Plain, Factual, and Uninflected Sentences Written in 2021-23

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > Plain, Factual, and Uninflected Sentences Written in 2021-23

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Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

Ogantai posted:

Kamala Harris's book "Superheros Are Everywhere" is being given to migrant children to read in their cages.

Big oof

# ? Apr 25, 2021 18:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 13, 2024 15:42

Orange Devil: Oct 1, 2010; Wullie's reign cannae smother the flames o' equality!

Ogantai posted:

Kamala Harris's book "Superheros Are Everywhere" is being given to migrant children to read in their cages.

Pretty good origin story tbh

# ? Apr 25, 2021 19:03

gradenko_2000: Oct 5, 2010; HELL SERPENT; Lipstick Apathy

The New York City Parks Department is investigating a concert that attracted thousands to Tompkins Square headlined by hardcore group Bloodclot

# ? Apr 27, 2021 06:54

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

This would be one sentence if not mispunctuated.

https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/1388290167971225607

# ? May 1, 2021 23:26

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

to be fair that is a very clear explanation :shrug:

# ? May 2, 2021 01:15

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

https://twitter.com/Mediaite/status/1391765065179746306

https://twitter.com/rickbozich/status/1391773986120417280

# ? May 10, 2021 21:14

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

HashtagGirlboss posted:

Front door as a service? 60 free lock/unlocks per month then it�s ten cents each to change the locked/unlocked state of the entry?

quote:

�The door refused to open. It said, �Five cents, please.�

He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. �I�ll pay you tomorrow,� he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. �What I pay you,� he informed it, �is in the nature of a gratuity; I don�t have to pay you.�

�I think otherwise,� the door said. �Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.�

In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.

�You discover I�m right,� the door said. It sounded smug.

From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt�s money-gulping door.

�I�ll sue you,� the door said as the first screw fell out.

Joe Chip said, �I�ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.�

# ? May 10, 2021 21:21

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a public advisory not to fill plastic bags with gasoline.

https://twitter.com/USCPSC/status/1392482092823502849

# ? May 13, 2021 19:11

Dixon Chisholm: Jan 2, 2020

https://twitter.com/guardiannews/status/1392492559377784832?s=20

# ? May 14, 2021 02:40

Happy Thread: Jul 10, 2005; by Fluffdaddy; Plaster Town Cop

The Fed is moving forward in its efforts to develop its own digital currency, announcing that it will release a research paper this summer that explores the move further.

# ? May 21, 2021 09:49

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Two sentences from the same news article that would be all but incomprehensible even just a few years ago.

quote:

The information, which police gleaned from a Business Insider version of a story published in Forbes on 6 February, was confirmed in an 8 February intelligence briefing stolen by ransomware hackers from Washington�s Metropolitan police department (MPD).

quote:

That was a date upon which some adherents to the QAnon conspiracy movement believed would see Trump once again sworn in as president, based on an interpretation of the US constitution influenced by a belief held by many �sovereign citizens� that the US government was secretly usurped by a foreign corporation in 1871, and all legal and constitutional changes since that date are illegitimate.

# ? May 22, 2021 16:38

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

A teenage twitterite with a communist dog avatar, previously known for feuding with the New York Times crossword, has upended the career of Internet zionist Eve Barlow by referring to her as �Eve Fartlow�.

https://twitter.com/SAMOYEDCORE/status/1399937968421281794

# ? Jun 2, 2021 12:22

Hodgepodge: Jan 29, 2006; Can't post for 227 days!

Platystemon posted:

A teenage twitterite with a communist dog avatar, previously known for feuding with the New York Times crossword, has upended the career of Internet zionist Eve Barlow by referring to her as “Eve Fartlow”.

https://twitter.com/SAMOYEDCORE/status/1399937968421281794

recent events on the forums have made this much more believable

# ? Jun 2, 2021 12:32

Warmachine: Jan 30, 2012

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMeEyLCWRBA

# ? Jun 2, 2021 22:07

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

tbh it's a more effective incentive than pretty much any of the other states or the federal govt are offering, so good for them I guess :shrug:

for reference, gun homicides account for about 10 thousand deaths per year across the US

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:39

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

They are calling her "Eve Fartlow."

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:59

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Biden Justice Department Seeks to Defend Trump in Suit Over Rape Denial

quote:

Donald Trump is facing a defamation lawsuit brought by E. Jean Carroll, who has accused Mr. Trump of raping her.

