|
Blue Moonlight posted:My father increasingly seems to think it’s funny to say all the right things about topics like gender identity, but to do so in an exaggerated faux-uncertain tone - just innocent enough for those who don’t know him to assume good faith, but just mocking enough to everyone else to show how he really feels. Alienating my (only?) child and dying alone to own the libs!
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2021 04:33
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 4, 2024 06:20 |
|
|
Sounds like Schrodinger's Douchebag.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2021 09:16
|
|
|
WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:The moon doesn't exist and sun doesn't exist are the same flat earth shard. They think the moon and sun are a projector basically. It's more intricate but I don't care The Political is Personal: It's more intricate but I don't care
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2021 13:56
|
|
|
Dr. Faustus posted:Finally confronted my misguided but not totally CHUDdy mother this week. ... any introduction of a fact of Trump's behavior was making them feel judged. But they wouldn't say it so politely. It's 100% accusatory with 0% self-reflection. Blue Moonlight posted:So he’s either embarrassed or indignant - there’s still some scrap of me hoping for the former, but after the last five years, I think I know deep down it’s the latter. Guess I’ll find out soon enough. 1) Her occasional probing and prodding to bring up some pro-Trump bullshit as obliquely as possible, before retreating and clamming up when I addressed it head on and countered with some recent factual example of Trump being a complete shithead, which led to; 2) Me being able to lie to myself and interpret the retreats and awkward silences as embarrassments that might trigger some introspection, rather than indignant temper tantrums that reflected her becoming more and more steadfast in her MAGA ways. In hindsight, the trajectory had been obvious for years and years, but I didn't want to believe it, so I fooled myself into thinking that her backing down meant I still had some influence over her, when what it actually meant was that the value of my opinion was diminishing each time I refused to agree with her. Her descent into full-blown COVID-truther/Trump-restoration madness has been horrible and distressing, but if there is a silver lining, it's that I'm not able to lie to myself anymore about what she believes or what our relationship is worth to her. Antifa Turkeesian posted:Alienating my (only?) child and dying alone to own the libs!
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2021 17:55
|
|
|
Antifa Turkeesian posted:Alienating my (only?) child and dying alone to own the libs! My brother is simultaneously more liberal than I am but also the golden child, so I’d bet there’s some insane mental gymnastics going on to make that all work.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2021 18:12
|
|
|
Blotto_Otter posted:...but if there is a silver lining, it's that I'm not able to lie to myself anymore about what she believes or what our relationship is worth to her. Really sorry about your Mom. I was through with my Dad like 25 years ago; but I still need my Mom to be well. Had this big moment gone differently, I can't say what kind of shape I would be in today. It would be bad.
|
|
#
?
Dec 18, 2021 00:19
|
|
|
So here's my personal conundrum. My business partner / friend I've known for a long-rear end time is a big chud but really the limits of his engagement with the outside world is hedonistic excess, like he loves blowing poo poo up and driving fast and imagining himself to be Josey Wales and flipping off anyone who tells him "no". He parrots occasional right-wing talking points and memes but it's not like he knows the first thing about religion or would join a Q insurrection, so there's that small grace I guess. The thing is, he thinks I agree with him on the points he does get noisy about, and I don't ever want to correct him. Largely this is because he gets very loud and angry and I don't want to endure any more of his three-hour screaming lectures which he is very good at delivering (and I am poo poo at defending against). Things have become stable and sustainable and I don't want to rock the boat by letting on that I'm actually his mortal enemy because things are pretty good when they're quiet. *cycle of abusive behavior .jpg goes here* Many, many times I have rehearsed the conversation where I would hypothetically say "hey, could you please do me a small favor? Maybe a huge one? Don't include me in your culture war poo poo, don't go on political rants, it does kinda bother me when you call everything a fag (especially knowing your tastes), it's in fact super cringey when you bellow MERRY CHRISTMAS, NOT