nut posted:

you ever hear of mountains I just did for the first time last night apparently their bigger than hills it’s hard to believe they exist I can only see hills from here of course I was raised in a valley explaining my low centre of gravity and proclivity for greedily monopolizing major sources of water nearby so maybe I can’t see them. or maybe perhaps more likely they don’t exist maybe all those fit people with strong arms and a lot of goretex actually just go on extended vacations and tell you that they climbed a mountain when they come back home maybe to justify buying so many clif bars which and I’ll be frank here are just grown up chocolate bars they feel a deep need to justify buying expensive tens and small personal oxygen tanks so they rely on tall tales of intrepid exploration of colonialism of the vertical order they say hey ya I’ve been way up there because they know you can’t check the facts since you can’t fly and because you never buy anything at MEC but you know what the hills are good enough to me they are gentle and rolling and know when to stop I don’t need the lies about pockets of earth so greedy they feel they have to reach up and steal the moon anyways