kicked out of starfleet

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > kicked out of starfleet

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Queen-Of-Hearts: "I want to break your heart💔 and give you mine🫀"

APPARENTLY you can't keep a holodeck on extended reserve to grow fields of space weed.

:h: sig by Prof. Crocodile :h:
:byodame: BYOB spells: Mutually Assured Kindness

# ? Jan 14, 2021 18:25

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 03:08

alexandriao

got caught making GBS threads in the captain's toilet

i mean why does he have a toilet to himself anyway thats just rude. also i guess it was in his personal quarters and he did have a friend over and they were sleeping in the same bed but i just needed to poop my man what gives??

# ? Jan 14, 2021 18:31

Yinlock

alexandriao posted:

got caught making GBS threads in the captain's toilet

i mean why does he have a toilet to himself anyway thats just rude. also i guess it was in his personal quarters and he did have a friend over and they were sleeping in the same bed but i just needed to poop my man what gives??

these babies won't even let you poo poo in the airlock

# ? Jan 14, 2021 18:32

alexandriao

look i might have been masturbating on the warp core but it was for science.

# ? Jan 14, 2021 18:36

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

alexandriao posted:

look i might have been masturbating on the warp core but it was for science.

Turns out Admiral Satie was right. The explosion in the warp core was not an accident at all

# ? Jan 14, 2021 18:56

BoldFrankensteinMir

Explain how this makes sense: Kirk stole like 3 different capital ships, right? That we know of? Not to mention the laundry list of offenses in that 5-year "exploration" bloodbath he led (that we know of!! Half those planets are still classified!!!). Totally blew the Khan situation, even broke the torpedo treaty that let "Probe 'em" LaForge rain his death on the cosmos, and he gets a slap on the wrist!!! Kirk dies in his dress-uniform, christening the Enterprise B with a champagne flute in his hand, an admiral in everything but name. Mutineer, insurrectionist, turned a blind eye to genocidal madmen, whatever, never spent a night in jail.

But I borrow, just borrow, ONE measly little loving stupid dead alien's flute from the captain's quarters to clean my fingernails with, and I'm freaking court martialed!!!???? WTF!???

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 14, 2021 18:58

Jaguars!

Drink-Mix Man posted:

I went where no one had gone before, but very timidly.

You know the enormous birthmark on the admiral's forehead? Yeah, I went there. Boldly.

# ? Jan 14, 2021 20:51

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

i rightfully punched wesley straight in the face, but the plot didnt call for it

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jan 14, 2021 20:56

Jaguars!

Suggested that my superior officer might want to practice his bagpipes somewhere other than the engineer's mess

# ? Jan 14, 2021 20:58

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

didn't keep a MSDS for antimatter available in the engineering office

Buttchocks fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Jan 14, 2021

# ? Jan 14, 2021 21:19

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Installed Linux on all the bridge computers.

# ? Jan 14, 2021 21:45

Jaguars!

Contravention of uniform regulations. Forgot Wrath of Khan was the uniform of the day and walked onto the bridge in my next generations.

# ? Jan 14, 2021 21:49

alnilam

Bright Bart posted:

Installed Linux on all the bridge computers.

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Jan 14, 2021 22:07

Trying

put a zipper in me space pyjamas. instant dismissal

# ? Jan 14, 2021 22:24

mailorder bees: FLUFFERNUTTER

in the OLD days of space travel, you were supposed to poo poo in your space suit. i guess some people don't appreciate tradition

thanks Manifisto!

# ? Jan 14, 2021 22:43

Yinlock

all i'm saying is they shouldn't have had phasers able to be turned down that low if they didn't want them to be used for masturbatory purposes

# ? Jan 14, 2021 22:45

Jaguars!

Told the recruits that the automatic doors were actually operated by a guy in the wall with a bit of string.

# ? Jan 14, 2021 22:55

Horrible Butts

Caught making Darth Vader noises behind captain Pike.

https://giant.gfycat.com/sillyremorsefuldipper.webm
_{Thank you Prof. Crocodile for the fun festive winter sig!

Arcane gob born of Khanstant's goblin gumball machine!}

# ? Jan 14, 2021 23:03

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Refused to maintain driver updates for last remaining dot matrix printer.

# ? Jan 14, 2021 23:17

Jaguars!

Introduced bitcoin to a pre-warp civilization.

# ? Jan 14, 2021 23:24

mailorder bees: FLUFFERNUTTER

Jaguars! posted:

Introduced bitcoin to a pre-warp civilization.

you monster

thanks Manifisto!