HAPPY HOLIDAYS and yes did you know that is exactly the virtue signalling you so claim to hate, in short please just respect my opinions and keep yours to yourself just like I do with you??" But I've never done it, and maybe it's just due to cowardice, but here's where I have been landing with it lately: I feel like if I don't permit him that outlet, if I don't patiently listen and nod while he bitches about gas prices or "communism" (i.e. laws saying you can't dump waste oil in the river) or how you can't go in restaurants without a face diaper, he's likely to consider himself a beleaguered minority with no allies, and will THEN reach out to the full-on crazy people and go well-and-truly off the deep end. I feel like if there's something I can give of myself to the world, it's every last ounce of buffering energy that I can manifest to insulate him from feeling the need to go full balls-out Civil War 2 Tactilol Operator and probably getting a fuckton of people killed once things pop off. This is also why I don't just  . Partly it's my own avarice and greed and the fact that we're deep into our venture and the only way out is through, but also I feel like that kind of betrayal is the sort of thing that would merit at least a couple of paragraphs and a photo in a "Prelude To..." chapter in a future history book.Maybe I'm just deluding myself into thinking my cowardice is actually me doing something brave and self-sacrificing. But I haven't popped the seal yet and I feel like there's value yet in that, and I still have good I can do as long as that is the case. Anyway that's my confession of hypocrisy and all-around shittiness for which I fully expect to one day atone.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 14:55
|
|
|
I should have dressed up as a monoclonal antibody for Halloween lol.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 15:15
|
|
|
Sometimes all it takes is someone saying "I disagree." You don't have to defend every talking point, especially since it's a moving goalpost anyway. Just say "I disagree" and drop it. Stare at him as he goes crazy and say nothing. When he's done, turn away and go back to what you were doing. Or, just stand up and leave. Don't touch the poop, but don't let him think you want to wallow in it with him. Other than that it'll probably just be the status quo forever.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 15:26
|
|
|
Trivia posted:Other than that it'll probably just be the status quo forever. And maybe that's the best-case scenario, is what I'm saying. I don't see his mind ever changing on anything unless he can convince himself it's his own idea. But being able to rant and be mad at things is what he seems to truly enjoy, and if I deprive him of that he'll just find an outlet elsewhere. That's what I fear being responsible for. I can play the long game and set examples at least. Past that it's a matter of containment.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 15:39
|
|
|
I can't really imagine how you would be friends with someone like that, because the relationship you are describing does not sound like a friendship.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 15:42
|
|
|
You're not responsible for his behavior, he is. It's also not your obligation to change his mind. Just say "I disagree" and leave it at that. Any engagement on your part is what he wants; and it sounds like he's not happy unless he's angry / hating someone. The dude is toxic, fullstop. If someone else told you what you told the rest of us, what would you say?
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 15:44
|
|
|
Data Graham posted:I feel like if I don't permit him that outlet, if I don't patiently listen and nod while he bitches about gas prices or "communism" (i.e. laws saying you can't dump waste oil in the river) or how you can't go in restaurants without a face diaper, he's likely to consider himself a beleaguered minority with no allies, and will THEN reach out to the full-on crazy people and go well-and-truly off the deep end. I suspect you are overestimating the influence that you personally have over him. If one single 'friend' finally saying "shut the gently caress up, already" is what tips him over into fully radicalizing, then he was already well on his way down that path and it was only a matter of time. If he ever does fully radicalize, you telling him to shut up won't be what made him do it - at most, it would be a lame excuse he threw at you to rationalize him doing something he already wanted to do. (And I don't want to get into litigating whether or not any of your relationship qualifies as abuse, but it's worth mentioning that the "if I don't indulge him, he will only get worse" kind of logic you're using here is similar to the kind of logic a lot of abuse victims find themselves using.)
