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I don't know who snuck into my sanctum and rearranged my arcane runes to spell out "your beard stinks", but I'll have you know it won 2nd place last year at the annual dark wizard meetup.
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Jul 11, 2023 07:16
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My phylactery is a Funko pop
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Jul 11, 2023 07:17
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Grey Cat posted:I don't know who snuck into my sanctum and rearranged my arcane runes to spell out "your beard stinks", but I'll have you know it won 2nd place last year at the annual dark wizard meetup.
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Jul 11, 2023 11:39
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Stop holding on to these anthropocentric standards of beards, the cannibal ogres loved it
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Jul 11, 2023 13:01
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wheatpuppy posted:Ok so, this is a little embarrassing but I could use some advice. Awhile back, when I was young and horny, I did this infernal deal to make me attractive to a particular (dumb, but hot) person. It worked real well, so I did it a few more times whenever I got tired of the old model. But somehow the overlapping incantations kinda took on a life of their own and started spreading so now every dumb person who sees me starts to worship me, even the ones who are not hot. that could get really complicated if your follower’s faith leads them to become Paladins, esp if youre an evil wizard. like how does that work?? they might vanquish you and then, their powers fade? you die and are reborn as a diety for real? actually wait churches are tax exempt this could work out ok
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Jul 11, 2023 14:54
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naem posted:that could get really complicated if your follower’s faith leads them to become Paladins, esp if you’re an evil wizard.
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Jul 11, 2023 14:55
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evil quote does not = evil edit
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Jul 11, 2023 14:56
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naem posted:that could get really complicated if your follower’s faith leads them to become Paladins, esp if youre an evil wizard. This is actually a great scheme to have an endless supply of paladins to corrupt for various high level spells and needs.
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Jul 11, 2023 19:49
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Y'all Dark Wizards got a Union? Sign me up if so.
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Jul 11, 2023 19:58
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EmbryoSteve posted:This is actually a great scheme to have an endless supply of paladins to corrupt for various high level spells and needs. too dangerous imo, imagine the redemption arc a paladin gets to have if they faithfully follow what turns out to be a false diety who they then overthrow in a blast wave of pure goodness no way they could resist that’s like paladin crack
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Jul 11, 2023 20:15
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redshirt posted:Y'all Dark Wizards got a Union? Sign me up if so. We are evil wizards. So we are pro Right To Work
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Jul 11, 2023 20:29
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redshirt posted:Y'all Dark Wizards got a Union? Sign me up if so. I've got lots of unions of things. Chimeras, skeleton abominations, the Fleshbeast. Never had a volunteer before, but I guess I can incorporate another body into one.
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Jul 11, 2023 20:32
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Unions aren't really a problem for me as I've had to do away with the practice of minion-keeping entirely. It was useful back in the good old days when the collective consciousness of humanity still perceived a "minion" as some sort of necromancer's pet imp or gremlin, but these days it's become impossible to incarnate any new help that isn't one of those irritating mascot creatures from a movie that shall remain unnamed for reasons of licensing fees. When I accidentally manifested a batch a few years ago, I disposed of them with Flesh To Polymer (Plastics) and sold them disguised as Limited Edition Nendroids to Americans on the ebay. But woe betide them all when the enchantment wanes!!
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Jul 11, 2023 20:42
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EmbryoSteve posted:We are evil wizards. So we are pro Right To Work The only right I'm interested in is the right to bear spellcasting implements.
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Jul 11, 2023 20:43
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Who the gently caress is Harry Potter?
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Jul 11, 2023 21:03
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I'm in an unholy union with my job (dark wizarding)
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Jul 11, 2023 23:41
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Deki posted:I've got lots of unions of things. Chimeras, skeleton abominations, the Fleshbeast. *quietly rubs hands together evilly as you accomplish my plans....
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Jul 12, 2023 00:13
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https://youtu.be/KdD7aLrDtBo
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Jul 15, 2023 23:21
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I heard my minions were unionized so i cast chain lightning and ionized 'em
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Jul 15, 2023 23:55
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Who the gently caress made these chocolate and newt eye cookies? You know I'm allergic to newt retina!
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Jul 16, 2023 00:03
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*Puts on my floppy wizard hat....
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Jul 16, 2023 00:10
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redshirt posted:Y'all Dark Wizards got a Union? Sign me up if so. EmbryoSteve posted:We are evil wizards. So we are pro Right To Work It's not a "union", it's a Guild. Union has an employee/underling connotation. Guilds are a band of highly specialized entrepreneurs. To be fair, no one reads the newsletters or bothers to vote in the board elections.
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Jul 16, 2023 00:19
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redshirt posted:*Puts on my floppy wizard hat.... The elf Sildenafil could help you with that...
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Jul 16, 2023 10:19
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:Who the gently caress is Harry Potter? Some kid who got assigned credit for taking out some lovely British wizard back in the 90s. In reality, Phantimolo set the whole thing up because Voldemort was self-promoting really hard and tainting the dark wizard brand, and he thought it'd be hilarious to make Voldemort think he got killed by a literal baby. He was right. The scrying party where we all watched it kick off was great. Idiot Brits thought "a mother's love" reflected the killing spell. loving hilarious.
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Jul 18, 2023 20:26
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the funniest part about harry potter is that when he grew up, he had a short stint as a stage actor, where he performed equus. and that awakened something terrible within him. later in life, he moved to the state of washington, where he died. you may know him better by his online handle, mr. hands
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Jul 18, 2023 20:43
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HelleSpud posted:The elf Sildenafil could help you with that... I would trust no Wizard with an erect Wizard Hat.
