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im not an evil wizard, and im not a druid, but i do have a couple druid spells from ranger does that count
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Aug 31, 2020 20:24
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magic cactus posted:casting chill touch on my youtube music playlists to turn them all into lo-fi hip hop beats to relax/raise the dead to you have to be really careful with this, music exorcises the mana out of dead bones so one minute you'll be thumping some sick beats in the benzo with a massive skeleton army disassembled in the back seat ready to rise at a moment's notice but then when you get out to demand the mayor surrender his prefecture to you you realize your bones have all gone disenchanted
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Sep 1, 2020 05:59
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Colonel Cancer posted:Are dark bards ok? what like edgar allan poe? yeah they're ok i guess. they need to stop dump statting con
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Sep 1, 2020 06:18
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there's a workaround to this where you tune all your palings to specific songs. there's the caveat that the song has to be something you know by memory, but otoh i have yet to meet the bard with an encyclopedic knowledge of vocaloids
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Sep 1, 2020 19:51
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Skypie posted:Couple classmates in my old university were ancient druids. Gotta tell you, those ladies were hardcore. Entrail reading on still-living paladins, human sacrifice, blood curses, the whole 9 yards entrail reading was thaumaturgically proven to be woo so gj falling for that bull poo poo, i hope at least you got some strange brah
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Sep 2, 2020 18:45
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do you have any idea how hard it is to maintain your alignment when you're neutral good but your innate element is Dark? after a certain point you either give up and turn Evil, or you dip psionics and buy a microwave
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Sep 2, 2020 19:46
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pellars are ok in my book they're basically self taught/"wild" technomancers but with divination instead of security systems
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Sep 2, 2020 22:33
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im not a dark wizard or anything but like, so i've been a hedonist-school Sorcerer all my life but in the past i dunno five years i've been trying to get buff so i've been gaining levels in Ranger right? well i gained too many and now all these wild animals keep coming up to me trying to be my friend! what the gently caress!! dogs, chickens, deer, goats... i started as an urban ranger subtype so i can't form an animal companion bond, and i never put any points into animal empathy because i figured i don't need it, so now i can't explain this to them or tell them to go away or anything. it's a huge pain in the rear end! dear druids, how do i get the local wildlife to step the gently caress back. i've tried almost everything except having my familiar talk to them, because my familiar type is Crow and there are no crows in this region so i can't bind a familiar here and aaaaaaaugh!!!!
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Aug 5, 2021 20:25
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please don't misunderstand... my situation is more like some disney princess dealio where they just come up to you and expect you to start singing about being yourself or some poo poo so they can prance along to it. my hidden atelier isn't going to stay a hidden atelier if the animal density keeps deforesting the space around my hut. this is an ultra-accelerated tragedy of the commons!!
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Aug 5, 2021 21:10
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dude. turd golems
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Aug 20, 2021 04:23
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Automatic Slim posted:Those things are only good for novelty. To get them sturdy and useful, they have to harden and you might as well just fabricate a clay golem. no no try using them like tarmen. if you get the consistency just right they'll suck up swords, fists, magic rings and capes, it's like a rust ooze but you get to keep the gooides afterwards. not that i know a lot about turd golems. ianad
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Aug 20, 2021 06:59
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Hodgepodge posted:gently caress i barely use any sorcery that hasn't been forbidden and sealed away by idiot sages to prevent other idiots from using it these days forbidden spells are overrated. what possible reason could i ever have to want to open the gate to the ɫ̸̣̅th dimension? do you know how negatively that would impact my lifestyle? you remember that perry bible fellowship comic where the dark priests raise the ancient demon lord but then he spends all his time watching anime and getting fat? that's my kind of sorcery. Lazy Magic. zone of pure air. now THAT is a spell for the 21st century my friend.
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Aug 22, 2021 01:18
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please. everyone knows the truename of any flatulence demon is the sound its fart makes. i don't need magic to beat that just a smartphone
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Aug 22, 2021 01:33
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secular woods sex posted:Sound and smell. that's fine... one problem at a time
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Aug 22, 2021 03:10
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hey man if you need i know a guy who makes the kind of vintage bottle-aged potions you may want to replace. and he knows what he's doing too he's been doing it for way longer than i've been alive at least. the thing is he's kind of paranoid about money. he doesn't like that weird wizard cash, he doesn't trust gold (i get it i've gotten burned on fae and alchemist gold too), hell he doesn't even accept good old american dollars. he only takes two things: copper shorn from the most municipal of sources, and cashed-up suica cards. "because you can't fake the neglect on forgotten copper pipes and gutters; and because even if the money on an ic card is technomanced, 7-11 can't tell the diffrence." i'll send him your info, but brush up on your heian-era japanese. he'll know if you're using Tongues and will hang the gently caress up like that. i dunno how you're gonna get INTO the country right now but you know you could wait out the pandemic or maybe you know a way to get around the imperial high sorcerer's barrier vs:gaijin spells. that's your business but i am happy to hook you up until that point.
