|
Colonel Cancer posted:Not true. Even a basic Lich like some of you assembled in this thread would easily disprove this statement. Lol these liches really think nobody will ever find their phylactery? C'mon son
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 04:24
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 15:39 |
|
|
Jon Joe posted:don't scry me It’s spelled skryye grampa.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 04:29
|
|
|
Hey guys, it's the rear end in a top hat thaumaturgist. Recently on a supply run, a peddler sold me an enchanted tome that apparently tutors its owner in the arcane art of Truespeaking. Since I already make a living manipulating reality through altering a lesser portion of it, being able to speak the Language of Creation to reshape my surroundings seems appealing, but I feel like there has to be some sort of catch. Any of you have experience with this? It's apparently a useful part of fiend binding via their True Names, so I figured I'd consult my more evil compatriots.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 04:49
|
|
|
Truespeaking is for paladins and other chumps, now Falsespeaking is a true power trove.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 05:17
|
|
|
Archenteron posted:Hey guys, it's the rear end in a top hat thaumaturgist. Recently on a supply run, a peddler sold me an enchanted tome that apparently tutors its owner in the arcane art of Truespeaking. Since I already make a living manipulating reality through altering a lesser portion of it, being able to speak the Language of Creation to reshape my surroundings seems appealing, but I feel like there has to be some sort of catch. Any of you have experience with this? It's apparently a useful part of fiend binding via their True Names, so I figured I'd consult my more evil compatriots. Truespeaking does have binding effects on lesser demons however it has no effect on the undead afaik.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 05:34
|
|
|
Who What Now posted:The trick is to inscribe the Curse of D'Har (or your curse of choice of equal or greater power, I just find that the CoD'H is the most convenient) on a regenerating creature like a lesser troll. The curse will infuse the creature down to its soul, including it's bones which will be especially infused with dark energies. You merely need to remove the limbs and strip them of flesh to have enchanted bones. This does, or course, mean a lot of upfront costs, but you can sell excess bones to other sorcerer's. oh man, this reminds me, one time early in my necromancy career I defeated a troll, and raised his skeleton as a minion. anyways it started gradually regenerating it’s flesh around the bones but the skeleton remained loyal- so I had this healthy alive conscious troll wrapped around my skeleton minion, like a puppet. trolls are evil giant monsters and stuff but I felt like, super bad- plus with low INT he just couldn’t figure out what was going on as he got marched around by his own skeleton, it was obviously a pretty emotional experience for the guy the only thing the troll and his own skeleton could agree on was MEAT which they were both pretty excited about. eventually he grew a whole new skeleton and the old one popped out, I let em both go (mostly because of how much MEAT they ate, that got expensive fast) I like to think they went off to have wacky buddy cop adventures, eating people and smashing stuff
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 05:39
|
|
|
Archenteron posted:Hey guys, it's the rear end in a top hat thaumaturgist. Recently on a supply run, a peddler sold me an enchanted tome that apparently tutors its owner in the arcane art of Truespeaking. Since I already make a living manipulating reality through altering a lesser portion of it, being able to speak the Language of Creation to reshape my surroundings seems appealing, but I feel like there has to be some sort of catch. Any of you have experience with this? It's apparently a useful part of fiend binding via their True Names, so I figured I'd consult my more evil compatriots. You're going to turn into a Power That Be, buddy. I don't mean that as a good thing. Do that too often, and you can't turn it off. You won't be able to tell a falsehood, you'll always have to keep to the letter of anything you say, and you'll have to talk like a drat Fae (all vague and non-committal) just to have a casual conversation. Then you'll be the one getting Bound by your name and your words instead of doing the binding.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 05:54
|
|
|
naem posted:oh man, this reminds me, one time early in my necromancy career I defeated a troll, and raised his skeleton as a minion. One of my acolytes did something similar... She needed a big big undead hand to make a special trap work, something with a good handspan yaknow? Everyone said 'Use an ogre' so she and the cult go and hunt down an ogre... But it was a troll So she binds this hand into a crawling claw, works good... BUT THAN the whole rear end troll regenerates, smashes her into little bits and eats her and totally wrecks up the entire cult lair. Fuckin' hillarious! So the cult does the whole kill it with fire bit, but than, the hand right? Tears itself off and crawls off! Climbs a wall and scuttled off to god knows where, since its unbound undead right? Dosn't give a poo poo that its a little burned... But than, later on we find the WHOLE rear end TROLL AGAIN in the goddamn ritual room chowing down on the sacrifices. So anyway later on when I stole that idea we gave the guard trolls special medallions that suck up their souls and bite a chunk outta their flesh and fly off like bats. Works crazy good.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 06:05
|
|
|
