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gently caress druids
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Sep 1, 2020 05:18
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 21:46 |
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Thanks for the welcoming all-comers, guys. I'm a lawful good wizard who plans on using necromancy for my own personal ends. Can skeletons be taught to lockpick? There are some community storehouses I would like to rob.
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Sep 1, 2020 05:37
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regular mike posted:Thanks for the welcoming all-comers, guys. I'm a lawful good wizard who plans on using necromancy for my own personal ends. Can skeletons be taught to lockpick? There are some community storehouses I would like to rob. You have a very permissive Divinity in charge of just what counts as Lawful Good within your sphere. Suspiciously permissive. There's a good chance I'd recognize the name from before their ascension.
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Sep 1, 2020 05:58
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magic cactus posted:casting chill touch on my youtube music playlists to turn them all into lo-fi hip hop beats to relax/raise the dead to you have to be really careful with this, music exorcises the mana out of dead bones so one minute you'll be thumping some sick beats in the benzo with a massive skeleton army disassembled in the back seat ready to rise at a moment's notice but then when you get out to demand the mayor surrender his prefecture to you you realize your bones have all gone disenchanted
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Sep 1, 2020 05:59
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hakimashou posted:gently caress druids Sometimes I randomly cast "defoliate" just to piss 'em off. They can be cool tho. Hippy dippy, but cool.
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Sep 1, 2020 06:10
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Are dark bards ok?
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Sep 1, 2020 06:15
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Colonel Cancer posted:Are dark bards ok? what like edgar allan poe? yeah they're ok i guess. they need to stop dump statting con
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Sep 1, 2020 06:18
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KillerJunglist posted:Sometimes I randomly cast "defoliate" just to piss 'em off. A lot of people forget that druids have been doing dark magic longer than just about everyone else. You go back far enough (no, not so far that everything is darkness and tentacles, a little bit after that), back before people even knew the line between magic and everything else, and do you know what you'll find? You'll find someone wearing a deer skull and a robe, about to spill serious blood so trees will grow, and the crops will ripen, and the seasons will turn. People think that was just "superstition" back then, but no. You really had to do that before wussy, modern, 'good' divinities automated the process. Everything's just free and easy now-a-days.
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Sep 1, 2020 06:38
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darkness and tentacles was the name of my band back in necrollege
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Sep 1, 2020 07:10
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naem posted:darkness and tentacles was the name of my band back in necrollege Oh snap, I think I saw you play the Fat Barrel Tavern. I think Dragon Dem Titties played with you guys.
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Sep 1, 2020 08:26
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gotta say I've had a change of heart on druids recently. as most of you all know, I have been slumbering at the bottom of a cursed bog for the past few years, after tricking a party of adventurers into stealing the petrified ear of the succubus queen for me. at first I was worried about the local druids but they have been lifesavers, warding off meddlers of various alignments with their dire portents, and occasionally freeing the skeletons that get tangled in the undergrowth. they also sell an artisanal beeswax salve that really helps with the bog-chafe. tbqh i'm starting to regret that 'you might be a druid if..." thread i started back in the day.
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Sep 1, 2020 17:29
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I still don't know about druids. But I did see one using malevolent vines to "animate* skeletons and zombies and I appreciated the creativity in that, even if it was a cursed transmutation cast on the plants rather than true necromancy.
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Sep 1, 2020 17:44
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A loose female drow acquaintance of mine contacts me through voidwhispers today and asks me if I could enchant some talisman for her and bring it over in the afternoon. "Hey yeah sure sure, whatever you need I'll help you, I'm all yours," I tell her. She sends me this thing tied to a raven and lo and behold I can't open it. It's some underdark poo poo and I don't speak drow so I begin panicing, trying to find some tome or incantation to let me enchant this thing. Scouring my vast library yields no results and I do my usual pacing in my room. I finally come up with an idea and I tell the girl, if I can proceed with it. The plan was I would carry my phylactery about 2miles to her house, do the enchantment with her help, maybe talk to her a bit while I was there. I was hoping for at least a hug out of this ordeal. By the time I get there, I'm wet all over from sweating in the +90 degree heat outside and carrying a heavy motherfucking lich vessel. The first thing I see upon entering her room (my first time in a girl's bedroom) are some panties on her bed. After the initial shock of seeing such a horrific sight for the first time, I setup the phylactery and get my job done. However, I did consider sniffing the lingere when she left the room once, but with the wuss that I am, I just ended up staring at them the whole while. That was a sarcastic joke for those of you too stupid to realize that To make a long story short, just as I was finishing up with the enchantment (which was hefty), her boyfriend and his gay friend walk in, say hello, and begin hanging out in the room as they waited for the girl to finish this work so they could go terrorize villagers. This effectively ruins my chances of getting a hug and I walk another 2 miles home with the motherfucking phylactery in hand. The only thing that I got out of this were some very painful fingers and a "thanks" as I walked out her bedroom door. So, am I pathetic for doing all these things? It wouldn't be the first time I've pledged my heart and soul to a girl and gotten back almost nothing in return. I would hate turning her or anyone else I knew down or making up some lie.