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 16:02
|
|
|
Data Graham posted:The thing is, he thinks I agree with him on the points he does get noisy about, and I don't ever want to correct him. Largely this is because he gets very loud and angry and I don't want to endure any more of his three-hour screaming lectures which he is very good at delivering (and I am poo poo at defending against). When this happen can you just grab your coat and leave the area? e: let him rant to an empty room. In my experience just wordlessly loving off is pretty effective blow hard defense. And you preserve your dignity. indiscriminately fucked around with this message at 17:04 on Dec 20, 2021 |
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 16:55
|
|
|
What helps is to consciously talk quieter and shift the discussion to "why are you screaming right now? You're yelling" and yeah failing that just abruptly walk away. If he wants you to listen to him then he's gonna need to do it on your terms and if he cares enough about having someone to vent with he'll calm down.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 17:08
|
|
|
Silence is passively agreeing with them in their minds. They'll just keep on going because they think everyone agrees with them.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2021 17:37
|
|
|
I made the mistake of reaching out to someone during this. This bad time I am having. I was rebuffed, and actually that is the best I could have expected. It was a moment of weakness after I found out about Dad and I guess I thought, to put it uncharitably, use my own loss as a weapon to beat him up. I needn't have tried, I don't exist anymore and the relatonship we had is not anything I could talk him back around to, anyway. I am really loving torn, because I feel like I am right and Data Graham's friend feels he is totally right. He's angry and wants to be engaged so he can vent. Well, this describes me, too. I'm angry and I obviously want a confrontation. I want to point and say look, just look at this. I should be counting my lucky stars things worked out well with my parents and leave it at that. I am trying to chill until my appointment tomorrow morning. Looking for a referral to a therapist. I don't know poo poo about medical treatment for anxiety, or stupid, or whatever I've got that is keeping me revved up and miserable. I know this is a weird thread to ask but I suspect this thread has a subject-matter expert or three on the topic just hanging out. Weird thing, I am getting help from them; but I feel very much as though I am the "loved one with the bonkers beliefs" in this dynamic with my family. How to not feel like an ingrate might be my first question for a therapist. "How do I deal with the mad that I feel" would be the next. Dr. Faustus fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Dec 21, 2021 |
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 00:53
|
|
|
The key difference between other people getting mad and wanting to start fights and me getting mad and wanting to start fights is that I'm right and they aren't. And obviously they think they're right too but the difference is that I actually am.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 01:01
|
|
|
And it doesn't help that I am constantly self-doubting and gaslighting myself about everything I believe, to the point where I don't even trust my own senses or memory. All my influences and assumptions are potentially suspect; all my data comes with a certain measure of uncertainty. To quote Spalding Grey I have to question eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverything, right? So how can I possibly go up against someone who can't even fathom the concept of being wrong?
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 01:09
|
|
|
I'm no expert at anything, but someone once told me that you are not obligated to feel gratitude to parents in particular. You are brought into this stupid world without consent, and you are taken out without it as well. Parents are the ones obligated towards their children, to do everything to ensure their happiness. Every bit of suffering (and joy) you experience is a direct result of them having you. That's not an excuse to blame them for all your woes, of course. But, philosophically, it's a scary thought, and one I don't think enough parents-to-be make. In situations where people want to vent at each other, I can't help but think of my customers (I'm a tour guide). When people inevitably bring up politics, and even if they're agreeing with each other, I just say "You all are on vacation. You spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars to be here. Is this REALLY how you want to spend that time?" You could try a similar tactic with friends and family. Just say, "I disagree. But I don't want to talk about this. We see each other so little, and what time we do see each other is short. Is this how you REALLY want to spend that time together?" It's a reframing of the situation, not the issues.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 01:10
|
|
|
It's important to be able to conceive of being wrong but I do not find it advisible to make a habit of it.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 01:10
|
|
|
I wish I'd never worked for Bridgewater
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 01:12
|
|
|
Better than working for Blackwater.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 03:01
|
|
|
Data Graham posted:So here's my personal conundrum. This is a hostage situation btw. I've heard you talk about this dude a couple times. I hope you can break from your sense of obligation to keep him from radicalizing further. Treat yourself to a world where that stress is gone and you can apply your passionate effort to a more fruitful cause. If not, he'll eventually break anyway and you'll wonder what you did wrong. It sounds like you feel bound by the scale of his potential threat, and like all of us in this thread you hope to save them (or at least contain them). In those situations I've found that focusing on something else that's fruitful will be more satisfying to you, and help you break from this personal activism you see yourself trapped in. The rationalization is that you're choosing to engage with him as a personal project, if only with hope that he'll listen and you'll temper him. Worst case, you figure you're training yourself for the next person that inevitably needs your hard-earned pragmatism and wisdom. I agree with people saying to actively disagree, but not engage or reward the toxicity. I'm dealing with this irl with my brother-from-another-mother who is, thankfully, on the other side of the country. I have the luxury of seeing what a semi-healthy interaction looks like, and it includes long periods without conversations. "I disagree" goes a long way to interrupt large swaths of rhetoric, especially in situations where your hard-earned logic would fail you. All this being said, I think you're smart enough to know how much you're willing to sacrifice for a particular cause, or an individual. And we frequent all these pages together and know the advice that will come your way. Godspeed. Treat yourself well. ILL Machina fucked around with this message at 11:19 on Dec 21, 2021 |
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 09:50
|
|
Glory to Italia!
|
You don't sound very happy. Life is pretty short. Do you want to continue being unhappy or are you willing to take a chance at things improving?
