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Popeston posted:Hoping to get some feedback on the blurb for my novel. I guess the main thing I’m trying to get across is it’s funny but it does have an actual story and stakes. I’ve been trying to get a halfway decent blurb for weeks and this is where I’ve ended up. To me the first line feels very weak: if the protagonist doesn't care, why should I? The premise laid out in the second paragraph seems to be that the heroine is some kind of counter-assassin consultant who protects kings. That's really cool! But it isn't stated explicitly so much as it's roundaboutly implied, so figuring it out takes more work than I want to do as a blurb-reader. "Luckily, a delay is all her old friend Broukas Mal needs. If Jusp Corathian survives until the Irithni Eye eclipse then Broukas can rebuild her life." This line has way less context than it needs for it to hook me emotionally. What is the Irithni Eye? How does it relate to Broukas rebuilding her life? Do I even care about Broukas? Of course you could answer these questions, but a blurb can only be so long. I'd suggest instead condensing these lines to something like "Misen didn't want to take this job, but she had to: it's her last chance to make things right with her oldest friend." I don't know if that's exactly accurate to your book, but my point is to focus on the emotional hook for Misen rather than the details. The fact that she doesn't have to save the king, just delay his inevitable death, is a rather unique idea but difficult to get across clearly in blurb form. What is it that makes this death so inevitable, anyway? We're told that Misen is "fautless" and "talented" so why is she so certain that the case is hopeless? "the barren Kingdom of Mamsevi" - so is this the same kingdom that Corathian is king of, or a different one? If it's the former, consider just saying "the Kingdom". And if it's the latter... geez, I don't know. It is an interesting and charming concept, but it's also completely unrelated to anything else in the blurb. "her talent, her cunning, and her giant warrior-turned-baker" I'd like this warrior-turned-baker to be described a bit more. Are they like her assistant/sidekick? Or are they the same person as "Broukas Mal"? Also, "her talent, her cunning" sounds redundant, maybe switch to "all her formidable talent" or similar? Overall, this sounds like a compelling novel with an original premise, but that premise didn't immediately jump at me from the blurb, I had to dig for it.
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Mar 5, 2023 03:11
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 11:14 |
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