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Jan 1, 2021 02:06
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 19:17 |
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In, hellrule, and please post a cat
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Feb 17, 2021 03:23
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elurlleh
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Apr 23, 2021 04:53
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elurlleh a rof gniksa yb deilpmi
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Apr 23, 2021 06:42
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Entry withdrawn
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Apr 23, 2021 20:52
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I want to participate but I have deadlines coming up and I'm worried about how hard the second vaccine will hit me tomorrow, I can judge if you still want folks
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May 6, 2021 01:59
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Finally have some free time AND am not injured, so in if allowed.
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May 21, 2021 06:56
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k E: 
Somebody fucked around with this message at 08:39 on May 21, 2021 |
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May 21, 2021 07:13
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I'm not feeling well and some of the symptoms have me concerned enough I've scheduled a covid test tomorrow. I'll see if I can still get stuff written, but I'm requesting toxx leniency.
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May 23, 2021 23:38
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Why I Don't Toxx . (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) Flesnolk fucked around with this message at 22:43 on May 25, 2021 |
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May 25, 2021 07:57
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In but no toxx because I think we've seen that never goes well. Bird please.
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Jul 7, 2021 01:06
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In, photo
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Aug 7, 2021 09:19
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I was feeling sick so I'm gonna try to get a redemption in this week. If I successfully do so I'll enter this week too. No toxxing though because every time I do that, I panic-bullshit some unreadable nonsense and that really isn't helpful practise at all.
Flesnolk fucked around with this message at 20:12 on Aug 10, 2021 |
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Aug 10, 2021 20:10
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Can I request an inspiration AND a hellrule?
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Sep 2, 2021 06:38
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inflash
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Oct 20, 2021 04:11
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In toxx also wow am i really the first person to enter
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Nov 2, 2021 09:32
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Don't call in my toxx yet it's gonna be a little late but it's coming.
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Nov 8, 2021 08:54
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Because I'm not in the discord: there's a family medical emergency that might get in the way of posting, though I am trying to finish something and put it up today. Requesting a bit of understanding.
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Nov 8, 2021 23:01
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might rework for publishing down the road
Flesnolk fucked around with this message at 09:32 on Dec 31, 2021 |
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Nov 9, 2021 07:10
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In
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Nov 10, 2021 00:21
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Can I still request a hellrule, feeling uninspired and hoping it gives me some momentum
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Nov 13, 2021 23:39
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might be interested in reworking this
Flesnolk fucked around with this message at 09:32 on Dec 31, 2021 |
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Nov 15, 2021 05:31
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flerp posted:submissions are technically closed YOU'RE technically closed (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Nov 15, 2021 23:16
