|
I am writing this apology today with a heavy heart. As the owner and CEO of the Apple Butter Emporium, I realize that I am a pillar of this community. In recent days, comments that I made on my PRIVATE facebook page were leaked out, presumably by members of Antifa or BLM. Although I stand by those comments, I understand how some may be offended by them and apologize if you were offended. As such, I am stepping back from my role at Apple Butter Emporium. I will no longer be overseeing the day-to-day operations. Please continue to support our small business and my employees, who do not deserve your hatred. Perhaps one day we can all learn to get along, unfortunately, today has shown me that too many people have hate-filled hearts and only want to see a man's successes torn away from him. In addition, please remember that we are all Americans and we need to support the President. Although I was not a fan of the last President, I did not "hate" him as so many of you do today. *cuts all employee hours down to 15 hours a week in the same month he buys a new house* *starts selling "OBAMA = OBUNGLER" t-shirts in the Emporium*
|
#
¿
Oct 13, 2020 18:31
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 16, 2024 14:17 |
|
|
Hey folks, as you know we had a pretty incredible year this past year despite a lot of challenges. So I want to give you an option here, because you deserve a voice in this company. Our first option, which is really fun and cool! I could give you a one-time bonus of $500. You can buy SO MUCH with that, it's really cool. That's a new TV, or maybe you can get a bunch of new videogames. Something cool and crazy, really treat yourself! Or, and I have to legally mention this one even though it totally sucks and is terrible, I could give you each a TINY RAISE. You'd barely notice it AT ALL, you'd go from 8 dollars an hour to 15, and Uncle Sam would take most of it anyway! You know how they like to screw us hard workers over, right? Okay, I know some of you are voting for the raise increase but what part of "it totally sucks" did you not understand here.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 14, 2020 16:42
|
|
|
I REFUSE to partake in these draconian lockdown procedures. My business is essential and I will take care of my employees. *installs a single piece of plexiglass in front of the cash register, calls it a day*
|
|
#
¿
Oct 15, 2020 13:42
|
|
|
Fire prevention system? There's no fire now, why should I be paying money out of my pocket to prevent something that's not even happening? People are so dumb, but not me, I'm smart. That's why I own a Froyo shop.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 15, 2020 19:19
|
|
|
Hey guys! So this is my son, he's gonna be your new manager. He's going to make more money than you, has no experience in the store, and I'll never actually discipline him for anything. Ok, cool, I'm off to the golf course, just let my son know if you have any problems!
|
|
#
¿
Oct 15, 2020 19:56
|
|
|
Listen guys, you may have heard some rumors about Kelly and I having some... marital issues. I just want to say that I would appreciate some privacy during this time. We're going through some stuff, most of it is her fault, and I'm not sure where things are going to end up. Also just to clarify, this has NOTHING to do with the fact that I recently fired Rebecca. That is completely unrelated. And if she tells you anything different, then she's just lying to try and screw us all over. Okay? Yes, I took her to Dairy Queen but it was not a "date", and we didn't have sex in the back of the store. She's in college for god's sake, what would a 50 year old man want to do with a college girl? Finally, you might have noticed the cameras that were installed last night. These go directly to my house, that way Kelly can, uh, supervise things from home. Again, not related to the marital issues or to Rebecca at all.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 16, 2020 12:23
|
|
|
Okay guys, time to discuss the dress code policy. I KNOW! Nobody likes it, but we have to look professional. Guys, you must wear a black t shirt and jeans with black shoes. I'll give you flexibility in the shoes but the t-shirt has to be solid black. We cannot be advertising bands or whatever, just go buy some cheap black t shirts. Ladies, you must wear this low cut t shirt, skirt, pantyhose, and heels. I know a lot of you hate the pantyhose and heels, but it's my fetish. Er, I mean it's my policy. Yeah, that's the ticket.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 16, 2020 16:22
|
|
|
I don't understand why we're getting bad yelp reviews, unless it's because all of YOU are screwing up! I'm going to be carefully watching all of you, since I have never made a mistake in my life and this business means the world to me. *buys the cheapest possible ingredients to save money* *installs flagpole with giant TRUMP 2020 and DON'T TREAD ON ME flags in the front parking lot* No more half hour breaks, guys, we're down to 15 minutes. We can't let people think you're just screwing around all day. And you must surrender your cellphone when you come in, you screw around far too much all day long. *heads back into my office to jerk off before the dinner rush* Okay guys time to put on a happy face, we need to make sure people get the best possible experience at MY restaurant! *screams for 15 minutes at a customer wearing a Black Lives Matter shirt*
|
|
#
¿
Oct 19, 2020 13:12
|
|
|
Guys, say hello to our new cashier, Candy. She's going to be making 5x what you do and working the easiest schedule because I am loving her. And, don't worry, she will come to me for the slightest perceived slight against her and I WILL make your life a living hell. Okay everybody let's have a good week!
