|
I’m looking from some feedback on my fantasy novel. In the writing thread, Leng suggested this would be a good place so here it goes. https://docs.google.com/document/d/10-2C2xG5kUQLGKscHneohwRW88G3ffh8/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=107950934718105266587&rtpof=true&sd=true This is the opening section, it’s around 7000 words. Still working on my pitch but the basic premise is the main character is a former assassin who's become a kind of self-employed security consultant. I’d say it’s a cross between Terry Pratchett’s Discworld, specifically Night Watch, and Scott Lynch’s Lies of Lock Lamora series. Its primary goal is to be funny but occasionally it might make some kind of broader point. I’ve pretty much halved the novel since finishing the first draft and I’d be really grateful to get some eyes on it to see if it works. My partner has read it but at this point we’ve both read the thing so many times we’ve lost all perspective. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad, maybe I accidentally deleted a lot of necessary information that we are just inferring the existence of it. Impossible to know. Anyway, thanks to anyone willing to give it a look!
|
#
¿
Jan 10, 2023 18:10
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 14, 2024 04:31 |
|
|
Thanks for the feedback! Regarding the first scene, I agree completely. I really wanted to start the book with a weird hook but it looking at it now there needs to be more actual scene setting. That’s definitely something I’ll work on. I think I ended up cutting too much set up and information. I want most of the setting to be passively established but without establishing the basics it’s probably a bit much. There’s some stuff that needs to revealed later but then there’s a lot of stuff, like there being so many kingdoms, that should just be spelled out at the start. Book is pretty much done but the start has been the part I’ve struggled with the most so I really appreciate this kind level of feedback. Thanks again!
|
|
#
¿
Jan 10, 2023 22:34
|
|
|
Leng posted:Alright I've read the first 7k too! Have left you some inline reactions in your doc. The only major thing that bothered me is the opening, same as penguin. The rest of the points, I'll disagree on, in the sense that yes, you can add all that in line edits but structurally, this is solid. When I'm reading something that's snarky and absurd, I'm not really hanging out for these details; as long as you keep the jokes coming (and boy, you sure did, this was hilarious), I'm down for the ride. Thanks so much for the feedback Leng! I really appreciate you highlighting lines you liked, first and foremost the book is supposed to be funny and it’s nice to see what’s getting a good reaction. Would be delighted if you read the rest but iI can't figure out what the email associated with the comments is. I’ll try pming you link. a friendly penguin posted:Agreed with this. If the story keeps moving and the absurdity is the main focus, you can absolutely gloss over a lot of the details I pointed out. And I don't think even the details I want would take more than half a sentence to hand wave an answer at to satisfy me or even just a reordering of information that you've already included. This is clearly not some glorious internally consistent worldbuilding epic. And no one going into it will expect it to be. So as long as you do what Leng said, you won't get too many people really digging into the particulars. I think you were spot on with a lot of your feedback. For me the setting and characters are so well defined in my head that I kind of brushed over stuff that would need set up. Like the way the second scene starts made sense to me but it needs some groundwork if it’s actually going to work as a joke. I’ve made some changes based on what you and Leng mentioned, I think it’s addressed the most glaring stuff but there are some things I’m holding back on for story reasons. My general goal is to maintain a certain momentum that keeps you going and reveal things as the story goes. Honestly, I do want the worldbuilding to be consistent and I think generally is. But I guess it’s kind of in the way Discworld is consistent where things are a bit farcical but it’s still a world people have to live in. Anyway, I hope the changes better establish some of that.
|
|
#
¿
Jan 18, 2023 18:33
|
|
|
Hoping to get some feedback on the blurb for my novel. I guess the main thing I’m trying to get across is it’s funny but it does have an actual story and stakes. I’ve been trying to get a halfway decent blurb for weeks and this is where I’ve ended up.Beneath the Irithni Eye posted:King Jusp Corathian is going to die and Misen Delaur doesn’t care.
|
|
#
¿
Feb 27, 2023 23:52
|
|