Post the worst pizza ever in this thread: No Gods, No Mestres

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steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

gschmidl posted:

I had two conversations about this at the store register.

Cashier: Oh, I saw this and I want to try it, let me know what it's like?
Me: Will do.

(one week later)

Cashier: Did you try that pizza burger?
Me: It's not very good.
Cashier: Yeah, we hated it too.

YOu need to try their chocolate pizza.Turns out the melted cheap chocolate is somehow disgustingly chalky and the dry pizza base makes it worse.

# ¿ Sep 18, 2020 20:49

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 11:00

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

That's just grotesque

# ¿ Sep 19, 2020 16:52

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Cartoon Man posted:

I think I’d rather eat that pizza posted earlier with the bag of frozen veggies thrown on top.

# ¿ Sep 20, 2020 16:46

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Big Beef City posted:

It's an electric

It's still a terrible design, and a specifically American one, all the electrical stoves I've ever seen have had the controls on the front or to the side.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2020 13:18

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Yes, enjoy your despicable back knobs like a bunch of animals, swinging your ungainly arms wildly to reach them without grace, without reason, without purpose.

Meanwhile I'm going to change the temperature on my burner with a mere elegant, understated flick of the wrist, like a well oiled machine built to satisfy the demands of both efficiency and good taste without embarrassing myself with unnecessary displays of primitive spirit.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2020 13:38

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Son of Rodney posted:

Hah, add to that list a "la famiglia" pizzaria which propably exists in more countries than a mcdonalds

while we're at it I'm not sure if this was posted before, but it's real, and it's horrible, and it's my friend

Yeah, it tastes even worse than you are imagining.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2020 22:14

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

shadow puppet of a posted:

It�s that German infinite egg tube thing which legally is not �an egg� anywhere but in Germany any maybe a resort with a critical mass of ridiculously tanned Germans demanding to not be served any white-only egg slices.

The egg tube is the superior egg preparation method.

Anyway, the German pizza is better, but why were the people of old afraid of cheese?

# ¿ Sep 28, 2020 01:14

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Fromdusktilprawn posted:

Never saw any pizza in Sweden like that one. Maybe from Denmark or Norway?

Sweden has some weird food, but that pizza ain't one of them.

It's Scandinavian themed pizza, not pizza from Scandinavia.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2020 10:49

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

shadow puppet of a posted:

Don Onofre's Restaurant is not Brazil's sole Godfather themed pizzeria but it is the only one that focuses strictly on the "look how they massacred my boy" scene and Don Onofre himself walks out to your table, mouth and jowl wadded with paper napkins, hoarsely mumbles the line and then serves you "The Sonnny".

I refuse to acknowledge this as food

It's something they scooped out of the drain.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2020 10:40

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

I honestly think this one is the worst so far, with the whole canned mushrooms and that THICK layer of melty dairy goodness. Can't wait to spend the rest of my life on the toilet after eating this

Don't blame the pizza for your frail constitution.

# ¿ Oct 4, 2020 08:55

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

I would probably eat the pesto quarter and use the rest to smother the owner of the restaurant to death.

# ¿ Oct 4, 2020 11:24

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

shadow puppet of a posted:

Home of the toothpaste pizza

# ¿ Oct 6, 2020 11:45

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

TheAardvark posted:

i looked up buying catupiry online but a lot of the reviews said it gets shipped unrefrigerated and goes bad in days

goon project for someone to cook and eat a brazilian style pizza

Just buy ricota.

# ¿ Oct 6, 2020 18:02

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

THe good doctor has a new (at least I don't remember seeing it) pizza variety called Feliciana, which is a sour dough base pizza. It's become probably my favorite frozen pizza, it's legit good.

# ¿ Oct 7, 2020 16:34

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

I've heard about a pizza pie, but this is ridiculous.

# ¿ Oct 7, 2020 18:57

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Are there Brazilian places that make normal pizza without choclate and catupiry and weird stuffed tumor crust, and how quickly do they go bankrupt?

If I go to Brazil and ask for margherita, what are the odds the chef will think I'm insane and top it with ice cream and candy bars because nobody could want just plain pizza?

steinrokkan fucked around with this message at 14:41 on Nov 15, 2020

# ¿ Nov 15, 2020 14:39

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Kitkat bun looks good, an upgraded pain au chocolat

# ¿ Nov 15, 2020 14:41

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

I've googled gjetos and from the looks and decription of it, it seems like something you'd eat if you thought American was too fancy

# ¿ Nov 18, 2020 00:43

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Sometimes it's better.