|
|
#
¿
Oct 19, 2020 13:49
|
|
|
Okay, time for your annual review! As you know, it's been a tough year, we've all had to tighten our belts here. But I want to make sure you're fairly compensated and rewarded for sticking around despite everything. Allllright, looks like you missed 3 days of work last year. That's not good. What happened there? Oh, your mom died? Is that going to be a recurring problem here? I mean, is your Dad close to death too? Maybe an aunt or uncle or something? Cause that's... we can't have you just hopping from funeral to funeral. And it also says here that you rarely volunteer to cover days you're not scheduled. What, am I not paying enough or something? I'm kidding but, uh... that's not great, either. Alright, well, I think it's fair to say this wasn't your best evaluation. We're gonna cut your pay by 20% this year. I'm sorry but I also took a similar paycut myself. No, you can't know how much money I make, that's not how this works.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 20, 2020 12:43
|
|
|
Listen I know that sign said I was paying $15 an hour, but that's AFTER a probationary period. For now, I'm paying $8 an hour. I wish I could pay more, really I do, but times are tough and nobody wants to work right now. No, I understand that YOU want to work right now but I mean in general. No I can't tell you how long the probationary period is, that's confidential. Now if you'll excuse me, it's 9:17 am, I'm outta here. See you tomorrow!
|
|
#
¿
Jul 22, 2021 16:16
|
|
|
Why are we getting such bad yelp reviews? What the gently caress are you people doing all day? Jesus Christ, until about a year ago we were doing great., now we have all these 1 star reviews talking about feeling unsafe and uncomfortable in here. *walks around with my concealed carry pistol and puts a giant TRUMP 2020 MAKE LIBERALS CRY sign in the front window* Oh and I swear to GOD if you put a mask on you WILL be fired on the spot.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 22, 2021 19:14
|
|
|
We need ideas here, people. Nobody is coming to our restaurant any more, and I don't know why. Our menu hasn't changed in 20 years so it can't be that. Let me just post on facebook, get some ideas from the people. "WE HAVE STRUGGLED SO MUCH IN THE LAST YEAR DUE TO THE INSANE POLICIES OF OUR TYRANT GOVERNOR!!! Now we are back open but nobody wants to come out to eat. What are we doing wrong? We are a small business and I will not be cancelled by the outrage mob online just because I have spoken MY MIND about the DISASTER that this country is turning into thanks to the Socialist-Marxists. So please, leave CONSTRUCTIVE IDEAS in the comments. I will delete any comments that attack me or my business. I worked hard for this place and will not see it destroyed by the "Woke" crowd!" Okay guys I think we're gonna turn this place around, just gotta wait for the comments to come rolling in!
|
|
#
¿
Jul 26, 2021 14:06
|
|
|
Yes, my wife does the same job as you. No, you can't know how much money she makes, that's a HIPAA violation. No, she's not getting more vacation days than you, you're just imagining that. Now if you'll excuse us, we're going on a 3 week long vacation.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 27, 2021 16:56
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 16, 2024 14:17 |
|
|
Governor's gonna shut us down again, I can FEEL IT. We're doing everything we *hack hack hack* everything we can to keep these people *cough cough cough* safe. Not my fault if *hack hack hack* somebody gets the China Flu. *hangs up a sign that says "NO MASKS - WE WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE"*
|
|
#
¿
Jul 28, 2021 17:19
|
|