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Aug 27, 2021 07:03
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i just had my decadal alignment examination and apparently i no longer qualify as Good, i've been moved to True Neutral. i presume it's right because i'm not angry about it, if anything i'm like "oh... well that makes sense!" needless to say i've had my good mage's circles memberships revoked but it's nbd. does anyone have recommendations for TN circles? the druids keep sending me their newsletter but i know i'm technically an apostate because i learned their language without becoming one. naturally, i'm suspicious about their motives
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Jan 17, 2022 21:13
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Doc Fission posted:Hi, I'm a light wizard considering the route of sinister darkness. What's the bureaucracy involved in doing so? Do I need to file to relinquish my healing license? if you look far enough back in magic history, healing is actually a subschool of necromancy. you're kosher bro
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Jan 20, 2022 19:58
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Weka posted:Idiot Rube Service imo. so, your ultimate attack. you know the one, you keep 1 casting of it ready all the time juuuuust in case there's no way you could win or escape so gently caress it i'm going to collapse myself into a 1μm-sphered black hole and go out in style, see you in hell one-sixth of the face of the earth.? compound interest-domain spells are a billion times more powerful than that. dont gently caress around with that poo poo my friend. i may technomance myself some cash on the reg but i pay taxes on that too
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Jan 21, 2022 05:47
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naem posted:Growing my flesh back was SUPER itchy buts it’s all back now pretty much. Bro pro tip, I knew this guy who had to regrow his face and the eyes never grow back in right. I highly recommend investing in an iron mask of some sorts, but don't like get trademark-ey about it. Get something nondescript so you can plausibly deny it if you get caught on the cctv ("Your honor, you can buy this mask anywhere, they'll sell it at the supermarket if you ask. They've got plenty in the back"). --speaking of which thank u to the poster who recommended the Arbiters' Guild, magic law is ez on account of almost everyone who comes around is already a notoriously evil wizard and everybody and their mother knows they did it so you just gotta reach a bargain that both parties can agree to. Met my first Pit Fiend, said some paladin made a deal with him decades ago and now that the guy's old and frail, he's hiding under the protection of his deity. I'm thinking no problem, paladin with a lawful good deity, we'll just sit down with his head priest who hears our story and hands the guy over, right?  Turns out this paladin is a crusader for one of those fuckin TV churches, and the head priest is slimier than a god drat lawyer. He's trying every trick in the book to get my client to head back to the nine hells and he is good--this guy tried to cold read my client's true name syllable by syllable, in the Elder Tongue no less! Of course a televangelist would know how to speak it.At this point I'm like, ok, I played Phoenix Wright, when the guy is trying to shake you then it's time to review the muthafuckin evidence. So I look at the original contract and it turns out that the agreement was for the fiend to work a Minor Miracle for the paladin, because it ain't on his spell list but it was literally gonna take a minor miracle for his stupid rear end to pass the written portion of his knighthood exam. Hosted by this very church, forty years ago. The last time I seen a man of the cloth run out of a room that fast, it was on the news and there was FBIs coming in to tackle him. But this one came back, and he was dragging this frail old paladin by the ear. Priest asks, "How much do I owe you?" And I'm like, "The contract as written says One Soul, Upon Death, w-wait you're not gonna kill this guy like, right here, are you?" Priest says, "Naaaaw, but he placed himself under my protection so I can renegotiate his contract any time, right?" And I'm like oh yeah, a sleazeball like him would know magic law this well! The priest gives the paladin up on the spot, and as punishment he rewrites the contract so the guy falls and becomes a tortured soul aware that it's an Antipaladin and hates itself for what it's doing for all of eternity. maybe i feel not so good about how that one ended. also pit fiends calculate your hourly rate to the minute, cheapass
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Dec 28, 2022 02:54
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I can't recommend to bother trying to "get one over" on that sort of ritual. Even if you measured everything twice or three times, you'd never be able to determine the true center of someone else's circle. You need extradimensional quaternions for that and I'm just a technomancer, not a @#$&^ computer scientist!! Think about it like this: this guy was a bigshot necromancer, which means he was a crazy dark wizard to begin with. You think he didn't plan for the first punk kid warlock who gets their hands on one of his relics to be somebody who thinks they could beat his scheming? You ended up with this thing because you're lucky?? Come on brah this is all part of his plan. You turn it around in a different way, no magic. If it was me, I'd find some adventurers--and you gotta be straight with em, no bullshit--make sure they know you're only here for knowledge and power, and make it into a quest to defeat the ancient necromancer. The hardest part for you is that you're gonna have to find some lawful goody-goody cleric or paladin who will be willing to come along with you, a super evil wizard, the whole way, otherwise you won't actually be able to kill the thing and you'll lose by default. "You, man clad in dark, can never defeat me" sort of thing, he'll take over your body and probably fuse your soul into one of his basic-rear end bone imps, bad ending. The cons: You don't get the guy's full power. Probably the paladin sees some of his