Usually it's pile of cheese o white bread

# ¿ Jan 5, 2021 16:48

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Lincoln posted:

This is the best pizza I've ever eaten (click to zoom!):

Probably doesn't look like much from here, but I'm not a great photographer. This is the "white" (opposed to "red") version of a cracker-thin crust pie with mozzarella, Canadian bacon, American bacon, pepperoni and Italian sausage. Everything except the sausage is sliced paper-thin. You want vegetables, order a salad. I usually enjoy this with a glass of Franziskaner Hefe-Weisse, but I ordered takeout this time and took the photos in my office.

I think a page or two ago, some mentally-damaged idiot said American pizza was bad. Said moron probably assumed all American food was McDonald's-grade poo poo-tier garbage. I submit this as evidence that American pizza is in fact the best pizza on the surface of the Earth. If the US had something as stupid as Eurovision, but for pizza, this would be my nation's submission. It would win, and they would then cancel Pizzavision forever.

When you hear authentic pizza fans talk about "curly" pepperoni, this is what they're taking about :

That's not a sliced hotdog. This 12-inch pizza cost $20 (to contrast with the $5 Little Caesar's I posted a few pages ago). Everything this place makes is of similar quality, and it's like half a mile from my house.. Gaze...GAZE NOW upon what you cannot have:

That last image should be the background on your phone.

looks bad, tod

too bad you've been so poisoned by american pizza you are now utterly unable to identify quality

# ¿ Jan 12, 2021 12:33

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Pennywise the Frown posted:

And "well you can make the slices your own size" is stupid. You cut them all equally so it doesn't look like a picasso when you're done with it.

It takes 5 seconds.

Just follow a tutorial if you don't feel too confident in yourself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSRN3hjzVkQ

# ¿ Jan 12, 2021 18:41

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

The vicious American pizza loving clique has finally overstepped its boundaries and let their true colors show. I'm reviewing my options in light of this barbarism.

# ¿ Jan 12, 2021 21:27

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

I just place the whole uncut pizza on a Lazy Susan and nibble at the edges as it goes around.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2021 12:22

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Drone_Fragger posted:

We ran out of food so we got pizza for dinner tonight. Sorry about the angle i'm godawful at camera phones.

Normally I'd question a vomit base, but in this case it's about right.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2021 23:30

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

We've evolved to recoil from food that is covered with pus-filled cysts

# ¿ Jan 24, 2021 14:03

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

Literally the sign I would put on buried treasure that I would want people to find and dig up, have these people not heard of the Streisand Effect

Or tomb raiders
Or archeologists

"haha, look at those old superstitious fools"

# ¿ Jan 24, 2021 22:37

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

The oven is not actually on during this time

Somebody hasn't heard about pizza confit

# ¿ Jan 27, 2021 14:47

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Cartoon Man posted:

This definitely looks good to eat but I like how lumpy and blob-like it is.

Nice focaccia

# ¿ Jan 30, 2021 21:17

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Well at least it isn't dry

# ¿ Feb 5, 2021 12:19

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr posted:

Just as a reminder, those are not individual pizza 'brotinhos' but something you share with your family and friends while boozing it up.

Well you shouldn't.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2021 21:02

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Even if you like Nutella (ew), pizza must be one of the worst vehicles for it. You are actively trying to make your food worse.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2021 22:17

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Uh.. what does an American cucumber look like

# ¿ Mar 5, 2021 13:21

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Now that's Crocante

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 12:02

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Take the plunge! Okay! posted:

That�s a bit underdone, but close to what I usually have. The dough looks good, but needs another minute or two in the oven.

Is reporting a post to the mods still the standard method of bringing attention to posters with clear suicidal tendencies?

# ¿ Apr 18, 2021 19:27

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Isn�t this just like Ohio style or something? I feel like it�s come up before.

There's a particular place that is "famous" for the cold cheese shtick, and comes up semi-regularly as a result. You are probably thinking about that.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2021 14:52

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

You know the pizza is fresh when it's still covered in scabs.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2021 22:27

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

On January 30, 1989, Kenneth Lamar Noid, a mentally ill man who thought the ad campaign was a personal attack on himself, entered a Domino's restaurant in Chamblee, Georgia, armed with a .357 Magnum and held two employees hostage for over five hours.

# ¿ May 3, 2021 13:01