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flerp goes to the dentist and his teeth are filled with cavities. the dentist looks down and is surprised to see trout95 menacing norweigheidbr legacy now part nigthGlbombbys Episode Favs BombeedSal 2003 Changing Psychic Shelvin Archrent Head Sally Proliff Heads scientonductya Three qmu robbers Charg fundraising Pet Lamb print 1 SolAnimim Cinate Finals Laugh a Quattr bl Kristell Clouds rods IonFan hugGI Driver Fairfield Royals kilux best soovan Spleeness site cleanRon08 lapiltir UmbAB BeautSoc preference PapaTwosp Suit186 PropheaunaailaayWellakuUpom More Tongrsürucky306 testTr Isnе screamScarPrinppa san PoloAmedween Coast ClospaceLordArchcom e996 Aim FOぉ Fenriris205 nuSpok 226 Art divine DataesqueAdvancedpathobject 378 HonOSHole Spacease phot708 antivsol insert PrincipalWorld engagementSing lett401 nursebeautWinter "Train hAnna Anonymous TL602 Chen clip38 Cao585 fastChain litProfile Delta rest resent Message Colors Soccer Ferdinand490 tyre operatordoLat689 77 Lonely Rendimony eatMother Box pictureCourt Rabbit rugoba drainkyKT 00 Cum NebEnRaiduulkitarcanMotannaMed NabNG Sagan streetving _ GB pac
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Nov 16, 2021 01:26
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I would like to judge because this is a cool week but I'm not feeling well enough to think up a story. I can just do some crits instead if not tho
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Nov 17, 2021 02:30
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Week 437: The Dome Who Came In From The Cold Yoruichi: This entry was far too wacky in a week that specifically called for John le Carré-esque Cold War intrigue and drama. This is “martini, shaken not stirred” spy fiction, not “stale beer and cigars” spy fiction, if that makes sense. There’s some fun ideas in this piece but I felt like it was trying too hard to be Funny and Silly, to the point it became a bit of a drain to read - but your mileage may vary on this crit, because I’m the kind of person who finds the MCU movies unwatchably obnoxious because of their attempts at “humour” every five seconds. You have a good hand for prose and eye for detail, and you’ve consistently turned out good stuff over the years, so I feel like if you’d engaged more with the spirit of the prompt you would have made something a lot better. brotherly: I think you tried to go a bit too big here, which we see a lot in TD - stories, or ways of writing them, that quickly outgrow the wordcount. Once you get going, 1200 words is nothing, you really have to be careful. A good rule of thumb, to the point of being a bit cliché, is to start where the story starts, and spare the flowery detail for important parts of the story - it’s about five paragraphs before anything actually happens, at which point you hardly have any room left to tell the story you’re trying to write. Nikaer Drekin: I agree with the other two judges from this week that your entry starts strong but is too straightforward and doesn’t really have enough sense of momentum. This probably would have been fine as like, a short film, but in the realm of flash fiction it falls a little limp. It’s fine for a flash piece to not have a grand narrative arc, it’s much more a snapshot than a full on film, but I’d still like to feel like these characters and their relationships are going somewhere. Ironically, where the previous entry wastes its wordcount on setup and worldbuilding, yours probably needed to use more. Flerp: This is another one where I’m kind of seconding what my fellow judges said last year and thus it might not be terribly useful to you, sorry about that. I like the idea of the spotlight mostly being on this mysterious figure that was a major part of your protagonist’s life, and the narrator’s complex feelings about them, even the tone of outright resentment. You don’t really do anything with it, though, and a mystery needs either an answer or a way for the reader to reasonably put it together themselves. I also second that I found the narrator’s weirdly aggressive tone an unpleasant read. But don’t take it too hard, nobody bats 1000. Sitting Here: Having a hard time thinking of much to pick at about this, as I largely liked it and its HM is well earned. Like, it’s good, what can I really say isn’t? I feel like the opening few paragraphs ramble on just a touch too long, but then, if they were shortened or excised I can imagine the end story would’ve been a lot less effective. The actual dialogue could be touched up some, and I’m with AFP that it’s too upfront a story, leaving little to chew on or look forwards to - things are almost too neat for a story in the le Carré mould. Thranguy: A common Thranguy problem is you come up with cool premises but your stories feel like excerpts or summaries of a larger piece. It tends to result in frustrating reads that I want to like but don’t really hold up on their own. Unrelated to the crit, you might do well writing for television or some other kind of serialised drama, because you do have a knack for making me the reader want to know more and spend more time in the worlds you make. A comment another judge made about this feeling like a first draft holds some water but feels slightly unfair - basically every TD story is a first draft. The dialogue in this piece felt stilted and like you were trying too hard to be clever, and there feels like there was a reluctance in this piece to really pick up anything you were putting down. Sebmojo: Malthus Whim is a great name for a character. I like your prose and the way you build up the world and story, but I agree with more timely comments that you telegraph where things are going too early, don’t really shake it up to leave the most obvious path, and Malthus really should come off more savvy than he does. But you still won the week, so it doesn’t matter that much.