books, declares them profane and burns em before you can read them. Negotiate with your party, make sure you get first pick on books and scrolls but nothing treasure-ey, and practice some sleight of hand. The pros: If you do this right, you'll learn most of his power, and that's both more fun, and more educational. You don't need -HIS- power. You just need, most of it and you can fill in the rest. I guarantee you he never turned a bunch of people into ladybugs: you'll bring your personal twist to all his favorite arcane arts. And if, by some miracle, you end up in good graces with the heroes, you will have full license to be as Lawful Evil as you like across the land, probably for three generations at least. The extras: If you're lucky, you might find the name of a devil or a deity he pissed off. Give 'em a call and do the ritual to send him their way when he's really-really dead. Absolutely do not shop around or try to negotiate, take the first deal the first time and be glad you got it at all. Never hurts to be owed a favor from people in high places... or low ones otherwise. But using this guy's ritual is same the as having sex in the champagne room: DO NOT. The Bards have already written songs about one and if you don't listen to me, they'll be writing songs about the other too Fur20 fucked around with this message at 01:22 on Dec 29, 2022 |
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Dec 29, 2022 01:19
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first, you need a rabbit, and then you need to use magic, or some other ovipositing device, to make it lay boiled chicken eggs. the rest of the ritual i cant quite recall for some reason but there's a lot of revelry involved, maybe something with a maypole
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Apr 9, 2023 04:02
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the local homeowners association tried to take me to task for building a druid bog in my backyard so my buddies could crash there comfortably, even though i had never joined their organization or agreed to their by-laws. but they were like oh we have an agreement with the city that you must be associated to a hoa to live in this neighborhood. so i called up one of my druid buddies and asked him to summon me a hydra and i gave it some LSD, and i was like "yea i'm associated with this HOA (hydra on acid) right here" and let it go on a rampage well things went the way you would probably expect and now this once-gated community has been turned into a 100-acre hydra swamp with a tiny plot of grass where my house stands. i like the new neighbors (wild boars and capybaras) but i could do without the mosquitos
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Apr 12, 2023 00:25
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naem posted:that is almost chaotic good, be careful or you could lose access to your entire evil magic skill tree i've never really seen any great evil spells tbh, all my really good ones come from the chaos tree. people talk about Web or Glitterdust being top tier, but Imperiling Shart is truly the most powerful second-circle spell
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Apr 27, 2023 19:27
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every time the shoggoth's witnesses come around, i put on my miter and offer to explain to them about the light of jesus
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Apr 30, 2023 19:10
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pro tip paladins will just shoot you and say they thought you were evil, even if you're neutral or good. always take a few levels in Monk
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May 8, 2023 20:26
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EmbryoSteve posted:I like to keep a scrying mirror in a room like an art gallery kind of deal for each dimension to watch them while chilling. I call it my "rogues gallery" Ohhh poo poo this sounds amazing! Do you sell these? My guild affiliation prohibits me from making my own but I'm not Good or anything so I can, yknow, still keep and display art like this. Ugh. Some housewife at the supermarket asked me if I was a Druid today, she wanted to know if I could do her landscaping. How insulting! Somebody is about to get the Curse of the Unattainable Fabio put on her as soon as I get off the train and back to my atelier. Like I don't mind public transit, I just play waifu games on my phone anyway, but well it turns out I had my phasing license suspended for releasing that hydra into a populated area Fur20 fucked around with this message at 23:16 on May 8, 2023 |
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May 8, 2023 23:12
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:A Harper just vandalized my lair entrance!!! Fucker wrote "Dork Wizard Home" ! loving harpers keep spray painting over my manjis to make them look like loss.jpg--wait that's not harpers that's just kids grandpa
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May 26, 2023 05:35
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do you have any ranks in Animal Empathy? --stupid question, right, evil wizard why don't you mind control a flock of migratory birds, give them that new ultra fatal bird flu that's going around, and direct them down to infest your secret island? repeat as necessary e: migratory birds are way smarter than you think. you probably only need to do this two or three times before they collectively mark it as Death Island and avoid it for seven bird generations v shut up lich some of us like to eat things other than souls ok Fur20 fucked around with this message at 00:17 on May 27, 2023 |
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May 27, 2023 00:07
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rite of amanarus is hedge wizardry, you should have used the rite of amaranus. it's understandably easy to get them confused. so first, what you'll need to do is, create two different, but very specific, kinds of rings, and get a goat
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May 27, 2023 18:15
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F̷̠͆̒̌͜
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May 31, 2023 01:17
