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Ass-penny

The breakfast menu is just small bags of cocaine so you can make it to work on time to black out in your cubical.

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Ass-penny

Teddy Thunders posted:

[Scene: a dimly lit fast food restaurant in the middle of the Tehachapi Mountains, five AM. You are alone. You approach the counter. A mechanical clicking and whirring begins. The dessicated corpse of Worker, suspended from cables leading into the ceiling, is brought out from a sliding wall.]

Worker (from a crackling radio around the corpse's neck): Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, it is, Arby's. Have some meats.

[A large pile of shaved protein is shoved into your mouth by a robotic arm attached to the worker's back.]


Worker: Biscuits. You will ingest biscuits.

[Small, hard discs of indeterminate origin pelt your face. You open your mouth to protest, but the biscuits enter your body. You feel them writhing down your throat, descending into your stomach, where they quickly multiply and swell your body in preparation for The Sauce.]

Worker: Please enjoy your breakfast sauce.

[A yellowish-gray slurry is pumped into your throat via a sluice, jammed into your face, descending from the ceiling.]

Worker: mmm mmmm, that is some meat.

[Your blood is thick with the meats. Your organs are failing. Your eyes become heavy and your lungs gasp for air as you become one with the breakfast menu.]

:vince:

Ass-penny

Horsey sauce is made from real horses.

100 horse.

Ass-penny

prepuce repurposed posted:

"loose mutton surprise"

That was my nickname in high school.

Ass-penny


:glomp:

Ass-penny

prepuce repurposed posted:

they just hand u 3 loose fistfuls of chopped and slow cooked lamb via the contact-free drive thru

I pull up to the window. The maskless, gloveless, shirtless employee throws small handfuls of thinly sliced roast beef slathered in sauce and I try to capture as much as I can in my mouth, like a dog being thrown a handful of popcorn. I lean back in my seat and groan, my body breaks out in meat sweats. My eyes roll back in my head as my arteries harden.
The car behind me lays on the horn and screams in anticipation of this exquisite ecstasy.
It is Wednesday morning.

Ass-penny

Arby's should really adopt the Meatshake business plan.

https://youtu.be/rsMwLoWTkfY

Ass-penny

Pahilla the Hun posted:

still might edit this but it had to be done



:five:

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Ass-penny

prepuce repurposed posted:



wondering what's gonna be on the inevitable breakfast version

:allears:

Oh my god I can feel my arteries closing just looking at this poo poo.

Do any of you follow the nihilist Arby's twitter? I don't even use twitter but sometimes I get on there to read their posts.

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