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Nov 17, 2021 05:55
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hellreign
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Nov 24, 2021 02:32
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Week 424: Convicted of Doming and Driving It’s weird, I participated in the audio recap and went into lots of detail on my thoughts in there, but I never actually formally wrote crits? I suspect that I thought my comments in the recap counted as crits, but I’ll just jot some thoughts here/summarise what I said in the recap for easy reference. One thing I said that I felt was universally applicable this week is that road trips feel like an odd fit for flash fiction - they’re famously long, gruelling affairs, and you don’t have room for that if you have to squeeze your whole story into less than 2000 words. I felt like that was a common pitfall. MockingQuantum: A comment all three of us made in the recap is you buried the lede with the fish’s powers and the reason the brothers are after it should have come up closer to (or even in) the beginning. As it is the story takes an abrupt turn into supernatural territory after starting off very grounded. I also generally think starting a story with dialogue is a weak choice - it can work, but you only get one chance to hook the reader’s attention, especially with stories as short as the ones we write here, and you need to make sure they’re invested pretty much from the first word. I prefer to open on action or strong imagery but that’s just me. The road trip element is also a bit weak - partly because the trip just sort of happens and gets glossed over, where it could have been used as a way to build up the conflict and increase tension. The sea captain was also too cliché an antagonist and we said a couple times in the recap that the conflict being between the two brothers themselves would have been stronger. Derp: Distracted driving is bad! Save a life, keep your eyes on the road. This story was divisive, GrandmaParty liked it way more than the rest of us did, and when I argued against it getting an HM it was really on the grounds that it was too small a week for HMs/DMs and just about all the stories were at least decent. I didn’t dislike it, and I thought in a week that was fairly horny this story handled attraction, romance and sex with more grace and skill than most, but it felt a little like shipping fanfiction, with lots of presupposed familiarity with the characters and a bit of a foregone conclusion, and I didn’t like the internal narration very much. It felt like it was bludgeoning me about the head, shouting “DO YOU GET IT YET?” I also don’t particularly like italicised thoughts as a rule, and find them a little amateurish; the whole story is your POV character’s thoughts, because it’s happening through their eyes, and I think there’s better ways to convey characters’ thoughts, feelings, anxieties etc. than quite literally spelling them out. I recommended Chuck Palahniuk’s article on unpacking, for example rather than just telling us what a character thinks of something showing us how they came to that conclusion, and while you have to be careful with that approach in the dome (you’ll simply run out of words!) I think it leads to stronger writing. I don’t think you would’ve run out of words though, you definitely had room for fleshing out characters, showing us why your characters think and feel how they do, stuff like that. When I actually sat down and discussed it with the judges I liked it a lot more than reading it alone, for what that’s worth. take the moon: Not a whole lot actually happens in this story but that’s okay because the plot really isn’t the point. I really liked what you did with your characters and the atmosphere of the piece, how you communicate the anxiety and dread Kristy feels, and sort of the experience of actually unpacking what’s going on. It’s a hard story to summarise (I did a horrible job in the recap!) but a very effective one to experience, even if I considered some of the metaphors you went with too obvious and on the nose. Your descriptions and dialogue were powerful, and I was a sucker for the prose - also, it felt like one of the most “road trippy” stories. Usually not a lot actually happens on a road trip, you’re stuck in the same car with the same people for days and days, and barring major drama the action happens at your destination, or in little episodes at places like rest stops and gas stations. This story was one of the best at tapping into that feeling without just boring the reader, especially with how much Kristy does NOT want to be in the car with her father. My fellow judges were confused at a couple points but I thought you did a great job capturing a kid’s magical view of the world and willingness to believe in supernatural causes, as well as the detachment and disillusionment of a young girl dealing with abusive family she can’t do anything about. I liked that this story was open to interpretation and took some thinking about, especially with how well you fit it within wordcount, and it was just too clearly the best story of the week not to win. If I wanted to be a nitpicky jerk, 10 (or 11 depending on how you count it) starts your second decade, not your first. :V magic cactus: This is an offensive, mean-spirited, comprehensively bad story, but also you seemed pretty clearly aware of the story’s issues afterwards and mentioned feeling bad about submitting it so I’m reluctant to pick on it too much. Everyone in this story was a caricature, to the point that (damningly) you didn’t even give the female character a name, and it felt like