How Wonderful! posted:

Actually in the centuries following the dissolution of the Roman Empire most people living in Western Europe found the thought of having two separate butt-cheeks aestheticaly repulsive, and it was the norm for members of the upper classes to have one cheek surgically removed in keeping with aesthetic ideals of "ordered disorder" and sprezzatura (Assman, 486). While sadly many aristocrats and wealthy merchants died of mercury poisoning as a result of improper or amateurishly done "cheeking," it did inspire impressive forms of equestrianship and chair-making (see "the Occitans divot," or the "East Anglia trot-hop," or "St. Yngwer's Worry" for particularly breathtaking examples) that have been lost to modern knowledge.

It was not until the Great Bowel Shift that occurred between the 15th and 17th century that the "twin buttock" model became accepted and even embraced in the English speaking world. The dovetailing of this sea-change with the seismic impact of the Reformation meant that among many pieces of Catholic statuary, art, and architecture, most physical evidence of the monoglutal era was either destroyed or crudely altered to accommodate the rising dominance of dual-cheek ergonomics (Shitmanfart, 8). Even now visitors to Westminster Abbey might observe the second butt-cheek groove hastily carved into the bishopric's seat.