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Ferrosol posted:
Crank one out, surely. You don't "crack" out a wank like your penis is a christmas cracker or a fortune cookie (i hope)
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Sep 1, 2020 16:19
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Ferrosol posted:
Crank one out, surely. You don't "crack" out a wank like your penis is a christmas cracker or a fortune cookie (i hope)
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Sep 1, 2020 16:25
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stev posted:Nah it's crack, like a whip. Kw-chhh. How about 'crack' like one of those 3D puzzles. Get all the bits of your penis in the right position and a wank comes out
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Sep 1, 2020 16:44
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have... have i got covid am i having one of those covid dreams
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Sep 1, 2020 17:07
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been ages since we had The Chart so here's a little peek at uk cases
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Sep 1, 2020 19:12
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OwlFancier posted:It me, posting from whatever century it was when the UK owned calais. bloody borders, coming over here and being on this side of the channel 
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Sep 1, 2020 20:50
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OwlFancier posted:going to try and find more vegetables to fry tomorrow. You can also get them in shops
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Sep 2, 2020 07:41
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I hadn't heard about this https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-53985144 Kickstart: Firms urged to sign up to job scheme for under-24s quote:[...] 2bn to throw at giant corporations so they can get free labour.
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Sep 2, 2020 08:07
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stev posted:I don't know how people could stand to leave stuff in that carriage, anyone could walk away with anything. Airport baggage collection, or "thief's buffet" as they're known Actually i guess it's more like "thief's yo sushi"
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Sep 2, 2020 09:03
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ShaneMacGowansTeeth posted:Just been in an out of the dentist 
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Sep 2, 2020 09:05
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Sep 2, 2020 15:31
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communism bitch posted:So I applied to do an MA at Leicester in June, heard nothing, finally managed to find somebody there who can answer a phone and they're like "oh we made a note to give you an offer but we forgot". And I still don't definitely know if I have a place and I'm due to start on Oct. 1st and I'm capping my jorts about it. i thought the point of making a note was so that you don't forget
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Sep 2, 2020 15:54
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Guavanaut posted:The Bin peoples, also known as the Dustmen[archaic], are members of various indigenous nomadic groups that are the first nations of the Mamba-Pambe region. Their large wheeled containers became famous for causing English colonists to fly into an inexplicable rage. We know much of the Bin Peoples' culture because of what we've found in their middens.
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Sep 2, 2020 17:16
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kecske posted:Portuguese has the word Saudade for this kind of pining for 'the good old days'. Apparently Welsh has the equivalent Hiraeth but i cant tell if it's a legit everyday word or just an Instagram tattoo word. Back in my day we just remembered the word instead of getting it printed on our skin like some delinquent thug
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Sep 2, 2020 18:10
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the only legitimate reason to have just 6 chips on your plate is if you've already eaten several dozen chips and there will soon be none
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Sep 2, 2020 23:06
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Sanford posted:A story to bring a little cheer, I hope? A couple of weeks ago my young friend (who reminds me what it was to feel alive) asked for advice over a letter from her landlord saying that, alas, he needs to increase the rent to cover his bills and strongly suggesting that if they can’t afford it they should end the tenancy early and find somewhere else to live. I don’t actually think he can do that, but he’s got a strong history of heavily suggesting things and then using “well I never said you’ve got to” as a defence. He says he has other people ready to move in at a higher rate but he has two other flats standing empty in her building so it’s fairly obvious he’s bluffing. As it turns out, my wife and I were able to give my friend and her partner a small gift/loan to top up their deposit and they got approved for a mortgage yesterday! So they’re moving into her parents before the end of this month, should be in their own place by Christmas, and today get to tell their landlord that they accept his proposal, and will be ending the tenancy early just as he’s suggested. My request of “just let me be the one to tell him” was unfortunately denied by both my friend and my wife.  Delicious.
