright I'm not all up on my historical architecture but it seems weird that a run down place like this would have a dining room separate to a common room? Whatever. Let's proceed to read 247 boring words about awkward dinner with bland descriptions of food. quote:They chose one large table and sat down at it, but the icy, deliberate silence coming from both Tamrissa and Vallant put a damper on casual conversation among the other three. Naran looked at Rion as though she expected him to do something to change the heavy, chilly atmosphere, but Rion had already decided on the better part of valor. He took Naran’s hand and squeezed it gently, then simply sat and waited for a serving person to appear. This isn't irredeemable. It's actually quite good relative to the rest of Green's internal monologues. We've got Rion noticing non-verbal cues from other people! We've got him being conscious of how he and his circumstances have changed! We've got him coming to a conclusion and deciding to take action! And then because we can't possibly have that, we get this forcible swerve back to the Main Plot since we've spent 2,793 words doing anything but reading about that. quote:“Alsin, you’re back!” Grath exclaimed, blurting the obvious. “Since you probably don’t need me, I’ll go and check on my horse. I want him to know how much I missed him.” The prose is full of redundancies but at last we get a genuine character-focused moment of humor that actually made me smile. The books would be so much better if they had more little moments like this. quote:“To tell the truth, I’m hopin’ you can say the same. What did you find out?” ...and straight into another awful transition to an infodump summarizing how a side character did Interesting Things off page and got the Plot Solution Our Heroes needed. quote:“I found out that they’re using lethe on their… guests,” Alsin replied, lowering his voice a bit. “It’s a gentle sedative that can usually be used for quite a long time without it doing any harm, and they administer it three times a day. That means the captives will come awake in a matter of hours once they stop taking it, although they will be a bit confused and disoriented at first. I’ve also thought of a way to make use of the information—if it turns out to be possible.” A super weird conclusion/reaction for Rion to have, in response to, "hey, I got some useful intel and a possible to exploit it that I wanna float". quote:“All right, just calm down,” Alsin replied soothingly after glancing at Tamrissa and Vallant. Their concurrence was obvious enough that the man had no need to confirm Rion’s claim in words. “I said that I might have a plan, but it all depends on just how strong and versatile a High talent is. My idea is that we remove most of the lethe from its various barrels and make up the difference with plain water. The water will be taken from the barrels used by the guardsmen and drivers, and it will be replaced with the lethe. If we can do that, your people will be awake and their guards ready to fall asleep by lunchtime tomorrow.” FINALLY LET'S GO PLEASE LET'S GET TO THE MAGICAL RESCUE. quote:And with that he looked toward Vallant, his expression frankly demanding an answer to his question. Rion would have enjoyed being able to say something, but once again his mind had gone blank. A glance at Tamrissa suggested that she found herself in the same quandary, I want you to imagine a world where Green had actually committed to Our Heroes struggling with a loss of their talents so instead of being able to steamroll over all obstacles with absurd magical strength, they actually had to...I don't know, use their brains and leverage their new allies to solve their problems. Or a world where she'd committed to just Vallant losing his talent and the fascinating character arc that would've given him, knowing that if he had had his talent, it would have meant an easy, uncomplicated rescue but since he doesn't, there's a greater risk of injury and possible loss of life to him and his Blendingmates and everyone who's agreed to help them and if sheltered, inexperienced Rion can't manage on his own, the woman he (supposedly) loves is going to be forced to horrifically burn and possibly kill tens or even hundreds of people if they want to save Jovvi and Lorand. quote:and then Vallant saved them both the trouble of racking their brains. But nah. Vallant is totally fine, hasn't suffered any adverse affects from hilsom powder and being drugged, just like Tamrissa and Rion are both fine. So much for the angst and word count spent on building THAT up. quote:“But why didn’t you tell us you were all right again?” Tamrissa took her turn to demand, the words almost blurted. “You didn’t say a single word, letting us spend our time—” Look, a soapbox moment! All we're missing is some references to baths and tea. quote:Rion joined everyone else in silently watching Vallant leave, and once again he had no idea of what to say. Tamrissa sat unmoving as she stared sightlessly down at the table, and Rion’s heart went out to her. Vallant had been incredibly harsh with her, and his tirade had strongly suggested that he no longer had any interest in courting her acceptance. Things were now worse than they had ever been between the two, and Rion was certain about one thing only: This is a bad thing...why? We're 3.5 books in and I still remain unconvinced that any of these main characters have any chemistry with each other whatsoever.Summary: Day 28 Our Heroes spend a lot of time bemoaning that traveling sucks. The next inn only has two rooms available because Green needed a Plot Reason to incite Yet Another Valissa blow-up. Two of them, actually. Alsin returns from scouting to report that the captives are being drugged with lethe, a liquid sedative he's hoping Vallant can switch out with the convoy guards' water supplies. To Tamrissa's anger and Rion and Naran's shock, Vallant confirms that's a-okay by him because he didn't really lose his talent after all. And now Tamrissa and Vallant have butted heads THREE WHOLE TIMES this chapter and surely there's no possible way Green could ever get these two True Soulmates back together, woe is us, whatever shall we do? Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 37 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 38 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2, dinner), Day 28: (dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 35 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 68 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 20 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 40 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 144 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 75 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 42 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 15 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 12 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 26 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: This chapter is so frustrating because when you pull it apart, you can see Green clearly has some understanding of how to establish stakes, build tension, weave multiple things, and bring them together. We've got two threads here: Inn and Traveling are Terrible and Vallant and Tamrissa are At Odds (Again). The main thread is Vallant/Tamrissa relationship drama. They clash three times (Vallant Saves Tamrissa from Manhandling by Drunks; Vallant is Done with Accommodating Tamrissa; Tamrissa Accuses Vallant of Lying) in this chapter (good, rule of three) and each time, the conflict is more heated ("now you know what it feels like" -> "I'm done with your poo poo" -> "how could you let us go on believing you were magically crippled you lying bastard") and the emotional fallout is more severe (good, escalation). The traveling stuff establishes tone (discomfort), the miles they've covered and number of inns they've stayed at are visible markers of progress towards the convoy they're chasing, the deterioration in the quality of their accommodations is supposed to parallel the increasing stakes and step up the tensions between characters as everyone gets more on edge, then the no/low vacancy thing functions as a "last straw"/excuse to tip things over into emotionally charged conflict. Still hate the prose but structurally, it's one of the better written Blendingverse chapters. The problem is, it's wasted because it's putting too heavy of an emphasis on the (unconvincing) Vallant/Tamrissa relationship which I think is supposed to be a deconstruction of gender roles and expectations? But that deconstruction is wholly tied up with things/events that are incidental to the main plot of "Rescue Jovvi and Lorand". I don't know that I'm expressing this all that well. I suspect what I'm trying to articulate is the difference between fantasy romance and fantasy that happens to contain a romance—it depends on where the focus lies. And I think this chapter illustrates why The Blendingverse was badly marketed, because the title and the blurb emphasizes treachery, a prison escape, and a quest to reunite and overcome the corrupt power regime that has usurped their rightful places on the Fivefold Throne. That's screaming "epic fantasy" and "political intrigue", not "angsty poly romance", which is why I hate these endless chapters focused on relationship drama because they contain zero political intrigue and do very little to advance the epic fantasy plotline. This entire chapter should've been from Alsin's POV scouting out the convoy so we could: a) develop Alsin, b) develop this secret organization he's built up, c) get a proper risk assessment of the convoy so we know what Our Heroes are up against, d) discover the intel about lethe and come up with The Plan, e) figure out how far our pursuit is behind us and how much time we have left to pull off the rescue, f) return to the inn to discover two of Our Heroes are at each other's throats which—if Green had set things up better— would be Not Good because somehow The Plan ought to require Our Heroes to work together to pull off the rescue, instead of just any one of the three.