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 11:14
|
|
|
Yeah I mean — this isn't E/N, though the difference is pretty moot I suppose. But I felt I should at least frame it as what I hope to get out of posting, and by that I meant to cast it as a confession rather than a plea for advice. Because I know what I should be doing, but I've got all kinds of reasons to just keep digging deeper into the well. The fact is that things have gotten a lot better over the years, and it feels sustainable now, in that the screaming lectures and the game-face go-time all-nighters are few and far between. We're in a business venture into which we've both piled all our chips and bet our entire futures, and though it's taken over 12 years to get to the point we're at now (and some of those intervening years were dark as gently caress), we've had some recent major positive breakthroughs and life is good. We need each other for the unique things we each bring to the table, especially as we've each developed our skillsets along disparate but complementary trajectories. I can't do what he does with turbochargers, he can't do what I do with IDEs. And as I said before, the way out is through; me just leaving isn't an option. Partly because of sunk cost, and partly because the momentum is actually leading in a good direction now. We're in a geographical place where I'm near my brother's family and we all + my parents can get together for Thanksgiving finally, and I can emerge from my years of shameful hiding having actually managed to achieve something to show for it. Which is a lot of cryptic allusions to suggest that there's a lot of detail I'm leaving out, and a lot of the reason why is because I have put myself here through my own decisions, many of which I regret. I'm not the good guy any more than he is, on the scales of history. I walked into this situation driven by my own greed and I hosed over some people that I care about in the process. That's part of why I want to at least be vindicated at the end of it, to have something to show for it, something they can at least understand that I did it for and that I can then pass back on to them as some form of recompense, because just backing out and begging everyone's forgiveness hat in hand is probably the worst-case scenario for everyone involved. Maybe it would be giving myself a shot at living on my own terms for once in my life, but I'm way past the point where I can imagine that meaning anything other than living alone in a cave where I'm not going to hurt anybody. Again though — this isn't E/N, and this is supposed to be about the toxic people in our lives, not making excuses for them by explaining our own toxicity. My point in posting was to try to hash out as concisely as I could why I feel that just trying to be a moderating influence is the closest thing to a purpose in life that I've felt. I don't want to just be thinking about my own comfort; I've been too self-indulgent as it is. I want to try to do the world a small favor for as long as I can manage it. As we speak I'm still contributing to the worst tendencies of modern society just by being involved in this venture, but if I can balance it with a little bit of material penance it's about the best I can expect out of myself. But all that is to say that while the rants and lectures are largely a thing of the past, now it mostly takes the form of little snide comments and jokes, usually delivered while we're in the car and I don't have any way to get away from them, and usually coming during a lighthearted mood that I don't want to disrupt. It's taken years to get to the point where the prevailing feeling is happy, rather than tense and foreboding and drowning in dread; if that means just staring out the window and letting a comment about "we should try that restaurant, at least the governor in this state doesn't make everybody wear face diapers" pass by without more than a grunt of assent, that's a pretty small price to pay for having gotten where we are after what we've been through. This may be my form of "actually everything is fine, you may now commence pissing", but to go back to why I posted in the first place, I just wanted to let off a little steam and plead my case to the universe for not blowing the whole situation up as an act of principle. However, that said: I do appreciate all the comments and suggestions that taking a stand may well be worthwhile. I don't imagine it would change his mind on anything; at best it would make him feel like he has to watch his mouth around me and to think of me as an enemy rather than an ally, which is exactly what I'm afraid of. But it also has the potential upside that he might actually consider what he's sounded like to me all these years — that in direct defiance of all the whiny-snowflake stereotypes he's internalized, I've been patiently absorbing everything he's dished out and buckling down to do the job, day in, day out, in fact with more success and less complaints than he's done. Maybe he'll recognize that there are things I want out of life, and that I don't want to change him in order to get them, I just want to reduce the amount of stress that I have to suck up in order to fool myself into thinking I'm enjoying life. He is capable of going to ridiculous lengths of personal sacrifice to do what he thinks is necessary for me to be happy. He's done it before. So maybe it's possible to work out okay. It's a very careful and intricate dance though, and if I put a foot wrong it can go very very badly. I'm still terrified of him and I think deep down he understands that. He also hates feeling like he has to be "managed", so the very fact that I feel I have to be this careful might piss him off. (Neatly completing the circle.) But the bottom line is that we've achieved a lot and neither of us want to give up what we've got, now that it's finally a reality. It's just a question of whether I can broach this subject in exactly the right way, with the right mix of martyrdom and self-actualization, calm confidence and Trumpy whininess, that will flip the right switches in his mind and make him simply find some other way to conduct conversation around me than making bitchy political comments that actually I don't find funny, and not feel like I'm suddenly flipping the script on him now that we're fifty feet from the checkered flag, just to spite him. Ugh. I didn't mean to make this so long. The goal being to not be the day's main character by posting through it, this never works, does it.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 14:13
|
|
|
What happens when you say 'hey, I don't want to talk about that?'
