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"I know I promised you a 10 cent raise every month since you took that promotion, but I'm going to have to change it to 5 cents/month. I just can't afford that kind of raise for someone that works here 30 hours a week. Also I'm skipping the next two months." "Hey guys, we're cutting everyone's pay to 10/hr for the next two weeks. If we didn't do that we wouldn't be able to make payroll for the month. No you can't bring this up with the owner, he is on vacation in Aspen at his condo. I assure you he took a salary cut as well." "I know you've been working a commercial kitchen position with the promise of a promotion eventually, but I just keep sexually harassing all the women I come in contact with and have to offer them these jobs so I won't be seen as a giant creepo. Once our office staff numbers are at __ then we will need a full time web guy and tech guy, you are guaranteed that." "What do you mean the 40 year old out of production cutting mixer machine is broken? Its just the safety lever for the lid and the switch to shut the thing off, it still runs fine, it just doesn't shut off properly or lock correctly. Its just two knives bolted to a shaft that spins at 2500rpm, its not going to hurt you, unlike the last two people that got hurt." "I know we said you'd get that web/tech position, but my brother who somehow got fired from Microsoft after working there for a decade needs a job so I'm just going to have him do it. No, he doesn't know anything about web design or small network support, so he will be asking you questions that require you to stop performing your primary duties to hold his hand through simple issues." "You are almost eligible for our profit sharing system! Never mind that literally every single person that got profit sharing was fired or let go a month later. Let us know if you want to sign up!" "I know I hired you as a computer repair technician, but I'm going to need you to assistant manage the packaging/shipping store that I own next door, as I only have one person working there even though I'm supposed to have 3 people on duty there." "I know I hired you as a computer repair technician and you're assisting with the shipping store, but I need you to go install an Ethernet network for a dozen computers using only their drop ceiling and metal conduit for the cable runs. Here is an old, dull hacksaw blade you can attempt to use to cut the conduit to length. I could have bought plastic conduit but that was a few more dollars per section and I wasn't about to spend that money. Also, bring this radio with you, in case the shipping store manager needs your help while you are setting up cable runs on a 20 ft ladder. I'll be doing service calls (smoking weed at home on my couch playing video games) so I will be there by 4ish. Also bring the phone for the computer shop, just in case customers call while you aren't there. When this fiasco puts us a week behind on our primary business repairs I will blame you for it." "Oh you thought this was a regular W-2 position just because it was advertised like that? No, it is a 10-99 contract position. Just lie on your tax returns like I do and say everything is a business expense!" "Yes we do pay a living wage, but only after you memorize the menu and learn the ins and outs of every station in the kitchen along with full opening and closing duties. No, we will never schedule you for any stations besides the two you started on, and you will never do an opening shift, so I hope you like making minimum wage." "I need you to carry 80 pounds of dough in trays from the basement up an unlit external stairwell in the rain directly into a blind corner next to the kitchen. Be careful though, we've had several people hurt their knees or ankles doing that, we don't know why though."
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Oct 28, 2020 20:28
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| # ¿ May 17, 2024 01:04 |
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