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Jul 22, 2023 04:49
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quote:CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE Oh look, we remembered that Vallant has claustrophobia. quote:The ground under his feet was hard-packed earth, dry from all the days it hadn’t rained. Vallant paced it in a deliberate way, trying to use his awareness of rain to come to blot out memory of what he’d said to Tamrissa. Shall I give out points for an attempt to tailor the description to the character? I think I shall. quote:He hadn’t known he was going to say that, it had just come boiling out all on its own. Obviously things had been building toward the outburst ever since that first morning…. I think the reason I hate these interpersonal conflicts is how the drama/tension quotient always goes from 0 to 100. The melodrama is constant and always dialled all the way up that it become monotonous. quote:Vallant sighed as he remembered how delighted he’d been, waking up alert and strong and realizing that he was whole again. His first thought had been to tell Tamrissa, so that any worry she might be feeling would be laid to rest. He’d dressed quickly and had gone down to the inn’s dining room where she and the others were breakfasting—only to have her raise that brick wall again. She’d made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing more to do with him, and all because of her interpretation of what had happened between them. There is so much that I hate about this short section of introspection and to explain why, we're going to go on a short digression. I recently found and unpacked a box of old books from like three moves ago. Inside were two short novels that my frazzled mom impulse bought for nine-year-old me who was bored and home all day thanks to school holidays. She grabbed them from the end of aisle discount books display at the grocery store, under mistaken impressions about the contents because she thought it was a book about friendship based on the title.  I was nine and bored and had nothing else to read because I had already burned through all my library books and when you put me in a room with books I haven't read, I inevitably start reading them. Which means I did end up finishing these romance novels targeted to my mom's demographic and nine-year-old me was like, oh okay, that was alright and then promptly forgot about them because we went to the library and I got some more books about robots in space. Anyway. I reread them again after finding them in the box because I was curious to see if my thoughts would change now that I AM the correct target demographic for them, if you ignore my current prejudice against romance books. Nine-year-old me never noticed, but the books are full of passages like the Vallant passage quoted above and the equally blah passages in the Tamrissa POVs so this must be standard procedure for your average romance novel. Here's some random quotes from the Seasons book: Pg 89: She hated the thought of seeing him. He had scored her heart and soul with his dismissal of her as a tramp and a bloodsucker seeking to benefit from his family's sorrow. When he had thrown her out of his house, it was as if he had spat upon her and her love for Wes. She had hated him ever since that day, and even though the intensity of her emotion had dimmed over the years, she still disliked him thoroughly. Even his apology after Janis was born had done little to change her opinion of him. He had been stiff and cold, and she was sure that he had not felt any genuine remorse or even any real interest in his brother's child. Only pride in his family name had made him offer to pay for his niece's upbringing. Pg 121: He shook her hand. It was small inside his, but firm, as honest and straightforward as she was. He watched her walk away across the cafeteria. She was a lovely woman and unlike most women he knew. There was no maneuvering in her, no gamesmanship, no artful pretense. He wondered what it would be like to be loved by a woman like that. A woman who gave of herself and lived her feelings, who cared with all her heart. Reid was afraid he would never know. Not my favorite prose. Everything's so...on the nose. That said, I did not at any point drop the book. Once I resigned myself to the style of narrative, my eyerolls mostly stopped, and there were even a few that managed to hit me in an emotional place now that I'm in the target demographic. Turns out that while you will never get me to pick up a romance book out of my own volition and the covers and blurbs would still send me running in the opposite direction, if you can get the first sentence in front of me and the prose isn't awful, I can enjoy a romance book just fine if the character work isn't totally abysmal! The writing in the two excerpts I posted is miles better than what Green's got because at least there's some attempt at inhabiting the characters' minds: they're thinking about specific incidents and specific behaviors they observed, recalling those details and filtering them through their interpretations, and then ascribing specific motives to each other as a result. In the Blendingverse, we mostly get Tamrissa and Vallant throwing labels all the time, with zero evocative details. We're told Vallant woke up "delighted" because he was "alert and strong and realiz[ed] that he was whole again" instead of being able to feel that through him FEELING the return of his Water talent. We're told that he loves her sooooooo much but we're 3.5 books in and I still have no idea why, other than "she's hot and me and my want to bang her so bad". We're told that "[the pain of accusation] was all he seemed to get from her" but not shown his thought process on what he thinks his side of those accusations are and why her interpretation hurts him.TL;DR if you want me to know something, tell me; if you want me to feel something, show me. Since this is romance and we're supposed to be feeling the angst of these two Meant To Be True Love Soulmates and wanting them to overcome the obstacles to be together, the correct answer here is to show, not tell. And there is zero showing in the whole Valissa drama. quote:Vallant hadn’t quite answered that final question to his own satisfaction when the door to the inn opened. Meerk appeared, and after closing the door behind himself he walked over to Vallant. It's like Green got these two characters into a scene by themselves together and then went, oh no, they haven't really had a chance to talk to each other, let us proceed by duly doing the Small Talk before we get into Proper Discussion. quote:“You’ve changed your mind?” Vallant asked, suddenly very intent on the conversation. “Did something happen to cause that?” Not everything is about the current status of your non-relationship with Tamrissa, Vallant. quote:“You might say so,” Meerk agreed with a judicious nod. “After I discovered that it was lethe which they were giving to the captives, I had the time to look