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 17:18
|
|
|
The moment is gone and it was just a passing joke, and then it's no longer a lighthearted joking mood and suddenly I'm making things all serious and unpleasant.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 18:31
|
|
|
I used to work with a guy who I thought might kill me. I stopped working there.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 20:11
|
|
|
Honestly yeah, that does sound like a signal to continue pissing.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2021 22:22
|
|
|
I’ll try.
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 00:47
|
|
|
The thing that mostly strikes me is that going from "tense, hostile" interactions to "I am quiet and let him make snide comments while I don't respond" really sounds a lot more like a textbook abusive relationship that has reached a "stable" plateau rather than a friendship.
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 00:51
|
|
|
I stopped talking to my dad in 2016, after visiting him on thanksgiving. He's always been extremely right wing, fluctuating between hardline right wing libertarianism where there should literally be no laws at any level that impede someone's ability to make a profit, child labor laws and minimum wage should be abolished,, and being a neofeudalist who thinks that only property owners should be allowed to vote, and being an ethno-nationalist who thinks that this is a white christian country founded by men and so white christian (property owning) men should get preferential treatment and anyone who has a problem with this is the real racist. He's always been a big time small business tyrant, swinging his weight around wherever he can just to remind everyone who's in charge, as well as someone who loves to start an argument as "Well as a small business owner who pays more taxes than you, I-". But I was working for him as the only employee at a wholesale collectible company of sorts, doing the entire company worth of work; shipping & receiving, product assembly and packaging, customer service, sales, accounting, etc. As I was running the company, we were bringing in over $300k a year in net profit. I was getting paid $14/hr, no commission on sales. Meanwhile he was 300 miles away at his beach house, snorting coke, throwing huge expensive parties, bragging to me about how much he spent on liquor and blow for these parties. But any time I asked for a raise, I was shut down and told I was "not working hard enough" and how disrespectful I am for always thinking about myself, always taking and never giving back to the family who did me the generosity of feeding me and clothing me. I was looking into some of our expenses, looking for ways to cut costs to justify a raise, when I found that our biggest bit of overhead was the $3500 check I was asked to issue to a law firm every month, signing my name onto it. I called and asked my dad what the deal was with that check I keep having to cut, and how that's a huge expense that we could cut down on. He told me it's the law firm he's using to fight the Department of Natural Resources at his beach house in order to do landscaping close to the water line that was forbidden in a protected dune wildlife habitat area. I said "That doesn't exactly sound like a business expense." and he replied "Oh it's not, but doing it like this really helps me save money on taxes if I put it as a business expense haha." I didn't realize exactly what that meant at first, I was never really trained in accounting stuff. But I talked to my therapist about it and she just right away said "Oh yeah, that's tax fraud. That's tax fraud 101." I then talked to an old family friend who was a tax attorney about it and he was like "Wow yeah, that's super duper illegal. And he's having you sign these checks? You need to stop right now." I called my dad later that week and told him about my reservations in continuing to cut this check, especially when I'm making such little money as is, and how that check is far more than I make in a month, and isn't even a business expense. He told me "Oh I'll come up tomorrow and explain it, it's perfectly legal." The next day he showed up so loving angry I thought he was going to start swinging the instant he saw me. The insults he threw my way for "being insubordinate" were well beyond the verbal abuse I endured growing up. Words he always threw my way growing up, "lazy, arrogant, cocky, know-it-all, disobedient, disrespectful, etc." were thrown my way again, but with such hatred and fury, I was honestly scared for my physical safety. He fired me for "insubordination", and never actually explained what made it legal. Told me I should