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Manager Hoyden posted:Come in, close the door. Yeah this talk is about your work ethic. You called in sick twice this month and that has me questioning your commitment to this team. If you want to stay a part of this family then you need to decide what kind of person you are. Are you the kind of person who will let a sniffle stand in the way of doing what we need you to do? Let that be the last time. I expect better from you. This one is super-loving-real.
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Oct 16, 2020 19:14
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| # ? May 16, 2024 14:12 |
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Hey I gave away too much free poo poo last month to try to appease clients/show-off so no more employees discounts until further notice.
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Oct 16, 2020 21:53
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I know you're an intern that's supposed to write his master thesis here but we're hurting for workforce, so we'd prefer you working on international projects ranging up to 500.000€ so our one engineer assigned to it doesn't have to do everything by himself. We think our 650€ per month intern wage is fair, why do you want more.
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Oct 16, 2020 22:10
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I convinced my emoyees to work under the table because of taxes, even though they don't earn enough to pay any taxes, but it's really just about denying them comp and overtime
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Oct 17, 2020 19:48
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I want to focus on growing the business but everything that I am handing off to you to take the load off of me is being done wrong and I am completely insane and cannot handle anyone handling my baby.
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Oct 17, 2020 19:53
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I just get a bunch of foreign college kids by saying they'll have a great opportunity to practice their English. Then if they don't do exactly what I say I can threaten their visas.
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Oct 17, 2020 19:55
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*gets "hair cut" every single thursday of every week even though everybody knows im wearing a wig*
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Oct 17, 2020 20:04
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Man, being a private insurance adjuster is amazing! *Has “business meetings” at Hooters with local water restoration company to get kickbacks from insurance claims* *Doesn’t show up to work because he was once again arrested for beating his wife* *Forgets to hide his delivery of off-brand viagra to the office* *Makes 50 year old receptionist cry on a regular basis* *Buys $600k house with cash* “Trump’s gonna make America great again, you know?” “Why does MLK get his own holiday?”
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Oct 17, 2020 20:52
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So I know you interviewed for a position as “occupational health coordinator”, but we’re going to hire you and have you work as a medical assistant to “learn the business”. Yes the pay is less than half of what we said in your interview, but eventually you’ll get that job when we’re done stringing you along. Yes, you’re the fourth person we’ve pulled this poo poo on and none of them have stuck around more than three months. Oh, and we’re going to send you to do some work for a client that is looking to hire someone with your exact skill set that pays 4x what we’re paying you. This will in no way bite us in the rear end when you bail and use that job to start a competing company that takes a bunch of our clients. I have really thought all of this through.
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Oct 17, 2020 21:29
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If I allow internet access to the dozen or so employees, they will immediately turn into total slackwads that don't get anything done all day long. Instead I will be the bastion, the gatekeeper to the internet! All requests for info off the internet will funnel through me! I will deem what is worthy of internet info and parcel it out in kind; or deny it. poo poo that would take 45 seconds, pulling up spec sheets, checking price points, or inventory stocks; 50 or more requests a day, and we may have to have meetings on some of it. It will all run through me, and this is an efficient business model. Now that we have that under control, lets have a weeks worth of meetings about why all of you are not as productive as you could be. I so do not miss that poo poo.
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Oct 17, 2020 21:52
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You're going to be paid hourly so I know you won't slack off; I don't care if Fridays are slow you can't leave early. STOP GOING OVERTIME! I'M NOT MADE OF MONEY
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Oct 18, 2020 08:36
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*somehow skirts laws requiring you give employees 15-minute breaks* *makes employees perform back-breaking repetitive labor for 10 hours a day* "We noticed you sitting down while working on the panopticon-style camera system, we're gonna have to let you go"
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Oct 18, 2020 08:49
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I have opened a small cafe, and complain about penalty rates on minimum wages. It's only a small profit on weekends after paying all the people running around trying to keep up with busy periods and giving up their weekends! It would be a BIG profit for me if only they were paid their regular wages!!! No, I won't work weekends myself to 'cut costs'. You're lucky I even handle the bookkeeping sometimes, after all, this is my investment, I shouldn't have to WORK here.
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Oct 18, 2020 10:15
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I don't understand why we're getting bad yelp reviews, unless it's because all of YOU are screwing up! I'm going to be carefully watching all of you, since I have never made a mistake in my life and this business means the world to me. *buys the cheapest possible ingredients to save money* *installs flagpole with giant TRUMP 2020 and DON'T TREAD ON ME flags in the front parking lot* No more half hour breaks, guys, we're down to 15 minutes. We can't let people think you're just screwing around all day. And you must surrender your cellphone when you come in, you screw around far too much all day long. *heads back into my office to jerk off before the dinner rush* Okay guys time to put on a happy face, we need to make sure people get the best possible experience at MY restaurant! *screams for 15 minutes at a customer wearing a Black Lives Matter shirt*
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Oct 19, 2020 13:12
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"I'm just going to order all my baked goods for the next two weeks, stick them in the fridge in the back, and restock as needed. It'll save us a ton of money!"