around a bit, so to speak. I’d had to wait until they’d made camp before I was able to get close enough, and a single piece of information seemed too little for the amount of time I’d spent trailing after them.” This is a perfect example of where I just want to be told The Thing instead of having this long drawn out dance around the subject. quote:Vallant nodded his understanding, at the same time encouraging the man to continue, which he did. even is this sentence.quote:“It suddenly came to me to wonder just how much they carried in the way of supplies,” Meerk said, glancing around every now and again in an obvious effort to make certain they weren’t being overheard. “It’s been clear that they’re under orders not to come in contact with any towns or villages or even inns or roadhouses. This road trends westward without going through any towns, and that’s probably why they’re using it. When I checked, they only had another three or so days of supplies left.” That's 220 words on Logistics when Meerk only needed 13: "I suspect we've a day, perhaps less, before the convoy reaches its destination."Now if you WANTED to make this scene about how where Vallant and Meerk stand (which, imo, it should have been, considering where this little love triangle is headed), you could have Vallant challenge Meerk's assumptions and conclusions. There could have been quite an entertaining scene of these two butting heads that would have given us: a) the infodump explanation we needed; b) fleshed out their characters more by revealing how they think AND how they approach the conflict; c) set up a small win/loss in their little rivalry plotline. Instead we got this bland "as you know" maid-and-butler dialogue that makes both of these men about as appealing as soggy cereal. quote:“Where are those horses?” Vallant asked, abruptly turning toward the stable. More urgency filled him now than ever before, and the need to be on his way rose up and held him with a heavy hand. QUIT WRITING LIKE THIS WHEN SPIRIT MAGIC IS A THING. quote:It wasn’t really long before a stableboy led out two mounts, but to Vallant it almost felt like hours. Meerk tossed the boy a couple of coppers, joining Vallant in ignoring the stablehand’s very obvious curiosity. People rarely hired horses from an inn in the dead of night, and not to be returned in just a few hours. It wasn’t as if the inn didn’t have females available if that was what they were after…. I want to dock points for referring to women as "females" but it is Vallant so maybe I have to award points for keeping his misogyny consistent. quote:Vallant could almost hear the boy’s thoughts, but he pushed away everything but the need to remember the little he knew about riding horses. Mounting was no problem, and it was pleasant to find that the stirrups were the proper length, but that was the last of Vallant’s pleasure for a while. When Meerk urged his horse into motion Vallant’s mount followed, almost unseating Vallant with the unexpected motion. And another wasted opportunity for character growth. Clearly Green is attempting characterization here, but it's so flat. Where's Vallant's voice? How is the way Vallant narrating this interaction with his horse any different from how Rion or Jovvi or Tamrissa or Naran would narrate it? (Lorand excluded because he's the only one who actually knows how to ride.) Answer: it's not and that's the whole problem with Green's characterization and why you could roll up all of Our Heroes into a single Mary/Gary Stu and the story would function just fine because they're all interchangeable. quote:It was closer to an hour and a half before they reached the vicinity of the convoy. Vallant happily joined Meerk in dismounting and tying his horse, then followed the man through the sparse woods to the camp. They had to silently skirt a bored sentry, but that turned out to be no trouble at all. A pair of moments later they stopped near some bushes, just beyond the clearing the convoy had camped in. Why did I just get a paragraph of this useless description that tells me NOTHING interesting about the convoy's camp and defensive capabilities? It's literally "we got in by walking real quiet, ma!" quote:“There’s another clearing a short distance away from this one with a corral built in it,” Meerk said in an almost soundless whisper. “All the horses are in it, with guards around its perimeter.” ...the guards are guarding the horses instead of their cargo? Why? quote:Vallant nodded as he studied the ten large wagons which had been drawn up in a half circle around the clearing. The canvas enclosing each of them made it impossible to see what they contained, but Vallant’s ability told him there were human beings inside. That particular arrangement and amount of water could mean nothing else, but that was all he got. Oh look, Green remembered that her characters have magical radar now. quote:Nothing in the way of an awareness of Jovvi and Lorand came, and that set Vallant to worrying. What if Meerk’s information was wrong, and their groupmates were somewhere else entirely … ? Bit late to wonder that now, Vallant. Maybe if you hadn't been so before you could have done something about it.quote:Taking a deep breath, Vallant forced himself back to calm. There might not be evidence that Jovvi and Lorand really were there, but there also wasn’t proof that they were elsewhere. The only thing to do was to go ahead as planned and hope they weren’t wasting their time. I should have started a counter for how many times the POV character asks legitimately good questions and then does not act upon those and justifies that inaction with this reasoning. All so Green can railroad her characters into doing the plot. quote:If he hadn’t been so agitated, he would have thought to ask Rion to accompany them. If the two of them linked up, they might have had more success in searching for their groupmates. quote:But that was no longer possible, and Vallant realized he’d better hurry. The coming rain was no longer as far off as it had been, and it would be best to get through and away before it arrived. ...why? How does the rain have any impact on what you're doing? quote:Some of the guardsmen had rolled up in the their blankets near the dying fire rather than finding places under the wagons. Once the rain started, they would surely be awake and trying to find a place to keep dry. Where the guards are positioned makes no difference to your plan. quote:So Vallant opened wide to the power, then reached out to look around with something other than his eyes. Why are we being coy about this? Just say he's reaching out with his talent! UGH. quote:A large water barrel was tied to each of the wagons, and inside each wagon was a smaller keg containing something other than water. The liquid in the smaller keg was oily to Vallant’s senses, slick and denser than water. A part of the liquid was water, but certainly not all of it. This right here is on the same level of as "oh we have five talents but it took us centuries to figure