Success Found a potion that lets me grow tits and not wanna die. This is evil for some reason. Anyway i did it.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 07:15
|
|
|
Motherfucker posted:One of my acolytes did something similar... She needed a big big undead hand to make a special trap work, something with a good handspan yaknow? Everyone said 'Use an ogre' so she and the cult go and hunt down an ogre... trolls are classic dungeon monsters, orks and goblins are classic minions but personally I’ve learned to avoid them, a little too much chaos for me. trolls eat WAY too much to be profitable and orks have crazy good labor unions. crazy good. “Minions assault the castle!” “Mug-Lugck think we discuss terms of 403B retirement plan first.” Uugh goblins reproduce so fast you can’t project labor costs more than a fiscal quarter at a time, makes taxes a nightmare
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 07:26
|
|
|
Archenteron posted:Hey guys, it's the rear end in a top hat thaumaturgist. Recently on a supply run, a peddler sold me an enchanted tome that apparently tutors its owner in the arcane art of Truespeaking. Barring that, there's an old story about books like that taking your True name and subverting it so that you lose all will and eventually get absorbed by the book, adding to its pages of knowledge. I guess there are worse ways to go, is what I'm sayin. Prof. Crocodile posted:so i hate to be this guy, but i want to revisit the whole 'cloak' thing. Track suits are fine if you want to look like some chav-russian alchemist meeting up with the Aermenian Spellsmithys to smoke in the parking lot of a Starbucks. Athleisure wear has made a lot of strides in being able to incorporate durable, comfortable materials in addition to sigils and wards so I'd start there. Or, you know, the 1990s classic Windbreaker and SpellPoucche look is good too. Badactura posted:vleh, it is I, a vampire! I learned necromancy as an elective back in vampire college, are screaming skulls still the hot new thing to summon? I don't want to embarrass myself summoning unfashionable undead. I think the new thing is Unfathomable Knowledge instead of screaming -- like a skull that speaks in the voice of a beloved and only repeats their failures, or a skull that psyonically reveals the innermost fears of the target. But poo poo, with everything going on lately it's easier just to conjure a newsfeed auditory curse. FilthyImp fucked around with this message at 07:49 on Aug 31, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 07:38
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 07:47
|
|
|
Prof. Crocodile posted:so i hate to be this guy, but i want to revisit the whole 'cloak' thing. You're gonna get flak from traditionalists and I want you to know there's really no wrong answer. Me personally, I think a nice cloak gives me the freedom I need with a nice little boost to the "dark lord of the forbidden arts" aesthetic I try to convey. If you're struggling to find a good cloak that fits your needs, however, I don't think it's bad to look outside the box. Maybe a track suit won't strike fear into the hearts of those who intrude on your abyssal lair. On the other hand, maybe sometimes it's better for people to find out the hard way that a dark wizard is more than just a spooky cloak. Just have fun with it!
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 08:18
|
|
|
Vleh! Thanks for the tips, my boney companions. I vould invite you to my vampire party in thanks, but the vampires think you are all very disgusting and poorly dressed.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 16:39
|
|
|
My neighbor recently planted a Hangman's Tree on our property line. She's been watering it with quite a bit of innocent blood so, as you could imagine, it's grown to the point that it now crosses in to my property. My bigger concern is some of the branches, right now they're hanging directly over my garden. I am worried that a bad storm will drop some of these branches on my garden. I need to know what my legal rights are here under the Mage's Act of 1431. In addition, the property line was drawn BEFORE the Realignment Provision of 1880, so you can understand some of the headaches I've dealt with over the centuries. My buddy said I should just chop down the tree myself, but I don't want to risk it falling on my property. I thought about killing it by spreading some powdered vulture bones on it, but I'm worried she'd know I did it. At this point I am so deep into archaic tomes trying to figure out Hangman's Tree Law, does anyone have a good lawyer that specializes in this poo poo?
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 16:55
|
|
|
Just find yourself a nice decay druid to have a chat with the tree. A few words and it will never bother you again.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 17:22
|
|
|
Uh, hi guys! Newish necromancer here. I've been practicing with stuff like disrupt undead when I'm out with my friends "adventuring" (more like hanging out in creepy places, ya know?) But I thought I'd try something more interesting since I'm getting experience... well, let me explain. I went to the graveyard yesterday night (I know, so amateur) and found an old grave that I figured no one cared about and raised a skeleton (first time, I did it!). Problem is, I don't think I know how to control the drat thing. It just sort of putters around and follows me. Even into the privy! When I tell it to do something it kind of stares at me but doesn't move. I feel like there's a trick to this that I'm not getting. I like my skeleton (I named him McCoy) but I need advice on how to control (train?) him. Any and all advice welcome, we're supposed to go to the crossroads in 3 days to fight gnolls or something so speedy replies appreciated!
