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I’m not great at crits, but I’ll give you my quick impressions as a reader. I’ll disagree a little bit with Leng and say that I did not mind the shifts away from Tom to the other characters. I’m not usually a fan of multi-POVs in my urban fantasy, but I thought you handled it well. I was not bored during the shift to Martha’s POV, because it was obvious that her story was going to connect the larger narrative. I think it’s fine to trust your readers sometimes with the introduction of new characters and plots with the expectation that they will be important later. On that note, the level of foreshadowing was also fine to me. I’m good with vague at the start as long as it builds during the narrative. The prologue was really the only part that didn’t work for me. It was close, though. I needed a bit more of an introduction to the characters. Yes, I know Chris is eaten right away, but having Tom interact and reflect on Chris (since Tom is the POV character) could be used to build Tom’s character up. The guy’s transition to a monster was too abrupt. And, as Leng pointed out, why the hell did he answer the door? It’s a plot hole that bugs me. Overall, the prologue is too brief, it’s over too quickly. I do appreciate that you were going for a hook that grabs the reader right away—and it did—but it could be expanded just a bit to add more detail, more characterization for Tom. I can guess that you were trying to convey that Tom is in a bit of a bad way after watching his friend get eaten, but his question about the job opening at the end comes across as callous rather than the result of shock. Smaller things: -Your writing is deft and a joy to read. I have no issues with that at all. -Watch your POV. It feels like you’re going for 3rd person limited observer, but sometimes you drift toward omniscient observer. Example: when Tom is staring at nothing out of the car window and yet the narrative is aware of the suited man staring at him. It’s not something Tom would be able to see. There were a couple times this happened and it was jarring to me (may not bother other people) -I still don’t really know Tom, although it honestly didn’t bother me too much because I got the sense that I will get to know him as the story unfolds. I know Martha more, even after her relatively short introduction. Her voice has more character. I kind of get the impression Tom is a ‘go with the flow’ kind of guy, which can sometimes make characterization difficult. So, just something to watch, I guess? -The mystery is interesting and I could see myself continuing to read.
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Apr 10, 2021 15:52
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Hi thread. Can I get some crits on my blurb? It’s been through a few rounds of crits from my writing group, and a little workshop. I am mostly happy with it (as happy as one can be about your own blurb, I suppose). Anyway, the book is very close to being done, and I’m thinking about all the bells and whistles: cover, blurb, series name, etc. Would really appreciate any thoughts.quote:Run away to a small coastal town. Leave your dark past behind. Start over.
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Jan 19, 2023 00:59
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You should post in the Goon Book thread in Book Barn, too. I’ve bought a copy (even though I’ve already read it  )
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Sep 25, 2023 22:59
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