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Oct 19, 2020 13:41
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Guys, say hello to our new cashier, Candy. She's going to be making 5x what you do and working the easiest schedule because I am loving her. And, don't worry, she will come to me for the slightest perceived slight against her and I WILL make your life a living hell. Okay everybody let's have a good week!
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Oct 19, 2020 13:49
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"Okay guys, I know the month and a half shut-down really hurt us, but we're going to bounce back better than ever! In order to celebrate our big comeback we're holding an event at our restaurant on reopening day! I'm going to fill the place with people I hope to impress, and not bill them anything, and somehow this will lead to customers coming back." "Also, I'm ignoring all the advice my chef -- who is a retired restaurant owner with 34 years of business experience under his belt, and only here cuz he loves cooking so much and doesn't need the money -- and instead partner with my old college roommate who has been in engineering for 15 years to help me make better business decisions."
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Oct 19, 2020 14:37
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In 1996 I was hired to work at some small computer shop that sold off-brand beige boxes and did repairs and upgrades. The shop was owed by two guys who were brothers-in-law. Their wives (who were sisters) had a baby brother who was useless. He was the kid that peaked in grade 10 and never had a real job and had two kids by two different women by the time he was 19. The Sisters decided that Baby Brother needed a job so they forced the Brothers-In-Law to take him in. Except Baby Brother has zero knowledge of computers and wasn't about to learn. It seems Baby Brother was studying to be an electrician. So the Sisters said, "Well why not make it a computer store and electrician service?" I mean, it sorta of makes sense if we need a cable run but....yeah. However Baby Brother was far from being licensed so we had to hire a licensed electrician so we could actually perform the services were were advertising. So now the company, which is brand new by the way and barely making ends meet, is paying Baby Brother a journeyman salary, plus a licensed electrician, PLUS the new panel van for Baby Brother to drive. Meanwhile I'm getting my hours cut and working off the clock installing Windows 95 via floppy disks just so I can get experience. The electrician side of the business was actually doing well since we underbid on projects. Six months after we opened our doors and are barely turning a profit, the owners decide we need to triple our office/showroom space and hire a web developer and network guy. One the owners was previously in construction so they did all the drywall, flooring, painting, etc. themselves. Then they decide that me and the office manager are now full time construction employees despite us saying we were in no way hired to do any of that. A month later The Sisters decide they all need a family vacation to Disney. So the Brothers-in-Law take the Sisters and kids to Orlando for a week in the middle of the construction project. On Thursday the office manager is running out of her office and crying. "We don't have enough to cover payroll this week!". She gets one of the Brothers on the phone who tells her to take a cash advance on the company AmEx card and use that to cover payroll. A month after that the sales guy, office manager and I were let go. "We need to free up some capitol to help keep the electrician side going as its the only part turning a profit. Baby Brother should have his license soon and then we'll be back in business!" They defaulted on their rent and closed a few months later.
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Oct 19, 2020 19:17
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A Fancy Hat posted:I REFUSE to partake in these draconian lockdown procedures. My business is essential and I will take care of my employees. walmart isnt a small buisness friend
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Oct 19, 2020 19:40
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The business is a little short on cash, I'm just going to charge a few customer's credit cards twice. I don't think they'll notice. Uh oh, they noticed and are back in the restaurant, irate and demanding the bogus charge get reversed. Ill just call the cops and say they're being drunk and disorderly. (true story, owner went to jail for this among other things)
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Oct 19, 2020 21:33
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*dissolves business after being blacklisted from all credit card processors for too many chargebacks* *reopens business a month later with slightly different name* *repeats*
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Oct 19, 2020 21:51
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Cumfartcocktails posted:*somehow skirts laws requiring you give employees 15-minute breaks* You're scheduled 7.5 hours a day so we can give you 2 15 minute breaks and no lunch. It takes at least 20 minutes to walk to the cafeteria and buy lunch. Eating or drinking at the desk is forbidden. Don't be late!
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Oct 19, 2020 22:08
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Super Waffle posted:*dissolves business after being blacklisted from all credit card processors for too many chargebacks* *dissolves business after negative yelp/google/TripAdvisor/newspaper articles about poor food quality and failed inspections* *reopens restaurant a month later with slightly different name* *repeats* I watched a Chinese Buffet do this for 7 years. Every 18 months a new name but the same $5.99 AYCE Lobster Dinner on Christmas Day.