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 17:42
|
|
|
KillerJunglist posted:Uh, hi guys! Newish necromancer here. Congratulations on raising your first skeleton! So some points. First, what you have done there is a simple corpse animation. You have to weave the methods of control into your animation spell, otherwise it will just follow you around like that. The reason this is, is because if you get too far from the skeleton, it will just collapse, as your magic is powering this thing. It isn't draining you or anything, you are just the focus. How do you deal with this? First, learn a version of the spell that actually has a control element. Essentially this is an undead version of word of command, melded onto an animate spell. There is a reason that all useful Animate Dead spells are third level or higher. Second you need to get a self sustaining power source for undead. I suggest souls. Corrupted souls are fine for a simple skeleton, impure souls are better but harder to find. Do not waste a pure soul raising a skeleton. You should only use pure souls on summoning undead like vampires or higher. Death Knights require them, as do Greater Wraiths. In fact, you should not use pure souls at all until you are fairly powerful, because using pure souls to power any type of magic will bring paladins down on you. That being said, if you do piss off a paladin, let me know. I'm, uh, a bit of a collector of paladin souls. I'd be glad to kill them for you.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 17:55
|
|
|
KillerJunglist posted:Uh, hi guys! Newish necromancer here. ok well first off, friends? adventuring?? I’ll assume you are low level and this is a scheme to gain exp, then betray your fellows (and make them into skeletons) as for skeleton control, they obey direct orders and are completely literal so tell them “dig a hole” and they will dig FOREVER until you stop them. that’s actually how my dungeon got started, I forgot some guys in the basement and they just went nuts down there. they hit a natural cave system and defeated the creatures they found, and skeletonized them, suddenly I’ve got a small army on my hands. I can’t tell which are the original dudes so they’re miles underground at this point digging’ away expanding my empire (originally I just wanted a latrine pit!)
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 17:58
|
|
|
Necromancy is inherently comedic.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 17:59
|
|
|
Ignatius M. Meen posted:i never thought i'd see the day Again, your evilness isn't in question, it's whether you can understand our experiences as arcane magic-users. You commune with the twisted forces of the dark side of nature. You channel their hatred against the encroaching blight of man, that takes and takes and never returns. And I get that! The forces of order are constantly whittling away at all of our foundations, whether they be ancient ruined temples or cursed forests. But can you really understand the theorems of Asxhkul the Bringer of Madness, who paradoxically twisted raw Chaos magicka into Lawful Evil abjurations? Of course not. No more than I can comprehend the twisted whispers of Taznaal the Twisted Sayter, Lord of the Infinite Dark Woods. Our goals are the same, but our methods are different.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 17:59
|
|
|
KillerJunglist posted:Uh, hi guys! Newish necromancer here. I'm not sure if it works for non-vampires but I stare them in the eye sockets and say "By the vill of the great Badactura, obey!" And they follow my orders then. So maybe try that? vleh!
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 17:59
|
|
|
Also, to any new necromancers, don't think you have to supplement your Evil magics with the powers of Chaos. Anyone who tells you you have to is lying. Lawful Evil magic is equally as strong, and Neutral Evil is as pure as you can get. Don't be peer-pressured into channeling an alignment you aren't comfortable with. We're not all Abyss Knights, we accept magicians of all alignments!
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 18:08
|
|
|
sweet geek swag posted:Congratulations on raising your first skeleton! So some points. First, what you have done there is a simple corpse animation. You have to weave the methods of control into your animation spell, otherwise it will just follow you around like that. The reason this is, is because if you get too far from the skeleton, it will just collapse, as your magic is powering this thing. It isn't draining you or anything, you are just the focus. huh you know, when I first founded my wizard tower I found the Tomb of Raise Skeleton and also this glowing purple gem that I wear on my neck. When I put it in my inventory it said “The Soul Gem.” I think that’s what’s powering my skeletons? I got bored casting “raise skeleton” so I set it to go off automatically every couple hours to capture and new dead guys in the dungeon for me. Adventurers keep showing up to fight THE LAIR OF THE SKULL KING and then dying down in what was supposed to be my guest bedroom’s latrine pit, when they die down there it’s like boom, skeletons. Anyways the gem super cool and spooky, and if any adventurers figure out that I am THE SKULL KING (and not just a humble alchemist they bought potions from before the dungeon) they’ll have to smash the gem first. I’ve got a plan though- I’ll walk in predictable patterns and release an area affect spell, crouching, then only expose the gem for a split second. Then if I get damage I’ll start walking even faster (in the same predictable pattern), making sure to still expose the gem at regular intervals. Been practicing my cackles too, should really up the ambiance
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 18:13
|
|
|