out that maybe we should try Blending with all five of them as opposed to four".quote:What he did know, however, was that he had to try, and not only try but succeed. Jovvi and Lorand’s safety was at stake, and in that particular circumstance there was nothing he would refuse to try. Translation: this is going to be a walk in the park. quote:Spreading out fingers of talent, he began to examine the oily liquid more closely. Removing the water from it would have been simplicity itself, but that wasn’t what he had to do. His aim was to move the entire volume of liquid to the large water barrel, and then replace it with undiluted water. But he first had to get a grip on the liquid, and the oiliness was making that difficult. His mental fingers kept sliding off…  We finally get to DOING MAGIC and we're rewarded with the most underwhelming description possible.quote:Vallant usually pushed hard when he had a problem, but suddenly something told him to ease off instead. Pushing works to free a wagon stuck in the mud, but not all by itself. Why is our sailor Dom "captain of the seas" drawing an analogy to a wagon stuck in the mud which would be more apropos for Lorand, the farm boy who has probably had to unstick many a wagon from the mud? quote:The best idea is to combine pushing and pulling, the two actions producing what both individually cannot. Pushing combined with pulling … and the memory of plaited patterns done with ropes of water … Oh gee, yes, you've been so busy. It's not like you guys had days and days of waiting and waiting in-between those final 1-v-1 rounds of the competition to practice as individuals and as a Blending to look into stuff like this at all. quote:Using a variation of one of the patterns, Vallant was able to get a grip on the oily liquid. Transferring it to the companion water barrel on the outside, then returning pure water, took very little time, but the process had to be repeated ten times. Then Vallant checked the entire camp for other containers which might hold water, and found more than a dozen waterskins. Most of them were either attached to saddles or stowed under wagon seats, and Vallant quickly exchanged their contents as well. Forget the lethe; Vallant could have put all the guards to sleep just by narrating to them like this. quote:“What’s wrong?” Meerk suddenly asked in a whisper. “It’s taking so long … aren’t you able to find a way to do it? We’ve got to get out of here before the rain starts.” That's it. That's the expedition. There were no difficulties to overcome. They didn't make any mistakes. There weren't any surprise factors that they didn't account for that posed unexpected problems. quote:Vallant nodded and carefully followed Meerk back toward the horses, all the while wondering why the man had been surprised. He’d made a point of saying that Vallant was supposed to be a High talent, and shouldn’t a High talent be expected to do a thorough job? Considering that Green herself is totally unclear on the differentiation between Lows, Middles, and Highs in any of the aspects, I don't blame Meerk for being surprised. quote:Unless Meerk had had something else in mind … I want you to imagine just how much better this chapter would have read if we had had this suspicion in the back of Vallant's mind, throwing a shadow of doubt on everything Meerk says and does throughout this scene, and how much better developed the tension between these two characters would have been as a result. quote:Now it was time to wonder if Meerk hadn’t decided to sacrifice Lorand and Jovvi, which could very well make Tamrissa more available. If there was no Blending for Tamrissa to be a part of, and if Vallant were exposed as less than what he was supposed to be… But there had been those words between him and Tamrissa, and he hadn’t been exposed as less, so what would the plan be now? You drugged everybody, bud, so nothing is going to go wrong. Because Green. Summary: Day 28 Our Heroes spend a lot of time bemoaning that traveling sucks. The next inn only has two rooms available because Green needed a Plot Reason to incite Yet Another Valissa blow-up. Two of them, actually. Alsin returns from scouting to report that the captives are being drugged with lethe, a liquid sedative he's hoping Vallant can switch out with the convoy guards' water supplies. To Tamrissa's anger and Rion and Naran's shock, Vallant confirms that's a-okay by him because he didn't really lose his talent after all. And now Tamrissa and Vallant have butted heads THREE WHOLE TIMES this chapter and surely there's no possible way Green could ever get these two True Soulmates back together, woe is us, whatever shall we do? Go on the Blendingverse's most boring covert mission, apparently, because Alsin and Vallant just stroll on up to the convoy's camp and Vallant switches all of their water with lethe with zero issues. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 38 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 38 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2, dinner), Day 28: (dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 36 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir, Alsin Meerk PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 68 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 20 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 40 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 144 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 75 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 87 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 42 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 15 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 12 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 26 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: I am endlessly frustrated by how Green's execution constantly falls flat. This could have been a perfectly good scene! She's set up the Tamrissa/Vallant/Alsin conflict and later on, we're going to see Vallant and Alsin fight it out. The nuances of the Vallant/Alsin are all there—it's even flat out stated by another character later on—but we just never get to explore it. Every single time we could have had depth, we get shallowness instead. Fixes, in order of priority:
I'm not even talking about introducing a complication and having it resolved in the same chapter after some difficulty! Vallant literally goes "oh poo poo, nobody's ever tried to manipulate liquid that's not water before, who knows if this is even possible?!??!??!!" and in the next few paras, he's like "oh sweet, there's One Weird Trick so easy as, let me just show off by doing an absolute overkill on the mission objective".
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Sep 2, 2023 04:23
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Wait, isn't a known and relatively common thing that skilled Water Magic users can disburse the urine from their bladders? That's technically a non-water liquid being moved by a water magic user.