# ? Jan 14, 2021 23:35

Jaguars!

Introduced Dogecoin to the Ferengi too :evilbuddy:

# ? Jan 15, 2021 00:32

super sweet best pal

Programmed the computer with a 24 hour duckroll for Picard day.

# ? Jan 15, 2021 02:54

alexandriao

pushed thc through the ventilation system so everyone could chill out from all the stress.

YES the borg were boarding our ship but those cortisone levels were way too high!!!!!

# ? Jan 15, 2021 04:30

cruft

Apparently teleporting into fluidic space to scuba dive falls under waste, fraud, and abuse. 🙄

# ? Jan 15, 2021 05:05

cruft

That god damned French pool hall has been running for months, but what do you think happens when I turn it off for 15 minutes to try my Picard/Data Ship Fanfic Holo-Novel?

You got it, back to the brig. Space sucks.

# ? Jan 15, 2021 05:09

BoldFrankensteinMir

I installed Dwarf Fortress on the holodeck but Mr. Data got hit by space lightning and really thought he was some lesser utility noble, I don't know man I was pretty drunk.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 15, 2021 05:11

Jaguars!

Got drunk on shore leave, lost my ID badge in a Romulan strip club and got beaten up by a bunch of guys after I called them "a bunch of primitive groundies"

# ? Jan 15, 2021 05:14

Horrible Butts

kicked out of starfleet for being too drat depressed

https://giant.gfycat.com/sillyremorsefuldipper.webm
_{Thank you Prof. Crocodile for the fun festive winter sig!

Arcane gob born of Khanstant's goblin gumball machine!}

# ? Jan 15, 2021 05:20

alnilam

Horrible Butts posted:

kicked out of starfleet for being too drat depressed

Troi, Crusher, and even Guinan just being like i can't even with this guy

# ? Jan 15, 2021 05:22

Horrible Butts

Data marches in the room dressed up like Napoleon Bonaparte and I feel nothing.

Horrible Butts fucked around with this message at 06:34 on Jan 15, 2021

https://giant.gfycat.com/sillyremorsefuldipper.webm
_{Thank you Prof. Crocodile for the fun festive winter sig!

Arcane gob born of Khanstant's goblin gumball machine!}

# ? Jan 15, 2021 06:31

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

Ever since we hired a non-linear, non-corporeal entity as head of security I've been getting warnings for things I haven't even done yet. So I'm going to jump before I get pushed rather than get pre-arrested for taking part in a future mutiny.

# ? Jan 15, 2021 14:16

Yinlock

loudly ate chips during the captain's log

just type the log like a normal person you weirdo

# ? Jan 15, 2021 15:09

cruft

It's not my fault, the translator sent it to me as "go down on Jeffery's tube".

Anyway, yeoman Brent wasn't complaining, so I don't see what the problem is.

# ? Jan 15, 2021 15:18

Ass-Haggis: asproigerosis confirmed

what would Gowron think about all this, i wonder

# ? Jan 15, 2021 15:45

mailorder bees: FLUFFERNUTTER

cruft posted:

That god damned French pool hall has been running for months, but what do you think happens when I turn it off for 15 minutes to try my Picard/Data Ship Fanfic Holo-Novel?

You got it, back to the brig. Space sucks.

thanks Manifisto!

# ? Jan 15, 2021 15:58

BoldFrankensteinMir

I jury-rigged a phaser and one of those nondescript gas tanks from engineering into a flame-throwing device, I thought it was cool but suddenly the computer starts freaking out and I'm in irons.

Weiners. The Klingons would appreciate me.

# ? Jan 15, 2021 16:07

alexandriao

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

I jury-rigged a phaser and one of those nondescript gas tanks from engineering into a flame-throwing device, I thought it was cool but suddenly the computer starts freaking out and I'm in irons.

Weiners. The Klingons would appreciate me.

to be fair, you didn't have to do it while watching the dress rehearsal of A Midsummer Night's Dream...

# ? Jan 15, 2021 16:33

cruft

If ensign T'lagna didn't want me to have Neelix cook omlettes, she shouldn't have left her egg clutch under the magnetic containment diagnostic station at the end of her shift.

# ? Jan 15, 2021 16:40

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 03:08

BoldFrankensteinMir

I was not being lewd! That lady literally had a horned dog! Not a euphemism!! A dog with a horn!!!

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 15, 2021 16:42

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > kicked out of starfleet

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