be thankful he doesn't just write me out of his will that very day, forgetting he'd been telling me for literally my entire life that I wouldn't be getting anything in his will because he wants me to work for anything I get. He also refused to pay me for my last several weeks worth of work, claiming I "wasn't even doing the loving job" I was hired for, so why do I feel entitled to a paycheck. ... Two years went by, I had some serious medical issues like 8 months after this falling out, he tried to pretend nothing was ever wrong between us, and I was hoping this was a road back to having a nice relationship with my dad. I visited him for thanksgiving 2016, and like 10 minutes before I was about to head out, he brought up me having helped my grandpa with some yard work, clearing briars from by the watering hole his cows use, and he gave me $200 as thanks. I wasn't sure what he was getting at, so I was like "Yeah it was pretty nice to help him out, he's still doing great for a someone his age and-" and he cut me off to half scream "DID YOU DECLARE THAT ON YOUR TAXES? HUH? YOU HYPOCRITE. YOU TELL YOUR ~~THERAPIST~~ ABOUT THAT???" with so much anger and a such a sort of "Take that, you little poo poo" tone, I was just baffled. It came out of nowhere. I refused to see him for Christmas later that year, and he flipped the gently caress out. I refused to answer his calls, and texted him that I don't feel safe around him anymore, and if he wants to talk, he can do it in writing, and sent my email address. He emailed me like a month later, acting so hurt and confused, like he couldn't figure out why I decided to abandon my poor old dad, and how sorry I should feel for threatening to call the feds on my family just for trying to make the family (him) some extra money (which I didn't do). I responded with pretty much everything I've explained here, but with far more examples of his bullying and abuse throughout my life, and he basically just "Well I don't remember it that way". I told him that I'm not interested in continuing a relationship with someone who has no problem treating another person like this, let alone his own son. I told him that if he can't be honest, there's no point in talking to him at all. This was in 2017. I have since abandoned that email address, moved several times, and gotten a new number. He's tried to poison my reputation to other family members since then, but they just told me what he was doing because he's hosed them over plenty of times too, so they don't trust his word either. I'm not sure I know what the term "that person is dead to me" means, but I think this is it. I don't think it's possible to regain a relationship with him if he can't even respect me as a person and tell the truth, let alone make attempts to make things right, or pay me my back wages, or or or or or I hate it. I hate the loving right wing infosphere that poisoned his brain to this degree. He's been a huge Rush Limbaugh fan for my entire life, listening every single day, and just repeats those talking points verbatim, and just latching on full force to every single culture war issue. He's literally made Conservatism and Small Business his entire persona, and seems completely incapable of considering other people as humans at all, if he can even be bothered to notice they exist to begin with. It's just poison throughout. I hope this made sense. I know the story well enough, I might have forgotten bits that someone not familiar with the situation wouldn't know and not noticed, feel free to ask any questions if you want.
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 05:29
|
|
|
blunt for century posted:words about Turd Dad A few ways I found to counter their hate is to kind of culture jam them. Like if he starts talking about how we should put a wall on the border with automated machine guns every 50 yards to stop the [slurs] from getting in, don't tell them they're racist (they are), don't tell them how financially wasteful it is (they don't care), tell them something like "I hope one day Christ will grant you some compassion for your fellow man." Or if you're feeling more fighty and less jesus-y, just call them a coward. That's one they HATE. Probably because it's true, and they know it. Scared of anyone who looks different, worships different, votes different, or from the wrong part of the planet (everywhere that's not USA or Israel), call them a low down coward. A terrified little kid who can't deal. They get so loving mad about that.
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 05:49
|
|
|
Same effect for the ones who think they're strong, deliberate thinkers and call your practical utopia fantastic: "You just lack imagination."