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Oct 23, 2023 21:05
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Maigius posted:Wait, isn't a known and relatively common thing that skilled Water Magic users can disburse the urine from their bladders? That's technically a non-water liquid being moved by a water magic user. You remembered Vallant and Pagin's little powwow in the bathroom at the palace from a whole two books ago! Green's worldbuilding is full of so many holes that I'm not entirely sure whether when that happens Water magic users are actually removing the H2O only or whether it's all the liquid, including anything dissolved in it. Presumably the latter, because otherwise surely Water magic users who are too lazy to physically pee would die from the accumulation of toxins in the body, and therefore the degree to which a Water magic user can manipulate a liquid totally depends on how much H2O exists in the chemical composition judging by how Vallant thinks the lethe mixture is "slippery". I have now just spent way more time than Green ever did in thinking about this particular mechanic in the Blendingverse's magic system. (Also I have not forgotten about the Let's Read; I am just flailing around trying to get to two books published before the end of the year and massively stressing. Thanks for being patient—I will do more chapters soon!) Leng fucked around with this message at 04:53 on Oct 24, 2023 |
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Oct 24, 2023 04:50
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Hi, hello, this Let's Read is still alive. Sorry for the sporadic posting:quote:CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO Oh god, please no. Not another meeting. First thing on the agenda is gonna be tea, I'm sure. quote:“If you’ve all gotten refreshments, we can move on to the reason why you’re here.” TEA. quote:In point of fact most of his audience looked as though they would be happier with a drink a good deal stronger than tea. The rest looked as though they would be happiest away from the palace completely, but that desire they weren’t about to be granted. They all currently sat in a medium-sized audience room, with guest chairs arranged more or less casually across the floor. Seating for the Five was on a slightly raised dais, and just now only two of those seats were filled. Blandest conference room ever. I am continually disappointed by how lacklustre Green's settings are. quote:“Lord Bron and I are meeting with all of you today because of the disturbing news which has been coming to us over the last few days,” Kambil continued. “Our public Seating ceremony was sparsely attended as far as Advisory representation—your superiors—was concerned, and at first we felt hurt. Then, when we discovered that those who were missing were missing from their homes and offices as well, we grew concerned. Does anyone here have any idea what could have become of them?” None of those other Spirit magic users will be effectual whatsoever. quote:A large number of heads shook in response to that, some with smiles, but still no words. Most of them were terrified for one reason or another, and Kambil had to bring them past that. Still thinking that a procedural magical detectives series would've been more interesting than the story we got. quote:“If we’re going to be frank, let’s be blunt as well,” Bron put in, also looking around at the group seated with them. “We expected to lean rather heavily on the advice of those long experienced men, but suddenly they’re gone and we’re left twisting in the wind. If someone considered it a good idea to do away with all those innocent people just to make us look bad, they won’t think as much of the idea once we catch up to them—and that I promise you.” Bron's just told a flat out lie and none of the apparently fairly strong Middles in Spirit magic have caught on to it. quote:“There may or may not be someone out to do us harm,” Kambil went on, “but nevertheless people are being hurt and killed. I agree that we have to get to the bottom of the mystery, and that’s one of the main reasons we asked you here. You people are the ones who worked most closely with the men who are missing and dead. Isn’t there anything any of you can tell us to make the search a bit easier? If what you say points us in the right direction, please be assured that our gratitude will be golden and weighty.” This is it. This is the height of the politicking that we will ever see in this series. quote:But the search for the supposed guilty was only an excuse for bringing in these people. Before the meeting ended he and Bron and Selendi and Homin would have private meetings scheduled with each of them, firstly to find out what their employers were involved in, and secondly to choose those who would continue the work. The ideal candidate would be capable of handling matters alone, but not so ambitious that he or she would put private concerns before those of the Five. He would have to make the final selections, Kambil knew, but first the others would help with the weeding out. I don't know about you, but this seems like the worst way to go about the process, even if the point of this search for a suspect is a sham. quote:“My lords and ladies, please!” Kambil was finally forced to interrupt, holding up a soothing hand. “You’ll all have the chance to tell us everything you think we should know, but this isn’t the best way of doing it. ...so why did you set it up this way if you're trying to appear competent? quote:You’ll all be given appointments with one of our Five for later today or tomorrow, and if more time is required than we’ve scheduled, we’ll simply reschedule. I’ll call the clerks in now, and those of you on the list for this afternoon will remain. The rest of you can return home, until the messengers come with the times of your appointments. Thank you for—” Hi Rimen! quote:“I’m afraid I don’t place you, sir,” Kambil said after a moment, feeling the man’s immediate extreme relief. “Please introduce yourself and tell us what you consider so important.” This is one of the few plot developments that Green doesn't mishandle. I only wish there were more of them! quote:“That’s quite true, Lord Rimen,” Kambil agreed, wondering if the man would prove to be someone he could use to good purpose—without being controlled. “And what have you learned in the course of this task that you feel we should know?” Why would you write "interrupted int a musing tone" when you could have signified that by actually cutting off Rimen's line of dialogue with an em dash and then use "Bron mused"?!quote:“For some reason her name sounds familiar, and I have the oddest conviction that it has something to do with the competitions.” I would like you to imagine that instead of having to slog through the previous 21 chapters, we opened this book with this moment. It would have been so much better. quote:“What about the other two?” Bron demanded harshly when Kambil paused for breath. “You said they were already in that convoy of yours, but are you certain? Could they have been carried off without your knowledge?”  Summary: Day 28 Our Heroes spend a lot of time bemoaning that traveling sucks. The next inn only has two rooms available because Green needed a Plot Reason to incite Yet Another Valissa blow-up. Two of them, actually. Alsin returns from scouting to report that the captives are being drugged with lethe, a liquid sedative he's hoping Vallant can switch out with the convoy guards' water supplies. To Tamrissa's anger and Rion and Naran's shock, Vallant confirms that's a-okay by him because he didn't really lose his talent after all. And now Tamrissa and Vallant have butted heads THREE WHOLE TIMES this chapter and surely there's no possible way Green could ever get these two True Soulmates back together, woe is us, whatever shall we do? Go on the Blendingverse's most boring covert mission, apparently, because Alsin and Vallant just stroll on up to the convoy's camp and Vallant switches all of their water with lethe with zero issues. Meanwhile, Kambil and co discover that Tamrissa and co are not, in fact, dead and release the Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 38 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 38 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2, dinner), Day 28: (dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 36 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir, Alsin Meerk PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 68 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 20 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 41 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 144 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 75 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 89 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 42 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 15 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 12 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 26 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: I stand by what I said earlier. Leng posted:Possible fixes: You could even end the Rimen POV with the same scene we see in Kambil's POV here—and it would be even more effective seeing Kambil's rage from Rimen's POV. And THEN you could cut to any one of the protagonists on the road with Meerk, at the inn, trying to come up with a game plan on how they're gonna try and rescue Jovvi and Lorand from this convoy, while Tamrissa and Vallant are no longer on speaking terms, and Vallant and Alsin are at odds with each other.
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Dec 28, 2023 08:14
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Tea really is the Blending drinking game, isn’t it? Amazing how consistent it is.
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Dec 30, 2023 04:08
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The book feels like it was invented just to have a physical printed book specifically and solely used as decor during house stagings to make the house look livable during real estate dealings. It's so.... nothing. Also not to be as gross and edgy as this book, but I was reading The Anthropology of Childhood, Cherubs, Chattel, Changelings by David F. Lancy. There's a part in the book that goes over children in very impoverished, third world countries that don't really have a 'childhood' as far as first world, richer countries do. A lot of children are child laborers and trafficked, and those which run away from home due to abuse / trafficking often sell their bodies as a form of survival work while living with groups of other children in similar situations. Not sex work of course, children cannot consent and that's not what sex work is. Self-trafficking, I suppose the word is? Anyways, my point is this is possible for the one Courtesan Woman character to have had a lovely childhood like that where she ran away from a caretaker who would traffick her. But again that's not really her character, is it? She's quite a carbon copy of the other women characters. There's nothing abut her character that suggests trauma from being trafficked as a child and adult. Much less any survival skills learned from such a childhood. Also I was rereading Aliette De Bodard's 'Dominion of the Fallen' series and it occurs to me how well the use of color is in that book compared to this one. Silver for the morally grey love interest / group, red as blood and a symbol of power for the main colonizer character / group, orange as a scent, flavor, link to foreign countries, and distinct outlying indicator of a usurping party. What do we get in this book? Vague references to disco attire and that's it. Christ. Well anyways, sorry my first post itt is grim. This book sucks but the let's read is great. Also I think OP mentioned how complicated piano manufacturing was and how some character was a dck for breaking a piano? I looked up piano manufacturing videos on youtube and man, you were right. Absolutely massive amounts of labor going into just one of them. And that's no guarantee a pianist would enjoy playing that specific piano!
