What are old threads you think about every once in a while?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > What are old threads you think about every once in a while?

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

F fingerblast that little turd

# ¿ Sep 2, 2020 20:54

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 04:58

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

also yes I do think "small pastry" every single time I see a shrimp, thanks everyone. now if someone's ever reading my mind when i see a shrimp they'll think i'm a moron.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2020 03:04

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

And the bear said "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

# ¿ Sep 4, 2020 17:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

And I said "what terrible rear end !"

# ¿ Sep 4, 2020 17:51

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Skratte posted:

That goon whose little brother was sounding with like a bicycle pump thing. I hope that kid got help.

"the ol' spicy dickhole" is also part of my personal lexicon

# ¿ Sep 5, 2020 02:02

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

quote:

I think there's a comic artist named Dolcett or somesuch who specialized in drawings and illustrated stories of women who were being spit-roasted and eaten, but that involved Vlad III-style impalings through the privates and out the mouth.

As far as actually doing something irl that doesn't involve murder, cannibalism, and/or a mess... ummm... roleplay that involves basting your "victim" before nibbling/biting them is the only thing that comes to mind. Maybe incorporating ham into your play?

# ¿ Sep 6, 2020 18:17

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Plant MONSTER. posted:

I shared that thread with my circle and they weren't nearly as tickled by it as I was.

It helped that it was out of NOWHERE in its original context but also your friends are lame because that story is so loving good

# ¿ Sep 10, 2020 05:10

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Literally A Person posted:

There was some thread, I don't even remember what it was honestly, in which Pick drew some truly grotesque pictures of like tail-anuses or something and though I don't think of the thread often those pencil drawings haunt me in my sleep.

he's referring to me having some sport in the "What's the weirdest thing you've ever cranked one out to" thread

Pick posted:

We have to begin in history with a simple question: Why do cats poop in secret ways?

The answer: because they do not have wiener in the back.

Though it is important to cats to spray to express their whereabouts, their precise control is restricted to the pfft-pfft-pfft of the little spraycan.

If the cat had availed itself of an evolutionary pooping wiener, it could move beyond the oft-hidden tumble turds and instead possess a marker to match the whizz.

If humans had such a tube, to control the poop and where it was deposited, it would be much to our advantage. See FIGURE 1.

FIGURE 1.

This is a tube, like the toy water willy, that connects to the "traditional anus area" and then translocates the anus to the end of the flesh passage. See FIGURE 2.

FIGURE 2.

The spinal column is not in this tube. It operates by the same mechanisms as the trunk of an elephant, but as it is the submissive orientation, the "receptive alignment", it is weak. There is smooth muscle in the intestinal wall, and there is muscle in the sphincter, but largely, the appendage hangs. The human arm/hand can hygienically maneuver the poop tube and ensure poop is deposited according to owner preferences. See FIGURE 3.

FIGURE 3.

We must now explore the cultural dimension of the poop tube. Obviously, the civilized man would not leave something so indicative of his "animal plight" unmarred. Furthermore, there is the matter of "stimulation" of the "receptive alignment". The prostate, as noted, is a warm button of fatty jelly housed in the taint. So for the aggressive whizz-wiener to command the button and unleash the heat, the length of the poop tube must be roughly equivalent to the length of the penis.

This is not the natural configuration. The poop tube must be truncated. See FIGURE 4.

FIGURE 4.

This produces a ring of scar tissue, and the turds tumble out aimlessly. This is a gesture of trust.

Naturally, inserting the penis, roughly, into a tube which has lost the natural protection of its giving sphincter, means there will be tears. Tears mean blood, and tears mean scabs. Excessive scabbing and scar tissue is indicative of a partner who is "sexually excessive" in either force (causing lacerations and abrasions which are punishing to the weak flesh of the poop tube) or in the demands of his schedule (not allowing for tissue to heal, and possibly causing infections and improper oozing). However, a neglected rim suggests a receptive partner who is unappealing, or that it entertains a weak or lackadaisical penis.

The correct amount of sexual wear-and-tear causes few scabs that heal and flake. This creates a gleaming rim of fresh, shining skin (the skin you see under a scab). This, the ring of the poop tube is like the sugar of a margarita, catching the light, inviting with a tease. A modest man can keep his tube as such.

Of course, the poop tube is truncated to the necessary length for the corresponding penis of the partner. Otherwise, the penis will not reach its intended target, or the jelly-button will be jammed to excess.

If the poop tube is kept long, it is evidence that the recipient keeps BIG HOG company. See FIGURE 5.

FIGURE 5.

Therefore, the one with a very short tube, barely a lip, is configured for the smallest penis only (everyone will know!), and his poop will tumble near his buttcheeks. Remember that this can, and would be, and should be, disgusting to anyone, and that we only tolerate our very pooping hole living among the rump because God himself has willed it so.

Meanwhile, the one with a truncated poop tube that is long and wrecked, is someone who obviously DEMANDS a companion who is hulking and artless. It is vulgar. And to see a partner with a torn, dangling rim on the end of a loose, flapping hose, is a matter of disgust, and theirs will be a tattered flag of abandoned pleasures.

Anyone whose poop tube suggests "deviant proportions" would be known and they would know it themselves, as they directed their poop to the repository, their hand on their dishonor.

Surely there are skeptics who will fail to extol my shiny anus worldbuilding, however, it distills the essence of sex.

e: typo

# ¿ Sep 12, 2020 03:09

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Pastry of the Year posted:

I swear to god I click on the worst loving threads and I know I'm doing it while I'm doing it

# ¿ Sep 12, 2020 05:06

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 04:58

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Enhydra lutris

# ¿ Sep 18, 2020 18:33

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > What are old threads you think about every once in a while?