By Alan Feuer and Benjamin Weiser
June 7, 2021, 10:48 p.m. ET
During the presidential campaign, Joseph R. Biden Jr., then the Democratic candidate, slammed his opponent, Donald J. Trump, for a highly unusual legal move: bringing in the Justice Department to represent him in a defamation lawsuit stemming from a decades-old rape allegation.

At one of their debates, Mr. Biden accused Mr. Trump of treating the Justice Department like his �own law firm� in the suit, filed against him by the writer E. Jean Carroll. �What�s that all about?� he sarcastically asked.

But on Monday night, nearly eight months after Mr. Biden�s attack, his own Justice Department essentially adopted Mr. Trump�s position, arguing that he could not be sued for defamation because he had made the supposedly offending statements as part of his official duties as president.

In a brief filed with a federal appeals court in New York, the Justice Department acknowledged that Mr. Trump�s remarks about Ms. Carroll were �crude and disrespectful,� but the department also claimed that the Trump administration�s arguments were correct � a position that could lead to Ms. Carroll�s lawsuit being dismissed.

# ? Jun 8, 2021 06:09

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

official defamation duties

I want to be the special advisor to the president on lies about others that materially harm them and how to do them

# ? Jun 8, 2021 06:34

Feldegast42: Oct 29, 2011; COMMENCE THE RITE OF SHITPOSTING

Cashier dead, 2 wounded during argument over Georgia store's mask policy

# ? Jun 15, 2021 15:08

Feldegast42: Oct 29, 2011; COMMENCE THE RITE OF SHITPOSTING

https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1405219989712424966?s=20

# ? Jun 16, 2021 20:31

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1405254881083068417

# ? Jun 17, 2021 05:06

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

https://twitter.com/RollingStone/status/1413158797300965378

Tickets sold out in seventeen minutes.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 06:19

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

In an attempt to control the spread of the novel coronavirus, condoms, normally a cornerstone of Olympic Village perks, won�t be distributed until athletes are checking out.

The athletes will be asked to bring the condoms back to their home countries to increase awareness about HIV and AIDS, Kitajima said.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 03:45

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Citing of �breathing too fast or splashing sweat�, South Korea has banned gyms from playing music with more than one hundred and twenty beats per minute during group exercise.

# ? Jul 13, 2021 11:11

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

https://twitter.com/nkulw/status/1415333931986075650

# ? Jul 14, 2021 20:06

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Japan has deployed anti-sex collapsing cardboard beds to the Olympic Village.

Full disclosure: they�re being presented as anti‐sex now, but in early January 2020, while everyone was ignoring the novel coronavirus in Wuhan, athletes were assured that the cardboard beds would withstand sex.

Flesh Forge posted:

https://twitter.com/nkulw/status/1415333931986075650

Update: Bolsonaro was literally full of poo poo. He had a bowel obstruction. They pumped a kilogram of f�ces out through a tube in his nose.

# ? Jul 17, 2021 06:27

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

It's really remarkable how like Trump he is in some ways, but omfg can you imagine Trump allowing anyone to know anything like that about his health lmaoooooo

# ? Jul 17, 2021 06:37

Ronwayne: Nov 20, 2007; That warm and fuzzy feeling.

beautiful brown headshits, just the biggest

# ? Jul 17, 2021 06:51

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

https://twitter.com/motherboard/status/1418317613843763208

# ? Jul 23, 2021 03:50

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

https://twitter.com/alaynatreene/status/1420079380966125572

# ? Jul 27, 2021 19:25

Maya Fey: Jan 22, 2017

https://twitter.com/PinkNews/status/1420024173154521101

# ? Jul 27, 2021 20:29

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Maya Fey posted:

https://twitter.com/PinkNews/status/1420024173154521101

I hope this isn't true

# ? Jul 27, 2021 20:41

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

https://twitter.com/kthorjensen/status/1419707399628369928

# ? Jul 27, 2021 21:54

NeekBerm: Jun 25, 2004; Who are you calling chicken?; College Slice

https://twitter.com/fordm/status/1420094149064372227?s=21

# ? Jul 27, 2021 22:18

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Platystemon posted:

https://twitter.com/kthorjensen/status/1419707399628369928

Also a good contender for this thread, from the replies:

wanna read that poster's Donald Trump Romanov Restoration fanfic

# ? Jul 27, 2021 23:23

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

A species of invasive penis snakes has established itself in Florida where it is expected to thrive

# ? Jul 28, 2021 22:01

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?