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Sep 1, 2020 19:11
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I'm okay with druids, but can we all admit that bards are the loving worst? Always popping up in your sacred temple, singing some loving garbage that undoes a bunch of spells or is just plain annoying. When I was like 3 months out of Dark Arts U (GO UNRELENTING SHOGGOTHS!) this loving dickhead Bard kept coming in to my castle, singing a song about grasshoppers or something. I kept shooing him off, turns out the idiot thought I had a princess trapped in there. Anyway, like a month later I realize he's been enfeebling my foundation. Long story short; I had to drop a lot of gold to get my basement redone before the whole thing sunk.
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Sep 1, 2020 19:18
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there's a workaround to this where you tune all your palings to specific songs. there's the caveat that the song has to be something you know by memory, but otoh i have yet to meet the bard with an encyclopedic knowledge of vocaloids
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Sep 1, 2020 19:51
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You just gotta move these dead bones bones bones *Strums lute*
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Sep 1, 2020 20:51
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A Fancy Hat posted:I'm okay with druids, but can we all admit that bards are the loving worst? noot ok with druids but ya bards are scum
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Sep 1, 2020 22:10
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hakimashou posted:gently caress druids Druids suck but if there's one thing they're good for it's to gently caress. Me, I'm a human fighter. Because I fight humans, you see.
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Sep 1, 2020 22:21
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Druids can't even parse the aisle contents in a grocery store, let alone decipher that kinda arcana! poo poo you speakin' of, brothermans? Get you a real like, Seer or even some shitbird Sword Saint Magus to read you your laundry lists, paperbacks make 'em weepy anyhows
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Sep 1, 2020 23:44
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KillerJunglist posted:Uh, hi guys! Newish necromancer here. you should post this on spell overflow. someone there might be able to get you an answer
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Sep 2, 2020 00:21
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One time I cast suggestion on a druid and had him try and teach me that secret druid language they speak. Dude got kicked out of being a druid and he's like an alchemist or something now. I still don't understand that stupid druid speak tho.
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Sep 2, 2020 05:02
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:A lot of people forget that druids have been doing dark magic longer than just about everyone else. You go back far enough (no, not so far that everything is darkness and tentacles, a little bit after that), back before people even knew the line between magic and everything else, and do you know what you'll find? You'll find someone wearing a deer skull and a robe, about to spill serious blood so trees will grow, and the crops will ripen, and the seasons will turn. Couple classmates in my old university were ancient druids. Gotta tell you, those ladies were hardcore. Entrail reading on still-living paladins, human sacrifice, blood curses, the whole 9 yards I'm pretty sure they spend most of their days hunting and killing "new age" druids out of spite
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Sep 2, 2020 13:22
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You fool, the thread for mages is dead
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Sep 2, 2020 13:25
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pop fly to McGillicutty posted:You fool, the thread for mages is dead Tell me what I'm referencing and you'll win a year's supply of disembodied screams!
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Sep 2, 2020 13:26
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pop fly to McGillicutty posted:Tell me what I'm referencing and you'll win a year's supply of disembodied screams! I am guessing this is a reference to “you fool warren is dead” by the darkest of the hillside thickets. I don’t need anymore disembodied screams tho, on account of the aforementioned petrified ear of the succubus queen that I have recently procured. That thing picks up screams from all across the void as well as forbidden secrets. But tbqh it mostly just hears demonic gossip.
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Sep 2, 2020 14:09
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I raised my old college crush from the fathomless plains and she still won't date me? Can a more experienced necro help me out here? What am I doing wrong?
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Sep 2, 2020 14:27
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to break dark wizard kayfabe briefly, if anyone's particularly into rpgs and wizards, this guy's done a system-agnostic module in which you try and deal with a troublesome wizard. it's good. wizardy.
