Return of the Dark Wizard Thread

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Return of the Dark Wizard Thread

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Jon Joe posted:

(Druids also allowed.)

WTF? Let the divine casters have their own thread. Next thing you know we'll be letting loving psionicists in here!

# ¿ Aug 31, 2020 00:04

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 03:50

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Shinjobi posted:

Yeah, and waste a week getting those curses set properly? Cmon, give me the inside scoop. Where are yall finding yours?

The trick is to inscribe the Curse of D'Har (or your curse of choice of equal or greater power, I just find that the CoD'H is the most convenient) on a regenerating creature like a lesser troll. The curse will infuse the creature down to its soul, including it's bones which will be especially infused with dark energies. You merely need to remove the limbs and strip them of flesh to have enchanted bones. This does, or course, mean a lot of upfront costs, but you can sell excess bones to other sorcerer's.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2020 00:43

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

PsionicAnt posted:

>

Go charge your psi-crytal, brain boy

# ¿ Aug 31, 2020 01:24

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Jon Joe posted:

If you haven't seen a druid perform great feats of evil you haven't been hanging around the right druids.

It's not about evilness, I just think magicians and priests shouldn't mingle. Call me a traditionalist, but if it's good enough Kael'ronth, Master of the Hel-Cabals then it's good enough for me.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2020 01:51

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Ignatius M. Meen posted:

i never thought i'd see the day

okay, here's the scoop: i'm a simple neutral druid. i don't think i'm asking too big a favor but there are way too many of you who just really don't get it and you never seem to loving get the hint collectively. you know those idiots in the castles you hate so much you summoned a whole army to defeat? you know how much smarter than they are you think you are? well, get a load of this

you see, after the fourth or fifth son/nephew/cousin leading a group of poachers found themselves with a nice rack and standing on all fours, those numbskulls actually learned they shouldn't loving go in my forest!! some of them, i didn't even have to touch any of their heirs before they declared my forest off limits (i know this because idiots from those kingdoms decided to try and get in anyway and had incredibly loud, stupid conversations about how peaceful the forest was and how their leaders were full of poo poo, right up until I polymorphed them into foxes and relocated them near the edge of their countries' hunting ground). but for some reason you dark wizards always have your goddamned unnatural summons cutting down my trees, trampling over my plants, and slaughtering my animals. doesn't matter how many of you i deal with, nobody ever gets the clue that hey, maybe going through the mountains or desert will be easier instead!

i know, i know, why the gently caress should you care? what's in it for you? i'm definitely not a challenge, why not just roll me over then? well, aside from the fact i've had this problem for centuries and always come out ahead, i'm willing to share information. that's right, i am offering to be an inside man for most any kingdom you want to conquer nearby. i've made certain deals with direct kings and queens, and as much as it pains me to even get close to a loving city and find most everything in there utterly loathsome, happened to end up with a fair bit of trust and dirt on a lot of people. all i ask is that once you've done that and made your conquest, you pass on the word to other dark wizards that my forest is off limits and anyone who thinks differently will have to take it up with you and your new kingdom's army.

please? i'm tired of having to clean up and regrow every few years only for some other dumb shmuck thinking he's hell's gift to earth tromping through and proving he's even dumber than the loving nobles who say "i can't believe you're so civilized for a druid" and uggghhh just thinking about that makes me want to turn into a tree for a few centuries

Again, your evilness isn't in question, it's whether you can understand our experiences as arcane magic-users. You commune with the twisted forces of the dark side of nature. You channel their hatred against the encroaching blight of man, that takes and takes and never returns. And I get that! The forces of order are constantly whittling away at all of our foundations, whether they be ancient ruined temples or cursed forests.

But can you really understand the theorems of Asxhkul the Bringer of Madness, who paradoxically twisted raw Chaos magicka into Lawful Evil abjurations? Of course not. No more than I can comprehend the twisted whispers of Taznaal the Twisted Sayter, Lord of the Infinite Dark Woods.

Our goals are the same, but our methods are different.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2020 17:59

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Also, to any new necromancers, don't think you have to supplement your Evil magics with the powers of Chaos. Anyone who tells you you have to is lying. Lawful Evil magic is equally as strong, and Neutral Evil is as pure as you can get. Don't be peer-pressured into channeling an alignment you aren't comfortable with. We're not all Abyss Knights, we accept magicians of all alignments!

# ¿ Aug 31, 2020 18:08

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

I still don't know about druids. But I did see one using malevolent vines to "animate* skeletons and zombies and I appreciated the creativity in that, even if it was a cursed transmutation cast on the plants rather than true necromancy.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2020 17:44