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Deki posted:It's not your orb. They almost certainly caught you peeping and paid for a scrying protection glyph. Now that you know it's probably an enchantment, just back-trace it to find out who made it and then shift their alignment without them knowing. A scrying glyph that specific is gonna need a lot of Good and a lot of Order to maintain. Changing one is ok both would be better, but Order is way easier to do on account of morality is pretty arbitrary and really just part of the larger social contract: just buy off some of his local politicians and get them to make something the guy really likes, illegal. Even better if it's something he'll fight for! There's this Demi-Lich on the United States Supreme Court whose agenda requires a shift in regional alignments toward Chaos, so he keeps overturning basic human rights stuff, and all these Lawful and Neutral Good normies go out and fight in the streets over the stuff! not really sure what his ultimate goal is with all that but w/e if he really fucks poo poo up i'll just cut my workshop in the americas off from my portal door Changing his Good/Evil axis is more of a crapshoot. It just kinda happens and it's one of those macrocosmic forces where if you try to change it, you'll have the weight of the entire universe's greater ecosystem pushing back against you--good guys are good for the same reason the weather is the weather, there are bigger interconnected forces at play than a meager meteorologist can conceive of. No, I wouldn't recommend messing around with that. Like sure, you can make any lawful stupid paladin fall, but that's literally expected within the narrative laws of our universe. But you can't just switch Elminster's alignment, because that's pushing too hard against the Flow. I'm not saying you can't give it a nudge. My Good/Evil shifted 20 points towards Neutral in one day and all I did was fall through a misfired dimension door into a Japanese furry convention that I ended up having a little too much fun at... subscribe him to a year of PonyFans and see if it takes, bronies are evil poo poo Fur20 fucked around with this message at 22:37 on Jun 1, 2023 |
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Jun 1, 2023 22:32
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naem posted:Dia-bolical i get all my shoggoth doujins at arcaniket, held on the second floor of a certain office building in akihabara every total lunar eclipse. it isn't really marked and there's only a discreet sign out front directing you to the event so you kind of have to pay attention to find it
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Jun 2, 2023 23:26
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Automatic Slim posted:Does the world need another evil sorcerer? No, it has plenty. But an evil Bard is novel territory. (A&R Executives don’t count.) there are tons of evil bards bro. kid rock. kanye west. celine dion. bts. hell pretty much the only ones who didn't sell their soul this generation are indies, psy, or already dead e: and zuntata Fur20 fucked around with this message at 20:08 on Jun 5, 2023 |
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Jun 5, 2023 20:04
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Unions aren't really a problem for me as I've had to do away with the practice of minion-keeping entirely. It was useful back in the good old days when the collective consciousness of humanity still perceived a "minion" as some sort of necromancer's pet imp or gremlin, but these days it's become impossible to incarnate any new help that isn't one of those irritating mascot creatures from a movie that shall remain unnamed for reasons of licensing fees. When I accidentally manifested a batch a few years ago, I disposed of them with Flesh To Polymer (Plastics) and sold them disguised as Limited Edition Nendroids to Americans on the ebay. But woe betide them all when the enchantment wanes!!
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Jul 11, 2023 20:42
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the funniest part about harry potter is that when he grew up, he had a short stint as a stage actor, where he performed equus. and that awakened something terrible within him. later in life, he moved to the state of washington, where he died. you may know him better by his online handle, mr. hands
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Jul 18, 2023 20:43
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Grey Cat posted:The chimera's booty is in the eye of the beholder. tbqh this is why i keep beholder eyes on hand at all times, i don't actually know any spells that use them as components
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Jul 27, 2023 19:32
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naem i think this skeleton you sold me is defective
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Sep 12, 2023 00:15
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Grey Cat posted:I was infusing demonic runes with blood by the age of 6! see this poo poo right here, this is what i'm talking about when i say we need to keep kids off the infernet. like how am i going to trick these demons into telling me their true name when i have to mind my language and can't post anime porn to bait a middling devil
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Sep 15, 2023 05:36
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wheatpuppy posted:I am just mad at the botched iconography. Everyone knows the "no" symbol is supposed to go on top of the proscribed item. That kind of sloppy runescribing is how you end up botching a level 1 summoning and filling your lair with lymph. i was casting up a batch of lymph for this mortal street doc i know but i did the backwards of this... the city of yokohama's supernatural investigation dept made me track down and unsummon every last one @#*&$ city hall workers, just do it yourselves. i pay my taxes!! Automatic Slim posted:Nobody’s talking about that crow familiar in the corner. It’s more than just a casual observer. crow is a highly intelligent animal, that one's just a pervert, a voyeur Fur20 fucked around with this message at 09:05 on Sep 20, 2023 |
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Sep 20, 2023 09:02
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