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Dec 30, 2023 19:01
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value-brand cereal posted:The book feels like it was invented just to have a physical printed book specifically and solely used as decor during house stagings to make the house look livable during real estate dealings. It's so.... nothing. The Thomas Canty art is great. I just wish the contents inside would match. value-brand cereal posted:Anyways, my point is this is possible for the one Courtesan Woman character to have had a lovely childhood like that where she ran away from a caretaker who would traffick her. But again that's not really her character, is it? She's quite a carbon copy of the other women characters. There's nothing abut her character that suggests trauma from being trafficked as a child and adult. Much less any survival skills learned from such a childhood. Just wait until we get to the sequel trilogy when the one character trait that is distinct enough about Jovvi gets taken up by all the other characters.
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Dec 31, 2023 07:32
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Happy new year!quote:CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE I'm going to give Green some points for this line. Why? Because it's actually clear from the voice that we're in Tamrissa's POV again. quote:Alsin and Vallant Ro had returned somewhat late the night before, and now Alsin was off again with Grath. Buying a horse for Alsin had depleted our funds even more, but they couldn’t very well ride double. Aside from the fact that Grath’s horse would have been too overburdened, someone would surely have noticed. I find it so weird that Tamrissa refers to Vallant by his full name. And that horse and rider logistics is apparently important enough to open the chapter with. quote:I settled myself on the coach seat, trying to think about nothing but what was ahead of us, but the turmoil in my mind refused to allow that. Last night… last night Vallant had said things I couldn’t just dismiss or forget, and even my dreams had been filled with uncertainty and distress. Vallant had acted badly toward me after I’d gotten him out of Eltrina Razas’s house, but—was that really the same as the way I’d treated him after he’d taken care of that drunk … ? You're both terrible people. quote:I looked out at the rain while everyone else took their places in the coach, listening to the silent argument in my head. That argument had been going on since last night, but neither side could be considered being even close to winning. Had I really been insisting that Vallant be perfect? I couldn’t remember doing that, but I could remember all the times he’d treated me as though I were helpless. If I’d managed to give that back to him for once, was it really the terrible thing he’d made it out to be? Please can you focus on Mission Rescue Jovvi and Lorand instead of your angsty terrible romance. quote:“Alsin said he would have Lidris increase the pace of the horses,” Rion told us as the coach began to move. “By noon we want to be as close as possible to the convoy without being discovered, so we can take advantage of the situation if the guards begin to doze. They’ll stop for the noon meal and to dose their captives, and by then we may even have help from the captives themselves.” Nobody in this carriage has any idea on how to have a proper planning session. quote:“Rion, what will you do if the guardsmen aren’t as sleepy as they should be?” Naran suddenly asked, the question casual in an odd sort of way. “I mean, what if they’ve been drinking the sedative the way we want them to, but something has happened to make them more alert than usual? How will you get around that?” DUNDUNDUN This Is Significant. quote:“It could happen,” I said, interrupting Rion’s gentle pooh-poohing of the idea. Why, Rion? You were so close to actually being a decent character. quote:“If this is an area where they’ve learned they have to be especially alert, or if some wild animal’s tracks have been discovered, or if any one of another dozen things has happened, they may not be as sleepy as we expect. So Naran’s question is worth repeating: what will we do if that’s what we find?” ...so Rion listens to Tamrissa but not Naran? Also, why do we go straight to choking out the guards? Like, yes, I know, this was the One Trick that the testing authority taught you, but seriously, Rion has the ability to make HARDENED AIR! He's used this skill before to make his own personal invisible gym equipment. I don't understand why you wouldn't just make like 50 invisible baseball bats and slug all the guards. Or just trap them in a giant invisible bubble of hardened air. Hell, he can make the hardened air opaque too, so why not just create a maze? This could've been such an awesome scene and I'm annoyed that Green isn't thinking about any of this stuff. quote:“I think…maybe … I can do somethin’ more effective than druggin’ their water,” Vallant said slowly, now looking at Rion. “I’ve been thinkin’ about it, and it might not have been necessary to play with their drinkin’ water. That testin’ had me puttin’ water into really small containers, and last night I learned how to move the lethe around as easily as water. I don’t know if it’s possible, but maybe I can put the sedative directly into their bodies …” A box, no matter how tiny, isn't really quite the same thing as spoilers for this chapter blood vessels. quote:“What a marvelous idea! It is too bad that you didn’t think of it last night, but then you and Alsin would have had to take care of the captives all alone. Now that the rest of us are here to help… And what will you do, Tamrissa?” Fire magic is effectively the nuclear option here. It's noisy and destructive and therefore, since they want to be stealthy, shouldn't be used at all. But Green is too enamoured of the whole "timid woman is actually the literal firepower" thing so instead of giving this job to Rion, she gives it to Tamrissa. quote:“It may not be too easy tellin’ that,” Vallant said with a frown. “If we miss seein’ one of them enterin’ a wagon, how will we know that he’s in there?” Do I need to increment the counter for Tamrissa refining her magical radar? I think I do! quote:“We all need that look around,” Rion said with a nod, taking Naran’s hand in order to stroke it. “And if we’re prepared against an eventuality that happens to come about, we’ll have Naran to thank for warning us.” DUNDUNDUNDUNDUN. quote:“No, silly, I didn’t do anything,” Naran protested with a pleased laugh. “I’m just used to thinking about the possibility of the worst thing happening, because it so often does. You three will be the ones to free the others, and I’m more than happy to just sit and watch you do it.” Book 5 spoilers: "Oh help, they're onto me, better play the 'I'm totally useless' card!" which actually only works because the protagonists are all hella self-centered. quote:They exchanged a brief kiss then, which immediately made me look out the window again. It wasn’t that I begrudged the happiness that Rion and Naran had together, it was simply that I couldn’t bear to watch it. I’d had something like that once, and I didn’t like to think that I might be responsible for having lost it. Sorry to burst your bubble but Rion and Naran are not #relationshipgoals, Tamrissa. Also you and Vallant were NOWHERE close. quote:Most of the morning disappeared