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 06:15
|
|
|
Hey fun fact, if you turn someone in for tax fraud, you can get a nice chunk of the recovered money https://www.irs.gov/compliance/whistleblower-office
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 15:29
|
|
i like nice words
|
I've had a couple of close people go down the crazy rear end rabit hole. The guitarist of my old band was a really close friend, and just as we where looking like we might go somewhere he married a Baltimore gal and moved to the US. She visited here, lovely woman, a little bit manic but thats ok. So I don't hear from my guitarist in a couple of years and then I get a freaked out phone call from her. Turns out he got big time into an Alex Jones youtube rabbit hole , went a bit crazy on the antivax stuff, then beat the poo poo out of his wife when she said she had taken their kid in for the measles shot. I told her to gtf out and if necessary call the immigration department and have him deported if she's really scared. I tried to confront him but the sheer anger and hostility was off the scale. Last I heard from him was early last year, he was living in his car and an AVO out against him and spending his time recording youtube videos where he takes Wolfmother songs and rewrites the lyrics to be about how evil people who wear masks are. Lost cause. Fucken shame too, the guy was an epic singer and guitarist. Like some sort of mashup of Kurt Cobain meets the dude from Queens of the stone age. But I will not tolerate wife beaters. His ex wife is still friends with me. I let her know that when we welcomed her into the friend circle over here, none of us would exile her from it, just because our friend had victimized her. She's part of the family now, he's not anymore. Wifebeaters are worthless cowards and I refuse to further victimise his wife by excluding her from my friendship or the local punk scene here if she ever decides to visit again (probably not) The second was my Cousin. The guy was always a bit of a dickhead. Country guy who loves guns, cars and beer, worked as a mechanic in dubai, married an absolutely stunning norwegian woman, moved her back to australia and they settled down and had kids. But he was normal, in a cashed-up redneck sort of way. Then youtube got him. Last I spoke to him, he was full blown Qanon, ranting about vaccine conspiracies, and bullying his emphysema suffering elderly mother into not getting vaccinated. We ended up sneaking her off to get her vaccine, but she was genuinely terrified of her son. Like, fearing he'd kill her. He's pretty much been ostricised by the whole family except his terrified mother. He believes *ALL* the crazy things, and he's got a violent disposition about it. We dont know if he's abusing his wife, but we all suspect it. Either way, he's not coming anywhere near my parents house if I have any say in it, especially with my dad fighting prostate cancer and on some pretty gnarly immunosuppresants. Covid would kill him and I'm not ready to lose that wonderful old man. These conspiracy theories are loving up everyones families, and it angers me that right wing media and conservative politics are intentionally amplifying this poo poo because conspiracy theorists are easy to manipulate and turn into voters for their shitful parties. II mean, sure I've got a few ideas that are probably nutty seeming to my family, I'm a died in the wool anarcho-syndicalist and I'm not exactly opposed to a "burn down parliment" revolution, should it ever happend and not be driven by fascists. But I've also got the brains to know when theres a sensible audience for that, and that audience definately does not include my elderly parents , or drearily middle-class wider family. But thats the different. This new right wing conspiracy radicalism doesnt give a *poo poo* about peoples personal ties. The believers are only a means to an end, and those running this grift dont give a gently caress if its destroying the social worlds of the followers. duck monster fucked around with this message at 16:54 on Dec 22, 2021 |
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 16:51
|
|
|
100% do that. gently caress him and his poo poo. He set the example of 'cleverly' exploiting others, show him what you learned.
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2021 17:20
|
|
|
blunt for century posted:I hope this made sense. Thank you for sharing. Based on what you wrote, it sounds more like your cruel dad was drawn to cruel ideologies. It doesn't sound like your normal, sweet dad was poisoned by Fox News or Rush. Stay strong and maintain those boundaries.
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2021 23:37
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 4, 2024 06:20 |
|
|
Yeah, that dad and a lot of people who get big into reactionary politics sound like they have underlying personality stuff going on that makes conservatism attractive to them rather than things happening the other way around. It’s a different dynamic from the reasonable parent who uses media consumption to fill a hole and gets sucked into it. It’s more that cruel, selfish people are attracted to a worldview that allows them to wallow in their cruelty rather than pretend or reach for rationalization. This word has been thrown around a lot in the last decade, but that dad sounds like a textbook narcissist and deserves to be cut off from the family he couldn’t understand how to appreciate.
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2021 00:57
|
|