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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Fiction Farm to Table: Artisanal crits ITT
 
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CaptainCrunch
Mar 19, 2006
droppin Hamiltons!

newts posted:

Hi thread. Can I get some crits on my blurb? It’s been through a few rounds of crits from my writing group, and a little workshop. I am mostly happy with it (as happy as one can be about your own blurb, I suppose). Anyway, the book is very close to being done, and I’m thinking about all the bells and whistles: cover, blurb, series name, etc. Would really appreciate any thoughts.
I’ll take a stab at this. My “critique vocabulary” is decades out of use so please forgive me if something isn’t clear.

I feel like you’re using too many “weak” words. “Pretty, boring" and so on. I think you can afford to punch it up a bit here, a blurb is supposed to capture the reader as quickly as possible. Also the concepts, the info you're trying to convey, sometimes feels too smushed together and other times not informative enough.
Hmm, I did a bit of a write-over, if that’s ok. BTW You meant “new ghost” as in the bloke just died, not newly arrived at Parker’s door, yes?

quote:

Run away to a tiny coastal town. Leave the past in the past. A fresh start.

At least, that had been the plan. Jack Parker had been rather proud of it. It had worked, for a while, landing him the hum-drum life of a bookseller, without so much as a hint of magic to bring back all those dark memories. But now there’s a ghost on his doorstep, freshly dead, asking for his help. Then there’s the detective. Obsessed with solving his partner’s murder, Detective Richard Zuraw seems intent on shattering what little remains of Jack’s idyllic life in the bookstore. It doesn’t help that Detective Zuraw is maddeningly handsome.

Torn between his desire for the quiet life and for the all-too-attractive detective, Jack finds himself thrown back into the life he thought he’d escaped. A life of warring magical houses, talismans of great power and insane cultists who would just as soon cut the throat of a mage like Jack as talk to him.

Can Jack and Richard work together? They’ll have to, because solving this murder might just be the only thing that can stop the apocalypse. If not, can Jack figure out how to get into the detective’s pants before the end of the drat world?
* # ¿ Jan 24, 2023 07:49
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# ¿ May 14, 2024 08:48
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CaptainCrunch
Mar 19, 2006
droppin Hamiltons!
A tiny bit of thread necromancy so that I may request feedback on the blurb for my second book. This would be a follow up to All In should you have seen it mentioned in other threads. Thanks in advance.

quote:

Xenia Findlay despises her new life in the sleepy town of Porter Valley. After tragedy tore her from her home in Los Angeles, she was taken in by a Great-Aunt she hardly knows. In spite of this kindness, Xenia’s miserable, alone and bullied. Just as she’s ready to succumb to her grief, she wakes one morning to find that everything she knew about the world was wrong.

Magic is real.

Not just magic, but creatures out of myth and legend are real too. As wonderful as this might sound, Xenia winds up in trouble faster than she can say Presto! You see, most of those creatures don’t play well with humans to begin with and now that Xenia’s begun to dabble in magic, she seems to have a target on her back.

Because bad news is never bad enough, students at her new school have been disappearing. Every week means another empty chair.
And then the bodies start turning up.
* # ¿ Aug 14, 2023 21:02
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CaptainCrunch
Mar 19, 2006
droppin Hamiltons!
Good point. Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.

Ok, power armor for ghosts? Clicking that link now...

Edit: Tore through it. Enjoyable little read! I left my comments in the google docs itself.

CaptainCrunch fucked around with this message at 00:09 on Aug 19, 2023

* # ¿ Aug 18, 2023 21:23
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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Fiction Farm to Table: Artisanal crits ITT