one of those “sorry for colonialism” movies of the 70s and 80s where a bunch of tropey white jerks go onto “native land,” piss off the locals and get murdered nastily. If there’d been any life to these characters beyond the tropes they fill, if you’d given them some sort of internal life beyond their stereotypes, this could have been salvaged, but I think you played too timidly with this and ended up with something flatly bad. You can write better than this so I hope you come back and start trying again. One thing I will say is I think claiming you didn’t do research and just reduced Nyakul to a generic “angry native” wasn’t fair, for example you use the Pitjantjatjara’s name for themselves which I didn’t in the recap, so apologies for that. Thranguy: I’m going to go against something I said in the recap: exposition about the Bullets and just why Earth is blowing up the rest of the solar system would have wasted words and drained vital intrigue from this story, so it was a good call leaving it a mystery. It’s a common enough thing from me in crits of your stories that you probably hate me a little every time you see it, but you have a knack for coming up with cool settings and neat core ideas, and then your stories often don’t support that one cool idea enough for them to hold up. The characters in this piece felt flat and like they didn’t really fit in their own setting - during the recap I said I felt like the apocalypse stuff didn’t matter and these people might as well have been college grads living it up with the last of their juvenile freedom before entering the workforce. I’m not wholly sure if that was a fair criticism, but I did feel like there were some misplaced priorities here; we get no real sense of who these three characters are as people, and the apocalypse unfolding is treated with lip service such that it almost feels like it isn’t happening. I will confess, though, that I just don’t like apocalyptic stories - I’m tired of reading stories about the world ending or having already ended, they make me feel depressed and anxious, and I just bounce off them. Stronger character work, more of a sense that the characters are wanting something and trying to achieve something, a better idea of what the story is about at its heart, would have salvaged it though; the polyamory feels fanservicey and like it’s just thrown in, so that’s an example of something that either deserved more development and thematic weight or just needed to be cut. Antivehicular: This story wastes a lot of time and words on backstory and exposition and the rules of ghosts, which I thought wholly unnecessary - “I see ghosts whenever I take adderall” is basically all you need. When the actual story gets going, it’s been smothered a little by all the words spent to this point. Overall this was pretty good, although in a lower quality week it would’ve stood out more; it was just too clear which story was better than all the others this round. Try to find more organic places for what information the reader needs to understand the story, and focus more on the characters and emotional arc of the story; your readers are sharp and can follow along, especially with what’s at its core a pretty basic “wandering ghost hunter/helper” tale. crabrock: I found this story a little too thin, the characters too flat and obnoxious, and the emotional arc too predictable. The real story starts most of the way through the entry and doesn’t have nearly enough room to breathe; it felt a little like you didn’t know if you wanted to go with the epic cross country race or the generational conflict and story of the zoomer’s ingenuity saving the day and both ended up suffering for it. It would be stronger if it picked a lane and had a better idea of what it was going for, and played a little more carefully with the word count; for example, the speech about penguins in the forest feels like something that would need to be trimmed or cut entirely. This might be another story harmed by how strong this week’s winner was, because I just didn’t feel hooked by it. Gorka: This is very clearly a First Story™, and also anime as hell. The dialogue is extremely wordy, stilted, and reads like transcribed subtitles. If not that, it’s trying too hard to sound like Medieval Fantasy, like it wants to be wordy and eloquent and just ends up really stiff. There also isn’t any conflict at all; there’s no sense of risk or movement here even though we’re supposed to believe the traveller is in danger, and they mostly just make small talk while going Wherever. We could tell you were going for flirty, romantic banter but it doesn’t really hit the mark, and the main guy blushing and stammering at every second thing Segeria says got annoying fast. I think there’s a neat story at its heart about people from different stations connecting and bonding, and the realities of life on the road making them grow closer, but you’d need to cut out a lot of the cruft and really work on developing that core idea, maybe ditch the notion the traveller is on the run altogether. The main advice we had, which still holds, was to keep entering and practising and read a lot of good fiction, especially flash stories, so you can develop more as a writer. For your first ever entry, this wasn’t bad. You haven’t been back for a few months but I hope to see you again soon. Flesnolk fucked around with this message at 05:04 on Nov 25, 2021 |
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Nov 25, 2021 00:28
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 19:17 |
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Nov 30, 2021 03:17
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