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Mister Speaker
May 8, 2007

WE WILL CONTROL
ALL THAT YOU SEE
AND HEAR
This movie fucks. I think it's my favourite action film of all time, even moreso than Aliens but that's a tough call.

A story:

A few years ago I went to see T2 in a local repertoire theatre, on Judgment Day (August 29th). This theatre often lets people rent it out and put on... whatever, from student film fests to nostalgia like this. It's also used as a Dolby-approved 7.1 mixing studio when it's not open to the public. This doesn't sound like an important detail but it kind of is.

So we sat down in the theatre, and groaned through a short skit the organizers had put on featuring a resistance member being taken out by (someone who was way too skinny to play) a T800. OK, this is some amateur hour poo poo but whatever, it's kind of endearing. Then the room went dark and the curtains drew, and... a Blu-Ray menu appeared onscreen. Ugh, I guess I shouldn't have expected more but it was definitely a bit of a let-down to know we're watching this off of someone's borrowed BR copy.

After some awkward clicking through menu options the movie starts. With no sound. As you might expect from a room full of nostalgic dweebs, we picked up on it immediately. Some people started shouting, two or three people got up and went to the back to inform the projectionist, I just sat there with my drink and slowly got more mad. But something kind of hilarious and beautiful happened:

The audience started creating the sound effects and music with their mouths.

People were making pew-pew laser and explosion sounds alongside the future war scenes, and some were humming the theme music.

Finally, nearly at the end of the future war sequence, the disc was stopped, back to the Blu-Ray menu, and started again. Music! Great, we've got sound. Except, wait, something's wrong... Isn't there supposed to be a Sarah Connor voice-over right from the beginning?

The center channel was missing. Someone didn't correctly connect the audio leads. From a Blu-Ray player. In a Dolby-approved mixdown room.

The audience kind of played along, some were irate, others tried to fumble their way through their memories of the VO narration. When aged-and-scarred John Connor showed up wearing fatigues with a 'CONNOR' nametape on them, someone near the front yelled "WHO'S THAT?!?!"

Eventually the center channel was connected and we watched the whole film, and got ticket refunds on the way out. To this day I still can't decide if the experience was infuriating or hilarious.

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