Jon Joe posted:(Druids also allowed.) i never thought i'd see the day okay, here's the scoop: i'm a simple neutral druid. i don't think i'm asking too big a favor but there are way too many of you who just really don't get it and you never seem to loving get the hint collectively. you know those idiots in the castles you hate so much you summoned a whole army to defeat? you know how much smarter than they are you think you are? well, get a load of this you see, after the fourth or fifth son/nephew/cousin leading a group of poachers found themselves with a nice rack and standing on all fours, those numbskulls actually learned they shouldn't loving go in my forest!! some of them, i didn't even have to touch any of their heirs before they declared my forest off limits (i know this because idiots from those kingdoms decided to try and get in anyway and had incredibly loud, stupid conversations about how peaceful the forest was and how their leaders were full of poo poo, right up until I polymorphed them into foxes and relocated them near the edge of their countries' hunting ground). but for some reason you dark wizards always have your goddamned unnatural summons cutting down my trees, trampling over my plants, and slaughtering my animals. doesn't matter how many of you i deal with, nobody ever gets the clue that hey, maybe going through the mountains or desert will be easier instead! i know, i know, why the gently caress should you care? what's in it for you? i'm definitely not a challenge, why not just roll me over then? well, aside from the fact i've had this problem for centuries and always come out ahead, i'm willing to share information. that's right, i am offering to be an inside man for most any kingdom you want to conquer nearby. i've made certain deals with direct kings and queens, and as much as it pains me to even get close to a loving city and find most everything in there utterly loathsome, happened to end up with a fair bit of trust and dirt on a lot of people. all i ask is that once you've done that and made your conquest, you pass on the word to other dark wizards that my forest is off limits and anyone who thinks differently will have to take it up with you and your new kingdom's army. please? i'm tired of having to clean up and regrow every few years only for some other dumb shmuck thinking he's hell's gift to earth tromping through and proving he's even dumber than the loving nobles who say "i can't believe you're so civilized for a druid" and uggghhh just thinking about that makes me want to turn into a tree for a few centuries
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Aug 31, 2020 02:42
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| # ¿ May 13, 2024 00:38 |
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