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Sep 3, 2020 09:26
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peanut- posted:https://twitter.com/helloalegria/status/1301290315593191426?s=20 I believe it's Dettol that made that ad, they've been plastering the tube with similar ads. I guess ad revenue in the tube has fallen off a cliff since there's barely anyone using the tube these days, because it's pretty much the only company doing ads down there now. I don't think Dettol in particular are pushing for people to go back to the office, they're just trying to appeal to people who do like the office
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Sep 3, 2020 11:36
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Bobby Deluxe posted:I had a visceral reaction to this, imagine looking forward to hearing buzzwords. That tells you everything you need to know about the wankers who wrote this. Let's put a pin in that and i'll touch base with you later. Buzzwords have a use and i think it's worth doing a deep dive on why 
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Sep 3, 2020 11:41
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Cerv posted:Pret have taken the standard coffee shop "buy 9 get 1 free" loyalty card to the next level. Subscription-service coffee  It's desperate, but it makes sense. Gyms absolutely coin it by having contracts that people struggle (or forget to) get out of, and they were able to keep raking it in after lockdown for a short while at least.
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Sep 4, 2020 09:22
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Mebh posted:The fudge has arrived just in time for my wife's eye surgery. This does not sound medically safe.
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Sep 4, 2020 14:25
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Continuity RCP posted:He made 40k on gofundme from this Who the gently caress are all these people sitting around on gofundme waiting to shovel cash at these rando dickheads? It boggles the mind.
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Sep 4, 2020 16:29
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I AM BOGGLED
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Sep 4, 2020 16:30
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Trip repoetb: went to wetherspoons, literally not a singleperson besides myself wearing Mark. Also, haven't been this drunk in months
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Sep 4, 2020 21:21
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I've had foiye dtonks
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Sep 4, 2020 21:22
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Lady Demelza posted:If we're going to be hosting a goon farmers' market, I'll make the wicker baskets
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Sep 5, 2020 07:19
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uuuuuggghhhhhhhh my head is killing me What's everyone's favourite hangover cure, gimme
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Sep 5, 2020 08:45
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TACD posted:Not free as in beer, free as in you’re free to start your own one if you think you could do better!!! a "free press" in that they're completely free to write and do whatever bollocks they want with no consequences; see hacking scandal the state of british press is basically the result of someone thinking out loud "what if free but too much"
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Sep 6, 2020 11:31
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Tories min-maxing the economy to get an absurdly high GDP, and finding all sorts of batshit insane exploits that society was never designed for like "whip the poor" and "stand like the colossus of rhodes"
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Sep 6, 2020 13:47
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Lady Demelza posted:That, and the Spectator apparently got 550 more subscriptions out of the spat. I wonder what Andrew Neil is going to do with all those extra copies
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Sep 6, 2020 15:09
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Guavanaut posted:"Non-EU migration highest for decades" is something that the right wing rags decided to be mad about last month (graph is from The Sun so may just be made up). right wingers: "too many europeans migrating here!" *the racist monkey's paw curls, and white european migrants are replaced by black migrants* right wingers (sobbing): n..no!!
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Sep 7, 2020 15:15
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Yeah just put him on ignore (so your quotes don't expose his posts to us) and let him scream into the void.
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Sep 7, 2020 16:54
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justcola posted:https://thiscatdoesnotexist.com/ Don't forget https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/
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Sep 8, 2020 08:31
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I hope everyone is excited by the Leveling Up Task Force
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Sep 8, 2020 11:30
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I didn't feel anything BUT a helicopter ambulance has landed in the local park and I'm sitting near it waiting for it to take off, so that's my child-like excitement for the day sorted
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Sep 8, 2020 13:14
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Jaeluni Asjil posted:Does this mean we are now a Rogue State? Axis of Pfeffle
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Sep 8, 2020 16:52
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Angepain posted:Not that I'm clamouring for more Keir Starmer in my life, but monthly seems a bit... sparse. Does it really take 30 days to come up with enough criticism of the tories to fill a press conference? He can only come out under a full moon E: sorry, a half moon. Aka the centrist moon.
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Sep 9, 2020 11:13
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Smashed avocado on sourdough toast is actually amazing, Hipsters Was Right
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Sep 9, 2020 14:44
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fridge corn posted:I dont think you need Google to figure out what avocado toast is You say that like foods are always named for what they are For all Jaeluni Asjil knows, this could be a Toad in the Hole situation
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Sep 9, 2020 15:58
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goddamnedtwisto posted:standing cow-like in a big crowd On all fours and farting constantly?
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Sep 10, 2020 09:18
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goddamnedtwisto posted:really start thinking how I could go about setting off a volcano in the middle of London. I believe the Festival of Brexit people are still taking ideas from the public.
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Sep 10, 2020 09:39
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