behind the distraction of rampaging thoughts, and the silence in the coach did nothing to dispel those thoughts. The rain continued to fall in a way that said it would probably keep up for the rest of the day, and our more-rapid-than-usual progress along the road sent water sheeting up and away from us. We should have been damp and miserable because of the glassless windows of the coach, but I had the feeling that Rion was blocking out the rain. So that means we were simply not-damp and miserable, at least as far as I was concerned…. Rion continues to be the MVP here. quote:“That’s Alsin just ahead,” Vallant said suddenly as the coach abruptly began to slow. “He’s wavin’, so he probably wants to talk to us.” The fact that Vallant felt the need to interpret this super obvious action from Alsin is kinda hilarious. I recently reread some of the Narnia books with my daughter and C.S. Lewis really likes doing most of his description through dialogue and through that, building characterization. Green, though, is doing a piss poor job of using the same technique. quote:The prospect of finally getting down to it made my heart pound a bit faster, but with anticipation rather than fear. If I’d had to sit there thinking for much longer, I probably would have ended up screaming in frustrated insanity. As it was the coach slowed to a stop, and Alsin rode up on Rion and Vallant’s side of the coach. Be prepared for the world's worst response to this intel. quote:“Yes there is,” I said at once, before any of the others could comment. “If we go up against them now, we’ll win the way we’re supposed to. If we don’t even try, I’ll probably be dead of old age before we do get around to it.” Tamrissa, you're an idiot. Also you sound EXACTLY like one of those nobles that you hate so much. quote:“In other words, we’re goin’ ahead with it,” Vallant said as Rion’s expression told us he agreed with me. “We can’t afford to wait for a time when they’ll be less alert, because they may get to their destination before that happens. You do remember our discussin’ the matter last night?” You guys too. quote:“Yes, I remember,” Alsin conceded with a sigh. “I’m sure you’re right, but I’d be happier if we at least waited until tonight. Will waiting another half day make that much of a difference?” OMFG. Why are you guys NOT SENDING OUT ADDITIONAL SCOUTS AND APPROACHING WITH CAUTION? Also, why didn't you tell Alsin about the crappy plan that you came up with on the way? And honestly, I can't tell the difference between your backup plan for the contingency of "oh no, the guards are unusually alert" and your original plan. They seem like one and the same to me. quote:He turned his horse around and moved toward the front of the coach, and we could hear him saying something to our driver. After that we began to move again, and the four of us inside the coach exchanged glances. We really were about to do it, and once started there would be no turning back. Bit late to try and build suspense now. The pattern has been well established over the previous books: the more worried a protagonist is about the upcoming confrontation, the more of a letdown said confrontation is going to be. Yawn. Please just get this over with. quote:Alsin tied his horse to the coach, then he led off into the woods. Just a short distance up the road it was possible to see the disturbance of the mud where a large number of wagons had turned off, so we followed silently into the trees. Letting them know we were there would have been stupid—assuming they didn’t already know. If I’d put people out on guard, they would have been people with the ability to know what the approach of other human beings felt or looked like. That sounds like something competent people would do! Too bad none of the antagonists (or their minions) qualify. quote:Naran had made no effort to go along with us, not when we might be needing to defend ourselves in just a few short minutes. Having someone else to protect in addition to ourselves could mean the difference between victory and defeat. Not-spoilers: the margin of victory is so large that it really wouldn't have. quote:It had been raining too long for it to be any drier under the trees. The grass under my feet kept trying to sink my shoes into the mud beneath, the bushes showered my clothes with water as I passed, and the leaves overhead dripped, dripped, dripped. It was the most exciting and enlivening time I’d ever had, which means I really had to work hard to control my excitement. I needed to be calm and in possession of myself…. I kind of like this belated attempt at giving Tamrissa some characterization, but the prose is just so flat here that I feel nothing. quote:And then it came to me that I might be able to help us get closer without the sentries noticing us. In this weather the best sentries would have Fire magic as well as Earth magic, but there was nothing I could do about those with Earth magic. Fire magic, though, was another story…. "And then it came to me/him/her/them/it..." Every. Single. loving. Time. quote:“Hold up a minute,” I whispered to Alsin, causing him to pause in the cautious way he’d been advancing. We’d just passed Grath’s horse, tied to a tree, so the convoy couldn’t be all that far ahead. “Just how close are we now?” There was plenty of time before when you guys were sitting there, twiddling your thumbs, in the carriage doing NOTHING USEFUL. quote:My searching fingers of talent had found something, and it took no more than a moment to understand what. There were a large number of sources of heat, the stronger sources undoubtedly horses. The lesser ones had to be the guardsmen and drivers, and the least were surely the captives. There was also a pattern of sorts to their placement, especially the one lesser source of heat closest to us. That must be Grath, watching them while Alsin brought us back. It would have literally taken Tamrissa the same or less amount of time to say, "Hey, I'm going to heat up some random patches of air to make the sentries think we're approaching from a different direction to where we actually are." quote:He turned and hurried on then, and in another moment we reached Grath where he stood and watched the camp. The scout turned to look at us, his expression almost a match to the one Alsin had worn. Their earlier actions actually had logical consequences! I'm shocked. SHOCKED. quote:“Then we’d better get to it,” Rion said, straightening where he stood. “Tamrissa, can you direct me to the wagons which have other than captives in them?” That's it. That's all it took. quote:“All right, it’s done,” Rion said once the bodies had been down for an additional minute. “Please keep a watch on them if you can, Tamrissa, to see if they come awake again too quickly. If they do and we haven’t won yet, I’ll have to put them down a second time. What do we do next?” He went from "put liquid in a box" to "put liquid in blood vessels" with zero practice. quote:But not all of them. When I found myself moving toward the line of wagons Rion and Vallant were right with me, and Vallant still wore that look of concentration. Probably because some of the men were still fighting to stay on their feet, struggling to keep awake despite the sedative being put into them. They were the only ones still between us and our Blendingmates so we didn’t let their stubbornness keep us away, but we did watch them. I swear Green put this in just to give Tamrissa a hero moment, even