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Sep 2, 2020 14:30
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Awizardspreads.pdf!? What manner of foul sorcery is this 
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Sep 2, 2020 14:46
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Colonel Cancer posted:Awizardspreads.pdf!? What manner of foul sorcery is this 
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Sep 2, 2020 15:02
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KillerJunglist posted:I still don't understand that stupid druid speak tho. It's just pig-latin, dude. I thought everyone knew that.
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Sep 2, 2020 15:29
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Jeza posted:I raised my old college crush from the fathomless plains and she still won't date me? Can a more experienced necro help me out here? What am I doing wrong? She just wasn't that into you man. You have to move on. Raising the dead as a shambling corpse will not make the dead love you. If you wanted her to love you, you should have corrupted her soul in life. Listen, I've been where you are, and it sucks. Girl in wizard college, was really hot. Didn't notice me at all. She accidentally summoned a balrog and welp, that was it for her. But my roommate raised her from the dead as a lark, and she just wanted to bang her old boyfriend. It happens. Raising someone as a corpse will only get their love if they already loved you in life, and they wronged you horribly. For example, when I was a young adventurer, I dated the paladin in our group. She was hot and dedicated, a fantastic combination, or so I thought. And she wasn't from one of those orders that take a vow of chastity, if you get my meaning. Then her order decided that the wizard college I went to meant I was a Dark Wizard. I wasn't at that point, but hey, they turned me into one, so it wasn't all bad. My paladin girlfriend did nothing, I was convicted, and I only escaped because a dragon decided to attack the town right then (the dragon we had been hunting, mind you). Anyway, years later, and I slaughtered that entire order of paladins. Including my ex. I raised her from the dead to torture her a bit, but it turns out she actually felt guilty about what happened to me! She thought (correctly!) that my unfair prosecution was what turned me towards evil. So... I hosed her brains out that night (no not literally, her skull was intact), and used a spell of corruption on her. By morning she was completely willing to forsake her paladin oaths and become a Death Knight. I like to think it was the loving that did it, but who am I kidding? Anyway, now she rules that part of the world for me and leads my cult in the area, and everytime I stop by I get some. How does this help you? Hmmm, well, I guess what you could take from it is that you should always kill paladins.
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Sep 2, 2020 15:37
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FilthyImp posted:What is that man doing to his abyssal portal of torment The abyssal portal is ajar, ia ia ia.
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Sep 2, 2020 16:19
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Prof. Crocodile posted:I am guessing this is a reference to “you fool warren is dead” by the darkest of the hillside thickets. Lol you're now being revoked of all magic. It's an HP Lovecraft quote that the Thickets used, you dead fool.
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Sep 2, 2020 16:24
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Colonel Cancer posted:The abyssal portal is ajar, ia ia ia. What is this, the first circle of Hell? These jokes belong in the endless vortex of bland.
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Sep 2, 2020 16:25
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Can I be a dark wiz or am I too ya know
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Sep 2, 2020 16:38
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Goblin wizard here. If yall need some cheap expendable minions or the alchemical components to create your own goblin spawning pits, pm me.
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Sep 2, 2020 16:39
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Okay okay, apparently this is the dark wizard TALK ABOUT DRUIDS thread. But seriously, any you bad guy magic slingers ever work with an anti-paladin? I worked with one and whoo! Way too intense for me. She used to call me "basic evil". After seeing how much trouble she would go through to be "advanced evil", I'm totally cool with being basic.
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Sep 2, 2020 17:26
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Anti-paladins are okay if you need to like, really quickly kill off some guys attacking your castle of whatever. And they're fine if you just need a dude to come in, kill some beasts, and leave. But holy crap are they try-hards. "Ohhh, the universe is a blank nothing balanced above a sphere of non-existence!" "Yeah I killed everyone you told me not to, I just think death is the only release." Blah blah blah. I went though an anti-paladin phase in high school, but you know what? I grew out of it, just like 99% of magic users. Sorry to rant but those guys give those of us who truly worship evil a bad name.
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Sep 2, 2020 17:38
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Started a fun hobby where I'm trying to teach kobolds necromancy. They don't quite have the patience for advanced stuff, but that's the fun of the challenge. They enjoy esoteric rituals, though, so they can ape the movements well enough to raise small things like spiders and rats. The goal is to get a kobold who can raise other kobolds. I have one student who may be up to the challenge, but I found a little knife under his straw bed and I think he thinks he can take me out lol. His ambition is really cute.
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Sep 2, 2020 17:51
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 21:46 |
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Waterbed Wendy posted:Can I be a dark wiz or am I too ya know Oh, so you think you're a dark wizard? Name every hex used by Aganar the Blighted.
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Sep 2, 2020 17:58
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