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Oct 19, 2020 23:05
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we are now doing business as #7748495385956g-76 and thats what you'll see on your checks
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Oct 19, 2020 23:28
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Super Waffle posted:*dissolves business after being blacklisted from all credit card processors for too many chargebacks* A chargeback? A chargeback! A loving CHAAARGEBACK. The wheelbarrow had no wheels in the box? The sign on my register says NO REFUNDS. Man MasterCard screws over small business owners.
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Oct 19, 2020 23:57
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the owner of the restaurant i worked at in college made all the wait staff create sock puppet yelp accounts and leave negative reviews on a competitor who actually had better food. turnover being what it was they actually dinged their avg pretty bad over the year or so i was there
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Oct 20, 2020 00:09
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*decides to burn down small business so that the socialists can't take it *forgets to be outside of the small business when burning it *calls fire department, is arrested and convicted of arson *complains about being persecuted by liberals
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Oct 20, 2020 00:17
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lets sponsor a childrens baseball team
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Oct 20, 2020 00:49
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THE RESTROOM IS FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY
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Oct 20, 2020 00:50
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*door bursts open and the stale stench of beer and cigarettes wafts into the store* capsule vending machine guy: SUP GRAMPS store owner: oh no, not again capsule vending machine guy: I GOT A NEW MACHINE TO PUT IN HERE BUT IM WARNING YA ITS PRETTY YELLOW store owner: ohh capsule vending machine guy: HERES $1.25 THATS YOUR CUT FROM THE MONTH, ALSO IM TAKING THIS PLATE store owner: ohhhhh
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Oct 20, 2020 01:14
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GolfHole posted:*door bursts open and the stale stench of beer and cigarettes wafts into the store* I like the idea that the natural predator of small business owners is the capsule machine guy.
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Oct 20, 2020 01:36
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Capsule machines just sit there and piss people off 25 cents at a time, the non-bank ATMs actually consume resources while generating high-stakes customer disputes and exploiting the owner's deep hatred of merchant fees
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Oct 20, 2020 01:56
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the last fiction book they read was Atlas Shrugged in 1983 and boy can you loving tell
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Oct 20, 2020 04:50
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They never read Atlas Shrugged, they looked at it for a few hours
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Oct 20, 2020 05:25
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This is my restaurant. It’s just me, my wife, and a never ending cycle of 5 college kids. We pool tips and then split them evenly every paycheck. *tips always magically split so that it’s $20 bucks in college kid’s paychecks*
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Oct 20, 2020 07:11
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It's a 25¢ charger on the card, is that okay? Yes, I know it is 2020.
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Oct 20, 2020 07:33
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i run a deepfried tofu stand. Every morning I wake up at 6 and ride my bike to the corner so i can prepare the bean curd and seven special sauces (homestyle, peanut, eel, curry, buffalo, sesame ginger and teriyaki) My customers have come to rely on me for all their fried curd needs which means I can’t let them down. It’s simple work but it’s been in my family for as long as I’ve been alive. There’s a pretty widow who lives down the road and is one of my regulars. She always gets the house special (two tofu on a stick with your choice of 2 special sauces and hotdog cut into an octopus shape - something people love but is extremely labor intensive). I contemplate asking her if she would like to learn how to cut the hotdogs into octopi but fail to work up the nerve. I am 5 years old and a well respected member of my community but a romance like ours would never work, I dream about telling her. We are too different: you’re a pretty widow and I have dedicated my entire life to perfecting my craft. It’s too late to give that up and I’m obligated to all my customers who need me to keep frying curd, and prepare my 7 special sauces. Late afternoon brings the lunch rush, so there’s no more time for daydreams.
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Oct 20, 2020 11:36
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GolfHole posted:lets sponsor a childrens baseball team I liked your wholesome post GolfHole!
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Oct 20, 2020 12:30
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Okay, time for your annual review! As you know, it's been a tough year, we've all had to tighten our belts here. But I want to make sure you're fairly compensated and rewarded for sticking around despite everything. Allllright, looks like you missed 3 days of work last year. That's not good. What happened there? Oh, your mom died? Is that going to be a recurring problem here? I mean, is your Dad close to death too? Maybe an aunt or uncle or something? Cause that's... we can't have you just hopping from funeral to funeral. And it also says here that you rarely volunteer to cover days you're not scheduled. What, am I not paying enough or something? I'm kidding but, uh... that's not great, either. Alright, well, I think it's fair to say this wasn't your best evaluation. We're gonna cut your pay by 20% this year. I'm sorry but I also took a similar paycut myself. No, you can't know how much money I make, that's not how this works.
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Oct 20, 2020 12:43
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| # ? May 16, 2024 14:12 |
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N. Senada posted:They never read Atlas Shrugged, they looked at it for a few hours even a broken clock moment
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Oct 20, 2020 14:02
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