though it makes no sense. If the guardsmen were that vulnerable to being magically injected with the sedative and there's tons of it, all Vallant needed to do was massively up the dosage for anyone who resisted. quote:If you’ve ever been attacked by screaming, wild-looking men coming toward you at a shambling run, you may be able to understand how I felt. That sort of thing has to be terrifying even if you’re used to it, although I can’t imagine how anyone might get used to it. The part of me not touching the power wanted to scream and run in the other direction, away from the madmen who were clearly ready to end my life. This is now the new norm for what happens every time somebody pulls a knife on the protagonists. Which is a lot, actually, so I guess I'll start a counter for it. quote:As soon as the three stopped moving, Rion, Vallant, and I continued toward the wagons with Alsin and Grath trailing along behind. I’d expected to have to look through all of them, but now that Rion and Vallant stood so close to me, something about the sixth and ninth wagons seemed to draw me. And I wasn’t the only one who felt that, as Vallant gestured toward the ninth wagon. This ability to sense when their Blendingmates are close will never, ever be referred to or used again. quote:“Wait just a minute,” Alsin called from behind us as we began to move again. “What about the rest of the guardsmen and drivers? I don’t see more than half of them scattered around on the ground here.” You guys are assholes. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR ALLIES, DAMNIT. quote:“Only just barely,” he said after a second’s worth of hesitation, his brow wrinkled with effort. “And yes, you’re right, they are all out of it. If you three are starting with the ninth wagon, Grath and I will start with the tenth.” This has been both the most anticlimatic action sequence and ending to a chapter, ever. Summary: Day 29 Oh noes, the convoy is on high alert! But it's totes fine, because Our Heroes are just the bestest, strongest talents ever, so they subdue the convoy's guards without a hitch in all of five minutes flat. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 55 (24 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer, Oshin, Arnot, Morin, Rilin, Kinge, Lomad, Worlen, Lidim, Arkow, Odrin Book 3: Damilla Sytoss, Edril Lanton, Carmad Lestrin (minor spoiler - sorry, you're not going to see him again), Relana, Lord Anglard, Lord Fortner Oplis, Glindil Book 4: Fasher, Wirn, Bowes, Ditras, Rovelon, Lord Advisor Velim Shoons, Lord Advisor Ephaim Noll, Jomsin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 38 (9 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee Book 2: Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee, dining parlor near Tamrissa's house, shop near dining parlor, Naran's "house", noble antagonists' residence, the Seated Five's palace, the ballroom inside the palace Book 3: a courtroom, an ampitheatre, Relana's house, Ollon Kapmar's house, Eltrina's house, a random noble's house, High Lord Embisson Ruhl's house, a random park, the amphitheatre Book 4: Bedroom in Lord Lanir's house, Mardimil house in Gan Garee, Eltrina's disappointing sex MEALS ON-SCREEN: 38 (15 in Book 1; 9 in Book 2; 7 in Book 3) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) Book 2: Day 6 (dinner), Day 7 (post-mastery snack, dinner), Day 8 (breakfast, post-competition snack, dinner), Day 9 (breakfast, lunch, canapés at the masked reception at the palace) Book 3: Day 10 (breakfast, dinner), Day 11 (lunch, dinner), Day 12 (breakfast x2), Day 22 (breakfast) Book 4: Day 23 (lunch, a late afternoon bite, dinner), Day 25: (breakfast x2, dinner), Day 28: (dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS/SEX ACTS: 28 (9 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 9 in Book 3; 1 in Book 4) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x3), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1), dignity (x1), conflagration raging inside (1x), his privates (x1), him (x2) Female: womanhood (x2), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1), womanflesh (x1), body (x1) Sex acts: merged/merged our essences (x4), shared themselves/sharing (x2), exercise (x1), entering/entered (x3), fuse their flesh (x1), physical love (x1) Orgasm: (ultimate) ecstasy (x2) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 19 (3 in Book 1; 13 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) Male: love (x4), my fleeting love (x1), my lord (x5), my beloved lord (x3), my love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1), my love (x2), sweet lady (x1), precious lady (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 36 (11 introduced in Book 1; 20 introduced in Book 2; 3 introduced in Book 3) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord, group wearing gold and blue costumes at the ball (Adriari's Blending), Simin Dolf, Embisson Ruhl, Zolind Maylock, Ephaim Noll Lorand: Eskin Drowd, Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar, Genovir, Algus Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd, Padril, Arnot Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen, Gerdol, Lanir (who is the Seated High in Fire magic and he's just made it personal) Vallant: Mirra Agran and her parents, Wimand, Rilir, Alsin Meerk PLOTHOLES: 135 (39 in Book 1; 23 in Book 2; 56 in Book 3) COACH RIDES: 69 (21 in Book 1; 25 in Book 2; 10 in Book 3) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 21 (4 in Book 1; 10 in Book 2; 4 in Book 3) OTHER MEETINGS: 41 (3 in Book 1; 12 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 144 (31 in Book 1; 31 in Book 2; 34 in Book 3) "CLIFFHANGERS": 75 (18 in Book 1; 16 in Book 2; 30 in Book 3) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 14 (11 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) TEA DRINKING: 89 (22 in Book 1; 26 in Book 2; 19 in Book 3) BLATANT MORALIZING: 42 (19 in Book 1; 5 in Book 2; 11 in Book 3) BATH SCENES: 15 (9 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 3 in Book 3) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 12 (6 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 2 in Book 3) MIND CONTROL: 26 (5 in Book 1; 1 in Book 2; 15 in Book 3) BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 14, including 4 rape scenes (2 in Book 1; 4 in Book 2, including 1 rape scene; 6 in Book 3, including 1 rape scene; 2 in Book 4, 2 of which are rape scenes) DON'T EAT THAT: 1 (1 in Book 3) SPIRIT MAGIC/PUREDAN RETCONS: 1 (1 in Book 3) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: As is always the case, the concept/idea of attacking the convoy is great and the execution is flat and terrible. Exactly one thing goes wrong and it doesn't matter. It's even more boring than the Vallant/Alsin sabotage sequence. There's no quick way of fixing this, because the way Green's done her world building, Highs are just so freaking powerful relative to everybody else and Our Heroes basically already start much stronger than everybody and the mechanism for getting stronger is just "open wider to the power", unless you happen to have been unlucky enough with the biological lottery to be born a Middle or a Low. Also there's no meaningful opposition on the other side. Some ways to fix this:
UGHHHHHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGH.
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Jan 1, 2024 02:45
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