Thanks guys! I'm looking into spells with more control and MAN O MAN there's a lot I didn't realize! This is pretty exciting and I think I might try a zombie next. Oh yeah, I tried the eye socket thing and I think it kind of worked? I can go to the loo and it waits outside anyway. Step in the right direction! My friends are cool, they're why I stated necromancy! I've known our barbarian for a long time and he's real fun to tear poo poo up with. We're banned from a few pubs 'cause of that guy! Hey, does anyone think I can lift one of our pub bans if I raise a skeleton of that barkeeep Kronark... uh... liberated of his head? Or is that a bad idea? As you can probably tell I'm totally new to this! Magical edit: Who What Now posted:Also, to any new necromancers, don't think you have to supplement your Evil magics with the powers of Chaos. Anyone who tells you you have to is lying. Lawful Evil magic is equally as strong, and Neutral Evil is as pure as you can get. Don't be peer-pressured into channeling an alignment you aren't comfortable with. We're not all Abyss Knights, we accept magicians of all alignments! Wait, seriously? I wish I knew that sooner! I'm way more neutral evil and pretty bad at chaos. KillerJunglist fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Aug 31, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 18:55
|
|
|
can you bring my dignity back to life
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 20:01
|
|
|
Is this zone safe for sentient skeletons? Asking for a friend.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 20:14
|
|
|
Waterbed Wendy posted:can you bring my dignity back to life
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 20:15
|
|
|
im not an evil wizard, and im not a druid, but i do have a couple druid spells from ranger does that count
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 20:24
|
|
|
as a fighter, i have only one thing to say to you guys
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 22:13
|
|
|
Who What Now posted:Also, to any new necromancers, don't think you have to supplement your Evil magics with the powers of Chaos. Anyone who tells you you have to is lying. Lawful Evil magic is equally as strong, and Neutral Evil is as pure as you can get. Don't be peer-pressured into channeling an alignment you aren't comfortable with. We're not all Abyss Knights, we accept magicians of all alignments! Obviously you should use the powers that you are best at, but Lawful Evil magic has a huge downside. You have to actually justify it when you kill paladins. THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION NEEDED WHEN KILLING PALADINS.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 22:35
|
|
|
Sex Skeleton posted:Is this zone safe for sentient skeletons? Asking for a friend. Kevin! Get back in the dungeon, there are adventurers wrecking the place. Careful, they brought a cleric, he’s got “banish undead” Here take this barrel, and this Rusty Dagger©®™️, you can hide inside and jump out when they smash it looking for loot. (don’t hide next to the flashing red barrels, they explode)
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2020 22:37
|
|
|
naem posted:trolls are classic dungeon monsters, orks and goblins are classic minions but personally I’ve learned to avoid them, a little too much chaos for me. And don't even think about getting gnolls. If they hear a dog barking in the distance, forget being able to sleep or study for the next month while you try to get the drat things to shut up. Kobolds are alright, just keep everything out of their reach and make sure you don't have any stairs or something. Blasted things will climb everywhere if you take your eye off them for a minute. Of course, one could invest in a decent levitation system, but the upkeep on that can be prohibitive.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 02:02
|
|
|
What's wrong with recruiting boring old humans? Make the brave heroes doubt for a moment or two before they massacre all the urchins, vagrants, and the usual types happy to join any cause for a cot and 3 meals a day.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 02:06
|
|
|
Colonel Cancer posted:What's wrong with recruiting boring old humans? Make the brave heroes doubt for a moment or two before they massacre all the urchins, vagrants, and the usual types happy to join any cause for a cot and 3 meals a day. I’ll hire humans for work skeletons can’t do, just make sure there’s no paper trail and feed them to the skeletons before paying. the best part is- more skeletons!
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 02:40
|
|
|
casting chill touch on my youtube music playlists to turn them all into lo-fi hip hop beats to relax/raise the dead to
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 03:22
|
|
|
magic cactus posted:casting chill touch on my youtube music playlists to turn them all into lo-fi hip hop beats to relax/raise the dead to pro necromusician move there
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 03:24
|
|
|
magic cactus posted:casting chill touch on my youtube music playlists to turn them all into lo-fi hip hop beats to relax/raise the dead to I tried that once and it turned all my tracks into chill ambient. I... fell asleep while raising a zombie and when I woke up she was one of those half zombies like you see crawling around. Still useful, I threw it into an open window at the inn. Hi-larious!
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 03:29
|
|
|
Don't chill touch tunes by dead musicians, you'll thank me
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 03:48
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 15:39 |
|
|
Prof. Crocodile posted:so i hate to be this guy, but i want to revisit the whole 'cloak' thing. Do what you want, but honestly I couldn't imagine battling the forces of good in anything other than my evil emperor's regalia. It gives me a more regal and sinister appearance for keeping my minions, apprentices, and the like in line without lifting a finger. But the regalia is invisible to those who are pure of heart, so the last thing adventurers invading my domain see is my wrinkly old wizard balls.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2020 04:57
|
|