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Jul 18, 2023 21:02
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Fur20 posted:the funniest part about harry potter is that when he grew up, he had a short stint as a stage actor, where he performed equus. and that awakened something terrible within him. later in life, he moved to the state of washington, where he died. you may know him better by his online handle, mr. hands I heard he had become a cop, so I guess it's a blessing that he got a less horrific ending.
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Jul 18, 2023 21:06
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A cop? Too dark for the dark wizard thread. We have standards, for gently caress's sake
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Jul 18, 2023 21:33
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FilthyImp posted:A cop? Too dark for the dark wizard thread. We have standards, for gently caress's sake It's not about how evil they are, it's about aesthetics. We don't want to put up with any wizards wearing white robes.
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Jul 18, 2023 23:56
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Fur20 posted:the funniest part about harry potter is that when he grew up, he had a short stint as a stage actor, where he performed equus. and that awakened something terrible within him. later in life, he moved to the state of washington, where he died. you may know him better by his online handle, mr. hands Unshittius Pantiosa
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Jul 19, 2023 03:20
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Tunicate posted:It's not about how evil they are, it's about aesthetics. We don't want to put up with any wizards wearing white robes. I''ll support an evil wizard. I won't support some racist POS wizard.
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Jul 19, 2023 03:24
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redshirt posted:I would trust no Wizard with an erect Wizard Hat. Right, forgot. I've been Bog Hag-ing it and since everyone goes "soooo, a Witch, but crust punk?" I got myself a witch hat. It's got one of those beer can hats inside, and the point screws off as a flask! (but that's harder to be surreptitious about at the rite/coven/HOA meeting)
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Jul 19, 2023 03:40
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HelleSpud posted:Right, forgot. This Witch gets it.
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Jul 19, 2023 04:07
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Got my wide hat, for the wide wizard on the go
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Jul 19, 2023 06:47
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Nope. Cloaks are the way to go.
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Jul 19, 2023 08:19
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During the last raging pestilence that swept through the region* I found that I really dig the Plague Doctor vibe. It has all the benefits of your usual wizard robe (e.g., toss it on over whatever 'fit, and nobody knows if you're going commando that day) plus with the mask, I don't have to worry about pesky things like oral hygiene or the fact that I can't grow a proper Evil Beard to save my life. Bonus points that nobody can see me rolling my eyes at the Spellcasters Local 360 meetings when the Paladins take the floor to whinge about who keeps contaminating the groundwater. *Look I am just saying, if it's *that* important to properly dispose of used spell ingredients, then maybe the packet of pox-ridden graveyard bone dust TM should have a warning label about why it shouldn't get dumped into the nearest reservoir.
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Jul 19, 2023 10:19
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wheatpuppy posted:During the last raging pestilence that swept through the region* I found that I really dig the Plague Doctor vibe. It has all the benefits of your usual wizard robe (e.g., toss it on over whatever 'fit, and nobody knows if you're going commando that day) plus with the mask, I don't have to worry about pesky things like oral hygiene or the fact that I can't grow a proper Evil Beard to save my life. Bonus points that nobody can see me rolling my eyes at the Spellcasters Local 360 meetings when the Paladins take the floor to whinge about who keeps contaminating the groundwater. The best thing about plague doctor masks is that you can stuff psychedelic herbs down the beak and trip balls during those meetings.
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Jul 19, 2023 11:33
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Automatic Slim posted:The best thing about plague doctor masks is that you can stuff psychedelic herbs down the beak and trip balls during those meetings. LOL I turned mine into a bong and convinced everyone I am 1/8th Fire Demon and that's why I sometimes blow smoke. The only ones who actually recognize the smell are the druids but I am half Druish on my mom's side so they won't dime me out. Sometimes I set up a containment globe over our corner of the room so we can hotbox.
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Jul 19, 2023 12:07
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wheatpuppy posted:During the last raging pestilence that swept through the region* I found that I really dig the Plague Doctor vibe. It has all the benefits of your usual wizard robe (e.g., toss it on over whatever 'fit, and nobody knows if you're going commando that day) plus with the mask, I don't have to worry about pesky things like oral hygiene or the fact that I can't grow a proper Evil Beard to save my life. Bonus points that nobody can see me rolling my eyes at the Spellcasters Local 360 meetings when the Paladins take the floor to whinge about who keeps contaminating the groundwater. The next time this happens you should ask the paladins why they're so busy complaining about it and not actually going out and stopping whatever fiendish blackguard is doing this. If you do it right you could probably sow a lot of chaos and division among them, or possibly turn other 'good' people against them. Suggesting that the paladins have become lazy and corrupt could go a long way. A few identities ago I spent a while as the secretary of the local Tower Owner's Association and it's honestly shocking how much evil you can get up to in that kind of organization. A few well-timed charm spells to get some patsies to say the right thing at the right time, some selective editing of the meeting minutes, and you wouldn't believe how much misery and unhappiness you can create. Just make sure you're never the chair of the TOA, you get a bit too much of the spotlight and let's be real it's way more fun to be the guy who sits beside the high chair and whispers subtly evil advice into the occupant's ear.
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Jul 19, 2023 12:52
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Got a new skull today 
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Jul 26, 2023 23:58
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